Domestic Abuse and Women – Know the Signs and Get Help

Nearly one-third of all women in the U.S. will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lives.  This epidemic causes physical, mental, and emotional harm, for both the women abused and the children who witness it. Understanding the signs, and being able to recognize them in your own relationship or others, is key to being able to get help.

What Is Domestic Abuse and What Leads to It?
Domestic abuse is any abusive behavior—not just physical violence—perpetrated by someone against an intimate partner or family member. Anyone in a household may be a victim, but women are most often affected. The abuse may be physical violence, sexual violence, emotional or psychological abuse, and even financial or economic abuse, using money to exert control over someone.

What causes someone to commit domestic abuse is not always understood, but the desire to control and have power over the victim is considered a primary motivator. Substance abuse can also be an important contributing factor, although it is not a cause or an excuse for domestic abuse. Even prescription drugs, like narcotic pain killers, can lead to abuse and addiction that ultimately contribute to domestic violence. Drug recalls are important in limiting access, but there are also illicit drugs and alcohol that can lead to abuse and violence.

Signs of Domestic Abuse
It can be difficult to recognize domestic abuse in your own relationship, especially when it does not involve overt violence. Some signs your partner may be abusive include feeling afraid of your partner, feeling as if you can never do anything right, outbursts, being put down verbally, being limited by your partner when it comes to seeing friends and family or hearing or spending money, being threatened, or being physically harmed by your partner. It is often easier to see the signs in other women, but it is important to be able to recognize them in your own relationship. 

Asking for or Offering Help
The consequences of domestic abuse can be devastating and far-reaching, ranging from physical injuries to substance abuse and addiction, and even to death. This is why it is so important to get help if you find yourself in this situation, or to offer help if you know someone going through it. Getting help is hard, though. You may feel afraid to anger your partner or to lose your children. The only way it will stop is to get help.

You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1-800- 799-SAFE, but you can also reach out to someone you trust, like a friend. If you see someone else being abused, reach out. Your efforts to help may be rebuffed, but be persistent and non-judgmental. Offer to listen and to help, with the kids for instance, or with a place to stay. Domestic abuse has reached epidemic levels, but being aware and being prepared to help make a big difference.

Thanks to "team at"

Rusty Kanokogi

November 25th, 2009 I learned of one of my former guests passed away: Rusty Kanokogi.  I first meet Rusty in 1996 and she became a guest in 1997.  As a seventh-degree black belt she is responsible for getting women's Judo in the Olympics.  On the show she demonstrated a couple of moves...and you can be sure I did not participate.   We will miss Rusty as I felt fortunate to have meet her and stayed in contact all these years.  A great lady who leaves us a great legacy!


Guest blog by Rita

I happily see every bill paid now.
I joyfully see every obligation met now. 
I am the Spirit of Infinite Plenty individualized.
I am boundless abundance in radiant expression.
And so it is!

I am wonderfully rich in consciousness.
What is expressed in love must be returned in full measure.
I am a mighty money magnet and oceans of money engulf me.
Therefore, wave after wave of visible money supply flows to me now.
And so it is!

I am bountifully supplied with money.
I now realize my plan for abundant living.
I lovingly see myself sharing this bounty for the good of all
according to Universal guidance.
 I see my bank account continually filled with an all-sufficiency
to meet every need with a divine surplus.
And so it is!

Good Fortune

New fields of Divine Activity now open for me. 
Someone somewhere is looking for exactly what I have to offer.
I am awake to my good, and gather in the harvest of endless opportunities.
My seeming impossible good now comes to pass, the unexpected now happens!
And so it is!

I give thanks for my whirlwind success. 
The tide of destiny has turned and everything comes my way. 
I have a magical work in a magical way, I give magical service for magical pay.
I see clearly and act quickly and my greatest desire comes to pass in a miraculous way.
And so it is!

I now fulfill my destiny. 
The genius within me is now released. 
Happy surprises come to me each day. 
I banish the past and now live in the wonderful now.
And so it is


Unlimited channels of good are open to me now.
I accept all the joy and prosperity life has to offer.
I create the world as a happy, abundant place for everyone. 
My life is filled with the abundant blessings of the Universe.
And so it is!

I am rich, well and happy. 
I am rich in consciousness and manifestation. 
Infinite riches are now flowing freely into my life. 
Life is meant to be fun and I'm now willing to enjoy it!
And so it is!

The Spirit of Light! The Spirit of Wisdom!

Guest blog by Rachel Madorsky
Author of Create Your Own Destiny! Spiritual Path to Success.

The breath of which gives and takes the form of each and everything. You, to whom the life Of the beings is only a changing shadow or vanishing steam! You, who soar above the clouds and gallop on the wings of the wind! The infinite spaces absorb Your exhaling vapors, while inhaling, everything that originated from you returns. The unceasing motion in eternal barrenness, be You blessed for ages to come! We exalt You, we bless You in the transitional kingdom of the created light, shadows, reflections, and images, and always aspire to Your permanent and imperishable luminescence. Let the light of Your wisdom and the warmth of Your love penetrate into our essence; when all that is moving will become crystallized, the shadow will become the body, the spirit of the air will turn into land, and the dream will turn into a thought. We will not be carried away by the tempest and we will hold the winged horses of the morning and direct the currents of the evening winds, so that we can appear before You.

Oh, Spirit of the spirits! Oh, the imperishable breeze of life! Oh, the inhalation of the Creator! Oh, those who inhale and exhale all that exists in the ebb and flow of Your eternal world, which is the ocean of divine movement and truth! Amen.

To Love Yourself is to Love Your Soul

Guest blog by  Rachel Madorsky
Author of Create Your Own Destiny! Spiritual Path to Success.

One unique story after another, each told by our friends, has one thing in common - karmic consequences. Most of these stories touch upon families experiencing manifestations of deadly diseases. Using modern technology and acknowledging longer life expectancy, most of these cases can be documented and analyzed. It makes one shiver to think how all of us are interconnected and interlaced with energy fields and affected by the exchange of information; not just on the visible level, but also on the atomic and metaphysical levels.

This exchange of information could help determine your attitude toward disease. It could also help add meaning in your life and assist in making the right choice to live life to its fullest. It is necessary to view each disease as a lesson from which we can learn

From the moment the sick person openly acknowledges the existence of his illness, he has taken a step forward in his fight with the disease. A doctor or healer will be his guiding star to lead him toward recovery. They will provide advice on diet, breathing and physical exercises, imagery and meditation or suggest a change of habits. 

We cannot change the laws of nature, but we are can successfully adapt to them. The main idea is to accept that the cosmic laws are eternal and immobile and that the smallest transgression is returned according to rules of the universe. They are as old as mankind and have served as the primary rules for our existence on earth.

Acquiring the ability to recover is similar to developing the will to pursue self-education. To force oneself to change a habitual way of life, which demands perpetual exertion and daily struggles with one's disease and the spiritual enemy - an inert subconscious adapted over the years according to one's needs - is not an easy task. 

The first step on the road to fostering resistance against disease is the beginning of your self-education. Each painful sensation is the impetus toward the knowledge of the new, which asks for some strength in the search for the truth. Each time you ask yourself: "Why is it me and why does some terrible fate force me to seek ways of deliverance?" Each new step in the search for the answer means another step toward healing. 

Knowledge of the anatomical and physiological structure of one's own body leads to the discovery of ways to deliverance through nontraditional healing. Who, besides you, must love yourself and your own body most of all? Your body demands knowledge to help it cope with disaster, and you are its only assistant. Knowledge, accumulated through millennia, is in your hands once you manifest curiosity. From where it comes doesn't matter; the result is most important. Your recovery or prevention of disease depends only on you. A willingness to preserve oneself and to follow one's heart can assist in the yet unwaged battle. 

