"Gain Your Prospect's Attention" by Wendy Weis

On a cold call you have approximately 10-30 seconds to grab your prospects’ attention—and you won’t get a second chance. Read on to discover how to gain your prospects’ attention…

I was eating lunch. The phone rang and thinking it might be a client calling (and also, let’s face it—I’m a little compulsive) I bolted to my desk and grabbed the receiver.

Instead of my client, on the other end of the line was a perky person telling me that their company provides high-speed Internet access in my area. This was not exciting news. I live in New York City, we have a multitude of options and high-speed Internet access is a given. (An aside: New Yorkers don’t usually respond well to perky.)

I said what I usually say to such callers. I told the caller she needed help with her cold calling and suggested that she visit my web site, www.queenofcoldcalling.com. Then I went back to my lunch.

Believe it or not, your prospects are not sitting by the phone waiting for your call. (And they are all not as compulsive as I am about answering the telephone.) At the moment that you call, all of your prospects are doing something else. All of them. The way that you introduce yourself must get their attention.

So what’s wrong with the introduction, “We now provide high speed Internet access in your area”?

This introduction makes “high speed Internet access” into a commodity. It’s a thing. Most of this caller’s prospects probably already have high-speed Internet access. They already have that thing. They don’t need another.

Whatever you are selling, if you make it into a commodity, (“I’m a printer…” “I’m a financial advisor...” “We sell home furnishings…”) more than likely your prospect has one (or some) and sees no reason to have a conversation.

While you do want to be clear about what you do, more importantly you want your prospect to understand the value that you offer. How do you make your customers’ lives better, easier, safer, more productive…? That’s what will get your prospect’s attention and that’s what will enable you to have a good conversation.

One way to get a prospect’s attention is to lead with price. Saving money will always be high on a prospect’s wish list so if you truly are able to save your customers money, prospects will pay attention. The caller above could have introduced herself by saying the company saves customers money (giving a specific dollar amount or percentage makes this even stronger) on their high speed Internet access.

The problem, however, with leading with price is that there will always be someone who can give your customers a better price. Leading with price does not insure customer loyalty. It almost guarantees that you will have to keep cutting your prices or lose customers to the next caller who comes along offering a savings.

So now we’re back to value. Using the above example, how could the caller have tweaked her approach so that she’d have a better chance of having good conversations with prospects? Here’s an idea:

Perhaps the company she represented was really excellent at taking care of their customers, for example, maybe they didn’t make you wait for a week to get a service call in the event of a problem. Or perhaps they had live human beings answering their phones 24/7 rather than those automated systems that make you dial numbers to get into the right queue and then tell you the wait time will be 45 minutes. (I know, wishful thinking here.) Anyway, the potential of avoiding of annoyance and aggravation because of superior customer service could catch a prospect’s attention. 

The point is that you need to get into your customer’s heads and figure out what differentiates you (your company/products/services) from the competition and why your customers buy from you. Then in your cold call opening, lead with that differentiator and/or that reason. Once you are able to stop making your offering into a commodity and instead focus on the value, your prospects will respond. 

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Moving Toward Your Fulfillment With Gestalt Therapy by Hana Dolgin

We all have dreams, aspirations and hopes for a better life. Some of us desire improved health and a more attractive physical appearance. Some, a more satisfying career and increased financial freedom. Yet others aspire to more harmonious personal relationships with loved ones.

What is the source of these wishes? Human beings have an innate drive to grow and evolve. We are naturally drawn towards our fulfillment. 

What is the source of our limitations? We are each born into this life as a unique person of tremendous potential. Our environment, including our family and culture, encourages us to express certain aspects of our natures and to repress others. Early in life, we learn to behave in ways which will gain us the approval and support of others, which are vital to our survival and development. 

By the time we reach adulthood, most of us have lost touch with the "parts" of ourselves that were not welcomed and reinforced by our environment. These "lost parts" are still within us, calling for our attention and acceptance. Sometimes, their call can take the form of problems and frustrations in various areas of our lives, as well as the appearance of physical ailments and illnesses.

In order to regain our wholeness, we need to reconnect with our true natures and develop more of our rich potential. This connection returns us to a sense of centeredness and gives us the resources we need to deal more effectively with our life circumstances. 

Gestalt Therapy is a holistic approach to personal healing and growth, which addresses all of our desires and needs -- physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Using this approach, we can access our deep inner knowledge and the wisdom of our bodies, gradually releasing the limiting self-concepts and beliefs we acquired along the way. As we allow our true natures to come to light, our lives become unique creations that express our gifts and talents, and enrich others, as well. Let us live as the rich and talented people we were born to be, orienting ourselves towards our growth and fulfillment!  

The Four CONFIDENCES or How to Build Your Confidence by Joanna Infeld

THE FIRST CONFIDENCE
The first confidence stems from the very fact of being alive—having gender, strength, the ability to run, jump, grow, dance, derive joy from one’s sexuality, from parenthood and the many stages of life. There is a natural confidence that radiates from a person when they are happy, satisfied and carefree. The symptoms of this confidence can be adopted from the outside in, so that a person can become more confident by knowingly acting the part.

The confident act may be expressed in the following many ways:
To walk tall
To smile
To speak loudly and clearly
To speak with conviction
To walk lightly on one’s feet
To hold one’s head high
To have a firm handshake
To be comfortable in one’s clothes
To look the person you are dealing with in the eye.

THE SECOND CONFIDENCE
The second confidence stems from a person’s skills and abilities. The more they can do and the more they understand, the more confidence they will radiate and be able to draw upon in their dealings with others. When I conduct a workshop on confidence I usually ask those present to write down a list of their skills and abilities—as many as they can think of, no skill being too small or insignificant. It always surprises me that the lists are short and I help the participants add to their lists by suggesting that they do have the ability to walk, speak, read, write, tie their shoelaces, eat with a knife and fork, boil an egg, read a clock, drive a car, dance—all o which had to be learned and acquired at some time in their lives. When the lists are finally ready and complete, together we remind ourselves of all the things we are able to do—we produce our own certificates which are then awarded to each person amidst applause and confirmation from the other participants. This is always a most enjoyable part of the workshop.

THE THIRD CONFIDENCE
The third confidence stems from a person knowing themselves and having access to and command of the many qualities they radiate and display.

In this part of the workshop we create a list of all possible qualities that we know and value, such as, for example, care, honesty, compassion, determination etc. We then each choose a quality and attempt to write a definition of it in our own words, according to our best understanding of that quality at that time. In this there is no right or wrong, there is simply each person’s appreciation of each quality.

We then make a word map, finding other words that by association we think of when that particular quality is mentioned. This leads to a whole web of words and phrases. For example, patience could be seen to be associated with waiting, belief, understanding, hope and tolerance. The word map is then added to by associating two other words with each of the five, so, for example, waiting can be associated with reflection and pause, belief with faith and expectancy, understanding with education and knowledge, hope with future and optimism, tolerance with equality and acquiescence. The association game can then continue with these further words being added into the picture, associating, for example, pause with suspension and break, and so on.

Having created this word map, the next tasking is to write a further sentence, phrase, paragraph, description or poem about the chosen quality, using some of the words incorporated in the word map. Using the example of patience, the new definition could be something like this: “Patience is the ability to wait for the right time and the right season—to have the vision and optimism that the future leads to new opportunities and better understanding. It is a leap of faith and an allowance to oneself and others to make the time and space to become the best they can be.”

The most fascinating aspect of this exercise is the comparison between the first definition of the quality and the second, the latter having so much more depth and dimension.

THE FOURTH CONFIDENCE
The fourth confidence arises from the fact of being born and having a spirit, and is easy to find if you add up the odds against you being the unique you that you are.

Considering the many circumstances that have come together to make it possible for each individual human to be born onto Earth, how can a person not be confident that they are meant to be here, that there is a reason and purpose for their existence and that Creation wants and needs them to be here—with their unique fingerprints, DNA and characteristics?

There is another trace that might perhaps add to a person’s confidence, if they care to add it up: depending on how old you are, the planet has supported you for as many years, providing energy, air, liquid and solid foods. It is an effective process to sit down with a calculator and attempt to add up how much you have consumed throughout your life—how many loaves of bread, chicken, cows, fish, goats, grains, vegetables and fruits, how much water, tea, coffee, milk and juice? How much air and how much energy? All this has come from the planet and she has supported each one of us throughout our life, asking for nothing in return but providing a firm foundation for our every step. Should this not give us confidence to succeed and cause us to want to pay back for our many gifts?

AND FINALLY…
The final step in the process is to bring it all together and ask the following questions:

Why would you want to have confidence? What are you confident about? Why?

Why is confidence a natural quality?

BUY HER BOOK: Rainbow Woman a/k/a 7 Ages of Woman
Watch our discussion on the number "7" http://youtu.be/8kbR3huNDYc

For the Love of Spring byline Eva Selhub, MC.

Spring is the time for new beginnings and growth, when flowers bloom and children play outdoors. It is the time for new ideas and for plans to burgeon, for future accomplishments to be visualized.

