3 Online Networking Tips for Job Seekers

Guest post by Sherrie Madia PhD
Author of The Online Job Search Survival Guide 
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog!

Skillful networking can help you meet the right people, make a splash in professional circles, get your name out there, and position yourself as an expert in your field. Social media tools provide amazing new opportunities to expand your networking reach and influence -- especially when you're in job-hunting mode. But too many job seekers forget that every single tweet, blog posting, and Facebook entry has a life of its own -- and that life is immortal. 

Bottom line: If you're not using social media consciously, carefully, and thoughtfully as a way to enhance your online presence and reputation, there's a good chance that it's hurting, not helping, your job search efforts.

As you're putting yourself out there in the job market, here are three tips for effective networking online:

Give before taking. 

When networking for a job search, always start by giving something of value. Offer an insightful comment to a blog or a question on LinkedIn. Pose a question to an industry group and engage in an information-sharing dialogue on best practices. The trick is to give your expertise and thus position yourself as the helpful expert. People will be inclined to return the favor.

Invite right.

Be sensitive as to which social networks you request colleagues to join you in. If your Facebook page is largely family-oriented and reads like a snapshot from Ancestry.com, think twice about inviting the boss or the senior leadership team to post on your wall. Is this really the mix that either of you wants? If so, more power to your Uncle Ned's backyard barbecue. If not, stick to sites geared more toward professionals, such as LinkedIn or Plaxo.

Avoid gate crashing. 

If you have a name and reputation in your field that gives you special currency, don't assume this gives you carte blanche to enter any social network. For example, let's say you search a site such as Ning for social communities geared toward your corporate interests. Before bellyflopping into the pool, have a seat on the deck and listen. Get to know the audience you'd like to engage with first. If there is an administrator of the special-interest community, you might start with a quick introduction, the reason for your call, and a query as to whether members would be okay with your involvement. Or if you feel inclined to get in the water, do so authentically. Members might be pleased to have an expert in their midst, but only if you're honest and sincere.

Women and Business

Guest post by Nan Langowitz is Co-Founder and Faculty Director, Center for Women's Leadership; and Associate Professor of Management, Babson College, Wellesley, Mass.

In the last five years, the number of woman-owned businesses has increased by 14% and the number of women owners of family businesses has increased at more than double that rate, by 37%. Not only is the phenomenon of ownership by women worth noting but the outcomes for these woman-owned firms point to new ways of creating value that may be worthy of emulation. Much has been said about the differences in leadership styles among men and women. Recent research by the Babson College Center for Women's Leadership looks at those potential differences among family firms and points to woman-owned family firms as an emerging new model for success.

The Babson College/Mass Mutual report, Women in Family-Owned Businesses, shows that woman-owned family firms are more productive, diverse, and philanthropic than those owned by their male counterparts. 

The woman-owned businesses we looked at operated in the same top five industries as their male counterparts-manufacturing, wholesale, retail, service, and construction-- and have relatively the same average revenue size--$26.9 million in 2002-yet the following differences were exhibited in a number of areas critical to firm performance and organizational and
family cohesion. Our research found that woman-owned family firms:  

Do more with less. They are nearly twice as productive as firms owned by males. This means that female owners use organizational structures and create company cultures that result in more effective efforts by their workforce.

Give more thought to succession planning. Family firms owned by women are more likely to have chosen a successor chief executive. Overall, 39% of family-owned businesses will experience a leadership transition in the next five years, yet woman-owned firms are more than 20% more likely to have named a successor CEO. 

Nurture female leadership. Woman-owned firms have more women CEOs, more women on their boards of advisors, and more women family members employed full-time in the business. They are also more likely to select a woman as their successor CEO. 

Have a vested interest in sustaining and growing their family firms. Woman-owned family firms have a 40% lower attrition rate of family member involvement and experience greater pride and loyalty to the business; and agreement with its goals. Female family members also reap
benefits. Woman-owned family firms are nearly three times as likely to employ more than one female family member full-time.

Demonstrate a deeper commitment to philanthropic causes than male-owned firms, with a greater proportionate emphasis on philanthropy, specifically favoring community and educational needs.

Female owners are clearly adding value to their family enterprises, with striking differences in their firms' performance and organizational characteristics. From a competitive standpoint, these women owners may be the new management gurus to watch. 

Reprinted with permission from Women's Business November 2003
 

What Is A Brand

Guest post by Anna Lieber

A BRAND IS A PROMISE TO THE COMMUNITY
A Daycare Center promises moms to care for their children as if they are their own. A CPA promises clients financial expertise, honesty and integrity. What is your brand promise? 

A BRAND IS A BLEND OF ATTRIBUTES CREATING A PERSONALITY
The Daycare Center’s brand personality reflects its service: lively, colorful and fun. The CPA’s brand materials project reliability, trust and stability. Does your brand personality look and feel authentic? 

A BRAND IS EVERY POINT OF CONTACT
Each time someone touches your brand, it makes an impression. So each point of contact is a genuine opportunity – whether prospects receive your promotion, hear your pitch or voice message, visit your site or try out your product or service. Are you making the most of each
brand touch point? 

A BRAND IS AN EMOTIONAL BOND
A brand is an emotional attachment which fosters loyalty. Every connection must contribute a positive feeling to the relationship. A brand aims to be engaging, informative, memorable and compelling. Is your brand gaining loyalty and market share? 

A BRAND IS A PROCESS DEVELOPED OVER TIME
Your brand should project a unified, compelling message throughout all channels. It’s built over time through research, self-analysis and focused development. The CEO is the leader of the brand but in large organizations, the CEO gets help from Marketing and Brand Directors. 
Are you leading your brand? 

A BRAND IS YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET
Think of this. If Coca Cola suddenly lost all its factories, production plants and materials, it could rebuild. But if it were to lose its collective brand memory with consumers, the company would go under. Need we say more?
 

A GOOD BRAND
Stands for one thing and one thing only. 
Focus is everything. 

A GOOD BRAND
Knows it’s audience. 
Who are you selling. What do they want? 

A GOOD BRAND
Knows what it’s talking about. 
Information is power. Stay informed.

A GOOD BRAND
Communicates a consistent message. 
Repetition is everything.

A GOOD BRAND
Never copies the competition. 
Innovate. Lead by being different. 

A GOOD BRAND
Is visually compelling and verbally engaging. 
Good design and creative copy are everything.

A GOOD BRAND
Uses show and tell, rather than sell. 
Demonstrate, give samples but don’t bore us.

12 Steps To Sponsorship Success

Guest post by Sylvia Allen
Author of How To Be Successful At Sponsorship Sales
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Sponsorship selling will be even more difficult than in the past. Why? Pending recession, reduced budgets, greater demand (on the part of sponsors) for validation of a return on their investment (ROI) and, of course, more competition. It's not just the major leagues going after sponsorship dollars. Both for profit and non-profit organizations have "jumped on the bandwagon" and recognized that corporations will invest money in their events IF there is some marketing value and payback to them for that investment.

Selling sponsorships is not a matter of buying a mailing list of potential buyers, writing a direct mail letter, putting together a "package", mailing everything out and waiting for the telephone to ring with people offering you money. It's a nice dream but the reality is much more complicated (and time consuming) than that.

Before getting started you should have a definition of sponsorship. The following definition is by no means perfect; however, there are some choice words that help you purse your sponsorship sales with a good foundation. Sponsorship is an investment, in cash or in kind, in return for access to exploitable business potential associated with an event or highly publicized entity.  The key words in this definition are "investment", "access to", and "exploitable". 

First, investment. By constantly looking at sponsorship as an investment opportunity, where there is a viable payback, no longer are you talking to someone about a payment of cash or money. Rather, use the word investment which automatically implies that value will be returned to the investor. Second, access to which means they ability to be associated with a particular offering (event, sport, festival, fair … you name it). Lastly, exploitable, a positive word which means "to take the greatest advantage of" the relationship. In other words, allowing the sponsor to make the greatest use of their investment and capitalize on their relationship. 

Don't underestimate the value of your local events and local opportunities. Your read so much about the multi-million dollar deals you forget that there are many more small deals … $500, $2,500, $5,000. These can be as simple as vertical street banners (which offer great exposure for a very cheap cost per thousand) to title sponsorship of the local parade or festival. Once you have gone through the 12 steps you will have a better understanding of how to put together sponsorship offerings, what words to use, and how to not only price but evaluate, on a post-event basis, what you provided to the sponsor.

If you take these basic 12 steps you will be assured of greater success in your sponsorship endeavors. 

Step 1 … Take inventory

What are you selling? You have a number of elements in your event that have value to the sponsor. The include, but are not restricted to, the following:
· Radio, TV and print partners
· Retail outlet
· Collateral material … posters, flyers, brochures, table tents, payroll stuffers, bank and utility bill stuffers, etc.
· Banners
· Tickets: quantity for giving to sponsor plus ticket backs for redemption
· VIP seating
· VIP parking
· Hospitality … for the trade, for customers, for employees
· On-site banner exposure
· Booth
· Audio announcements
· Billboards
· Product sales/product displays
· Celebrity appearances/interviews
· Internet exposure

And, you can think of more. Look at your event as a store and take inventory of the many things that will have value to your sponsors, whether it be for the marketing value or hospitality value. Take your time in making up this list … time spent at the beginning will be rewarded by more effective sponsorships when you get into the selling process.

Step 2 …Develop your media and retail partners

Next, approach your media and retail partners. They should be treated the same way as all other sponsors, with the same rights and benefits. You want to negotiate for air time, with radio and television, and for print coverage with newspapers and magazines. (You can always try for money but be happy to settle just for barter … you really need this inventory to be competitive with other people seeking sponsorship money from the same sponsors you will be approaching.) This inventory of media can then be included in your total sponsorship offerings to prospective sponsors. 