Conversing with our subconscious, we find the reason for our physical state, and then, we continue the search for clues to eliminate the illness. If necessary, traditional methods using medicine and surgery can be of service. However, at the same time, one can also employ the old ways of healing, such as herbs, positive affirmations, breathing exercises, acupuncture, or the use of special invisible forces through those unique individuals--the healers. 

Various temptations await you here. To follow this path, you may receive clues from your own body, which subconsciously knows the successful road to recovery, sometimes in spite of the various opinions of your relatives. 

Trust your subconscious. It will prompt you to make the right choice, and your chosen guide--educator, doctor, counselor or your family friend who, for a time will become an intermediary between you and the Higher Forces of nature--will be your teacher. 

The spiritual growth of a human being is the biggest victory over the dark forces of nature. Internal spiritual purification is necessary not only for those in search of the righteous path, but also for those who have grasped the meaning of life at the moment of confession and fusion with this mystical Quasiworld which has attracted people throughout millennia. 

The road to the Truth is captivating because it passes through self-knowledge, which amounts to the highest rapture - to the self-healing of the spirit, and then the body, as its physical attribute. Those who find themselves in the service of mankind carry a heavy burden in both moral and material dimensions. The spiritual development and self-perfection doesn't stop for a second. It draws you into an eddy, from which there is no escape.

Faith in yourself is still your weapon - whether it's facing a disease or embracing the appearance of your talents! Throughout the process of realization, the need for spiritual transformation changes the soul and the healing of your body begins. I cannot even talk about healing of the body if the person will not embrace a feeling of tender love and respect towards himself as an individual. This is the key to the healing process. 

To achieve self-respect, I remind you to love yourself, your body and your soul. I recommend looking in the mirror and talking with your reflection as you would with a close friend. Speak about your worries and how you respect and love yourself despite physical or mental deficiencies. Tell yourself that your love grows proportionately to the number of wrinkles on the face, folds on the stomach, and number of ailments. You can promise to be loyal to yourself and to give complete support in the process of recovery. The "I" that knows all that has happened in previous incarnations and generations will receive invaluable information through such conversations and will retain it forever. Make this self-contact every morning or evening as often as possible, and you will start to rejuvenate. The destiny of each of us resembles a delicate cobweb, woven from billions of thoughts, deeds and epiphanies that happened to us, our relatives, our friends and everyone whose roads we intersected during our life on this planet. The fate of our ancestors leaves a red trail on our life, whether we realize it, and the fates of our children are shaped by our deeds. Both positive and negative information is unconsciously transmitted as we resume the race with karma. It is worthy to note that as soon as we recognize the phenomenon of general interdependence, the sparks of recovery immediately manifest themselves. 

Each of us is in charge not only of our own actions and the creation of our own karma, destiny or fate, but we are also responsible for their effect on every human being in the present as well as in the future. The results of deeds planted in the past develop in future generations. When we face the truth, we can change our fate.

To achieve a great change in your fate, here are two of my favorite affirmations to use every day until your soul becomes stronger:


And Totally in Control


And Very Attractive

Repeat them in the morning, at least three times, before leaving for work in the front of your favorite mirror, at your workplace, or at times when you need them. 

The events of the past, especially childhood, do not vanish without a trace. Parents are encouraged to cherish their children and treat them with great love and respect. In talking with people, we discover long-forgotten traumas of childhood covered with layers of time are still within. The unparalleled significance of those early traumas can be seen in oncology cases later. 

Look into the depth of your memory, for you may find answers to what caused diseases and problems appearing later in life. 

In such situations, I recommend sitting alone for an evening with one's memories, a pen and a blank sheet of paper in front of a candle, a big ashtray and matches. Write down on the paper all that haunts you, read it only once, and burn it with a pure heart. Picture in your imagination that, by burying the ashes of the reminiscences oppressing your soul, you are reborn, cleansed from all causes that led you to your current life situation. Try it, and you will feel an inner relief. Your visualized victory over yourself will soon be fruitful in the victory over your ailment. 

Fundamental power and the path toward healing are within us and only we create the pathways for healing. Those who support us are only guides to our health.

Remember, "If you don't ask, nothing happens." And it is true, "God helps those who allow Him to help them." 

Now go on with confidence. Best of luck in your search for the truth of your Destiny!! 

You Are Creator of Your Own Destiny!

Guest blog by Rachel Madorsky
Author of Create Your Own Destiny! Spiritual Path to Success.

The more we know, the more we want to know. From millennium to millennia, we attempt unceasingly to find answers to one big question: for what purpose do we exist in the human form in which we reproduce ourselves on Earth? 

We have to accept the wisdom of our ancestors transmitted to each of us through birth. We especially have to respect the truth that has been passed down to us through generations. We have to find the courage to refuse to accept at face value everything told to us by orthodox medical practitioners. Don't misunderstand! Physicians trained in modern medicine can benefit our lives. We should consider their knowledge, but not as though it was the ultimate or complete truth. Modern pharmaceutical medicine evolved approximately 100 years ago when aspirin tablets were introduced. Aspirin in its natural form, willow bark, has been prescribed during millennia by people who call themselves healers, shamans, priests, and medicine-men, or other names synonymous to the Latin word "doctor" - teacher, or practitioner of healing arts. The organic and functional transformations called diseases, once initiated, may be stopped or reversed at almost any point. 

People of all races, nationalities, cultures and religions must recognize the value of accumulated experience. Every one of us has (his or her) own knowledge and understanding, which is priceless. 

Since ancient times humans have sought to unravel the mystery of their destiny on Earth. Much has been accomplished by individuals who have discovered personal spiritual missions in the material world. The underlying mystery of reality can be ignored but not avoided; it is independent of our will. Finding ways for its elucidation is alluring and part of my task. 

Different sources, which have survived the centuries, bear witness to the invisible and often impalpable reality behind appearances. Engravings found on the walls of Pyrenean caves reflect the work of healers, as do descriptions in ancient Egyptian scrolls. The methods of treatment that act upon the energetic formations of organisms, as legends testify, were discovered in the East about 3000 B.C. In the Dead Sea scrolls, which were found in mountain caves located above an unearthed Qumran settlement in Israel belonging to the Essene sect, researchers discovered many world-shaking facts. The Essenes routinely trained members of their community in the practice of curing diseases by the laying on hands. A number of people in the Essenian sect demonstrated astonishing healing miracles by touching the afflicted with their hands. The cave sketches of American Indians depicting a treatment process with hand healing, practiced since ancient times on the Eurasian continent, testify to the permanence and universality of such treatment. Since then we haven't changed; the only thing that has changed is our approach to caring for our bodies. 

The component material parts of the body and its functional physiology have been well investigated under the microscope and are sufficiently catalogued at this time. Modern medicine treats a human being as a mechanic does an automobile: let's fix it here and there, replacing one worn-out part for a new one. There is little comprehension of the human body as an entity. Medicine disregards the spiritual being of a person - the state of interconnection of the soul with the body. 

Through modern technology, the hidden has become apparent, noted in science, and is a recognized phenomenon in the arsenal of the struggle for human health. 

From my observation, viral and other infections are secondary events that often distort the understanding of the prime cause: the disruption of the interrelationships between our spiritual being and the laws of the Universe and its Creator.