Like the child who believes they are unstoppable or the plant that opens its buds to the warmth of the sun, Spring is your chance to expand to the possibilities of your life.

But often, something holds you back. Rather than blooming like a flower, you are likely contracting into a bud, ruminating about the past and fearing the uncertainty of the future.

The thing about Spring is that it is also the time to let go of the old to make room for the new. Thus the term, “Spring Cleaning.”

In order to connect to the myriad of possibilities in your life, the message here is that you may need to let go of what you are holding onto that is keeping you from moving forward. It means facing your fears and sweeping them out of the closet where they have been buried.

Now who really wants to do that? Who really wants to voluntarily face their fears and open themselves up to uncertainty?

Well, children do it, unknowingly, all the time. They take risks. They imagine greatness and adventure.

How often do you take risks? How many times have you decided to have an adventure? When do you use your imagination to help you mitigate uncertainty?

If you did, you might be able to face your buried fears and let them go once and for all. Then, when you make the space, new adventures can be had.

When the stressors of life accumulate, your buried fears get triggered and they activate your fear response. When in the fear response, you connect to little, least of all the potential of life. The fear will shut you down, physically, emotionally and psychologically.

In fear, the neurobiological mechanisms are such that you lose higher cognitive functioning, your heart rate, blood pressure and muscle tension increase, negative emotions preside, and your sociability is null and void. You lose your connection to the social support around you; to the resilience person within you; and to the larger universe that can guide you (this includes your imagination).

These are the very commodities that help you overcome stressful situations, stay healthy and happy.

So if you are under a lot of stress in the springtime, rather than connecting, you will disconnect. The more you disconnect, the more you shut down. Dismal, eh?

Ah! But there is something you can do! You can begin by connecting to your fabulous self, the love that surrounds you, and the help that may be available to you.

• First, honor the tension and anxiety you are feeling. You have every right to feel this way. That’s right. Create the space for you.
• Second, acknowledge that this is an opportunity to heal buried fears. Make more space for you.
• Third, gently and kindly allow yourself to receive the golden rays of light from the sun in the sky and the aromas of love and life to fill your lungs and your heart (real or imagined). Bask in it.
• Fourth, repeat these words: “Receiving love and support is my birthright.” Say these words every time you inhale. Simply receive.
• Fifth, let yourself fully and completely exhale, imagining that you are releasing buried fear, tension and negativity. Out they go. You can even use your hands to sweep the tension and fear out of your heart as you say these words, “I release the negativity that does not serve me.” Receive and Release.
• Sixth, imagine a smaller image of you—as an infant or child—receiving this love and support too.
• Seventh, run around outside, for no reason. Then, run around some more.

Now, you are changing your physiology from stress to balance, opening up the neurons in your brain to perceive possibilities rather than fear and dread. When you are open, you are open to the people who can help you, the universe that can support you, and the resilience within your own mind and body.

This may not change your life in an instant, but you will certainly feel better and be ready for the Spring!

BUY NOW !!! The Love Response: Your Prescription to Turn Off Fear, Anger, and Anxiety to Achieve Vibrant Health and Transform Your Life

Five Ways to Name Your Prospect by Wendy Weiss

The first step in your cold call is frequently an attempt to put a name on your prospect. You think a particular company is a potential prospect--you just don’t know whom you should speak with. How do you put a name on that person?

Here are five ways to find your prospect’s name: 

1. Ask the receptionist
The easiest way to name your prospect is to simply ask the receptionist. A part of her job is to help you identify the prospect. Another part of her job is to connect you. (Generally, receptionists are underpaid and overworked. Callers are frequently rude, so be very nice to the receptionist; she can be a tremendous help.) 

You: “Before you connect me, (P A U S E) I need to reach…” (give title) “Who is that please?”. 
(The key word here is: “before.” You say, “Before you connect me” and then you pause because you want the receptionist to hear the word “before” and that way give you a name before she puts you through.) 

Receptionist: "What is this in reference to?"
(This “What is this in reference to?” is different than later on when the secretary or assistant says it. At this point the receptionist doesn’t really mean what is this in reference to? She means I do not understand what you want, I don’t know who to connect you with. Remember: Her job is to connect you with someone.)

You: (Use the “Broken Record Technique”--Repeat what you just said but elaborate a little. For example, if you want to reach the Senior Vice President of Marketing:) I need to reach whoever handles marketing.  I don’t know if that would be your Senior Vice President of Marketing or your Marketing Director or your Advertising Director... Who would handle that and what is the correct title?

(If you keep using the “Broken Record Technique” and throwing out titles, eventually the receptionist will latch onto one and give you a name)

Sometimes if a company has a policy that they will not give out names at the switchboard you can ask to be connected with that department. When the receptionist in that area answers you start over with “Before you connect me…”

2. Call the Chief Executive Officer:
Th theory here is that Executive Secretaries know everything. Call the CEO’s office. Ask for the CEO. When the Executive Secretary says, “What is this in reference to?” tell her. She will then generally point you in the right direction, in addition to which when you get to your prospect you can say, “the CEOs office said I should be meeting with you,” implying that you actually spoke with the CEO. 

3. Randomly change the numbers of the general switchboard number: 
If the general number is –5000, call -5001, -5002, -5003 etc. and keep going until you actually reach a human being. Ask them to help you. “Would you help me please?”  People love to help. Ask: “Who is in charge of that department?” “Who is the liaison with…?”  “Who should I speak with?” “Who would handle that?” Once you get a name, ask: “Do you have a company directory? Would you look up that extension for me?” Sometimes they will, sometimes they won’t—but it never hurts to ask.

4. The made-up name:
If asking the receptionist the first time doesn’t work because company policy forbids them to give out names, make up a name and ask the receptionist for that person. The receptionist will say, “There is no one by that name here.” You will say, “Oh, Jane Jones used to be the Senior Vice President of (fill in the blank). She was the one I always dealt with. Who has taken over for her?” Assuming that the receptionist has not been at the company since the beginning of time and knows there was never any Jane Jones…she may very well give you the prospect’s name.

5. A last resort;
Call Human Resources. Use the same technique that you use with the receptionist. “Before you connect me…” 

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

"Finding Your Own Voice" byline: T.J. Banks

If you write -- seriously write, with all your soul and with all your heart -- you can't avoid what writer Mary Kay Blakely calls the "treks into the white space of solitude." Writing forces me to sit at my desk for a number of hours in the morning, trying to rough out that tricky scene in the latest novel or story, that idea that's still taking shape for a new column or essay. There are a lot of times when my muse is talking in my good ear and the writing just flows; and there are a lot of times when I find myself staring out the window at my herbs and flowers and nothing comes together, no matter how I try to force it. Indeed, the more I do that, the less I come up with -- unless, of course, you want to count all the cross-outs and the little penned arrows that end up pointing nowhere on the page.

But during these often frustrating sessions with self, I've learned how important silence is if, as Brenda Ueland puts it in her spirited book If You Want to Write, my characters are to "come fully to life in [my] imagination" and if I am to "objectively and accurately, tell just how they looked and what they did....[so]it will be believed." Writing with that kind of honesty and feeling, writing so that my true self comes out in my work, forces me to keep making those treks into the white space of my solitude.

The same holds true in a different way in our day-to-day lives, in all our dealings with the non-fictional characters who wander in and out of those lives. All of us, but women in particular, tend to get lost in our various roles. We tangle ourselves up in our work and personal relationships and forget who we are, what we're striving for, and how much of ourselves we're willing to give away piecemeal.

Like Halo Spear, the intelligent, vibrant young woman who is writer Vance Weston's mentor and lover in Edith Wharton's novels Hudson River Bracketed and The Gods Arrive, we become dependent on people without meaning to, subsumed into their lives. And, like Halo, we have to force ourselves to break free: it's so much easier when we let other people tell us what we want or what we're feeling, play passive (which is, come to think of it, a lot like playing possum), and keep repeating like some mindless litany, "I am So-and-so's wife/lover/mother/daughter." And it's what "They" want, anyhow, right? But to make that break -- that soul- and life-saving break -- we need, in the words of Barbara Lazear Ascher, "to find and sing our own song, to stretch our limbs and shake them in a dance so wild that nothing can roost there that stirs the yearning for solitary voyage...to discover that we are capable of solitary joy and having experienced it, know that we have touched the core of self." To do all this, we have to fight the inner and outer forces that pull us in every possible direction and away from -- I love this metaphor that Martha Beck uses in her latest book -- finding our own North Stars. "You cannot find your own true path by locking on to someone else's North Star, " she observes. "No one but you has the ability to find your own North Star, and no one but you has the power to keep you from finding it."

"Finding" is the key word here. I like finding things -- people, animals, a book or a piece of music that speaks to me, a wobbly-legged toy lab that I cherished as a child. They have an unexpected magic about them. And if they're things I've lost and found again, they're doubly precious for that reason. The same is true when we shake off the cobwebs of other people's beliefs about us and our lives and find ourselves again. Re-discovering our own voices in writing or in anything else is a long often painful process. It requires a lot of listening to ourselves. It also requires a lot of honesty. Ueland argues that "by writing, you will learn more and more to be free, to say all you think; and at the same time you will learn never to lie to yourself, never to pretend and attitudinize." Each of us needs to free that true self, she reminds us, because it is her "immortal soul and the life of the Spirit."