The retail partner offers you a store relationship for various products. For example, if Walgreen's is your retail partner, they have shelf space, end of aisle display opportunities, weekly flyers, in-store audio announcements, bag stuffers, on-bag promotions and register tape advertising that can be offered to your product sponsor such as Tums or Schick razors. Because sponsorship has to become more and more accountable, and offer a strong ROI, this retail relationship is vital to ensure the success of your product sponsorship.
In fact, after taking your inventory steps 2 and 3 are done almost simultaneously as you must have something to give to your potential media and retail partners that describes the sponsorship. Briefly, here's what is important to these two key partners.
Media

Your event offers the media an opportunity to increase their non traditional revenue (NTR). You have an audience, sampling opportunities, sales opportunities and multiple media exposure that the media people can offer to their own advertisers. Many times an advertiser asks for additional merchandising opportunities from the media. Your event offers them that opportunity. You can let them sell a sponsorship for you in return for the air time or print coverage. Just make sure it is always coordinated through you so they are not approaching your sponsors and you are not approaching their advertisers. From radio and TV you want air time that can then be included in your sponsorship offerings. From print you want ad space and/or an advertorial (a special section). In both instances you are getting valuable media to include in your sponsorship offerings to your potential sponsors.

Treat your media just like your other sponsors. Give them the attendant benefits that go with the value of their sponsorship. When the event is over, they should provide you with proof of performance (radio and TV an affidavit of performance; print should give you tear sheets) and, conversely, you should provide them with a post event report 

Retail

A retail partner … supermarket, drugstore, fast food outlet … offers you some additional benefits that can be passed on to your sponsors. And, with a retail outlet, you can approach manufacturers and offer them some of these benefits.

For example, once you have a retail partners the following opportunities exist:
· End cap or aisle displays
· Register tape promotions
· In-store displays
· Store audio announcements
· Inclusion in weekly flyers
· Weekly advertising
· Cross-promotion opportunities
· Bag stuffers
· Placemats (fast food outlets)
· Shopping bags

Again, as with the media, even though this might be straight barter, treat the retail outlet as you would a paying sponsor. They are providing you with terrific benefits that can be passed on to your other sponsors, a tremendous value in attracting retail products. And, as with the media, have them provide you with documentation of their support … samples of bags, flyers, inserts, etc. In return, you will provide them with a post-event report, documenting the benefits they received and the value of those benefits.

Step 3 … Develop your sponsorship offerings

Now you can put together the various components of your sponsorship offerings so you are prepared to offer valuable sponsorships. Try to avoid too many levels and too "cutesy" headings. Don't use gold, silver and bronze. Don't use industry-specific terms your buyer might not understand. (If the buyer doesn't understand the words they probably won't take a look at the offering!). Simply, you can have title, presenting, associate, product specific and event specific categories. They are easy to understand and easy to sell. Of course, title is the most expensive and most effective. Think of the Volvo Tennis Classic or the Virginia Slims Tennis Classic. The minute the name of your event is "married" to the sponsor's name the media have to give the whole title. Great exposure for your title sponsor. 
The first step in preparing for your initial sponsor contact is to prepare a one page fact sheet that clearly and succinctly outlines the basics of your event (the who, what, where, when of your property) and highlights the various benefits of being associated with that event (radio, TV, print, on-site, etc.). Sample following.
_______________________________________________
HIGHLANDS BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP FACT SHEET

LOCATION: Downtown Highlands, NJ

DATES/TIMES: 40 events from May 1-December 31, 2XXX including craft shows, bike tours, car shows, cruise nights and holiday activities

ATTENDANCE: 50,000 All demographic groups with average attendees 30-45 year old, professional, married with children. Visitors come from all over NJ with a concentration on
attendance from people in Monmouth County. 

SPECIFIC ACTIVITIES: Food, fireworks, entertainment, crafters, rides, vendors… everything you have come to expect in the way of family entertainment on the Jersey Shore.

MARKETING Booth Space
OPPORTUNITIES: Large street banners, Vertical banners, Audio announcements, Inclusion on posters, flyers, etc. On-site signage

PROMOTION IDEAS: Product sampling
Database development (register to win)
Product sales
Contest/promotions
Premium incentives
Couponing/bouncebacks
Cross-promotions/sponsor partnerships

SPONSORSHIP OPTIONS RANGE UP TO $7,500 INCLUDING BOOTH DISPLAYS, TITLE SPONSORSHIP, HOSPITALITY PACKAGES, PRODUCT AND CATEGORY EXCLUSIVITY … LET US TAILOR ONE FOR YOU!

Allen Consulting, Inc. 732-946-2711

###

Step 4 … Research your sponsors

Learn about your potential sponsors. Get on the Internet, read the annual reports, do a data search on the company, use the Team Marketing Report sourcebook … find out what the companies are currently sponsoring, what their branding strategies are, what their business objectives are. Become an expert on your prospects … the more you know abut them the better prepared you will be for their questions and the easier it will be for you to craft a sponsorship offering that meets their specific needs.

Be prepared to discuss the sponsor's individual marketing strategies with them when making the sales call. KNOW YOUR SPONSOR'S BUSINESS BETTER THAN THEY DO THEMSELVES! You will have to answer questions quickly and intelligently during the sales process … know everything about their brands, their sales goals, their sponsorship strategies.
Know and understand that there are different departments, with different budgets, that can spend money on sponsorships. These departments include, but are not restricted to, advertising, marketing, public relations, product management, brand managers, human relations directors, multi-cultural marketing managers, office of the President and even a sponsorship director! Look for different opportunities within the same company.

Step 5 … Do initial sponsor contact

Then, pick up the telephone. When you reach the correct person, don't launch right into a sales pitch. Rather, ask them several questions about their business that will indicate to you whether or not they are a viable sponsor for you project. Questions could be "Based on what I have read on your company, it appears _____________________________________ (fill in the blank with your knowledge.) Is that true? Are you interested in maintaining/increasing your profitability? Are you interested in creating a better environment for your employees (or attracting new employees, or rewarding current employees)? Make sure you ask questions that can be answered with yes.

Also, make sure you are talking with the decision maker. How do you know if they are the decision maker? During the questioning process, ask "Is there anyone else you want involved in this discussion?" That way they can give you another name without being intimidated that they are not the final decision maker.

One of the questions is always "How do I get past the gatekeeper?" If you can't get through the gatekeeper, make the gatekeeper your friend and ally. Explain the program, explain the benefits of participation and get him/her to make the appointment for you Another concern? How to get through voice mail. Don't leave long, boring messages. Never leave more than three messages. Dial around … try to get a real person … talk to the operator … have the person paged … get their e-mail address and send a note … call early in the morning … late in the day. In other words? Be creative!

Step 6 … Go for the appointment

Once you have had a brief discussion, try to get the appointment. If they say, "Send me a 'package'" respond with "I'll do even better than that. I've prepared a succinct one page Fact Sheet that highlights the various marketing and promotion components of my event. May I fax it to you?". Then, ask for the fax number, send it to them right away and then call back shortly to make sure they received it. If they have received it go for the appointment. Explain that the fact sheet is merely a one dimensional outline that cannot begin to describe the total event and you would like to meet with them, at their convenience, to show them pictures, previous press coverage, a video … whatever you have. Follow the basic sales techniques of choices .. Monday or Friday, morning of afternoon. Don't give them a chance to say they can't see you.

If it is a company that is too far for you to meet with face-to-face, make an appointment for a telephone interview. Have them write that appointment in their book, just as if it were an in-person conversation. Send them a package of information that they can have in front of them when you are speaking with them so they can follow along with your discussion and presentation.

Step 7 … Be creative

Once in front of the sponsor, be prepared. Demonstrate your knowledge of their business by offering a sponsorship that meets their specific needs. Help them come up with a new and unique way to enhance their sponsorship beyond the event. For example, if it's a pet store, come up with a contest that involves the customers and their pets. Or, devise a contest where people have to fill out an entry form to win something. Think about hospitality opportunities … rewards for leading salespeople, special customer rewards, incentives for the trade. Be prepared to offer these ideas, and more, to help the sponsor understand how this sponsorship offers him/her great benefit.

In many instances, it is up to you to lead the discussion. Often a potential sponsor will turn to you and say "I don't know how to make this work." This is where your knowledge and research will prove invaluable since you will have given thought, beforehand, to how they can maximize their participation in your event.

Step 8 … Make the sale

The moment of truth … you have to ask for the sale. You can't wait for the sponsor to offer; rather you have to ask "Will we be working together on this project?" or something like that. You will have to develop your own closing questions. Hopefully, as you went through the sales process, you determined their needs and developed a program to meet those needs. And, you certainly should have done enough questioning to determine what their level of participation would be. Keep in mind that different personality styles buy differently which means you must select from a variety of closing techniques to ensure the right "fit" with the different personalities. 

As with any sale, once you have concluded the sale, follow up with a detailed contract that outlines each party's obligations. A handshake is nice but if the various elements aren't spelled out there can be a bad case of "but you said" when people sometimes hear what they want to hear, not necessarily what was spoken. Make sure you include a payment schedule that ensures you receive all your money before the event. If not, you could suffer from the "call girl principle". The only exception to this rule? If you are working with a Fortune 500 company they will want to hold back 10% until after the event as insurance against not getting full delivery. It's a normal practice and, if you've done your job, nothing to worry about.

Step 9 … Keep the sponsor in the loop

Once you have gone through the sales process you will want to keep your sponsor involved up to, and through, your event. See if their public relations department will put out a press release on their involvement. If they do, make sure you have approval rights before it is sent you. (You want to make sure that your event is being presented in the proper light, just as you want to assure your sponsors, with your releases that their marketing message is being presented properly.) Show them collateral as it is being developed - posters, flyers, banners, table tents, invitations, etc. - to make sure they are happy with their logo placement. (With fax and e-mail this is now a very simple process.) Make sure they are kept up-to-date on new sponsors, new activities … whatever is happening. Discuss their marketing needs with them … make sure the contest or other activity they are doing is being followed through on. The more you involve them in the process the more involved (and committed) they become.

Step 10 … Involve the sponsor in the event

Involve your sponsor in the event. Don't let a sponsor hand you a check and say "Let me know what happens". You are doomed to failure. Get them to participate by being on site … walk around with them … discuss their various banner locations, the quality of the audience, the lines at their booth, whatever is appropriate to their participation. Take time to participate in the various hospitality offerings with them. Introduce them to other sponsors … talk to their representatives. Do everything possible to ensure positive participation and, of course, reinforce this participation as a prelude to renewal!