An awareness of many karmic outcomes has been awakened, starting with atonement for the extinct types of plants and animals and a feeling of happiness for the ones saved in time, such as buffalos and whales, before they became extinct. The understanding that there are other types of energy, which we haven't as yet learned how to detect and measure, gives us a sense of awareness of our presence on the chessboard of the Universe. The joy of knowing that we are not the only beings in the Universe already exists in scientific circles. There are theories about the transformation of one type of energy-matter into another. Everyone understands the irrevocable consequences of nuclear experiments and those who have gone through them know the effects of the tragedies on the next generations in Hiroshima and Chernobyl. Nature and the Universe do not forgive a violent intervention into their laws. The earth is an organ of some cosmic entity, but we are doing it harm by taking advantage of a temporary lack of self-control and non-union with Higher Forces over us. As we do damage to our planet in the form of wars and various fossil extractions, we forget about the eternity of cosmic and karmic laws. 

The three true states present in the world keep it in balance: positive and negative, good and evil, health and disease. To choose which side you are on as you try to reach a specific goal completely depends on your life in the earlier ages. This choice affects both present and future lives as well as redemption for this decision.

Everyone must develop a basic knowledge and cultivate his or her abilities to pose honest questions and not be afraid of the answers. We must also prepare to seek second opinions or advice from alternative medical practitioners. This is an option which has been a taboo among the people of Western civilization for centuries, but it is increasingly being chosen now.

Knowledge is power! This power is inside each one of us! It's inside of you. You have the capability and responsibility to make wise decisions. Ignorance breeds fear. Give yourself a chance to get rid of your fear of the unknown. You are Creator of Your Own Destiny! Ancient healing arts and modern medicine are not necessarily enemies; they can compliment each other. Don't be afraid to understand, learn about yourself and help yourself! 

This Thanksgiving, Be Thankful He's Not the Cheating Kind

Guest blog by Ruth Houston
Author of Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

This Thanksgiving, any wife whose husband isn't cheating on her has a lot to be thankful for. Faithful husbands are in short supply. Most wives assume their husbands are faithful. But only 1 wife in 4 can truthfully make that claim. 

Infidelity has reached epidemic proportions and now affects 80% of all marriages today. According to statistics, 3 out of 4 husbands are cheating on their wives. So be thankful if your husband is not the cheating kind. 

An estimated 38 to 53 million women are victims of infidelity. In one study, over 65% of the cheating husbands admitted to having had more than one extramarital affair. Studies also indicate that 2/3 of the wives whose husbands are cheating on them (approximately 26 million women) have no idea their husbands are having an affair. The wife truly is the last to know.

In the face of statistics like these, you can see why a faithful husband is indeed something to be thankful for. 

4 of Many Reasons to Be Thankful

Though many husbands are having extramarital escapades, there's still a small minority of men who are not the cheating kind. Despite the prevalence of infidelity, these faithful husbands remain true to their marriage vows. If you're fortunate enough to be married to one, this Thanksgiving you have at least four things you can be thankful for:

** Be thankful your marriage and family are still intact.

** Be thankful the time and energy you've invested in your marriage have not been in vain.

** Be thankful you don't have to deal with the mental and emotional trauma that infidelity brings.

** Be thankful you don't have to agonize over the decision of whether to end your marriage or struggle to get it back on track.

And if you're not sure whether or not your husband is the cheating kind? Then be thankful you read this article.

Taoism and Sexuality

Guest blog by Rachel Carlton Abrams, M.D

Taoism is a spiritual tradition that embraces our sexual desire and uses it within our bodies as a force for healing and spiritual growth. Desire is a rich and potent part of our human experience. The Taoists think of desire, called sexual energy or jing chi, as part of our life energy, or chi. To be passionate is to be full of chi. The English words "desire" or "passion" connote a feeling of yearning and fervor that includes sex, but they also reflect our strongest feelings about life. When we are passionate about anything--our family, our work, our spirituality, an important social cause--we are investing our chi in this experience. Our passion is what moves us to action and ultimately is what gives us joy. We are passionate about the things that matter most to us. 

We often speak of "getting horny" as if we were being invaded by some lewd, demonic (notice the horns) force. But the powerful energy of arousal is basic to our humanity. It is not, as conservative religious thinkers have taught, a dark force that separates us from God, but is the essence of what can compel us to live dynamic and fruitful lives. It is the fact that sexual energy is so powerful that has prompted most major religions to control and restrict sexual behavior, especially the behavior of women. Reestablishing our connection with our desire is part of recovering our personal power.

Once you have awakened your passion, or sexual energy, the Healing Love practices, as taught by world-renowned Taoist master, Mantak Chia, can teach you how to direct and refine your sexual energy so that you can benefit from its gifts. Though our modern world suffers from ignorance about sexuality on the one hand and blatant exploitation of sexuality on the other, Healing Love offers a several-thousand-year-old wisdom about how to live in our bodies as sexual beings and to use our passion to become the people we want to be. 

Taoist Secrets of Sexuality

Taoism is the foundation of Chinese philosophy and medicine. It is a comprehensive physical and spiritual system that helps individuals to reach their highest potentials. It is perhaps best known in this country as the basis for Traditional Chinese Medicine, which includes acupuncture, herbal therapy, nutrition, massage, the energetic meditation called Chi Kung (pronounced "chee kong"), and the martial art called Tai Chi Chuan ("tie chee chwan"). The Universal Tao system was developed by Mantak Chia to teach Taoist meditative and exercise techniques to balance the body and increase and refine one’s vital energy, or chi ("chee"). The sexual practice, or Healing Love, is an essential part of this system. 

"Chi," the Chinese word for life energy, is the force within our bodies and within the universe that engenders life. The word itself has many translations, such as energy, air, breath, wind, or vital essence. There are 49 cultures around the world that understand the concept of chi in one form or another; examples include Ki (Japanese), Prana (Sanskrit), Lung (Tibetan), Neyatoneyah (Lakota Sioux), Num (Kalahari Kung), and Ruach (Hebrew).

"Western culture" and allopathic medicine, often called Western or conventional medicine, is one of the few cultures that does not have a similar concept, although it recognizes the role of energy at the molecular level. Western medicine is extremely effective for treating acute disease and traumatic injuries. However, I believe that it is, in part, the absence of this concept of "life force" that limits its effectiveness in treating chronic illnesses. Western medicine is just beginning to recognize what the Taoists have known for more than 2,000 years, that directing the flow of our life force, our chi, can improve our health and vitality.

In The Multi-Orgasmic Woman you can learn to use your concentration and your breath to activate and move your energy; this practice is called Chi Kung. It involves both concentration exercises and simple movements to facilitate the flow of chi. Used throughout China and now widely practiced in the United States, Chi Kung is an ancient and effective practice for many health issues. I often refer to the Healing Love sexual practice as "Chi Kung for the bedroom."

Once you become aware of your chi, you’ll find that it’s rather easy to notice and feel it. Try this simple exercise. Briskly rub your palms together until you produce heat. Now slowly separate your palms until they are about an inch apart. You should feel a "cushion" of air between them that may feel like pressure, heat, or tingling. This sensation is the chi passing between your hands.

In all traditions meditative practices calm and focus the mind. The Healing Tao meditative practices do this by focusing on the movement of chi. The basic practice is based on circulating chi through a body circuit called the Microcosmic Orbit, which is like an energy superhighway in the body. The Microcosmic Orbit runs from your tailbone up your spine to your brain (the Back Channel) and then returns down the front of your body in the midline (the Front Channel). By using the focus of your mind, you can direct the chi up the spine as you breathe in and let it "fall" down the Front Channel to your abdomen as you breathe out. 