As a writer, I find those words reinforcing, energizing. They remind me of the need to write what I believe in and to write about it as I honestly see it, not as someone else tells me I should see it. They remind me not to be afraid of solitude or of looking inward. They remind me to listen to that inner voice and to be my own writer and woman, well at ease, not a person who lives as though she is merely an extension of someone else, a shadowy presence who ceases to exist when alone.

And even when I'm not trying to work out a story or a column in my head or on paper-- even when I'm just going about the business of living -- those are good things to be reminded of. I like keeping sight of my own North Star.

BUY HER BOOK: Souleiado 

Filing the Sales Pipeline by Wendy Weiss

"I have made attempts to contact you to determine if there is a mutual fit between our companies. How would you like for me to follow-up with you going forward? 

"I have been working under the assumption that Weiss Communications will be considering _________. Is this still the case? If you are not interested or if there is another person you would like me to follow-up with, please let me know. I certainly do not want to waste your time."

This is an email I recently received from a sales representative. It's interesting because this is the first communication that I actually received from this representative. Didn't recognize the rep's name. Didn't recognize the company name. Don't really know what he's selling or why I should be interested. And of course, I have heard nothing further from him.

I suppose that if one sent enough emails of this type, eventually someone would respond that they are interested. This strikes me as a very frustrating way to fill a pipeline.

The bottom line is that if you want to be able to sell consistently, if you want to have those million dollar and beyond sales careers, if you want to avoid major frustration and wheel spinning, blanketing the earth with emails, voice mails or even phone calls is not the answer.

The answer is to be highly specific about who your prospect is and why they should buy from you. Far too often when speaking with entrepreneurs, business owners and sales professionals, I ask them, "Who is your market?" and the response is "Everyone."

Sorry. "Everyone" is not the answer that will make money for you. Even if "everyone" could use your product/service, (highly unlikely) they would all be buying for different reasons. Your job is to identify those reasons, make sure the reasons correspond with the prospect with whom you are speaking and help your prospect understand that your product/service is the answer to his or her needs, wants and desires.

So here are the questions that you need to ask yourself:

1. What am I selling? What is the value and/or benefit to my customer who buys what I am selling? What is the reason my customer buys? Why should my prospect be interested in what I am selling? What need, want and/or desire does my product/service satisfy?

2. Out of everyone in the entire world who might purchase my product/service, who is most likely to purchase my product/service? Out of that group, who is most likely to buy a lot of my product/service? And who is most likely to return again and again to buy more of my product/service?

If you are able to satisfactorily answer these questions, you will be able to spend your time wisely, focusing on prospects who are truly viable. Your selling time will be productive and your numbers will go through the roof.

To your success!

© 2007 Wendy Weiss

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

"Confronting The Emotional Side of Simplicity" by Patty Kreamer

From a very young age, many children are taught that they should not waste, that they should use and keep everything. This Depression-era mentality really instills a sense of guilt and clutter amasses because we keep, keep, keep everything! It's like having audiotapes playing constantly in your head, saying "YOU MUST NOT BE WASTEFUL!" every time you try to release something from your life. Letting go doesn't seem like an acceptable option. But it can be. 

Rather than playing the same tapes over and over again that say you can't or shouldn't throw anything away, why not create a new dialog? As you profess to yourself that you can't waste anything, ask yourself which is more valuable: 

The things that you have accumulated and trip over daily, causing stress beyond your level of tolerance…

OR

The space and peace of mind that you would reclaim should you eliminate these same items? 

If you typically process thoughts from an emotional standpoint (feelings), you may find the above question hard to answer. However, using logic would make the second choice above a no-brainer. Emotion might bring guilt, fear, stress and several other feelings into play. Thinking logically and thinking emotionally are two very different approaches. 

QUESTION: How do I eliminate my Guilt, Stress & Fear?
ANSWER: Give yourself permission.
The person that can make you feel most guilty is YOU!  Letting go is tough, but not if you permit yourself to do so. Think of it as getting back to square one by letting go of the things that you have held onto for dear life out of duty or guilt for so long. Your reward is a healthier, happier, and less stressful life; sound like good enough incentive? Once you reach square one, then from that point forward, you must be discriminating about what you allow into your life. 

QUESTION: How do you give yourself permission to go against what you have been taught your whole life? 
ANSWER: Learn how you think differently. 
Typically, when you make a decision, you base it on one of two things: emotion or logic. Naturally, if you are an emotional or sentimental person, you probably tend to keep items for reasons that seem logical to you. But if you deeply examine those reasons, you can break them down to see that your heart plays a bigger part than your head. 
Looking at your stuff, it's easier to feel what it means to you than it is to think about what it is doing to you.
The key words here are feel and think. Understand that you don't have to remove all feeling from your life. You just need to examine where your thoughts stem from so that you can arm yourself with a more practical point of view. Changing the soundtrack in your head is not an overnight process. You must make mental notes of how you currently think and give yourself the opportunity to develop alternative ways of framing the situation. This will help you clear the emotional and mental clutter! 

BUY HER BOOK: The Power of Simplicity

Dreams and Relationships byline: Linda Miles Ph. D.

In order to use dreams for the benefit of an intimate relationship, the dreams must be recorded; otherwise, most will be forgotten or distorted over time.

There are many formats for recording dreams; the one we use, which you may modify to suit yourself, is based upon the stages of analysis. We divide the page into three columns. In the first , we write down what happened in the dream, without judgment or any attempt at interpretation. At this stage, attempting to "understand" the dream may interfere with its proper recollection. In the second column, we write down any association with the dream's contents (people in the dream, things that happen, where the dream occurs, objects that appear, etc.). We also note any key-word symbols, and follow the associations freely. In the third column, we place ourselves back in the dream and write down the feelings/emotions we experienced at each stage.

Here is an example of a recorded dream:

Dream Date: ______________________

Dream Title (written later) _____________________________________________________

Dream Associations Feelings:
I was chasing Rick Baseball bat-weapon, Anger, rage, strength with a baseball bat strong

Rick (Tony's best friend) abrasive, loud, insensitive

I hit Rick several times until he TV-source of contention Satisfaction yelled: "Stop! I'll turn the TV off!" between Tony and me

Dating the dream is important: it provides a context for reference. You may find that dreams remain with you for many years.

After completing each column, we review it, ask what insights have been gained from it, and write them down. We also trace our behavior and actions in the dream; for example, are we standing still or are we moving in a particular direction? Are we behaving passively, aggressively, assertively? We give ourselves permission to feel any emotion that might have emerged from the dream. At the same time, we ask ourselves, "Am I confronting what needs to be confronted here? Does the dream show action or inaction creating a better or worse situation for ourselves and others?" Finally, when we feel we understand what the dream has to tell us, we ask, "How would we rather have interacted?" The answer can be used to rewrite the dream, creating a new one in which we interact with the dream images and symbols in a better, more satisfying way. The process helps to create new patterns of interacting in our daily lives.
Except in the presence of a trusted therapist, it is probably best not to reveal your dreams if your partner is not willing to listen to them nonjudgmentally or carries a grudge about your relationship, i.e., if he or she does not have "soft eyes." Revealing your dreams to someone else requires trust, and should only be done with someone who holds you and your dreams as "a sacred trust and a wonderful adventure."

Here are some guidelines for sharing dreams with your partner:

·*Write down your dreams and explore them in the manner outlined before sharing them.
·*Don't share your dreams without permission. If your partner seems resistant, explore the reasons. If resistance is still there, honor it.

Tell your partner what you want from her or him as a listener. For example: "I want you to listen and then ask questions that will help me explore the dream message further." These may be questions like: "How did you feel when you fell down?"; "Have you ever felt like that in normal life?"; "Does the person who pushed you remind you of someone?"; "How would you change the dream if you could?"; "How would you change your way of interacting in it?" Questions like these are usually more helpful than for your partner to attempt to interpret your dream.

When you share your dream, make sure you have your partner's undivided attention. Ask for what you need. If time is not available immediately, see if you can set up another time during the day.

If sharing your dream with your partner seems unhelpful at any point, explore what the reasons might be. Honesty is paramount, but you will have to be understanding of your partner's lack of expertise. You must also appreciate that issues raised by the dream may be sensitive for both of you. It will be a chance to be caring and compassionate in return.

If your attempt to share your dream fails, there will probably be other people in your life who will be interested in sharing dreams with you.

Dreams are catalytic, stirring personal responses in listeners as well as dreamers. It is only normal that a partner will occasionally want to interpret a dream. When this happens, ask yourself honestly if you want to hear someone else's interpretation. The chances are that it will be different from your own but it is unrealistic to expect anything else. You might find it helpful to ask your partner what they would be exploring if the dream was theirs.