Step 11 … Provide sponsors with a post-event report

There's a very old saying regarding presentations: "Tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them." The post-event report is the last segment of this saying. Provide your sponsors with complete documentation of their participation. This should include copies of all collateral material, affidavit of performance from your radio and TV partners, tear sheets, retail brochures, tickets, banners, press stories… whatever has their company name and/or logo prominently mentioned or displayed. This should all be included in a kit, with a written post-event report that lists the valuation of the various components, and presented to the sponsor with a certificate of appreciation for their participation. Use a formula that encompasses Cost Per Thousand (CPM) because that is language your sponsors understand from their media buys. If you have done your pricing properly, you can use those same figures in your post-event report. Be consistent and be honest. If you are doing it the right way, you will deliver at three three times their investment, just in marketing value. And, a 3:1 ROI is great … certainly assurance of renewal!

Step 12 … Renew for next year

Now, if you've followed these 12 steps carefully, renewal is easy. In fact, you can get your sponsor to give you a verbal renewal during your event (if it is going well) and certainly after you have provided that sponsor with a post-event report that documents the value of all the marketing components he/she received. You should try for a three to one return on their investment. In many instances it will be even more than that if you have delivered as promised!

Conclusion

Selling isn't easy; however, if you follow these 12 steps it will be easier because you will have done your homework and will be prepared to discuss the sponsorship intelligently. These 12 steps make selling fun!

12 Web Site Errors: Are You Guilty?

Guest post by Anna Lieber

1. YOU PRACTICE DIY (DO-IT-YOURSELF) WEB DESIGN
Do you fix cars and do dentistry also? Don’t practice on your web site. Find an expert developer. Poor web design speaks to the world.

2. YOUR NAVIGATION ISN’T SIMPLE AND USER-FRIENDLY
Nothing turns a prospect off faster than getting lost in a maze of tricky sub-pages. The home page should be a direct link to all features. Elegance is simplicity and a Simple interface translates to positive user experience. 

3. YOU DON’T OWN YOUR OWN DOMAIN NAME
Nothing says amateur hour and undermines credibility more than a domain that ends in some fly-by-night company name. And a known telecom advertises their brand, not yours. Get a domain. 

4. YOUR CONTENT IS POORLY WRITTEN
If you don’t write well, engage a writer. Poor grammar, spelling, and technical jargon are a turn-off. Be relentless in proofreading. 

5. YOUR COPY IS WRITTEN FOR THE PRINT WORLD
A recent study cites 79% of web users scan. Only 15% read every word. Lengthy prose won’t cut it in cyberspace. Sound bites and good headlines will. Half of your print word count works. So does one idea per paragraph. Where’s that writer?

6. YOU DON’T PROVIDE USABLE INFORMATION
It’s not just about you or promotional fluff. What’s in it for the user? Is your site informative and relevant? Why should they come back?

7. YOU DON’T UPDATE YOUR SITE REGULARLY
Stale copy has never won readership. Change is vital. Display latest news prominently. 

8. YOU RELY ON BELLS AND WHISTLES
Fancy tricks don’t impress. They just slow things down. And waiting makes online readers angry. They won’t wait. They just move on.

9. YOU DON’T PROMINENTLY DISPLAY YOUR CONTACT INFO
Your company name, street address and phone are required for credibility. Nothing is more frustrating than having to search for how to reach you. Self-sabotage is not a good business idea. 

10. YOUR SITE IS INTERACTIVE BUT YOU’RE NOT
If you have an email form on your site, answer the email when you get it. 

11. YOUR SITE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE YOUR BUSINESS CARD,
If your brand look and personality aren’t reinforced through consistency, how will you create memorability? 

12. YOUR SITE DOESN’T HAVE A CLEAR CALL TO ACTION
Extend your offer. And make it easy for people to buy. If your business extends over a wide geographical area, list a toll-free number. If you aren’t asking the reader to take the next step, you’re blowing a huge opportunity. 

Ten Phrases That Should Be Banned From the Workplace Forever

Guest post by Darlene Price
Author of Well Said!: Presentations and Conversations That Get Results

Do the top leaders and successful managers use specific words to achieve success? Are there words and phrases that should be avoided at all costs? Yes indeed!

You’ve got to know your audience and tailor your content to meet their needs. Being sincere, natural, enthusiastic and passionate go hand in hand with maintaining good eye contact and being calm and polite.

It’s also crucial to learn that there are certain words and phrases that are certain to cause damage to one’s progress. If you want to maximize your success as you climb the career ladder, and avoid slipping, here are her top ten phrases to stop using in the workplace.

1. AVOID: “I can’t do that” or “That’s impossible” or “That can’t be done.”

Even though you may feel this way on the inside, these negative phrases are perceived by others as pessimistic, unconstructive, and even stubborn. Your boss, peers and customers most likely want to hear what CAN be done. Instead say, “I’ll be glad to check on that for you” or “What I can do is…” or “Because of company policy, what I CAN do is…”

2. AVOID: “You should have…” or “You could have…” or You ought to have...

The words should, could and ought imply blame, finger-pointing and fault. There’s no quicker way to upset a boss, colleague or customer than to suggest they’re guilty of something (even if they are). Instead, take a collaborative approach. “Please help me understand why…” or “Next time may we adopt an alternative approach….” or “I understand your challenges; let’s resolve this together…”

3. AVOID: “That’s not my job” or “I don’t get paid enough for this” or “That’s not my problem.”

If you’re asked to do something by your boss, co-worker or a customer, it’s because it’s important to them. Therefore, as a team player, goal #1 is to figure out how to help them get it accomplished. Even if it’s not in your job description, by saying so displays a career-limiting bad attitude. For example, if your boss lays an unreasonable request on you, reply by saying, “I’ll be glad to help you accomplish that. Given my current tasks of A…B…and C…. which one of these would you like to place on back-burner while I work on this new assignment?” This clearly communicates priority; reminds the boss of your current work load; and subtly implies realistic expectations.

4. AVOID: “I may be wrong, but…” or “This may be a dumb question, but…” or “I’m not sure about this, but…” or “This may be a silly idea, but…”

Eliminate any prefacing phrase that demeans or negates what you’re about the say. Instead, get rid of the self-deprecating phrase, drop the ‘but’, and make your comment.

5. AVOID: “I’ll try.”

Imagine your boss says to you, “I need your proposal by 10 am tomorrow for the customer meeting.” Your reply is, “Okay. I’ll try to get it finished.” The word “try” implies the possibility it may not get finished. It presupposes possible failure. Instead say, “I’ll get it finished” or “I’ll have it on your desk by 9am.”

6. AVOID: “I think…”

Which of these two statements do you find to be more effective? “I think you might like this new solution we offer.” vs. “I believe (or I’m confident) you’re going to like this new solution we offer.” The difference in wording is fairly subtle. However, the influence communicated to your customer can be profound. Reread each sentence. The first one contains two weak words, “think” and “might.” These words make you sound unsure or insecure about the message, and subtly undermine your credibility. Notice how the second sentence is confident and strong. Replace the word “think” with “believe” and strike the tentative “might.” That’s a statement from someone who believes in what he or she saying.

7. AVOID: “…don’t you think?” Or, “…isn’t it?” Or “…okay?” 

To convey a confident commanding presence, eliminate validation questions. Make your statement or recommendation with certainty and avoid tacking on the unnecessary approval-seeking question. Don’t say, “This would be a good investment, don’t you think?” Instead say, “This solution will be a wise investment that provides long-term benefits.” Don’t say, “I think we should proceed using this proposed strategy, okay?” Instead, make a declaration: “We’ll proceed using this proposed strategy.”

8. AVOID: “I don’t have time for this right now” or “I don’t have time to talk to you right now.”

Other than being abrupt and rude, this phrase tells the person they’re less important to you than something or someone else. Instead say, “I’d be glad to discuss this with you. I’m meeting a deadline at the moment. May I stop by your office (or phone you) in this afternoon at 3pm? 

9. AVOID: “…but…”

Simply replace the word “But” with “And.” The word “but” cancels and negates anything that comes before it. Imagine if your significant other said to you, “Honey, I love you, but . . .” Similarly, imagine if a software salesperson said, “Yes, our implementation process is fast, easy, and affordable….but we can’t install it until June. The “but” creates a negative that didn’t exist before, offsetting the benefits of fast, easy, and affordable. Replace the “but” with “and” and hear the difference: “Yes, our implementation process is fast, easy and affordable, and we can install it as early as June.” Most of the time, “and” may be easily substituted for “but,” with positive results.

10. AVOID: “He’s a jerk” or “She’s lazy” or “They’re stupid” or “I hate my job” or “This company stinks.”

Avoid making unconstructive or judgmental statements that convey a negative attitude toward people or your job. This mishap tanks a career quickly. If a genuine complaint or issue needs to be brought to someone’s attention, do so with tact, consideration and non-judgment. For example, when discussing a co-worker’s tardiness with your boss, don’t say “She’s lazy.” Instead say, “I’ve noticed Susan has been an hour late for work every morning this month.” This comment states an observable fact and avoids disparaging language. 

10 Marketing Mistakes: Are You Guilty

Guest post by Anna Lieber

1. YOU SPEND TIME ON SALES, BUT NOT ON BRAND BUILDING
Sales flow more easily, once you’ve built a brand with a point of view. 

2. YOU SPEND MORE TIME SECOND-GUESSING YOUR CREATIVE TEAM THAN SELECTING IT
Once you’ve selected a great team for their expertise, let them do their job which is to make you look good. 

3. YOU DON’T HAVE A CREATIVE TEAM
If you wouldn’t let your nephew fix your car or your teeth, why would you let him mess with your company brand? It’s just as important. 

4. YOU HAVE NO STRATEGIC VISION
It’s essential to develop a shared vision, with all members of the team pulling in the same direction. 