As you become adept at sensing and moving your chi, you will also be able to move your sexual energy, or jing chi, in the same pathway. The ability to expand and move your sexual energy is what allows you to increase your pleasure and intensify your orgasms, no matter what your current level of sexual experience is. It also allows you to transform your sexual energy into chi, or life force, which will give you a great deal more energy out of the bedroom as you live your life in the world. And when your chi is strong and your intention is clear, your chi is transformed into spiritual energy, or shen. 

The Healing Love practices are rich and powerful enough to do for hours each day, but flexible enough to energize you or help relieve physical or emotional stress in minutes. The sexual practices initially take some time to understand and feel in your body, but they can then be seamlessly integrated into lovemaking with astounding results: more pleasure, intimacy, and vibrancy than you’ve ever experienced. 

The Taoist practice offers a practical method to access and integrate the two most powerful healing forces in the world: real love and sexual energy. These practices can increase your pleasure and invigorate your body and soul.

Copyright Rachel Abrams 2005

Men and Women Cheat For Entirely Different Reasons

Guest blog by Ruth Houston
Author of Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

The latest infidelity studies indicate that percentage-wise the gap is closing between cheating husbands in comparison to the percentage of cheating wives. However, even though more men are now becoming victims of infidelity, the fact still remains that 70% of infidelity victims are women. What's interesting though, is that men and women who are cheating on their spouses give different reasons to justify their extramarital affairs. 

The Top Reasons Men and Women Cheat

The top 3 reasons men cheat all relate to sex. However sex is not usually the motivating factor for cheating wives. The top 3 reasons women cheat relate to unmet emotional needs or a desire for attention. Listed below are the most common reasons cheating husbands and cheating wives use to justify their extramarital affairs:

Why Men Cheat

The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men include
1. more sex (the desire for a more active sex life)
2. sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex)
3. opportunistic sex ( taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught)
4. to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific female)
5. a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it's a man's prerogative to cheat)
6. the "thrill of the chase"
7. the desire to feel important or special
8. sexual addiction

Why Women Cheat

The reasons most frequently cited for female infidelity include
1. a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level)
2. a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man's attention again)
3. to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman)
4. to re-experience feelings of romance
5. a desire to feel "special"
6. boredom
7. loneliness
8. sexual excitement

Men Cheat for Sexual Reasons, Women Cheat for Emotional Reasons

Granted, these are not the only reasons men and women cheat. There are other reasons as well. But the bottom line is that men are cheating on their wives primarily for sexual reasons, while women are cheating on their husbands mainly for emotional reasons. However, these are the reasons most frequently given by cheating husbands and cheating wives who are willing to discuss their extramarital affairs.

Numerous studies on infidelity bear that out. In one study, 75% to 80% of the men who admitted to having extramarital affairs said that sex was the primary reason. Only 20% of the women who were having extramarital affairs said they did so for purely sexual reasons. 

How More Marriages Could be Saved

The most amazing thing about the studies is that the majority of infidelity victims (70% of married women and 54% of married men) have no idea their spouse is having an extramarital affair. In another study, 60% of the people who admitted that they were cheating, said their partner did not know about their affair. This leads me to conclude that if more people knew how to recognize the warning signs of infidelity, more marriages could be saved. After all, the first step to solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. 

© 2005 Ruth Houston

How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand

Guest blog by Ruth Houston
Author of Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

Most wives with cheating husbands suffer in silence or tolerate their husband's infidelity. They feel they have no other alternatives, or don't know what else to do.

You don't have to sit back and be a helpless victim or be swept along with tide. There are things you can do to make the best of a bad situation and minimize the damage infidelity can cause.

You can take steps to protect yourself emotionally, sexually, legally and financially. You can work quietly behind the scenes to offset many of the negative consequences that result from infidelity and prepare yourself for what lies ahead.

Take control of the situation. Regardless of whether you ultimately decide to stay with your husband or leave him, the guidelines below will help you gain the upper hand.

Make sure infidelity is the problem you're dealing with.  Problems like drug or alcohol addiction or gambling often masquerade as infidelity because of similar telltale signs. Don't speculate, investigate. 

Face reality. 
Ignoring your husband's infidelity will not make it go away. It will only make things worse. He could become so attached to his mistress that it will be impossible to get your marriage back on track.

Speak up and take a stand. 
If you know he's cheating and say nothing about it, you're enabling his infidelity. Make it clear that you disapprove of what's going on and tell him you want it to stop. Not addressing his infidelity makes him think he has your silent approval or that you don't know what's going on.

Let him know you know. 
Affairs thrive in secrecy. If you've identified numerous telltale signs and have solid proof of your husband's infidelity, decide when and how to tell him you know about his affair. Sometimes just knowing his infidelity has been exposed will be enough to make him stop. 

Build a support team. 
You need someone to confide in about your husband's infidelity. Don't try to get through this alone. Surround yourself with people who care about you and have your best interests at heart. 

Realistically evaluate your situation
Consider your options. Is your marriage worth saving? Should you get a temporary separation? File for divorce? What is it in your (and your children's) best interest to do?

Seek counseling for yourself and for your marriage. 
You have a better chance of saving your marriage if you get professional help. You'll be better equipped to deal with the trauma of infidelity if you seek individual counseling, as well. 

Identify the underlying issues. 
Try to pinpoint the contributing factors to his infidelity - A life crisis? Major character flaws? Sexual addiction? Dissatisfaction with you or with the marriage? Or something else? Get to the root of the problem, if you can. 

Protect yourself sexually. 
Your husband's infidelity can have life-threatening consequences for you. If he's cheating, your health is at risk. You're already a victim of infidelity. Don't become a victim of HIV/AIDS too.

Find out your legal rights. 
Consult an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law. Get a clear understanding of what you're legally entitled to (alimony, child support, division of marital assets) in the event of a divorce or separation.

Put your financial house in order. 
Get a realistic view of your current financial situation and make the necessary adjustments. Establish credit in your own name. Set up a separate checking or savings account. Start putting money aside for a rainy day. 

Make sure you're equipped to earn a living. 
Many women remain in adulterous relationships because they're financially dependant on their husbands. If you need to, take college courses or start learning a trade to make yourself employable.

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. 
Accept the possibility that your marriage may end. Don't be caught off guard. Have an "Infidelity Game Plan" in place in case your husband decides to move out or ask for a divorce. Begin formulating your strategy now.

Break free of the bonds of infidelity. 
Focus your energy and efforts on the positive things you can do to make the best of a bad situation. Empower yourself by acting on these suggestions and you'll gain the upper hand.

© 2005 Ruth Houston

Are You Dating A Potential Cheater?

Guest blog by Ruth Houston
Author of Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

Is the man you're dating a potential cheater who will one day break your heart? Take this quiz and find out.

Like most single women who are dating, I'm sure you'll want to avoid getting involved with a man who's likely to cheat. After all, he could one day break your heart. But according to statistics, an estimated 50 to 70 percent of men cheat on their mates. How can you tell if the man you're dating is one of these potential cheaters? Wouldn't it be great to have this information about him before you get too deeply involved? 

Find out If He's Prone to Infidelity

Finding out whether or not the man you're dating is prone to infidelity is much easier than you think. Studies reveal that some men are more likely to cheat than others because of their background, their past history, or certain character traits. Using this information, I've designed a 7 question quiz that can help you determine if the man you're dating is a potential cheater. 

Single Women Screen Dates with this Quiz

Decide Who Not to Date

The Potential Cheaters quiz can help you make an informed decision about whether or not to continue dating a man, or how deeply to get involved. By identifying and avoiding the potential cheaters in the dating pool, you can save yourself a lot of unnecessary headaches and heartaches. 