Ultimately, dreams are a mystery. Since they are featured in the earliest known writings, we know that people were speculating about the origins and meanings of dreams as far back as 2000 BC. But the key to understanding dreams has not yet been found. We do know, however, that dreams are sometimes prophetic. They can tell us about daily events that happen to people we know, as well as earthshaking events that affect everyone. At other times, they communicate, on a literal or symbolic level, messages that help us understand our thoughts, feelings, and interactions more clearly. Sometimes they provide us with affirmations that stay with us for the rest of our lives.

Dreams have been regarded as sacred in almost every religious tradition. As you begin to share your dreams with your partner, you are embarking on a venture into a "sacred realm," a miraculous realm. Think of your dreams in this manner and they will gain in richness and depth. You will feel united with your partner, other people, and all of creation. You will dwell within the mystical way.

An excerpt from The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth ©2000 by Drs. Linda and Robert Miles (Publisher: Cypress House). 


Jung, C. G., Dreams. Trans. by R. F. C. Hull (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1974).
Jung, C. G., Man and His Symbols (Garden City, New York, Doubleday, 1964).
Jung, C. G., Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Aniela Jaffe, ed. (London: Collins Fontana Library, 1967).
Jung, C. G., Portable Jung, Joseph Campbell, ed. (New York: Viking Press, 1971).
     

Do Your Words Betray You? by Wendy Weis

What do the words that you use say about you? What is your basic message? Do your words support that basic message?

As a business owner, entrepreneur or sales professional, part of your message must be of confidence and authority. You always want your prospect or your customer to see you as an expert in your field, as someone who is credible and someone who is knowledgeable. Sometimes, the words we use or the way we use them get in the way.

Have you ever started a conversation with a prospect or customer with the phrase "I'm just calling."?

That little word "just" is an apology. It says that your call is not important and that what you have to say is not important. Delete it from your vocabulary immediately! Simply tell your prospects and customers why you are calling. That is enough.

"I believe that.."

"I think that.."

"I know.."

Who would you rather listen to? Someone who believes or thinks she knows something-or someone who just knows it? The phrases "I believe" and "I think" detract from your message. They detract from your power.

"Once we have completed. We will hopefully achieve."

Hopefully?

No one pays you to "hopefully" do something. They pay you to actually do it! Tell your prospects or customers what they will achieve or should expect to achieve.

To make your words sound powerful, pitch your voice to a lower level than your usual speaking voice. In our society, a lower-pitched voice is perceived as more authoritative. Also, make sure that the inflection goes down at the end of every sentence. When nervous, everyone tends to make even statements into questions with an upward inflection. This will make you sound nervous and unsure. Be careful also, as you are doing this, not to drop off or throw the last words of your sentence away. That would sound like you are giving up. 

It may take some time and practice before you are fully comfortable eliminating the words "just," "I believe," "I think" and "hopefully" from your vocabulary. It will also take some time and practice to get the lowered vocal pitch and downward inflections at the end of sentences. But it will be time well spent when you see the difference in the way your customers and  prospects respond. Even if you do feel nervous, using these particular word and vocal tips will make you sound confident and self-assured. Eventually, you will even begin to feel that way!

BUY HERE BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

The Disability Rights Movement: From Charity to Confrontation by Doris Zames Fleischer and Frieda Zames

In the "Preface" to our book, The Disability Rights Movement...from Charity to Confrontation we point out that when the prejudices that have been prominent in American life are discussed, disability discrimination is rarely included. Yet "misrepresented as a health, economic, or safety issue," discrimination against people with disabilities, the largest minority in the United States (54 million and growing), continues to have devastating personal and social consequences. This failure to recognize the prejudice to which people with disabilities are exposed may stem from a collective fear, for "everyone is subject to illness, accident, the declining powers of advanced age-all forms of human vulnerability."

Most people deal with disability in their lives, first with their parents, then with themselves, and that does not take into account other family members and friends. The general public is unaware of the far greater number of people with invisible disabilities (e.g. psychiatric and learning disorders, heart disease, diabetes and cancer) than of those with visible ones (e.g. motor impairments, blindness, and deafness). What may be most surprising is that improved technology results in not fewer-but more-people with disabilities as people live longer, as well as survive and often flourish after what formerly would have been calamitous or even fatal disabilities. With medical and pharmaceutical breakthroughs and computer technology, however, people with disabilities are contributing members of society whose potential is too frequently thwarted by socially-accepted, and until recently legally sanctioned, discrimination.

Such discrimination dates back to the Thirteen Colonies where people with disabilities frequently were not only denied the right to social participation but, even in their own families, hidden, disowned, or allowed to die because they were not provided with the life-supports they required. The story of noted early twentieth century social critic Randolph Bourne-isolated as an adolescent and unemployed as an adult-reveals this legacy of bias. Bourne, who had a very visible disability with no significant functional limitations, was described by renowned poet Amy Lowell: "His writing shows that he is a cripple. Deformed body, deformed mind." Bourne could have been refused entrance into a public setting because of what was deemed his "unsightliness," but in Chicago he could have been arrested as a result of a 1911 ordinance (repealed in 1974) referred to as the "Chicago Ugly Law": "No person who is diseased, maimed, mutilated, or in any way deformed so as to be an unsightly or disgusting object or improper person to be allowed in or on the public ways or other public places in this city, shall therein or thereon expose himself to public view."

Still Bourne was more fortunate than most people with disabilities in his time, for many never had the opportunity to get an education as, for example, the boy with cerebral palsy who was expelled from public school in Wisconsin in 1919. The reason was that despite his academic ability, his teachers and classmates found him "depressing and nauseating." (Even as late as the 1960s, one in eight children with disabilities received no education whatsoever, and over half received an inappropriate education.) Eugenicists and professionals who dealt with people with disabilities proposed "segregation and sterilization of deaf people, blind people, people with developmental disabilities, even people like Bourne who had tuberculosis."

In fact, by the First World War sixteen states had adopted sterilization statutes for people with disabilities, and some eugenicists even supported mercy killing of those with epilepsy and cognitive disabilities. Fritz Lenz, a German physician-geneticist, in 1923 criticized Germany for having "nothing to match the eugenics research institutions in England and the United States." In his 1932 study of the sterilization movement in America, J.P. Landman referred to "overzealous and overardant eugenicists" who consider those with disabilities as threats to the "quality of the ensuing generations." The 1930s euthanasia movement in England and the United States "inspired execution by Nazi doctors of two-hundred thousand people judged deficient because of their physical and mental impairment."

Echoes of Nazi rhetoric were apparent in the statements of the 0well-publicized former physician Jack Kevorkian, who promoted and assisted, according to his own claim, as many as one-hundred and thirty suicides of people with disabilities. Kevorkian declared, "The voluntary self-elimination of individual mortally-diseased or crippled lives taken collectively can only enhance the preservation of public health and welfare." Fearing being perceived as costly and unproductive expendables, people with disabilities feel like the canaries in the mine in a social climate in which the "right-to-die" is becoming the duty-to-die." Even Derek Humphry and Mary Clement, prominent campaigners for the euthanasia movement, have stated that "in the final analysis, economics, not the quest for broadened civil liberties or increased autonomy, will drive assisted-suicide to the plateau of accepted practice." With a constant threat of scarce resources resulting in the rationing of health care services, with disability a possibility for anyone at any time, Humphry and Clement's assertion is a harbinger of a frightening dystopia.

The struggle for civil rights by people with disabilities beginning in the 1970s "took place with less visibility than, but in the same venues as, the battles fought by African-Americans-the streets and the courts." The symbolic significance of buses for both African Americans and people with disabilities should be noted. The requirement in the late 1950s that Rosa Parks sit in the back of the bus was emblematic of her second-class legal status. The inability of many people with disabilities to even board buses until the late 1970s and 1980s (when they demanded lift-equipped buses) was representative of their de facto segregation. The 1977 signing of the regulations for Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (the first Federal civil rights law for people with disabilities) and the success of disability activists in many confrontations emboldened them to work toward full participation of the disability population in society. These victories, realizing the promise of the Section 504 regulations, were expressions of the emerging disability rights activism that would result in the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act in the United States and the irrepressible demand for justice and inclusion by people with disabilities throughout the world.

Reprinted with permission from The Harvard Independent (February 14, 2002) 

Did You Know

Where the saying "Upper Crust" comes from?

High table is where the Royalty and Nobility sat. It was at the "high" part of the hall or "top" of the hall or room. Usually meats were placed in sliced and hollowed out bread loaves "Trenchers" to soak up their oily juices. The tops of these breads were served to the High Table and the bottom soppy bases were served to the groundlings. This is where the expression the "upper crust" comes from.

Submitted by: Tonessa (Isabella of York)

Women in History

Throughout history women have played a remarkable role in shaping America's destiny. Yet men's names predominate in history books, mostly because of a male historical bias and because there is no formal repository of women's historical contributions.

March is Women's History Month. What better time to celebrate the achievements of women who defied the odds and convention in every field of endeavor, but who history has passed by?