5. YOU HAVE NO MARKETING PLAN
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there. Creating a dynamic, actionable plan is the foundation for control over your marketing. And planning is not a one-time event, it’s a process. You don’t know where to begin? Call me quick.

6. YOUR POSITIONING STATEMENT IS WEAK
You don’t have a positioning statement? You don’t know what a positioning statement is? Check the Q & A above.

7. YOU HAVE NO SPECIALIZATION
A specialist will usually win over a generalist. Find a special niche and communicate it convincingly. Passion plus experience attract clients. 

8. YOU CREATE DIRECT MAIL FOR THE CIRCULAR FILE
If you have no strategy, no position, no call to action, no contact information, it’s pointless. Take 5 steps back to strategic vision. 

9. YOU HAVE NO MARKETING SYNERGY
What’s that? A mix of marketing initiatives will get your pipeline flowing. 

10. YOUR BRAND IS DULL
You have no brand personality. Don’t take it personally. Change it. 
Strategize. Then add some snap, crackle and pop. 

Top 5 Maxims about Business Partners and Money

Guest post by Nina L. Kaufman, Esq.
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog!

They say that "love is blind," and that often applies to women entrepreneurs in taking on a business partner. They become so enamored with the prospect of working with a partner that they lose sight of whether this person makes business sense. A successful business partnership has to address both things: partnership and business. As a woman business owner, and advisor to many more, here are the top 5 things to keep in mind about money . . . and partners: 

1. If you're not earning enough, get out. If you and your partner can't afford to live on what the business generates, you may have to face that what you're doing, how you're doing it, or those with whom you're doing it isn't working. 

2. Corollary to #1: Know your needs as they grow and change. When I had started an earlier business, I was single. By the time it ended, I was married and actively trying to get pregnant. These changes in lifestyle also changed my perspective on work, available time, and income needed. 

3. Become financially literate. If you're reading this, literacy isn't an issue. But few of us are taught to read numbers and financial statements. Pay close attention to P&L reports and balance sheets - and seek outside guidance to fully understand what they tell you. Not looking at them is tantamount to sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "la-la-la" as loudly as possible to avoid facing whether your business partnership makes sound financial sense.

4. Don't let friendship obscure business. This is an Achilles heel for many women business owners. We want to be able to nurture a friend/business partner through tough times. It's in our nature. But when the nurturing takes on a financial dimension (say, a business partner wants to take more than her fair share out of the business), you have to set boundaries. Otherwise, you risk foregoing your salary, dipping into credit lines, or suffering an unfair tax burden. 

5. Uncover your partners' "money mindsets." How do your partners handle their personal finances? Are they in debt? Have they ever filed for bankruptcy protection? Do they pay their creditors timely? These are clues to how they will handle financial dealings with you. How do your partners talk about money? Are they optimistic and prosperity-conscious? Or is there an undercurrent of "I'll never make it"? One of my former partner's favorite phrases was "I'm so broke, I can't pay attention." It took me quite a few years to realize how that mindset influenced everything she did.

Business partnerships are like marriages. Money is the main reason they break up. So be absolutely sure that you and your partners share the same attitudes toward money and financial goals. Because at some point, a business partnership has to be about business to be profitable. 

Ten PC Tips for Communicating with a Diverse Audience

Guest post by Simma Lieberman

By learning to speak to a diverse audience, you can broaden your client base transfer the learning to more people. We need to be more "PC". Were not talking "political correctness", were talking "Positively Conscious", of who is in our audience and understanding how to make people feel included. The more people feel included, the more they will listen to you, use your information and come back for more. If you offend people they will shut down and you will lose them.

1) Use words that include rather than exclude. While some women don't mind being called ladies, in a professional setting the word women is more appropriate. Be "positively conscious" of pronouns when discussing hypothetical cases. I have been inn workshops where the facilitator spoke as though all managers were "he" and all administrative support were "she". Metaphors are very effective. Remember to mix them. Don't use only sports metaphors. Have a balance. In Europe when they think of football they think of soccer. Be aware that people have different abilities. Instead of telling everyone to stand, you might say everyone who is able please stand, and have a way for others to participate in the exercise. 

2) Learn the demographics of the audience before your presentation, and prepare. 

3) Do not assume everyone shares your religious beliefs. 

4) Look at everyone in the audience and smile at them. Speakers can have a tendency to visually relate to people who look more like them. Assume everyone wants to be valued. 

5) Do not use humor that puts down any particular group. If you are not sure, get feedback from others. 

6) Examine your assumptions about people who are different than you. Be open to letting go of those assumptions. 

7) Do not be afraid to ask for the correct pronunciation of someone's name. 

8) If someone has an accent and you can't understand them, ask them to repeat what they said slowly, because what they are saying is important to you. 

9) Use methodology in your presentations to accommodate different learning styles. Visual Auditory Kinesthetic

10) Be comfortable with silence. In some cultures that can mean respect and attention. Be comfortable with direct interaction. In some cultures that can mean respect and attention. Be comfortable with saying, " I don't know."

Powerful Brand Leadership

Guest post by Anna Lieber

Q. How do we define a brand today?

A. A brand is a promise to the community. It is an emotional connection which promises a certain level of quality, honesty and integrity whether it applies to a person, a product or service. 

If you have a daycare center, your community is the mothers in your area and you are promising reliability and excellent care for their children. If you are a CPA, your community may be businesses or individuals who need tax consulting, and you are promising honesty, integrity and a high level of competence. If you are a jobseeker, you yourself are the brand and you promise a high level of commitment to anyone who receives your resume. There is a great deal of competition in every area. Today, you can’t even get a date without marketing yourself. 

Some brands seem to grow magically, like Starbucks, for example.

A brand needs to be relevant to the times. There’s a good reason why we drink coffee at Starbucks today and not Chock Full o’ Nuts. Starbucks recognized the need to create a coffeehouse community. They grew their brand quickly, and without advertising, simply by recognizing a need in society so they could be ahead of the curve, and creating a great brand experience. 

Q. How do you create a brand?

A. Too many people think a brand is simply a logo. A brand identity is much more. The brand is a personality expressed by how you look, how your office looks, your letterhead, your web site and promotion or your resume, how you answer the phone, in short, through every means of communication. 

The brand personality will be very different for the daycare center (colorful, fun and energetic) than for the CPA (dignified, businesslike and conservative). A brand must be appropriate and descriptive of the business or individual through its look and feel. Sometimes it helps to start with the key words which describe your business. 

Q. How do you know if you are being strategic? 

A. Strategize who you are, what you’re selling and who your target audience is? Decide exactly what you stand for and develop a set of key messages which answer the questions: What can I offer? What is my core competency? What do I specialize in? What do I believe in? 

It is imperative to strategize by analyzing yourself and then your competition. In marketing we do a SWOT analysis. SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Understand thoroughly who you are. Determine your unique point of difference. What distinguishes you from your competition? And don’t forget, what could you do better? It’s easier today to do competitive research or competitive intelligence than ever before because of the internet. 

Make sure you know what your clients want. Only then can you fashion products and services that are marketable and build an image which is credible, relevant, unique and durable. 

Q. How do you create a corporate identity?

A. So now you are finally ready to create a brand identity, a visual representation. The brand identity becomes a powerful tool in getting your message out. It may be a logo or type treatment which you integrate into every communication whether it’s a letter, a web site, an email, a resume, a product package or a service brochure.

Do not create it yourself unless you are a graphic designer. And don’t let your nephew in high school do it. You wouldn’t let him fix your car or perform surgery on you. Don’t let him experiment with your brand either. It’s far too important. If you can’t afford a designer, hire a design student through one of the design schools. Although they are beginners, they’ve had design training which is essential.

A powerful brand identity creates memorability through repetition. Create a letterhead, business card and envelope which all match. When you develop a web site, integrate the same look here.

Once you have a brand identity, how do you get the word out? 

Start by creating key messages about yourself, your product or your service. Then market these messages every chance you can – to everyone you know. You have a database – even when you start out. It’s your address book. Tell everyone you know what you are doing whether it’s through a letter, a postcard, a web site or verbally via your elevator speech. That’s the basis of networking. We all use our networks to find a doctor, a babysitter, or a job, or to buy a house. And we need to spread the word about our business in the same way because no one knows you are out there until you tell them. 

Q. What is an elevator speech? 

A. Figure you are in an elevator and going up to the 10th floor. You meet someone and you must tell them in two to three sentences what your business is, or what position you are seeking. It should be succinct, compelling and answer the questions, who you are, what you do – and most important, why they should care. The key is there needs to be a benefit. What’s in it for them – or if they can’t use your service, what’s in it for your target audience – because surely they know someone who could use your services. The elevator speech needs to be scripted and to roll off your tongue without thinking.

Q. So an elevator speech is a networking introduction?

A. Networking is essential in marketing our businesses. It’s the key to getting what we need in life because we are all part of a community which shares information. That leads me to the role that content and knowledge management play in creating a brand. 

Q. What do you mean by “content”? 

A. Brands today are required to be brainy and to have a “brand voice”. You have information to share. And you will want to figure out how to share it so that you and your brand look smart to the right people, your target audience, those who have a need and are qualified to buy your product or service. You want to engage them to create interest and credibility. 

With so much information out there, how does creating content help my client?

In our cluttered environment, your role is to simplify the process for the client who has too many choices. You are the “portal of trust,” a term coined by Robert Reich “The Future of Success”. You, the expert, will navigate the waters for a client who is terrified to make a mistake. 

Q. What types of marketing initiatives will prove your credibility?

A. Use your brand to show yourself as an expert. Create content on the web, write an article, run a workshop, send an email newsletter. Even a simple promotional letter outlining your accomplishments of the past year can be instrumental. Your clients may not know what you’ve done for other clients. Start what I call a clipping campaign. Send your clients and prospects articles of interest. Selling today is not really about sales. It’s about starting a dialogue and being a resource. 

And marketing is not about advertising. It’s information sharing in a global community. It’s about creating a brand personality which represents you and your company in a way that creates maximum credibility and visibility. Educate those around you and give them something of added value. In the “New Normal,” a leader in business or in life needs to connect by creating a brand, then make a contribution to the community, and success is sure to follow. 