Rate Your Date with the Potential Cheaters Quiz

So before you fall head-over-heels in love or get too attached to that new man in your life, rate your date's cheating potential with the 7 questions below:

Potential Cheaters Quiz

1. Does he thrive on adventure?
2. Did he have a great deal of sexual experience prior to your relationship? 
3. Does he have lots of female friends? 
4. Does he have male friends who are cheating on their wives or girlfriends? 
5. Does he have a parent who cheated? 
6. Did he cheat in any of his past relationships? 
7. Does he feel that infidelity is really no big deal?

What the Answers Mean:

1. Some men enjoy all the suspense, deception and intrigue that go along with infidelity. They'll cheat just for the "thrill of the chase." 

2. Studies reveal that men who were extremely sexually active before settling down in a committed relationship are more apt to engage in sex outside that relationship. Don't expect a leopard to change his spots.

3. Close friendships with women are a common starting point for infidelity. Friends can quickly turn into lovers. The closer the friendship, the greater the odds that it will develop into an affair.

4. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure. If his friends are cheating, he'll soon be cheating too. 

5. Infidelity tends to run in families. Children of unfaithful parents are often programmed to follow in their footsteps, considering infidelity to be the norm. 

6. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." There are exceptions, but statistically speaking, if he cheated once, he's more apt to do it again. His history will probably repeat itself. 

7. If he doesn't believe that infidelity is wrong, his behavior will reflect his beliefs.

How to Evaluate Your Results

Generally speaking, the more 'yes' answers, the greater the likelihood that this man will cheat. But some answers carry more weight than others, so you'll want to take a closer look at the results. 

If you answered yes to #1, #2, or #5 (but not all three), he's a POTENTIAL CHEATER who may very well cheat on you if the opportunity presents itself. If you decide to get involved with him, you need to make it difficult for him to cheat. Familiarize yourself with the signs of infidelity, so you'll know if he starts to stray.

If you answered yes to #3 or #4 alone, together, or in combination with #1 or #2, he's a COMMON "GARDEN-VARIETY" CHEATER who will cheat if he feels he can do so without getting caught. Your challenge, if you insist on dating him, is to stay one step ahead of him by learning to recognize the early warning signs. If you know how to spot the signs of impending infidelity, you may be able to stop his cheating before it starts, or leave before he breaks your heart. Familiarize yourself with the 21 major categories of telltale signs. 

If you answered yes to #6 alone or in combination with #1,#2, #3, #4, or #5 you're dealing with an EXPERIENCED CHEATER who knows how to hide the obvious signs of infidelity. The most important thing to do if you're dating this man is learn to spot the subtle signs of infidelity, because these are the signs that will inevitably give him away. Get a good infidelity reference guide, ( like Is He Cheating on You?), watch him like a hawk, and try not to get too deeply involved.

If you answered yes to #7 alone ( This one's the biggie!) or in combination with any others, you've got a HARD-CORE, HABITUAL CHEATER on your hands who's probably already having an affair. (You could unknowingly be the Other Woman.) For this man, cheating is a way of life. If you don't want to become an infidelity statistic, leave this man alone. Should you decide to take on this challenge, you're in serious trouble if you don't know how to spot the subtle signs of infidelity. Forget about watching for the usual signs of cheating. This man is an expert at covering his tracks. The best thing you can do is become adept at spotting the subtle signs of infidelity, since there won't be any obvious signs to give him away.  

If you're already dating a potential cheater, or thinking about dating one, you need to know what to do. Even if you only had one yes answer on the Potential Cheater's Quiz, there's still cause for concern. 

Copyright © Ruth Houston 2005 All rights reserved

10 Things You Didn't Know About Signs of Infidelity

Guest blog by Ruth Houston
Author of Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise to most people. Even people who consider themselves knowledgeable about extramarital affairs may be unfamiliar with some of the little-known facts below. 

1. Telltale signs first begin to appear while the infidelity is still in the planning stage. 
2. Most cheaters display signs of infidelity they aren't even aware of, and wouldn't even think to cover up.
3. Most people either miss or misinterpret the many subtle signs of infidelity staring them in the face.
4. If you know what to look for, you can find countless signs of infidelity using just your eyes, your ears and your personal knowledge of your mate. 
5. It's not the obvious signs of infidelity - it's the subtle signs (the ones most people overlook) that will give the cheater away every time. 
6. Certain signs of infidelity can help you determine the identity of the Other Woman or Other Man.
7. There are 21 major categories of infidelity signs, each comprised of 2 to 6 dozen individual telltale signs. 
8. If your mate is cheating, you'll find clusters of telltale signs from several of those 21 categories all at once, not just a few telltale signs.
9. Where there's one telltale sign, there are plenty of other signs of infidelity just waiting to be found.
10. The earlier you spot the signs of infidelity, the better your chances of saving your marriage -- or of protecting yourself legally and financially in case the infidelity leads to divorce.

© 2005 Ruth Houston

The Natural Way of Healing

Guest blog by  Rachel Madorsky
Author of Create Your Own Destiny! Spiritual Path to Success.

For ages, our ancestors carefully collected everything that was successfully used for healing a human body. To achieve the goal of healing the human body - either materialistically or spiritually - everything was considered good.

Our ancestors were masters in treating the human body with herbs, aroma oils, massages, music, songs, crystals, water, fire, charms, prayers, silence, noise, the laying of hands or not, singularly or with groups, and so on.

Modern medicine and the pharmacy industry are losing the fight with chronic diseases and bacteria resistant to antibiotics. Everyone has heard of spontaneous recoveries of terminally ill patients. Doctors often have no explanation and question whether the initial diagnosis was correct. These facts and others are pushing people to look for alternative treatments.
Mystery surrounds one of the ageless kinds of healing: spiritual. It has other different names like Psychic, BioEnergy, Polarity, Magnetism, Therapy Touch, Reiki, and Subtle Medicine. When a sick person desperately needs healing and asks the Higher Source, help seems to come immediately through gifted people in the form of an invisible force. Some people call this source God. Others are more comfortable calling it the Divine Spirit or the Universal Mind .
From my own experience, I know healing may occur under the Higher Source's power not only at home, but in different religious places and at locations with high energy levels. In those places, cultural or traditional rituals may be performed.

Connection with the Higher Force by the sick person or the healer, who acts as an instrument in hands of the Cosmic Power, happens when their prayers and requests are in unison with the goal of our Creator.  

All genuine spiritual healers acknowledge that the healing power is not their own, but that they are only acting as a channel for the Higher Forces of the Universe. In the beginning of the healing session, healers mentally connect their Ego to the Higher Source of Subtle Energy through prayers or visualization. 

Spiritual healers use various techniques to attune the body to the Subtle Energy, thus enabling the body to heal itself. Sometimes healers use personal touch. Sometimes healers visualize the sick person who might be located miles away, sending waves of energy in form of the unconditional love and kindness. Holding a photograph or a letter from the patient is very helpful in Absent Healing. The Absent Healing has its disadvantages because it is difficult to uncover the cause of the problem and often sick persons do not care about the healing procedure. In my practice, I prefer to meet my patients in person. 

My patients have reported different sensations from icy cold, to hot, or from a slight warmth, to tingling, wind, pressure, or vibrations or movement from within the body. Because of these sensations, it is easier for people to accept the power of healing and its result. The best results are achieved if the patient is receptive and accepting of the healing power. 