The following are little-known facts about women who changed our lives forever by their extraordinary courage and perseverance.

Did you know that in c.1600, near the place later known as Seneca Falls, New York, Iroquois women staged a protest against irresponsible warfare? They refused to make love or bear children unless their voices were heard on whether to wage war.

Did you know that in 1926 Violette Neatly Anderson became the first African-American woman lawyer to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court?

Did you know that in 1931 Jackie Mitchell became the first woman to sign with a professional baseball club? She pitched against Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, and struck them both out!

Did you know that in 1960 Teresa and Mary Thompson, aged eight and nine years old, became the youngest Americans ever granted a patent? They invented a solar teepee (called a Wigwarm) for their school science fair.

There is so much more! No study of history is complete without a thorough understanding and recognition of how women from diverse cultural backgrounds helped shaped our country. As more and more women enjoy successful careers in all fields of endeavor, just imagine what wonderful discoveries and achievements are yet to be made.

You can help write women back into history! Visit the National Women's History Cybermuseum

Submitted by: Marion E. Gold, President of Marion Gold & Co. Buy Her Book: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU

Demystifying Prospecting by Adrian Miller

Prospecting for new business does not have to be a daunting experience. By following these simple "rules", success should be yours. But, no shortcuts. If you want to succeed, be honest with yourself, and follow these techniques closely.

And remember: "Victory belongs to the most persevering"   Napoleon Bonaparte

· The voice mail message that you leave on a cold call MUST include a BENEFITS STATEMENT. That means you must answer the age-old question that every prospect asks themselves when they hear a pitch..."what's in it for me!" If you do that, you'll increase your percentage of returned calls.

· You must speak SLOW enough for the prospect to ACCURATELY record your name and telephone number. The best way to do this....write down the number yourself when reciting it. If you can record it, so can the prospect.

· Yup...we all know the adage....features tell, benefits sell. Then how come so many of us still speak in terms of features and not benefits. The prospect doesn't care what your product or service does, they only care about what it does FOR THEM.

· Not everyone responds to the same benefit. Make certain that you open your sales presentation with a "general" benefit that appeals to all, or most, prospects. Then, probe for your prospect's "hot button."

· Don't expect prospects to listen to a monologue. After the opening benefits statement, "engage" the prospect with a question.

· The best questions to ask are open-ended. Closed-ended probes get a "yes," "no" response, or maybe a number. Open-ended probes encourage description, feelings and dialogue.

· Do not ask more than 2 questions in a row. If you do, you'll sound as if you are conducting an interrogation. Prioritize your probes carefully. You never know when the prospect is going to interrupt and stop you in your tracks.

· Try to overcome objections BEFORE they are raised. Proactively address prospects' points of concern and resistance. Don't back off from objections. While they are not the most pleasant part of the dialogue, they provide you with the opportunity to re-sell.

· The worst objection is the one that is unspoken.

· A request for literature is not a dead end. Do not automatically assume the prospect is a deadbeat. Agree with the prospect that you will send them literature. Tell them that in order to make certain you send the information that is most relevant to their needs, you need to ask some questions. Make certain that the questions will allow you to re-sell and close again. Ask the prospect exactly what they are looking to see in the brochure / literature. Perhaps you can tell / explain it right then.

· All prospects that request literature should get a return phone call. Probe and find the best time / day to callback. Send out literature within 24 hours. Better yet, ask if you can fax the literature.

· You won't make a sale, or get an appointment, unless you ask for it. Closing rids the prospect of uncertainty. Closing is a call to action. You have to close more than once on each call. Be prepared.

Make prospecting a commitment that can't be broken. Commit to a specific number of hours per week. Schedule the time (no cheating!)

Remember, in life you miss 100% of the shots you never take (thank you, Wayne Gretzky). The best time to start…NOW! 

Dating for Grownups: The Invisible Older Woman byline: June Marshall

Adults and Dating

Most magazines, books, and discussions about dating center on the younger age groups in our population. But everyone in this nation is not between the ages of 16 and 21. We all know women, including ourselves, who have been divorced or widowed after many years of marriage. We also know busy women who bypassed the dating scene as they built their careers. Now these women are out in the dating marketplace. What are they finding? They are finding that they have to be careful about whom they take into their lives. The fantasy and the reality of dating are two different issues. 

Relationship Books

Most books and magazines on dating and relationships deal with the subject o attracting, understanding, or keeping a man. Cosmo with its articles about turning on and attracting Mr. Right, Glamour with its numerous articles on fascinating him in bed, Venus and Mars trying to understand each other in and out of the bedroom, The Surrendered Single, are just a few examples of the many. But what if the man is not worth attracting, understanding, or keeping? The books and magazines do not treat the subject of standards and selectivity because it is too real and sounds depressing. Fantasy sells more products than reality. So we only see the beginning of the fairy tale, not the day-to-day truth of living with another human being. We do not see the stabilized middle of the story, nor do we see the ending, which is often unpleasant.

Movies and TV

The visual media are no different, with superficial TV shows that have total strangers marrying each other based on appearance and the hope of financial gain. Shows like "Who wants to Marry a Millionaire," "Joe Millionaire," "Married by America," "The Bachelor," and "The Bachelorette" do not focus on the actuality of living with someone's character and personality traits on a daily basis. Movies like "Serendipity" show a couple falling madly in love based on a few moments of chitchat at a glove counter. Now their destiny is eternally intertwined. All of these shows and movies display the courtship dances of the twenty-something set but they fuel the dreams of people of all ages. It is "Miss America" meets "The Dating Game" and the nation is entranced by the illusion.

The Invisible Older Woman

Books, magazines, and movies find little glamour in a woman who is past 30, 40, or 50. Thus, we do not see or have a chance to comprehend the true dating experiences of the older woman in mass- market presentations. If we do, that too is romanticized, as in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," where once again we see the elaborate ceremony and what leads up to it, but not the happily- or unhappily-ever-after. The heroine is a whole 30 years old (!) and definitely behind schedule in her culture's marriage expectations. But what about the millions of women who are over 60 and 70, even over 80 and are actively seeking male companionship? The media ignores them. There is something slightly distasteful about thinking of sex and the older woman. 

Landmine Dating

The general population does not know that the incidence of AIDS in people 50 and older is growing at a rate twice as fast as for people younger than 50, according to statistics released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (apparently thanks to Viagra). The elderly man cavorts with an infected partner and brings it back to his senior girlfriend. They do not use condoms because they are past the age of pregnancy. AIDS is just one of the landmines waiting to explode in an older woman's face if she enters the dating game equipped with fairy tale dreams of romance instead of an understanding of the realities. 

"There are a lot of men who are over 70, have a lot of money and are out dating a lot of younger women and not using condoms," says Anita Finley, a gerontologist and radio talk-show host in South Florida, where she also publishes the magazine Boomer Times. "They don't get it. They were married and didn't have to use protection for so long. It's so obvious, but they're playing Russian roulette." 

Condo Casanovas

Such behavior, conscious or not, puts senior citizens at risk, say health educators who participate in the statewide Senior HIV Intervention Project in Florida. They cite a widespread use of prostitutes by senior citizens and the presence in retirement communities of so-called "Condo Casanovas," or men who take advantage of an environment in which women outnumber men by 7 to 1. With that level of competition for a man's affection, typically after decades of marriage and a healthy sex life, many women are reluctant to demand that their partner use a condom, experts say. 

Expensive Guys

In The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware! I describe the seven types of dead-end mates that women of any age would do well to avoid. But one type in particular costs the older woman more financially and socially than any other: He is a related species to the Condo Cassanova, known as OLMan (Old Loser Man). OLMan calculatingly offers his lonely prey flattery and attention, compliments, flowers, and romance. He expects financial gains as his reward but does not explicitly state it. It's just that his wardrobe can use some renewal and he comes up short on money when he takes her out to dinner so she pays. His teeth need fixing and she loves him so much, she'll fork over the thousands to get them capped. He costs the woman socially because her friends feel alienated and awkward when they try to warn her that he is taking advantage. One of his traits is that he wants to isolate the woman from family and friends so he can be the sole influence on her activities and expenses. The family is dismayed when every time they visit Mom, he is there too.

Far-away Mom

Sometimes the woman's family does not live near enough for frequent visits. The family finds out after it is too late that Mom has fallen prey to one of these parasites. After her death they find family heirlooms missing and discover evidence of large expenditures on him. He has been known to sue the woman's estate for breach of promise because Mom promised him money on her death and the heirs have withheld it. Something similar happened to my friend Rachel's mother. In Rachel's own words, "The healing process after my mother's death took on dire aspects. She had been 'dating' or seeing a male suitor, or so she thought. Turns out he was no suitor but a crook, of the worst kind, those who prey on elderly, single women. Once my father died, this guy moved in on her. Trouble is, he turned out to be an extortionist, and cost me an additional 2 1/2 million dollars in estate tax fees. It's a long story, but it had to do with him taking her dancing and telling her she was beautiful and her believing every word he said."