Marketing vs. Sales

Guest post by Anna Lieber

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do." – Henry Ford. 

Business owners often confuse marketing and sales. But the distinction is really simple. Marketing is communicating what you do to generate prospects and increase visibility. Sales is converting prospects into clients. You need both. Here’s why. 

First, we all know commitment takes time. Before you marry, you date to get to know one another. Doing business is similar. It’s what we call the “know, like and trust” factor. 

Second, marketing is an ice breaker that warms up your leads. Prospects can be confused because they don’t understand how to judge your expertise. Sometimes they don’t even understand what you are talking about. Your knowledge base is simple to you but it’s a foreign language to them. 

Marketing educates prospects and helps take the fear and uncertainty out of a buying decision. It moves them from a flying leap to a more comfortable leap of faith. It’s that trust factor. The discount clothier Syms says “an educated customer is our best customer”. And we’ll add an educated customer guarantees a better experience for all. 

Third, marketing attracts new prospects. A company which markets all the time, via traditional, viral or guerrilla techniques, in good economies and bad, slow times and busy times, has the edge. Marketing generates brand awareness leading to a larger pool of warm leads and greater success.

Strategic marketing provides a select audience – you attract interested prospects instead of needing to track them down. Attracting rather than chasing – what could be better? A known brand is the comfortable choice. It makes decision making intuitive and creates raving fans.

Sales or converting prospects to clients is the next part of the process. There are various sales methodologies but most use a variation of these steps: qualifying leads, approaching them, presenting or demonstrating, probing for needs, answering objections and closing the sale. 

Sales skill is essential in moving prospects from stage to stage but marketing ensures prospects feel good about the decision. Expert selling is consultative and meant to create lasting relationships. And marketing continually communicates your expertise. 

The bottom line: Sales success is facilitated by good marketing. Marketing plus sales is the winning equation.

Viral Marketing: Buzz Your Way To Success

Guest post by Anna Lieber

“An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.” – Victor Hugo

VIRAL MARKETING is getting a bad rap, in part due to its name. Nobody wants a virus, medical or computer. But what exactly is viral marketing? It’s simply word-of-mouth via email. Maybe we should call it buzz marketing instead. 

Why is viral marketing successful? Everyone likes a free sample. It’s a time-honored strategy – give away a taste of the pie and then sell the whole pie. 

DIGITAL MESSAGES spread rapidly and easily at a fraction of the cost of other marketing vehicles. People are social and as they communicate, your message takes on a life of its own. Each time it’s transmitted the circle of receivers grows exponentially creating ever-widening exposure. 

As a marketer, I like that idea. Provided your message is clear, useful and compelling, tasteful and legitimately delivered. 

HOW TO CREATE BUZZ WITH VIRAL MARKETING

€ publish an ezine, encouraging people to forward it to their network

€ send email news releases about free articles on your web site

€ create a giveaway like a CD or ebook to showcase your expertise

€ ask clients to write testimonials and feature them on your web site

€ trade web links with synergistic businesses

€ write an article, submitting it to various informational sites

€ add an email signature including your contact info and offer

ADD VALUE Use viral marketing to spread the word about your expertise and products. But can the corny jokes and pyramid letters. Send information of real value to your target audience. Be extra careful not to overdo frequency or reveal email addresses publicly. 

How to Turn Your Favorite Movie Star into Your Success Coach

Guest blog by Maria Grace, Ph.D
Author of Reel Fulfillment: A 12-Step Plan for Transforming Your Life Through Movies

How would you like Kevin Costner to coach you on how to resolve work problems and make more money?

Would you like Diane Lane's advice on how to grow stronger from a divorce and meet your real soul mate? Or Michelle Pfeiffer's guidance to raise your kid as a single parent? 
In my practice as a psychotherapist and life improvement mentor, I teach my clients how their favorite movie stars can become their personal success coaches, in five simple steps. You can try the same steps to change your life. All you need are your favorite movies and the desire to succeed. Here's how:

1. Identify three top qualities you love in a movie character. Why do you love a movie character? Is it only because of the looks or because of certain qualities this character portrays in movies? This step asks you to identify these character qualities, name them, and write them down. Make a list of the three most important qualities. This is how my client Tracy applied this step to win her weight-loss battle. Tracy had a fixation on Julia Roberts because of the actor's thin looks. But after I asked Tracy a few questions, she realized that she liked Julia Roberts because the characters she portrays in movies show remarkable qualities that Tracy desired for herself. In "Erin Brockovich", Julia Robert's character shows determination and patience. In "Mona Lisa Smile", she shows loyalty to her values and courage. In "Runaway Bride" she corrects her self-sabotaging patterns with men. And in "Notting Hill" she follows her heart. Tracy's list of three top qualities was: loyalty to her values, patience and courage. 

2. Identify your most present problem life area. Is it money, your love life, lack of self-motivation, difficulties with your kids? Pick the problem area that is the most present. Now, go to your list of three qualities. You will discover that you are not applying at least two of them. If you do, your problem area will improve quickly.  In this step, Tracy discovered that her most present problem area wasn't her weight, but communication with her boyfriend. She also realized that she wasn't applying all three qualities on her list. She didn't show loyalty to her values or patience with her shortcomings, or courage to follow through with her decisions. 

3. Choose one quality and apply it through actions. From your list, pick one quality that you know you can practice with success. Write down one thing you can do to practice this quality with your family, friends, and coworkers. Be consistent and practice this new behavior for a week-by then, you'll see results. Tracy chose "loyalty to her values" and decided to practice it by sticking to her choices and not giving into her boyfriend's opinions. She chose to say "This is how I like it," every time her boyfriend pushed her to agree with his ways. 

4. Ask your favorite movie character for help. There will be times when you'll experience drawback, get impatient, or need encouragement to stay focused. Don't despair. Take a break from practice and watch your favorite movie. Afterwards, have a private, imaginary dialogue with your favorite movie character, like you'd do with a dear friend. Ask for help, advice and support. Note the answers you get. Tracy learned how to "talk" to Julia Roberts and find the strength to stay firm in her beliefs. She practiced those imaginary dialogues a few times, until she realized that she no longer needed Julia's "help". Now she could say "This is how I like it" and mean it. 

5. Move on to the next quality. Be persistent and you will soon begin to see significant changes. Don't stop there. Success builds on itself. Once you have internalized the first quality of your favorite movie character, move onto the next. Practice it for some time and enjoy more improvements in your life. You can do it!  

After Tracy proved that she could stay loyal to her values, she moved on to practicing patience. Within days, she noticed a difference in her attitude. She stopped obsessing about her weight and felt more self-confident, relaxed and hopeful. Her body responded: the weight started coming off. "I thought you were kidding about me watching Julia Roberts' movies to lose weight," she told me smiling, in our last session. "But now I see that you wanted to me to find my happily ever after in real life just as Julia Roberts finds hers in the movies."

How Women Leaders Discover Their Own, Powerful Leadership Brand

Guest post By Suzanne Bates
Author of Discover Your CEO Brand: Secrets to Embracing and Maximizing Your Unique Value as a Leader

Most of us fully appreciate the importance of a brand to a luxury hotel chain like Ritz Carlton, an online service like Zappos Shoes, or a new product like the IPad. But what do people mean when they talk about personal brands? And, why as a women in business, do you need a brand, anyway? 

In essence, a brand is a thought (accompanied by a feeling) that lives in the mind of another person. Your brand is the shorthand way people think about you. In marketing, there’s a saying -“a brand is more than a word; it’s the beginning of a conversation.” The question you have to ask, as a hard-working woman in business, is what’s the conversation people are having about you?

Most women I know need to invest more in building their brands. During a decade as the CEO of an executive coaching firm that has clients in world-class companies, I’ve learned that women just don’t do enough to make themselves known. Women need to make a name in business. If you are successful, have a busy life, and are juggling many priorities, you may have let that slide. Perhaps you undervalued the importance of building an industry-wide reputation. Perhaps like many women, you have now realized that hard work and loyalty alone will not get you to the top. You appreciate that strengthening your reputation would help - you’re just not sure what works. 

To begin, think about women leaders who are brand names. You can’t help but notice they have at least one thing in common – a well-understood brand that burnished their reputations. In short, their name stands for something. And often that brand defines the very DNA of the organizations they lead.

Women with Powerful, Personal Brands

Anne Mulcahy’s passion for the people and culture of Xerox Corporation rescued the once-great American brand from near extinction and restored it to profitability. Since Mulcahy grew up in the company, part of her brand was an unwavering belief in the Xerox values – which when communicated, ignited new energy and made people at Xerox believe in themselves. 

Diane von Furstenberg’s iconic, figure-hugging wrap dress, a 70’s sensation, came roaring back to fashion in the 2000’s, a testament not just to the timelessness of her creativity but also the way she sees women. In her early years she was a jet-setting model and former princess; today she celebrates the beauty and strength of women. Fearless about looking older, eschewing Botox, her brand today is about natural confidence, at any age.

Mary Kay Ash launched her own cosmetic company after she was passed over for promotion in the company for which she worked, even though she was the highest seller there. Her success came from giving great sales incentives to consultants who earned them by being top sellers. She believed in giving women the opportunity to succeed, and that helped her build an empire.

What Women with Strong Brands Can Teach Us

Those are all compelling examples; however, you may be wondering what these women can teach you about building your own brand. The answer is – a lot! They had the courage to stop, take a look at who they were, and understand it, and then the confidence to communicate that image to the world. You can follow the same blueprint for success, by first acknowledging the importance of building your own brand. 

Why is it important to know your own brand, and communicate it to all of your important audiences?

If you work for a company, when the executives of your organization go looking for the leaders of tomorrow, they are seeking not just women who are highly competent, but those who are influential. They will promote exceptional leaders who have accomplished something, brought people together around a common goal and inspired their success. 

If you are CEO, or entrepreneur, when your clients, employees, vendors, board, stakeholders or investors think about you, they want to see not only a competent business person, but an authentic leader who has a powerful vision. They want to hear and see what you stand for, how you are taking your company to the next level, and what values are guiding your success. 

Who Are YOU?