From the first moment a sick person acknowledges the existence of his illness, he is better armed to win the battle with the disease. Healer and doctor will be his beacons who will guide him toward to recovery. They will provide advice about diet, breathing and physical exercises, imagery and meditation or to decide to change habits. Sometimes doctors who follow our common patients call me.

Recently I participated in an international conference. During that event, I found all medical experts from around the globe are looking for ways to combine the modern methodology of treating people with the ancient experience of grandparents. The name of that new approach is Integrated Medicine!

The fundamental power and path to the healing are within and must begin there first. Those who support us are only guides to our health.

If you do not ask, nothing will happen. Remember God helps those who allow Him to help them. 

Sugar Addiction

Guest blog by Rebecca Cooper
Author of Diets Don't Work ® 

Proven to be more addictive than cocaine, a closer look at Sugar may help to explain America’s rise in obesity, diabetes and the new focus on food addiction.

A 2007 study (Lenoir, Serre, Cantin, Ahmed), found that intense sweetness surpasses cocaine reward even in addicted and drug-sensitized subjects leading to increased aggression upon withdrawal and a disruption of the dopamine/acetylcholine reward balance in the brain. 

The alterations on brain functioning brought on by highly palatable foods produce many of these hallmarks of addiction - including intense craving, the inability to control or stop use, a pre-occupation with the substance, and withdrawal symptoms - the idea of dessert becomes elevated to a whole new level.

Research is supporting evidence that food addictions has behavioral and neurological qualities that resemble substance abuse and dependence. Increased craving for food or food-related substances leads to a heightened state of pleasure, energy, or excitement (Zhang, et al., 2011)

I think it is ironic that when the government ordered cocaine removed from all Coca-Cola beverages no one would have guessed that an even more consequential substance would take its place. High Fructose Corn Syrup hit the markets in the 1970s as a wonder product. Cheaper than sugar cane with an intense sweetness we associate with confectionery delights, High Fructose Corn Syrup is now used to sweeten candies, juices, cookies, cakes, and has even found its way into less palatable tempting items including bread, soups, snacks and other pre-packaged foods. 

Intense sweetness triggers the same receptor pathways of other ingested addictive chemicals, including cocaine and opiates. It alters the transmission of certain brain chemicals including endorphins, dopamine and serotonin, which, in turn, trigger the pleasure center of our brains, leaving us wanting more. (Nicole, et al., 2008). It is important to note that with the incorporation of HFCS into food products have raised more than 1000% since 1970 (Bray, Nielsen, & Popkin, 2004). 

As an eating disorder treatment center, we consistently see what happens with patients who have an addiction to sugar and what happens when they stop eating sugar. When they eat sugar they get a sugar rush, then their blood sugar levels drop, they become tired and sleepy, they become depressed then they crave more. For some these cravings lead them back into their eating disorder.

Certainly, we can find studies to support any opinion, and much like eating disorders, every one of us is different and the effects of sugar may vary. At Rebecca’s House, we have found that when a person has the courage to realize that their relationship to food is out of alignment or is one of addiction, they can begin to change. Many clients have found that once they are freed from the bondage of sugar, their cravings and binges go away, they are less depressed, they maintain a normal weight without dieting or obsessing and they are able to improve their total health.

It’s so hard today to promote the fact that sugar is an addictive substance, leaving one craving more and more. Unfortunately, there are still many nutritionists, dietitians, and professionals who don’t believe sugar can be addictive to SOME people. In all my years of work with eating disorder sufferers and emotional overeaters - as well as the new scientific studies - prove otherwise. It is just like alcohol. Some people have no problem having a few drinks, but others cannot stop after that first drink. 

Millions of people are addicted to sugar and do not even realize it. The “food” manufactures are only concerned about their bottom line. They know that sugar is toxic and addictive; they add it to make us want their products, to feel that we must have more. We are getting sicker because our addiction to sugar, as well as our eating habits in general, have weaken our immune system. Our health care system cannot keep up with the high costs associated with obesity, diabetes, and associated diseases. 

We are in the midst of an obesity crisis in this country and I’m convinced sugar addiction is a major culprit. I’ve known this from working with disordered eating patients for decades and now with new scientific evidence maybe we can educate the general public that for some sugar can be the gateway drug to a life of obesity, diabetes, and/or addiction. Nothing less than the health of our nation is at stake. 

Avena N. M., Rada P., Hoebel B. G. (2008). Sugar vs. Fat Bingeing: Notable Differences in Addictive-like Behaviors; Department of Psychology, Princeton University.

Bray, G. A., Nielsen, S. J., Popkin, B. M., (2004). Consumption of high-fructose corn syrup in beverages may play a role in the epidemic of obesity. American Journal Clin Nutr. 79(4):537-43. 

Lenoir, M., Serre, F., Cantin L., & Ahmed, S.H. (2007). Intense Sweetness Surpasses Cocaine Reward. PLoS ONE 2(8): e698.

Zhang, Y., Von Deneen, K.M., Tian, J., Gold, M.S., Liu, Y. (2011) Food addiction and neuroimaging. Curr Pharm Des 17: 1149-1157. 

Magic Diet

Guest blog by Rachel Madorsky
Author of Create Your Own Destiny! Spiritual Path to Success.

At my parents' house - second to potatoes - red beets were always one of the main vegetables at meals. During my youth, I did not pay any attention to their medicinal quality. Beets only became part of my diet after I have learned about their healing benefits. The Oncology/Hematology Department of the local hospital used beets as an active ingredient in their patient meals because of their miraculous qualities. Many of my patients have asked for specific diets, which reminded me of this wonder vegetable. 

The medicinal value of beets was used by such well-known doctors of the distant past as Avicenna, Hypocrite, Galen and Paracelsus. Doctors of Ancient Greece used beet juice to cure fevers, anemia, and diseases of the digestive and lymphatic systems. 

The root of the beet contains a large amount of sugar, a small amount of fiber, fat, a large amount of cellulose, pectin, organic, pantothenic and folic acids, many vitamins, various microelements (iron, iodine, calcium, potassium, cobalt, magnesium, manganese, copper, fluorine and zinc), pigments and many other substances. 

A beet surpasses many vegetables because it contains amino acids and mineral substances. The beets have a gamma-amino acid, which plays an important role in metabolism. 

The use of beets for medicinal purposes has been proven by scientific study. Research from the last decade validated the curative properties of dark-colored red beets. 

Betaine and betanin - an albuminous, alkaloid-like substance in the red beet - improve the digestion of food and help to create choline, the substance that increases cell activity in the liver, strengthens the walls of capillaries, decreases cholesterol in the blood and improves the metabolism of fat. Choline readily forms salts, several of which have been used in medicine as lipotropic agents in the treatment of fatty degeneration and hepatic cirrhosis. 

As indigestible cellulose, pectin and organic acid contained in the beet travel through the digestive system, they absorb and remove from the body poisonous substances of microbic origin, salts of heavy metals, radioactive isotopes and cholesterol deposits. In addition, these substances in the beets strengthen peristalsis, promotes active secretion of digestive juices and bile. Red beets also promote wound-healing, act as a diuretic, anesthesia, laxative, or anti-inflammatory. Red beets also aid in the lowering of blood pressure. 

For medicinal purposes, it is best to use the root of the beet, its juices and its leaves. In case of illnesses of the liver, constipation, digestion, obesity and hypertension, it is recommended to eat 100-150 g. of cooked beets on an empty stomach. One or two tablespoons of beet juice also can be taken before meals. Better effects are achieved when beet juice is diluted with water and other juices. The regular consumption of beet juice rejuvenates the skin. Juice from raw beets or freshly grated beets is richer in vitamins and minerals than juice made from cooked beets. However, cooked beets or cooked beet juice is better for digestion problems. Hungarian physicians recommend drinking beet juice in dozes not more than 100 ml. daily. During my trip to Turkey, I noticed that local residents drink beet juice after they consume meat.