OLMan Example

Robert is another good example of an OLMan. He met Estelle at church. He was looking for a rich widow to take care of him and Florida was full of them. He portrayed himself as a humble man, devoted to God and religion. Estelle was ecstatic. Finally she met a man who would read the scriptures with her and discuss the world of the spirit. She saw the lonely widows sitting in the church with no male companionship, keeping themselves busy with tales of their grandkids and past lives. "I don't want to be like that. I want a guy I can take walks with and share life with. This man is a gift from God and I am going to accept it."

It wasn't long before he asked her to marry him. Nobody else had come around with marriage offers. She said, "Yes." He moved in with her, since she had an upscale condominium on the beach and he lived in what he called his "motor home" in a trailer park.

But after she married him, Estelle found out that he knew nothing about the religion he professed and did not study the scriptures the way he said he did. He could barely read, no less discuss ideas. Now she understood why she had to read the menus for him in restaurants. She thought it was because he couldn't see them. No, instead of sharing life with her, he lay around the house watching reruns of Seinfeld and Mary Tyler Moore, and ordering her to bring him cold drinks. The rest of the time he spent napping and spending her money.  

She felt trapped. She was upset with herself that she had been taken in by his act. He, however, was pleased. He had gotten his quarry and he knew it would be expensive to get rid of him. He outlived her. When Estelle died, her children were aghast at how much he cost the family. In two days, he had already moved on to another woman, in his words, "The prettiest one in the Condo!"

Prevention: Awareness

As with all complex problems, there is no easy solution to the challenges the 50+-year old woman faces in the dating environment. Many factors, including: fear of loneliness, love of fantasy and romance, wanting to feel loved, needed and wanted by a man, and wanting to feel sexually attractive, drive the woman into the arms of the Condo Casanova or OLMan. These powerful feelings are not easily wished away. The only answer is awareness: Firstly, awareness of the health risks involved in this particular age group. Regardless of how distasteful the subject to the youth-glutted media market, people need to be aware of this matter of life or death. Secondly, women must also be aware of the scam artistry of predatory segments of the male population. They must be aware of how many women are victims to their formulaic come-ons. Most women involved with OLMen or Condo Casanovas, in hindsight, prefer a little loneliness now and then to the unhappiness of being duped by a con artist or ending up with a fatal disease. 
 
Buy Her Book Here: The Dirty Seven...Ladies Beware! Who they are. What they do. How to Handle them.
Hint: It's Not LOVE!

Darwin in the Genome by Lynn Helena Caporale

We are fortunate to be living at this very moment in human history, when we have the power to uncover the information passed from generation to generation, encoded in our genomes and those of all that is alive. As chemists, biochemists, engineers and computer scientists and mathematicians develop even faster, automated methods for analyzing DNA, it all may seem so technical and aloof from the concerns of most people, and yet this work not only will transform medical research, but also will has profound implications for human society.  

As we look within our own genomes, what we find resonates with the teachings of many great religions, that we are all profoundly connected to each other, and to all life on earth.  The information carried within the genome of any one of us, the order in which the 4 different chemical letters that make up our DNA are arranged as beads on an approximately 3 billion letters string, is 99.97% the same as that of a perfect stranger. While we may have been raised in very different environments, from multi-million population urban center to a rural setting in an unindustrialized nation, raised to follow one religion or another, we all are, profoundly, at our core, so similar to each other.  

Each of us has inherited our very similar DNA from 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grandparents. If we go back several hundred years, we will find that we, and others we never met, perhaps you and I, share many ancestors in common.  Our close relationship with all people extends into the future, as descendants of ourselves and members of our families meet and marry descendants of others alive today and share in the creation of new generations of children, and should extend to our hopes to build together the kind of future in which our shared children can thrive.  

Some of the strands in the very DNA molecules within our bodies have come to us across countless generations, as the two strands of the DNA double helix separate and are copied, to be passed on as two half-new double helices every time a cell divides. If we could step back in time to retrace our DNA¹s path, we will come to some very unexpected ancestors. We and chimps share a common ancestors, as do, towards the end of the large dinosaur era, we, chimps and mice.  Even further back, we all share ancestors with plants, and much much further back in time with bread yeast and even bacteria.  All life on earth [except some viruses] uses DNA as its genetic material, and must copy this same DNA using highly similar molecular machinery.  All life runs its metabolism with similar chemistry.  There are so many molecular similarities within all life on earth because we are all descended from the same life forms that evolved these capabilities and passed the information on to its progeny encoded in DNA.  As different families of living things emerged, they built upon a common framework.  Whether a fertilized egg is from a hummingbird egg or a frog or a human, it must carry information to make two eyes connected to a brain, four limbs, to digest food, dispose of waste, and to have a heart beating inside.

It is hard to conceive of how the journey of evolution could have taken place.  Of course, it also is hard to imagine how a single fertilized egg can, within nine months, develop into a baby with two eyes, four limbs, eyelashes, and curiosity about the world. We may find it hard to conceive of evolution, but then we realize that it is hard to conceive of such long periods of time.  In my book Darwin in the Genome, I propose that just as we learn about the world by living in it, life learns about adapting to new environments by surviving.  Life becomes better at evolution by survival from generation to generation.  While discussions about Darwin often emphasize ³survival of the fittest,² calling up images of fierce competitive fighters, in Darwin in the Genome I emphasize the importance of diversity and cooperation for survival. Even bacteria cooperate, using a framework that enables them to share information about antibiotic resistance. Diversity also is an essential part of fitness.  If we were not diverse, we might all have been wiped out as new pathogens spread rapidly through ancient communities.  As night owls guard the campfire at night, early risers came to relieve them in the pre-dawn hours.  As we look within our genomes, and those of other living creatures, I expect that we will come to treasure the diversity of the human species, and indeed, come to treasure the diversity of all life on earth.

buy NOW! Darwin In the Genome: Molecular Strategies in Biological Evolution 1st 

Teaching Customer Service Reps The Art of Listening by Adrian Miller

Effective listening is perhaps the most valuable skill you can teach your Customer Service team. It is the linchpin in a needs-based, consultative service strategy that determines and delivers what the customer needs and wants.

Simply put, listening enables reps to draw customers into an interactive conversation in which they can ask perceptive questions, probe for reactions, and respond to those reactions appropriately.

But most people aren't natural listeners, let alone trained in the art of listening. That's probable because real listening involves letting go of ego---temporarily subjugating one's own agenda in the interest of understanding another's message. The fact is, however, that most of us either don't hear the message at all, or hear it but misinterpret its meaning.

Listening can be especially, and understandably, difficult for Customer Service Reps because they are under pressure to handle a volume of calls, and therefore are concentrating on what they have to say next instead of paying close attention to what the customer is actually communicating. Nevertheless, there are techniques you can teach reps to use that will demonstrate real interest in the customer--an excellent way to establish rapport and a powerful form of communication.

Tips and Tactics

Listening involves several steps: hearing what is said; interpreting what it really means; and responding in a positive way that shows that the message has been understood and is considered important. There is virtually no better way to create a favorable impression than by showing others that you are interested in and value their opinions. Moreover, it is sometimes the only way you can elicit attitudes and discover needs--information that is crucial to satisfying the customer.

Here are some simple tactics for effective listening:
? Tune out distractions and focus on each call as if it were the most important of the day
? Concentrate on what the customer is saying rather than thinking about what YOU want to say
? Don't interrupt; a customer's willingness to talk, within a reasonable time period, represents a golden opportunity to find out the problem / situation
? Don't jump to conclusions
? Become attuned to tone of voice and inflection; these can be as telling as the words themselves
? Occasionally repeat what the customer has said--it shows attention and comprehension
? Ask for clarification if a statement or objection is vague
? Create rapport by smiling (even in telephone sales a smile can be HEARD through the phone!)
? Take notes to be sure you remember the customer's key points
? Be familiar with common questions and problems and practice responding in a natural, conversational manner
? Control your emotions and be courteous, no matter how rude the customer might be
? Continually evaluate whether you are asking the right questions to uncover and solve the problem

Other Management Tools

Managers who provide reps with good training and thorough preparation on how to provide excellent customer care will give reps the confidence to be extemporaneous--to listen and respond--without losing sight of the ultimate goal; to satisfy the customer you. Teaching by example is, of course, a great way to make a point. Managers who listen to employee needs and encourage listening in staff meetings and informal group situations will help reinforce the value of this important skill. 

Finally, keep in mind as you train your reps in the art of listening that the process requires not only strict attention to what is being said, but its nuances and innuendoes. The exceptional listener is one who has learned how to use intuition to sift through the verbiage, find the salient nuggets, and turn them to advantage.

What goes around comes around. Respect rights of others, especially your parents. Your children will learn from your good example and if you are lucky, they will not throw out your precious "junk" behind your back when you are old. 