Your brand, or reputation, is at the most fundamental level, answers the question “Who are you?” And when people understand this, and believe in you, you have influence in any arena. How do you discover your brand? By analyzing the lessons of your life and career! 

Think back on your experiences; the good, bad and ugly. Those events, all those ups and downs represent character-building moments that taught you important lessons. When we work with executive and professional women, whether in our executive coaching programs, our boot camps, or in strategic communications projects for their companies, we continually go back to this treasure chest of experiences. We get leaders to tell us the stories, and then communicate who they are to all their important audiences.

When people know your story they come to trust you and believe in you; this opens the door to opportunities you never imagined. Your brand values, well-communicated, have that much impact. While your brand may seem like an intangible asset, the effect of communicating who you are is enormous. 

Personality, Presence, and Brand

What are the elements of a strong, leader brand? Is personality important? Sure, it’s one aspect of who you are. But it isn’t the sum of your brand. You may be analytical, smart, outgoing, engaging or a good listener, and these are good qualities, but not a brand. Likewise, the outer you – often referred to as executive presence, from wardrobe and grooming to body language, all matter. Your energy and a healthy lifestyle count, but they also are just elements of your brand; a reflection of the inner you. 

So Who Are You?

The core of your brand is your character; the values that define you. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “Character is like a tree and a reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” Your brand, or character, is what is authentic about you. Your skill in communicating casts the shadow that becomes your reputation.

The first step to discovering your brand is to embrace the idea that you have a brand, that it has power, and that you can harness it to accelerate your career. Then, you can share these values and lessons to stand out as a leader, attract people to you, win trust, influence decisions, align your team and drive forward with your vision.

Women, especially, must take care do this. It is vital to become known. You are competing with men who are out there, unafraid to let people know who they are. It is a generalization, and there are exceptions, however many women still today tend to work hard and hope someone will notice. Going on this journey is an act of self-love and an investment in your dreams. 

As a woman, you’ve probably heard the advice that you should “toot your own horn,” or “tell people about your accomplishments.” I detest this advice. It’s uncomfortable, for a good reason. Nobody you like likes to brag. And nobody likes a bragger. I’m suggesting something very different – telling a story that shares a value. This still gives you that swagger and communicates who you are, but it doesn’t make you seem arrogant. Great leaders balance confidence and humility, and your stories must do the same. 

The approach to finding these stories is to understand the lessons of your life and share those lessons with others. These lessons are a way of getting at the values that are essential to defining who you are as a person and a leader. Paint a picture of what matters most to you and your organization. As you collect these stories they become the anthology of your leadership and part of your legacy. In our Boot Camps, Discover Your Brand retreats, and Storytelling for Leaders workshops we help women do this – find the stories and make concise, powerful, and relevant points to their audiences.

7 Strategies for Successfully Building Your Brand

What can you do? Here are 7 strategies for success.

1. Identify a story from your life and career that was pivotal; a success, failure, challenge or obstacle. Have a friend talk you through the story. What happened and what did you learn about yourself? Don’t make yourself the “hero” but rather look for the lesson that might be relevant to others. 

2. Share the story with your team, a mentor, or important audience; be sure again to highlight not how fabulous you are, but rather the value that you discovered which is important to leadership.

3. Make yourself visible by speaking more often at your company. Use stories as the primary vehicle. Rather than just giving an update on a project, selling your service or giving a presentation on your area of expertise, share how you know what you know; be candid about what’s happened, what you’ve learned and how those lessons made you, your team or company successful. This is a great way to build your brand and your company brand. 

4. Get to know people who share your values. Look around inside and outside your organization at the people who walk their talk, who demonstrate the values that resonate for you. Hang around with leaders who motivate, inspire and stand for something. These can be mentors, or colleagues, in which case, you can help each other.

5. Write articles for industry publications or blogs and websites that highlight not only what you know, but how you lead, why it works, and how others can also be successful. A bylined article in a trade or business publication, a blog, or guest blog, is one of the most powerful ways to build your brand. 

6. Speak at industry events and conferences to raise your profile and again talk not just about products and services, but a way of doing things that highlights what you believe in. Share the stories that highlight the “you”- don’t be afraid to bring yourself out on the platform, to really connect with people in an authentic way.

7. Become a leader in your industry by joining professional organizations, being on the boards, serving on committees, even becoming president. Be sure that the organizations to which you lend your name are aligned with the brand values that are important to you – your name associated with a great organization is a phenomenal brand builder.

Recently, I posted a personal story in my blog, about a challenge I faced in when I was about to change careers. I hadn’t lost my job, but I’d lost my mojo, and I shared the truth about how I found it again. This article received an enormous response, such heartfelt messages. Even though I hear from readers every week, it cemented for me the power of sharing personal stories with brand lessons. To read that article and look at an example of how you to tell stories, go to www.thepowerspeakerblog.com and look for the article titled, “A Personal Truth.”

If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be to think about your brand, and communicate your brand. People need to know about you. The “who you are” and the “who knows you” will be a deciding factor in your success. 

How To Think on Your Feet....Seven Steps for Successful Speaking On The Spot

Guest blog by Darlene Price
Author of Well Said!: Presentations and Conversations That Get Results
www.wellsaid.com

"So, Karen, you’re recommending that we migrate our current systems to a brand new platform? How do you plan on avoiding the disaster that happened with our Detroit division who tried this two years ago? Surely you’re not recommending we do the same thing.” 
If you're Karen, you've just been put on the spot. You have to answer the question clearly, confidently and concisely so that you dispel the CEO's concerns and gain approval on your proposal. What do you say? How do you say it? What if your mind goes blank? 
Mastering the art of thinking on your feet is an essential career-building skill. Not only does it reveal how confident, credible and composed you are, it ensures your ideas are heard and acted upon. 
Whether you’re answering Q&A after a presentation, responding to your boss in a meeting, or interviewing with the press, you don’t have to ‘sweat it’ when you’re in the hot seat. Try these seven steps for successful speaking on the spot.

-1. Relax. You want your voice to sound confident and your brain to think clearly, so you have to be as relaxed as possible. This is of course is the opposite of how you are feeling so you must intentionally take steps to ‘manufacture’ relaxing affects. Take a few slow deep breaths – this relaxes the body and the mind. Be sure to avoid a pensive scowl or furrowed brow by consciously keeping your facial expressions neutral to positive. Silently affirm yourself by thinking, “I can do this.” “I’m confident and in control.” “I’m the expert on this subject.” Remember, your audience can only see how you look and act on the outside; they never see how you feel on the inside.

-2. Listen. Often when we are in a high pressure situation and the adrenalin is pumping, we don’t stop to hear the actual question or concern of the speaker due to the static in our own minds. To make sure we understand the question and give the appropriate answer, focus intently on the other person. Look at him or her directly in the eyes. Hear exactly what is being spoken. Observe the speaker’s body language. This shows attentiveness, prevents distraction and increases comprehension. Try to interpret what is being said ‘between the lines.’ Is this a legitimate objection or an attack? Is it a simple request for more information or a test? Why is this person asking this question and what is it they really want? 

-3. Repeat the question, if appropriate. Especially in a large meeting or public setting, restate the question loudly enough for everyone to hear. This gives the questioner the opportunity to clarify the question, or more clearly articulate it the second time. In the process, you gain more time to think and formulate your answer. Also, restating allows you to take control of the question and re-phrase or neutralize it if needed. 

-4. Ask a clarifying question. If the question is too broad and you want to narrow the focus before you can effectively answer, ask them a question first before you respond. This ensures you reply with a more meaningful helpful answer, plus it shows you care and are listening. For example, in the above scenario, Karen could have asked, “Which aspects of the Detroit migration concern you the most about this project?”

-5. Pause and Think. Silence, used appropriately, communicates you are in charge of the situation and comfortable in the setting. When you pause you look and sound poised and confident. Avoid the temptation to answer too quickly – even though you may have the perfect reply. This often results in speaking too fast and saying too much. A well-timed pause to collect your thoughts tells your brain to slow down. It also helps you organize and prioritize the content of your answer. 

-6. Use an organized structure. In addition to anxiety, another key reason we freeze or go blank when placed on the spot is because so many ideas begin to stream through our minds at once. Avoid verbalizing that stream of consciousness (also known as rambling, or winging it). Remember, the questioner does not want or expect you to give a speech on the subject. What they do want is a clear concise answer with just enough supporting information to satisfy their concern. This requires on-the-spot structure. Limit yourself to two, no more than three key points with a statement of evidence under each. For example, here’s how Karen could have responded to her CEO: 
“Yes, Bob, I do recommend we migrate our current systems to the new platform. There are three main reasons why this transition will successfully avoid your Detroit concerns: First, the new platform features 99% defect free software…(give one or two statements of supporting evidence).
Second, it integrates seamlessly with all our systems…
And third, our migration strategy ensures no downtime for our customers…” 
By focusing on two or three main points, and giving just the right amount of supporting evidence, you sound confident, clear and concise. 

-7. Summarize and Stop. Conclude your response with a quick summary statement and stop. Most likely, a brief period of silence will follow as listeners are absorbing your message. Resist the common error of filling this silence with more information. If you ramble on with more details, you may end up causing confusion, belaboring the point, or opening up a can of worms. Here’s how Karen could have summarized: “So Bob, in summary, I do hear and appreciate your concerns; however, my team and I have thoroughly reviewed the challenges of the Detroit migration, and we’re confident the plan for our division will succeed. With the new bug-free software, seamless integration, and customer uptime, our strategy will deliver all the benefits outlined in the proposal and ensure the success of our company and customers.” 
Thinking on your feet means staying in control of the situation. Remember to relax your body and breathe deeply. Listen actively to the questioner. Repeat their question if necessary, and ask them a question if necessary to narrow the focus. Use the reflective pause to aid clear calm thinking. Then, when you’re ready to speak on the spot, be sure to apply a solid structure – limit your answer to three key points with brief supporting evidence under each. Summarize your points and stop. By practicing these simple steps, you will come across as a confident, credible, and trustworthy expert who knows how to think on her feet and speak on the spot. 