50 Most Common Signs of Stress --SuperStress Busting 101

Guest blog by Roberta Lee M.D.
Author of The SuperStress Solution: 4-week Diet and Lifestyle Program 
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Stress is a word used so commonly to describe uncomfortable situations it’s hard to know the exactly what it means.  The concise oxford dictionary defines stress as “a disease resulting from continuous mental stress.” Most people think of stress as an unpleasant situation or distress.

But times are different we are moving at a much faster pace and stress has transformed into a whole new kind disease of monster proportions – one I call SuperStress.  This silent and deadly transformation of stress evolved when we acquiesced to answering emails within a minutes of their receipt and felt obligated to consider practically sleeping with our PDAs , cell phones and blackberries to make sure that we were “ available”,  even on our vacations .  In cooperation with our new values and compounding the problem isthe presence in airports, banks, elevators and even in taxis of television screens streaming news reports which tell us of the latest crises around the world—“keeping us informed “ so we don’t have to chase every disaster 24/7 – it can chase us. Great—or is it?

When we feel stressed our body reacts by sending signals via the limbic system, a special area of the brain designed to trigger a rapid physiologicalresponse, to flee. Stress experts believe that this response is an evolutionary adaptation whose purpose enabled victims of dangerous predators to run, escape or flee. 

So, when danger is perceived, real or not, the “fight or flight” response triggersneurohormones from the limbic system of the brainto be released into our blood streamand   in turn signalsthe adrenal glands to secreteanotherhost of hormones known as catecholemines:   epinephrine, norepinephrineand cortisol. All of these moleculesmobilize energy in the body with the intent offleeing.  For example, if I hear that I have just lost my job my body goes into a fight or flight response just as much as if a mastodon or tiger were chasing me.  In this situation what follows from the adrenal surge is a body response that reduces digestive processes to save energy, enhance our immune system to protect us from potential wounding in battle and massive releases of blood sugar (vital energy for mobility). 

In a short term emergency the changes made by SuperStress do very little to harm the body – we use up more vitamins and calories but we can recover from the damage.  The problem comes when this response is triggered over and over with no time for rest. The relentless wear and tear of mobilizing for danger takes a different course – digestion gets out of whack, blood sugar surges begin to push the body into a near diabetic like state and immunity instead of being strong and robust becomes weakened and myriad of medical conditions start emerging in the chronically stressed individual

Here are the fifty most common signs of stress identified by the American Institute of Stress:

1.  Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain
2. Insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams
3.  Gritting, grinding teeth
4. Difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts
5.  Stuttering or stammering
6. Trouble learning new information
7.  Tremors, trembling of lips, hands
8. Forgetfulness, disorganization, confusion
9.  Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms
10. Difficulty in making decisions
11.  Light headedness, faintness, dizziness
12. Feeling overloaded or overwhelmed
13.  Ringing, buzzing or "popping sounds
14. Frequent crying spells or suicidal thoughts
15.  Frequent blushing, sweating
16. Feelings of loneliness or worthlessness
17.  Cold or sweaty hands, feet
18. Little interest in appearance, punctuality
19. Dry mouth, problems swallowing
20. Nervous habits, fidgeting, feet tapping
21. Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores
22. Increased frustration, irritability, edginess
23. Rashes, itching, hives, "goose bumps"
24. Overreaction to petty annoyances
25. Unexplained or frequent "allergy" attacks
26. Increased number of minor accidents
27. Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea
28. Obsessive or compulsive behavior
29. Excess belching, flatulence
30. Reduced work efficiency or productivity
31. Constipation, diarrhea32. Lies or excuses to cover up poor work
33. Difficulty breathing, sighing
34. Rapid or mumbled speech
35. Sudden attacks of panic
36. Excessive defensiveness or suspiciousness
37. Chest pain, palpitations
38. Problems in communication, sharing
39. Frequent urination
40. Social withdrawal and isolation
41. Poor sexual desire or performance
42. Constant tiredness, weakness, fatigue
43. Excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness
44. Frequent use of over-the-counter drugs
45. Increased anger, frustration, hostility
46. Weight gain or loss without diet
47. Depression, frequent or wild mood swings
48. Increased smoking, alcohol or drug use
49. Increased or decreased appetite
50. Excessive gambling or impulse buying

These are symptoms described by many of my patients. I wish I could say that the frequency is dwindling but a recent survey by the American Psychological Association in 2007 known as the “Stress in America Report” verifies that one third of Americans are suffering from extreme stress andthe prevalence of stress is now up to 79% ( up from 59% in 2006). I could write page upon page about why and how the body responds in a stressful situation but I am a medical pragmatist and ultimately like to see people gain control over stress so here are my top 10 suggestions to reduce stress that I share with patients:

1.      Realize that whatever is stressing you will eventually resolve itself—nothing lasts forever
2.      If you have symptoms that impact your effectiveness to work, think and behave with civility to your loved ones or work colleagues – get psychological support to figure out how you can cope in a more constructive way
3.      Preserve your health sleep at least 6- 7 hours so your body can rejuvenate itself from daily the wear and tear of stress
4.      Eat breakfast it will give you more energy to get thru it all
5.      Take a 10 minute break in the middle of the day- this gives you a mental energy boost
6.      Take a multi-vitamin we use up more vitamins under stress
7.      Eatwholesome whole foods like whole grains, fishand lean meats, veggies and fruits your body needs nourishment under strain not junk food

Mobilize and take a 20 minute daily walk—physical activity mobilizes endorphins the “feel good” hormones

Answer the question “What 5 things am I grateful for today?” and find something inspiring to read every day

Make a commitment to yourself to go visit a friend in person this week—we all need each other One more stress buster it’s not intuitive under circumstances of strain but it works —do something kind for someone, compliment somebody, wish someone well – for no good reason or help someone out. Reaching out to help someone reminds us of the interconnected nature of the human experience—and our capacity to aspire to our highest nature something we often forget under stress. As the author of One Door Closes, Another Door Opens, Arthur Pine, put it “Caring can start a domino effect.

How To Change Careers By Following Your Heart (Hooking Up with Oprah Can't Hurt Either)

Guest post by Ruta Fox

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you really, really got to do what you love? What it would be like if you got up every day and were excited about the work that you do and got paid nicely for it, to boot? 

Well, it happened to me. I made a change of career just recently -- going from an advertising copywriter to a jewelry designer, and I want to tell you it can be done. I always had a passion for jewelry, but was a writer for over 10 years. Then my back started bothering me, and I needed a career where I did not have to sit and write all day. 

I came up with the idea of the Ah Ring. A stands for Available, and h, for happy. It's the diamond ring you buy for yourself when you're single, since married women have bands, and engaged women have engagement rings. I started selling rings to my friends, and then I was picked by O, Oprah's magazine to be featured in her "O list" section. She jump-started my new career, but I did the ground work that made it all possible.

My beautiful diamond Ah Ring has a very reasonable price, and was an instant success. I went from $0 to $1 million in sales in the first year.

Here are some steps on how to create a new career.

1. Think back a little to when you were small. What are the things that excited you? Horses? Designing doll dresses? Baking? Most times, if you ask successful people why they are in the business they're in, they will tell you they were obsessed with something since they
were little children. Somehow through the years, and through the expectations of others, they ignored what gives them pleasure.