"Creating New Lives" byline: Joy Carol

Prison. There is likely no other word that can bring to mind such frightening images: solitary confinement, overcrowded cells, bars, handcuffs. 
A prisoner told me she felt she was just a number, no longer a human being, that being behind bars was about loneliness, misery, fear. In interviews with prisoners, I've been told to survive inside you have to learn to beat the system, to become a "successful convict." 
In Dublin, Ireland, I visited Mountjoy Prison where in 150 years, murderers, political prisoners, and drug addicts have been confined. In 1984, John Lonergan became Mountjoy's governor. He introduced a humanitarian attitude towards both prisoners and staff. 
For one day, I visited with Governor Lonergan and then spent hours locked behind the metal door of the Dóchas Center of Mountjoy's Women's Prison. I admit when I heard the bang of that door locking behind me I had a moment of bone-chilling anxiety: "What am I doing here? This wasn't a good idea." Inside I was allowed to wander freely and talk with the women. I wasn't certain who was a staff or a "prisoner" as almost everyone wore civilian clothes. There was a sense of community. 
During my time inside the Dóchas Center, I heard many stories, and I learned some special lessons about healing. 
* * * * * * * * * *
A Woman in Mountjoy for Transporting Drugs: 
I've been here for three months because of drug importation. I never took drugs, believe it or not. The father of my children made me do the job. We had a bad relationship so probably if I hadn't done it, he would have murdered me. Or I might have been in here myself for murdering him. 
Everything happened so fast. I knew when I was caught I was facing a long sentence. But I hoped I would get out quickly so I could be with my children. They are small and I miss them so much. My mom looks after them, but she finds it difficult. 
Being in here has helped me. I'm starting to change my life. I've been going to school fulltime and have done computer, speedwriting, and business organization courses. I passed all the classes and will go to college soon. I'm delighted because I will go out on day release. 
The staff encourages me to do things and have been very helpful. They understand I want to have a better life. Now I'm starting to overcome some of my fears and learning about myself. I've never been in any other prison, but I hear stories about them. If I had ended up in a prison that was anything like those, I probably wouldn't have survived. So I'm grateful for this Center. 
I think this place is helping me grow up quicker than I expected and everything is going to work better from now on. I'm a lot more mature now. I'm still young, so I'll have an opportunity to get on with my life. When I get out, I will continue my education so I can get a good job and support my children. Hopefully I will get there. No, I will get there.
John Lonergan, Governor of Mountjoy Prison:
When I was appointed Governor of Mountjoy Prison in 1984, the women's prison was a dark, depressing place with an austere regime.
After I left Mountjoy in 1988 to serve in another prison, the B Wing at Mountjoy was refurbished for women prisoners. When I returned in 1992, I was shocked to find it was totally unsuitable for women, worse than Alcatraz - cages, steel bars. Luckily Maire Geoghegan-Quinn, the first woman Minister for Justice, took an interest in the issue and approved a new facility specifically designed for women and with women helping in its design. We were determined it would not be known as Mountjoy Women's Prison. Eventually the name "Dóchas Center" was agreed upon - "Dóchas" is "hope" in Irish. 
Before opening in 1999, staff in consultation with women prisoners, drew up a vision statement. It underpins the ethos of the Center: 
We are a community that embraces people's respect and dignity. We encourage personal growth and development in a caring and safe environment. We are committed to addressing the needs of each person in a healing and holistic way. We actively promote close interaction with the wider community. 
Many improvements took place in the Center. The women were allowed to have makeup and wear their own clothes. This allowed the women to hold onto their identity and feel better about themselves. A multidisciplinary group was established to identify the principles for the Center. The concept of community was emerging with emphasis placed on caring rather than containing women. 
It's difficult for people to develop in an atmosphere of mistrust. Unfortunately the philosophy of prison is usually based on mistrust, thus the bars on windows, the handcuffing. One morning a woman was escorted to the hospital in handcuffs. I wondered if we were handcuffing people because of a risk that they might run away or they were a security danger or to reinforce the belief they were bad. When discussed with staff, there were questions about authority and the repercussions if women escaped. Eventually using handcuffs was based on security and safety factors. Now women go to hospitals or courts without handcuffs. This has resulted in an improvement in relationships between staff and the women. 
The Center was designed for community style living without the normal institutional atmosphere of cellblocks. We opted for house units to reflect normal living facilities. There are six houses each accommodating seventy-five women in single rooms with complete sanitation and showering facilities. Each house faces a courtyard and has a communal kitchen and dining room. The gates are open except for the main external one. The women move around freely within the Center and they're not shackled. They experience a sense of trust and freedom even within institutional constraints. They feel happier, and they are more open to education, counseling, and other opportunities. 
We have also tried to eliminate the excessive noise, rattling of keys, banging of gates, shouting. Initially the women shouted at each other and at the staff. But they have learned that things can get done by speaking normally, without aggression or abusive language. 
We hold events to promote "community". Women who have taken examinations are presented with certificates. We stage drama productions with the entire cast drawn from the prisoner population. Every Christmas a communal dinner is held involving staff, befrienders, and the women. We arrange for their children to come. There is much sadness when the children leave. On such occasions, the punishment element of prison strikes home. People don't realize that sadness is a reality of prison. The women are often very sad about the hurt they have caused others, their own loss of freedom, their separation from their children, and their lives of misery. 
Most of the women come from the lowest socioeconomic groups. They are financially and materialistically disadvantaged, and they are poverty stricken in ways such as education, emotional and psychological development, mental state. Many have been abused emotionally, psychologically, physically and sexually. Society doesn't understand how damaging such environments are for those who are forced to live in them. A high percentage is addicted to drugs and alcohol. They are often insecure and have low self-esteems. Most are unaware of their talents and potential. 
To build up the women's self-esteem and development, the Center has a variety of programs. The education unit provides a wide variety of subjects and work-training programs enabling women to re-enter the formal educational system. The welfare service helps them address personal and family problems; chaplains provide spiritual, supportive services; outside befrienders visit on a regular basis; a comprehensive healthcare service is provided; a catering service prepares balanced diets; family visits are facilitated in a comfortable visiting area. Those who work here accept the women as they are, encourage them to use their time as well as possible, and assist them in achieving their potential. 
Often society labels prisoners as being dangerous, useless, and "all the same". But, they are all unique individuals. I can truly say I've never met anyone in prison who was totally bad. I've always found a redeeming feature, some element of humanity, of goodness. They may have been overwhelmed with their dark side, but there was always some light. We are all human beings with the potential to do good and bad. Perhaps some of us are better able to control our dark side. 
We believe in promoting the good in people, giving them an opportunity to do something positive, and supporting them in that. In the process, we help them develop their humanity. If we only emphasize the bad in people we will get more badness out of them. Prisoners need to experience respect simply because they are human beings. Unfortunately, the poor, homeless, addicted, and imprisoned rarely experience respect. They are the people who need it most. But they are rejected and ostracized. Being locked in prison, prisoners have already been judged by the courts and been punished for their crimes. By leaving the judging outside the gate, we can respond to them in a more helpful way. Most people in prison actually feel badly about what they've done. They may appear to be hard-hearted and uncaring, but that's not often true. 
The changes we are making at the Dóchas Center are empowering for the women, but they are not always popular with the general public. The popular notion is that prisoners should be treated like "scum", but if we want prison to help prisoners change and move away from their lives of crime, we must treat them as human beings. 
Has the Dóchas Center made a difference? Of course it has. A chaplain described the changes that had taken place during his time here as a miracle. In the old system, the prisoner was nothing but a number. In the Center we try to understand the person, we involve them in decisions that affect their lives, and we treat them as fellow human beings. They respond positively and many have already done themselves proud. Every human being, young or old, rich or poor, needs to be loved and accepted as they are, warts and all. We are determined that the women in the Dóchas Center are not regarded as the Least, the Last and the Lost. 
* * * * * * * * * *
I will always remember my day in the Dóchas Center - a place of hope. I felt like I had been given a priceless gift. I learned a great deal about believing in people's innate goodness, about not making judgments regarding people considered to be "unworthy criminals", about valuing and treating all people with kindness and respect. 
Like the women in the Dóchas Center, we don't want to be stereotyped or labeled or abused. We desperately want to be trusted and embraced in a place of hope. And we too yearn to be treated as though we are valuable people with great worth. 
As I left the Dóchas Center, I heard the heavy metal door slide open that allowed me to leave the prison. It occurred to me that just by accident of birth I was not staying behind as one of the prisoners. Because I was born into a privileged class and culture, I will probably always have the freedom to step from one world into another - something the women in the Center and in prisons and correctional facilities around the world may never have. As the door banged shut behind me, I vowed to treat people with dignity and respect - especially those who have been disadvantaged by the misfortunes of poverty, cruelty and abuse. 
* * * * * * * * * *
Adapted from Joy Carol's newest book, Journeys of Courage: Remarkable Stories of the Healing Power of Community  Buy Now!

"A New Conversation About Dreams...Who's Directing Your Life?" by Marcia Wieder

While aspects of you encourage, “Go for your dreams,” simultaneously other parts threaten, “Don’t you dare.” A cast of characters lives inside of you and at different times you may receive conflicting or contradictory messages. If you are want to be happy, successful, and fulfilled, consider putting your “dreamer” in the director’s chair.