How To Get Your Consumer Invention to Market©Guest

Guest post by Joan Lefkowitz
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog!

So you have an idea for an invention? What do you do now? The most successful hair accessory in history, the TopsyTail, made 100 million dollars. This did not happen by miracle or chance. The key was a well-conceived and executed plan. Following an informed approach will help you turn your invention into a bonanza of extra income.

Getting Started: 

The Ideabook
Keep a bound ideabook of your invention idea. Date your entries. Draw it. State what it is, how it’s done and for whose use? Examine possible variations. Add and define over time.

Get it Notarized
If your idea still seems brilliant after a month or two, get it officially confirmed that you conceived your invention idea on a particular date, and have your notes notarized. This may help if you, at some point, need to prove that you were ‘first to invent’ that idea.

Seek and Search
Do your own patent search to ascertain if your invention is original and prospectively patentable. Go on the internet to uspto.gov and study all patents in the product category of your invention to see if something like yours already exists. Better yet, use a professional patent searcher who will do a thorough search and may advise the patentability of your invention. Go to an inventor’s association, books on inventing, or websites such as patentsearchinternational.com, to find resources.

Create the Initial Prototype
Use simple materials to rig it up, to see if it works. Some of the most successful consumer inventions today started as pipe cleaner, coat hanger wire or foam rubber embryos.

Get Educated
Educate yourself on the inventing process. Go to a bookstore or inventorhelp.com and review the plethora of books written on the subject. From Patent to Profit by Bob De Matteis is particularly informative.

The Non-Disclosure Form
This is an Agreement signed between you and anyone you reveal your invention to. It states that the information and materials belong to you and cannot be used without your written permission. It allows you to show your invention to parties who might be helpful in bringing your product to market such as prototypers, product evaluation services, manufacturers, packaging designers, licensing agents and marketers. Variations of the Non-Disclosure form are easily accessible in invention books and on the web.

Moving Ahead

Analyze Costs to Produce
Ascertain what the costs will be. Research domestic and foreign resources. Add up all costs to manufacture a unit of your product. Include molds, packaging, naming and trademarking, promotion, marketing, distribution and mark-up. Seek sources through the Thomas Register, libraries, the yellow pages, the web, Chambers of Commerce, foreign trade bureaus and referrals.

The Evaluation Process
Analyze the benefits and features, strengths and weaknesses of your invention.
Can it have longevity in the marketplace?
Is its timing aligned with market trends? 
Research the size of the potential market. 
Identify your competition. Question why a retailer would buy your product if they can do business with experienced, multi-product, well financed suppliers, who may take back unsold products and replace them with ongoing new items? Visit the marketplace and talk with managers and consumers. If your product represents a significant improvement or simplification in the way that something is currently done, you have a better chance of breaking through to success.

Get a Professional Prototype
Have professional prototypes made, the quality of which can be shown to potential retail buyers. For sourcing suggestions, see ‘Analyze Costs to Produce’.

Protect Your Idea
Apply for a provisional patent yourself. This can be done by downloading the application from the patent office website: uspto.gov. The provisional patent will secure patent pending status for the invention for one year during which time you must apply for a non-provisional patent, if desired, or lose the option to get the invention patented. Using a patent attorney to make the application for the provisional patent secures more complete specifications of the invention and lays the groundwork for an effective non-provisional patent application.

The Non-Provisional Patent
Your patent attorney files your non-provisional patent application. If the patent is rejected on examination by the patent office, as most are, the attorney will respond with revisions. This may reoccur several times before your patent is finally granted or rejected. This process can take up to two years. If a patent is issued it becomes your personal asset for twenty years. Like other assets, you can lease or sell it to earn income.

To Market, But How? 

Licensing
The inventor has the choice to license the invention to a manufacturer in exchange for a royalty percentage in sales. Typically, an inventor can expect to receive royalties of between 3 to 7 percent of net sales. The most efficient way to secure a licensing agreement is to hire a licensing agent with expertise in the field of your invention. The licensing agent is conversant in the language and varieties of licensing agreements, can advise you on options and help negotiate the agreement. Licensing agents ordinarily charge between one-third and one-half of your royalty fees. Royalties are an excellent way to create supplementary income.

Manufacturing
Manufacturing and distributing your invention entails higher financial risk but can reap greater profits. If you have the time, financing, manufacturing connections, a storage and distribution point, bookkeeping and legal skills or assistance, sales and marketing channels and mainly the desire to be your own boss; this may be the route for you. 
Teaming with specialists and hiring outside sales representatives to grow your business can create economies of scale. Successful manufacturing and distribution of a protected product can provide you with active income. 

Ideal Client Profile

Guest post by Anna Lieber

Every business needs to generate referrals to new clients. So it’s imperative to know who we want as clients. A prospect is someone who has a need, ability to pay and the authority to make a decision to buy. But to design a better business, one which is more profitable and enjoyable, we want to be aware of first-class prospects, those who are likely to be our very best clients.

A ideal client is one you most enjoy working with, who is receptive, committed and can successfully use your product or service. They understand what you do and appreciate the value you bring. They may have purchased your type of product or services before and therefore require less time and education.

The most qualified leads come via referrals. Therefore the more specifically you can define your ideal client, the more likely you can communicate to get the right referrals. And the more focused your target, the easier to determine how and where to market. 

Develop your ideal client profile. Analyze your best clients using the following criteria:
€ gender, age
€ income, education
€ position, industry
€ type, size of of company
€ need or problem
€ professional organization
€ trade magazines, newspapers

Use the profile in your conversations. Let others know the kind of people you want to work with and how to recognize them. Once you’ve determined your ideal client, you’ll find it’s a lot easier to find them. 

THE POWER OF GOLF IN BUSINESS

Guest post by Kalliope Barlis
Author of Play Golf Better Faster: The Classic Guide to Optimizing Your Performance and Building Your Best Fast

There are several reasons golf is the most often played sport by 90 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs. The following benefits associated with the game are the most valuable to people in busi-ness: 

The Golf Course as a Meeting Room
Many executives wisely leave the office to discuss important business deals and choose the golf course as their meeting ground. During a round of golf, all players are enjoying themselves. When someone is looking to buy a product, he or she has plenty of places and people to buy it from. So who will make the sale? The underlying truth behind all sales is feelings—specifically, good feelings. When someone feels good around you, that person is more likely to buy what you are offering. During a round of golf, you have plenty of time between shots to build rapport and create a lasting connection for future business deals while you close the deal on the course. 

Golf Reveals the Content of a Person’s Character
A golf player reveals much about his or her character while playing the game. Golf is the most challenging game because it starts from a moment of stillness that triggers into a sophisticated movement. It causes people to behave in ways that tells us much about how they respond to the world around them. A golfer who remains steady through good shots and bad shots often indicates how he or she behaves in business. Successful golfers play methodically and with precision, showing that they are able to deal with anything that comes their way. 

Utilize Strategy and Plan for the Future
Golf requires strategy. When a golfer views an aerial perspective of a hole—from tee to green (on the GPS system or yardage book)—it is easier to plan a strategy for where to land the ball to have an easier shot to the hole. Although this does necessitate motor skills, it is the creativity of someone’s mind that enables them to avoid hazards and land the ball in the target. This requires future planning, which when applied to business, illustrates the ability to avoid hazards and do what’s best for a business to achieve their target goals.

Golfers Reveal Their Honesty
Greg Norman removed himself from a tournament because he had two different brands of golf balls in his bag. No one may have ever noticed. But he did. Subsequently, he self-imposed his own disqualification. He played by the rules when no one was looking. A golfer reveals much about his honesty while scoring and playing, which mirrors his or her honesty in a work envi-ronment. Often, golfers are more trusted in business because the game requires honesty. 

Golfers Are Equal to Each Other
Golf allows people with different skill levels to play together on an equitable level as a result of the USGA handicapping system. This means that a CEO with a high handicap can play with a business affiliate with a low handicap. Some players with a low handicap may throw off their game and allow a person they are playing with to win just to seal a deal. This will likely backfire, as their dishonesty (see above) will surely be obvious. The handicapping systems was created so that all levels of golfers may enjoy fair competition and win fairly. Fair competition regardless of who wins the game is paramount in business.

Golf Is Happiness
Moe Norman—the most consistent ball striker of all time—said, “Golf is happiness.” And indeed it is! When you play golf with ease and with the goal of playing your best game, the level of en-joyment is increased for all the players. When people are happy, they make good business de-cisions. Play your best and become a catalyst for those decisions. 


You have the opportunity to reveal who you are in business while playing golf by: 1) Treating your client as your equal, 2) Approaching life with integrity and honesty, 3) Having a strategy that makes the most of your present moments to optimize your future, 4) Dealing with challeng-es, strategically and avoiding hazards to progress and achieve your goals. In this way, you cre-ate a foundation for long-lasting business alliances with golf as the link that connects you to your next finished deal. 
www.BuildingYourBest.com

Five Aptitudes for Female Business Success

Guest post by By Catherine Kaputa
Author of The Female Brand: Using the Female Mindset to Succeed in Business

Ever since a certain assertive female decided she wanted to eat from a certain forbidden tree, influential women have been loved, hated, glorified, vilified, and misunderstood.

Our modern time is no different.

Yes, we've come a long way from the fifties and early sixties, when career women were viewed as a lesser version of men, and urged to pursue service-oriented "pink jobs," such as nursing and teaching. However, today our ranks in the corporate workforce still thin out above midlevel. Today, women comprise less than 3 percent of senior executives in Fortune 500 companies. So, whether we are boomers, Generation X, or Gen Y, we're still not where we want to be. 
Do you know this woman? She could be in your office, she could be a friend, or she could be you. She doesn't lack talent or work ethic, but her life and career aren't on track. It can be hard for her to strike the right tone in the office. If she's too nice, she's viewed as weak and not up to the job. If she's too assertive, she's criticized for being severe. She seems to work harder than the men—for less rewards. She's suffering from an ailment that mainly affects women that I've dubbed "Female Behavior Confusion Disorder." 