2. Make a list of all the things you like to do. Do you collect things, enjoy working with your hands, have a knack or a talent that people keep complimenting you on? Sometimes we don't think these things are valuable, but they can come in handy when redefining what you want to do. Pay attention to what people say. I never forgot when someone said to me, "mine the mother lode"....or do what you're good at.

3. Network and do research. It's's who you know, not what you know. Contact friends and their friends. Take notes. Ask people in the same business what worked, what flopped and why. Take classes, do the research in your field to know the competition. Really understand why what you want to do is different.

4. Be organized. There is simply no way to be successful in business without being organized. If this is not a skill you posses, you need to acquire it. You will be called on to do many things in the beginning of a new business and you must stay focused and not let the details slip away from you.

5. Be willing to really, really work hard and devote time to your new venture. This does not mean make a phone call or two a day. It means logging in tons of calls. This does not mean socializing at night when you should be working on a business plan. What working hard means is doggedly devoting the time you need to spend to achieve your goal. If you can not
honestly look yourself in the mirror and say you worked hard, it is just not going to happen.

6. Most importantly, trust your gut. Every entrepreneur knows they must really, really believe they can create something new. Someone told me early on in my career that when som

$1,000 to an IPO: One Women's Entrepreneurial Journey

Guest post by Rosalind Resnick

I was sitting where you are now. My partner and I had just started a little company called NetCreations. Back in 1995, we were just a two-person Web design firm operating out of my house in Hollywood, Florida. I was a journalist who had just written a book about doing business on the Internet. My partner, Ryan Scott, was a computer programmer and video game designer. I like to say that he was the guy who could make anything and I was the girl who could sell anything. We were a great team.

But quickly we realized that our clients needed more than just Web sites - they needed a way to get people to visit these sites and persuade them to shop and buy. So, after months of trial and error, we discovered a way to make that happen - by building a database of Internet users who had voluntarily "opted in," or given us permission to send them targeted email messages about products and services that they liked. And, best of all, we let them get off our lists at any time! Instead of spamming them with junk mail, we sent them mail that they really wanted - and our clients' response rates went through the roof!

But just because we had invented a great product didn't mean that we knew how to build a great company. We had every problem that you could imagine. Because we didn't know how to manage people, we had constant turnover. In fact, back in May 1998, all four of our employees quit the same day. And, because we didn't know much about accounting, our bookkeeper embezzled $22,000 from us - even though I was signing all the checks! There were tech problems, customer service problems, you name it!

But we had a hot product and, if you've got a hot product, the market will forgive you for just about anything. In the fall of 1998, the dot com market exploded. All of a sudden, there was Amazon and and a dozen different online pet stores clamoring to rent our lists of targeted, permission-based email addresses. Our sales took off, and, pretty soon, the word got out - email marketing was the place to be. Before long, big guys like DoubleClick invaded our little marketplace and our biggest reseller raised $9 million in venture capital and became our biggest competitor overnight.

In early 1999, we had a choice - get big or go home. We were a tiny company - only about 20 employees at the time working out of our one-room office in SoHo. But we were proud and stubborn. And my partner and I were not about to let anybody come in and eat our lunch. So, instead of selling out to a competitor, we decided to fight back. We hired a small investment banking firm in DC - the big New York banks wouldn't touch us - and we took our show on the road. I went from never having raised a dime of outside money in my whole life to raising $43 million in three weeks. The day our stock started trading, our little company was worth $300 million. Three months later, at the height of the dot com craze, we were worth almost $1 billion.

Now, I wish that I could tell you that this was the happy ending to our story, but, of course, it wasn't. As all of you know, the capital markets began to pull out of the Internet business in April 2000, and, despite the fact that we were a real company with a real business model making real money, many of our customers were dot coms that depended on venture capital to survive. So, as our customers cut back their advertising, our sales began to slip and, by September 2000, it was clear that we were going to miss the earnings estimates that the analysts had set for us when the market was so hot the year before.

What happened next seems like a blur. When I announced that we were going to miss our numbers, our stock plunged by 50% in one day. To save our stock price, I put together a deal with DoubleClick, our arch-competitor, to acquire our company for $191 million stock for stock. But, a week later, DoubleClick announced that it was going to miss its numbers, too, and its stock price plunged, dragging down the value of our deal to about $50 million. As a result, some disgruntled shareholders hit us with a class action lawsuit, accusing me and my partner of self-dealing and all kinds of terrible things. Worst of all, DoubleClick was going to replace me as CEO. 

But, then, just as it looked like things couldn't possibly get any worse, we had an amazing stroke of luck. Out of nowhere, an Italian publishing and marketing conglomerate called SEAT Pagine Gialle made an unsolicited offer to acquire us for all cash. Turns out that SEAT had bought a controlling interest in a French direct marketing company that had wanted to buy us the year before. So, on Feb. 15, 2001, we closed a deal with the European company for $111 million cash. My partner and I, who still owned about 75 percent of the company's stock, each walked away with roughly $40 million. I stayed on as CEO of NetCreations until last December.

So what's the moral of the story? If you want to be cynical, you could say that it's better to be lucky than good or that we just happened to be at the right place at the right time. But, in our case, I think it was more than that. The bottom line is that we were the market leader and we were making money, and, despite the market downturn, our company still had value. And that's why we were able to walk away with our heads held high and some serious money in our pocket. And, by the way, NetCreations is still alive and kicking at our original office at 379 West Broadway.

But I'm not here today to bore you with stories about the past. The dot coms are dead, and they aren't coming back. I'm here because I've started a new company, Axxess Business Centers, and our mission is to help entrepreneurs like you start your own businesses and, if you already have a business, to take your company to the next level. We offer one-on-one counseling, business plan writing, workshops, seminars, support groups, how-to books - basically, everything you need to get started and keep on going. To be honest, I only wish that Axxess Business Centers had been around to help me out when I was starting NetCreations seven years ago!

As an entrepreneur, I honestly don't believe that entrepreneurship can be taught. It takes talent, drive, persistence, and the willingness to make lots of mistakes and to learn from them. As I used to tell my staff at NetCreations, if you don't know where you're going, it's impossible to get lost! But, having said all that, there are a number of things that you can do to maximize your chances of success so that, hopefully, you can avoid all the mistakes that I made the first time around!

1. Don't assume that you can turn love into money. You may be a great cook but a terrible restaurateur! That's why you need a business plan to provide a roadmap of where you want to go!

2. If you can't come up with a great business idea of your own, buy a franchise. Most small businesses fail within the first five years - the odds are much better with a franchise that's been road-tested by somebody else!

3. Don't fall in love with your business. Decide on an exit strategy even before you begin! The worst mistake you can make is selling your company six months too late!

4. Plan for the worst case scenario. Everything that can go wrong with your business undoubtedly will. From time to time, your employees will quit so make sure that every process is documented and every employee is cross trained!

5. Prepare to work the 24/7 shift -- at least, until you start making money! You'll have plenty of time to sit on the beach once you've made your millions!

6. Keep your own books -- or else your bookkeeper will rob you blind! Now, I swear by Quickbooks, and I reconcile my bank statements religiously.

7. Answer your own phone and email. That's the best way to find out what your customers really think of you!

8. Hand out business cards like candy. It's the cheapest form of advertising there is! 

9. If you need to raise money to help your business grow, get it from a bank, not a venture capital firm. VCs want to sit on your board and take a piece of your equity. All your banker wants is a tax return showing profits and prompt repayment of your loan.

10. Don't hire a professional manager to run your business --until you've figured out how it run it first!