What are the voices inside of you saying? As you turn the volume up on the voice of your dreamer and down on the voice of your doubter, you can practice discernment allowing for greater clarity. To assist you in hearing these voices, let’s set up a simple scenario. Picture something you want, something that matters to you. Choose a personal or professional dream and consider how these various parts of you might respond.

Dreamer – The dreamer inside says, “What if…” and is open to a creative process without over-analyzing it. This is the part of you that imagines, believes in possibilities, has hope, and seeks kindred spirits. Dreamers talk about their ideas with intention, clarity, and passion. Great dreamers get others excited about their vision. And most importantly, successful dreamers take action to make their dreams a reality.

Doubter – This voice is often heard saying such things as, “I don’t think this is a good idea.” The doubter provides concern touting, “But what if…” and imagines the worst. If you crank the volume up it can even become annihilating with accusations shouting things like, “Are you out of your mind?” William Shakespeare said, “Our doubts are traitors.” Carlos Castaneda said, “In order to experience the magic of life, you must banish the doubt.” My favorite quote on this subject is in The Prophet where Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Doubt is a feeling too lonely to know that Faith is its twin brother.”

Realist – “Be realistic…” Modulate the doubter down a notch or two and it becomes the essential voice of the realist. This part wants to know, “What’s the plan?” including where is the time and money coming from. However, in the early phase of dreaming, you may not know. The challenge is not to allow the realist to immediately turn into a doubter who might judge or obliterate your idea. Honor this voice by (to the best of your ability) giving it the information it needs. If you ignore or reject it, it will cleverly agitate or distract you. Being realistic offers prudence and makes you do your homework but if you are overly realistic or go to strategy too soon, you will most likely compromise the dream and kill your passion.

Visionary – This voice says, “Anything is possible so let’s dream big!” These are the leaders and people we look up to and admire. They have learned the process of realizing their dreams and embody what it means to be a big dreamer. Setbacks or failures do not stop them. Simply put, a visionary has a vision and invites others to join them. They are found in all walks of life and we are often so inspired when they are in the presence of a true visionary that we sign up just to be near them or part of what they’re doing. 

A visionary is not defined by the size of the dream since dreams are precious and come in all sizes, shapes and areas of life. If you were living your dream life, how would it be different? What do you see yourself doing? How many lives would you touch? What would you change? Who would you help if you were truly living as a visionary?

Avoid Sabotaging Your Dream

When these different voices merge they can become muddled and result in confusion and poor decisions. For example, you might poison your dream by projecting doubt into it. Then with each step you take toward what you want, you also move toward your doubt. Doubt and fear, which most of us may have at some time or another (especially when embarking on a new or big dream) do not belong in your dream. These feelings are simply part of your reality. This is a subtle and essential point.

Here’s a simple technique for avoiding this sabotaging pattern. On a piece of paper draw a line across the middle. On the top half write out your dream with as much detail as possible. On the bottom write out your reality in relationship to your dream, where you are now. Reality usually includes good news and (so called) bad, as well as any fear or doubt you may have. Just state the facts and your feelings about them. 

Now, which one are you more committed to; your dream or your reality? We tend to choose “reality” when we don’t have a clearly defined dream or when we saturate our dream with doubt. If your dream is loaded with your worst imagined nightmares, reality will always seem safer and saner. But doubt placed appropriately as part of your reality, allows two things to happen. First, no longer blown out of proportion, it’s an obstacle that basically requires a strategy to manage it. But more importantly, with doubt where it rightfully belongs, you are free to move forward.

It’s like a play. All the characters have wisdom and insight, but you can’t clearly understand them when they’re speaking at once. Take time to tune in, to listen, and on a regular basis, have the courage to give your dreamer its directorial debut or even the leading role.

Consciousness In A Relationship by Linda Miles, Ph.D.

"...together our minds fuse into something whose power is far beyond the power of its separate parts." 
- From A Course In Miracles

For intimate couples, it is important to be aware of the energy that is created between partners during the romantic phase of their relationship. This energy is greater than the sum of the parts. It shines brightly and life is viewed as a beautiful kaleidoscope - catapulting them to a higher consciousness. Jungian analyst, Robert Johnson, observed that falling in love is meant to be an initiation into a world much greater than the individual-an introduction to the ideals of love, truth, and beauty that transcend ordinary life. Unfortunately, we are not usually mindful of this energy or how to manage it.

During the romantic phase, partners view each other in an idealized manner. They perceive only beauty, goodness, and love in each other and the world. They do not perceive any differences between themselves and their partner.

In time, when couples become aware of differences and faults in one another, they fail to realize their partner is a symbol and a catalyst for the poetry of life. Months or years later when they are entrenched in a power struggle, their partner becomes a cardboard cut-out on which they now project threatening characters from their own past. Such perceptions launch soulless, automatic, rigid, right-wrong games that separate partners from one another and from the positive transcendent potential of their combined consciousness. 

At this stage of the relationship, the destructive tendency of the partners is to focus on the individual differences instead of the creative potential of their combined consciousness. Most of us can recall times when we have walked into a room and felt the negative energy lingering after a couple had a fight.

Couples come into my practice wishing for me to be a judge of their individual differences instead of being a guide to help them learn to manage the potentially creative, and at the same time destructive, power that often unconsciously exists between them.
I suggest the following for couples in such distress: 

     1. Focus on the process between yourselves instead of individual differences. 
     2. Work on accepting the imperfections of yourself and your partner while looking for deeper meaning in repetitive arguments. 
     3. Get curious about patterns you have learned in your early years that you now project onto your partner. 
     4. Learn to use the relationship's combined energy for creative life enhancement instead of destructive maneuvers. 
     5. Work to make each other's lives larger instead of smaller. 

It can also be very productive for couples to co-create a picture of what their ideal relationship could be like and to visualize that image daily. It also works for them to make a commitment to not participate in destructive interactions that damage and may ultimately destroy their shared consciousness.

In Embracing The Beloved, psychotherapists Stephen and Ondrea Levine write about how in a spiritual here and now process, they view one another as "beingness" constantly unfolding. And they refer to their combined consciousness as a "beloved energy."

It can be a difficult process to transform our power struggles into creative energy. As Thomas Merton wrote, "...true love and prayer are learned in the moment when prayer has become impossible and the heart has turned to stone."

Jungian analyst, Marion Woodman, describes the first time she saw her husband free of her own projections after years of marriage. She heard him rattling around in the kitchen attempting to poach an egg. At first she began to think in terms of her "shoulds" and became judgmental of his inadequacy in the kitchen. She then let go of all judgment and for the first time was able to see him as himself, standing on spindly legs in Bermuda shorts, holding an imperfect poached egg. As she watched him, she felt profound love.

The Levines refer to this type of watching as "soft eyes" because you watch without any judgment- with compassion and loving kindness.

Buy The Book Here: The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth

White Mushrooms and Grilled Ramps on Toast by: Alexandra Guarnaschelli, Exec. Chef Butter Restaurant

6-8 servings

4 tbsp. Extra-Virgin olive oil
1 small yellow onion, peeled and finely diced
2 small cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2 sprigs fresh thyme
¾ pound white mushrooms, stemmed, washed, dried and thinly sliced
12-18 fresh Ramps, washed and trimmed 
1 tbsp. Balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp. dry Marsala
½ cup sour cream
The zest from ½ lemon
1 tbsp. chopped (fresh) parsley
1 tbsp. chopped (fresh) tarragon
Toast
Kosher salt and freshly-ground white pepper to taste

Note: this recipe can be served with roasted meats or a piece of fish. In this case, it will be served on little pieces of Rosemary toast.

1. Heat a large saucepan over medium heat. Add 2 tbsp of the olive oil and the diced onion. Season with salt and pepper and cook until tender, 3-5 minutes. Add the minced garlic and lower the heat. Add the thyme and the mushrooms. Season with salt and pepper. Cook until the mushrooms are tender and a lot of the liquid has evaporated at the bottom of the pan, 8-10 minutes. Remove and discard the sprigs of thyme.
2. Heat a large sauté pan until it smokes slightly. Coat the ramps with the remaining olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Add the ramps to the hot pan and "char" them slightly. Turn the heat off and allow them to cook an additional minute or two until they become tender. Remove from the heat and drizzle with Balsamic vinegar. Turn them onto a flat surface and cut into bite-size pieces.
3. Add the Marsala to the mushrooms and cook until the flavor of the alcohol has mellowed considerably, 5-8 minutes. Add the sour cream and allow it to melt over the mushrooms. Check the seasoning. Add the lemon zest, parsley and tarragon. Taste for seasoning. Bring to a simmer and serve on toast immediately. Top each with the ramps.

Suggestions: This would be delicious with a Gruner Veltliner - Veltlinsky for example. . I love the acidic bite and the slightly carbonated character of this wine. It would nicely compliment the earthy mushrooms and cut through the creamy flavors as well. If in the mood for red, I would love to see this seasonal nibble with something as noble and exciting as Vega Sicilia Valbuena 2000. Wow!