So what's a woman to do? Well, for one, we have to stop trying to act like men in the workplace. Strong brands—products or people—are always built on authenticity. Don't fight your nature. Instead, build on your innately female strengths and inclinations.
Research in gender studies points to key aptitudes that can propel career success for women —what I call "The Top 5 Female Aptitudes for Branding and Business Success." Not all women have these qualities, and many men have these qualities as well. However, these are areas in which women tend to be stronger. You can use these five aptitudes to help you in the workplace.

Aptitude # 1: Social Perception. Women are wired for empathy, the ability to read and identify the emotions and feelings of others through a sense of similarity—to walk in their shoes, as it were. MRI studies show that most women use both hemispheres of the brain to process emotional messages, while most men use only one hemisphere, giving women an advantage in picking up subtle non-verbal clues. Many women are also strong in intuition—it's called women's intuition for a reason. 

How to use it in the workplace. Intuition can give you another source of information beyond rational analysis. Pay attention to what's going on behind the scenes. In meetings, for example, if something feels incomplete or not talked about, act on your hunch and initiate a follow-up, clarifying phone conversation. Empathy can be particularly helpful in business during tough economic times. Work on listening to others and asking questions. When people feel listened to and understood, they will pay you back by liking you and supporting you in return. 

Aptitude # 2: People Power. A lot has been written about the fact that women have the social gene, and it's something that starts early. In one study, even one-day old baby girls were more fascinated by faces (or organic things) and boys more fascinated by inorganic things, such as mobiles. Playground studies of boys and girls point to interesting differences in how boys and girls play and relate with each other. Girls tend to pair off and play together one-on-one or with a small group. Boys tend to play with one group and then move to another larger group.
How to use it in the workplace. Women are born to network and make strong emotional connections. Use your social skills to build as many professional alliances as possible. Leverage your "social gene" to get well-known around the office. Be a mediator and an influencer. In terms of your personal career goals, you can use your strong people skills to land new opportunities and positions in your company—and get noticed, recognized, and rewarded. 

Aptitude #3: Communication Agility. The female verbal edge is strong across the board. Girls, on average, start talking a month earlier than boys. Girls use a larger vocabulary at an earlier age, are better spellers and readers, score better on verbal memory or recall of words are markedly stronger writers. Women generally have better listening skills.
How to use it in the workplace. Use your wordsmith mastery to develop a virtual identity for yourself and for your company: blogs, websites, wikis, online newsletters, and so on. Solicit feedback early and often at work, and find mentors with whom you can discuss your ideas and development. Be an idea bridger and a meetings facilitator. Become known as someone who can grasp—and restate—others' points of view. Get practice as a presenter, and use your communications agility as a valuable business tool for promoting your great ideas and accomplishments.

Aptitude # 4: Vibrant Visual Identity. Brand managers use product design and packaging to develop a strong visual identity for their brands, and women have more tools available to them than men do for creating a strong visual identity in the workplace. While men wear a relatively boring uniform to work, women have a variety of "imaging tools" in clothes, colors, accessories, hairstyles, jewelry, and make-up. 

How to use it in the workplace. Michelle Obama is the poster girl for what a powerful tool visual identity can be. She has a casual, American elegance, yet her clothes convey subliminal messages too. Her striding self-confidence, fit body, and clean American designs with bold colors result in inspirational magic. She favors immigrant American designers, a choice that reinforces the President's political message. You can do the same. If you don't have the body of a fashion model, then do something wonderful with your hair and clothing. Work on your posture and gait. Think about what your visual image conveys, and find visual "props" that add originality and a confident, powerful statement. 

Aptitude # 5: Leadership that Includes and Empowers. One study of male and female group dynamics involved groups of pre-pubescent boys and girls, segregated by gender and given tasks to accomplish cooperatively. The girls used their social skills and worked together and formed a kind of committee. The girls all took part in discussions about how to accomplish the task, while the boys jostled about and picked a leader, who then directed the group on how to get the job done. Both had positive outcomes, but each gender used very different models. Women's inclusive, collaborative style of leadership is increasingly valuable in today's complex and interconnected global business environment.

How to use it in the workplace. Recent episodes of Celebrity Apprentice pitted women against the men—and displayed how their unique group dynamics gave the women a decided advantage. In the real workplace we can see the effect of these different leadership tendencies, too. Men tend to have a more directive management style, and women tend to have a collaborative style with shared decision making. Leverage your more inclusive leadership style so you can lead in a way that doesn't seek to have power over people, but empowers others instead. Consult others on important decisions. Create teams and a "personal board of directors" who can advise you—and be sure to include men too. Conduct brainstorming sessions. Give public credit to people when they contribute. Such a leadership style will result in loyal, committed, hardworking colleagues and employees and will give you a distinct advantage and reputation as a problem solver.  

Empowering Women Caregivers: 6 Steps to Reclaim Your Life and Relationships

Guest post by  Diana B. Denholm, PhD, LMHC
Author of The Caregiving Wife's Handbook: Caring for Your Seriously Ill Husband, Caring for Yourself

Terminal illness shatters lives and marriages. Fortunately, by following simple strategies you can learn to solve problems and quickly discover that your life and your marriage are not over! In The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook, you learn how to bring your marriage back--to uncover the love and caring you once experienced--as you discover options and choices to reclaim the closeness--and your loving bond. Learned communication is the key to these options and choices. It isn’t just talk!

Wives avoid discussing difficult issues with their husbands because they feel guilty, they're afraid it will upset them, they think it won't make any difference, or because they simply don't know how to do it! And that’s where the problems begin.

Do you experience common caregiver concerns? Mary and Mark are a very attractive retired couple. Mark is dying of Parkinson’s, and their advancing age makes it hard to handle the many unexpected changes that come their way. Watching her husband decline is incredibly difficult, yet she also has to deal with numerous concerns common to most caregivers. These include the day-to-day matters of her role in his care, her previous roles, her self-care, their ongoing lives, household management, sleep, sex and intimacy--all of which put strains on her marriage. Hygiene and appearance concern Mary, as they do many caregivers. Mark has lost a lot of weight, and his Parkinson’s caused his posture to deteriorate. Mary is concerned that others might think she’s failing in her “wifely duties” because he looks unkempt. So, she criticizes him, in front of others, saying he looks like he’s slouching in his suits. Mark, and everyone present, is deeply embarrassed--for both of them. Instead of having a private discussion, she inadvertently and repeatedly, breaks their intimate and loving bond. 

Using learned communication methods resolves concerns. Noticing other people’s reactions and realizing what she was doing, Mary decided she had to make some changes. Using my book, she learned the Six Step Communication and Resolution Strategy allowing her to compassionately and effectively communicate with Mark. Here are the six steps: 

Step 1. Bring it all out into the open--with yourself. Mary began with the 24-Question Planning Guide and wrote down, for her eyes only and without censoring herself, every concern or complaint she had about any area of her life. A typical list may include topics ranging from minor annoyances (Your ostomy bag smells bad. I can't take your complaining), to fears (How will I pay the bills after you're gone? You'll fall down if you don't use the walker), and everything in between (I'm sad we can't make love anymore. I wish I could get a break. I'm mad that you're still sneaking cigarettes. Your family takes me for granted).

Step 2. Choose your discussion topics. Next, Mary learned to organize her concerns so she could decide which things she would talk about with Mark. Four categories were all she needed: A--things I want to say but don't expect a response to; B--things I want to say but won't, because it won't make a difference; C--things I want to say but should only share with a friend; D--things I really need to talk about, know about, have resolved, or make a decision about. Category D are the topics you will discuss with your husband. 

No topic is off limits, but the wording you use and the way you express yourself will determine the proper category. For instance, saying, “You really stink and I can’t stand being around you”, isn’t off limits, but would go into C--only to share with a friend or confidant. However, saying “I’m concerned about your hygiene” is fine for Category D and sharing with your spouse.

Step 3. Familiarize yourself with easy tips that make communication more effective. Here are a few simple tips and techniques Mary learned: not asking "why" (you really don’t want to know why your husband leaves the toilet seat up, you just want him to change his behavior and put it down.); letting him keep his opinion, while changing his behavior (It’s all right if he hates his medicine, as long as he takes it.); reflective listening, where you repeat back to him what he just said, instead of interpreting (If you interpret what he says, it will stop a conversation dead in its tracks); using "I" statements (It’s more effective if you don’t presume something about another person by using the inclusive “we”); speaking his language, which means structuring your statements in the way he will most easily understand them (If he's very reason- and logic-oriented, for example, you might ask him what he "thinks" about something, rather than how he feels.). 

Step 4. Make a "talking date" with your husband. Using her new tips and tools, Mary set up a “talking date” with Mark. Rather than saying “We need to talk”–the phrase most men dread and which causes an immediate shutdown–Mary began, “Mark, I have some concerns about your appearance. I know I’m not handling that very well, so I’d like to talk about it. Would this evening be good, or would tomorrow morning at breakfast be better?” She used an “I” statement because, it wasn’t Mark’s desire to talk. Then rather than demanding the discussion on the spot, she gave two closed-end options, knowing that just asking Mark when they could talk probably would have been answered with, “Never! 

Knowing that some settings are more conducive to good conversation than others, Mary picked a lovely location for their discussion. Depending on your loved one’s condition, you may need to choose a place such as your living room or the hospital chapel or solarium rather than going to a park or out for a boat ride.

Step 5. Prepare for the "big talk." Before you have your discussion, you need to complete one more step. Take some time for yourself, look at your topic list, and briefly run the discussion through your mind—focusing on ways to encourage mutual respect. Remember that this is not an adversarial activity. Instead, you and your husband are going to collaborate to resolve issues and problems, or to plan a course of action. Then put away your list and notes. Make yourself as calm as possible. Pray, meditate, or just sit quietly. Avoid caffeine, cigarettes, and sugar which can make you hyper, and alcohol or drugs, which can cloud your thinking. 

Step 6. Have your talk, and create agreements. Having employed mutual respect and compassion in their discussion, Mary and Mark came up with several agreements about expectations for themselves and others. Agreements can be written down to include who will do what and when. This is particularly helpful with issues about family visits—“From now on, my family will only visit on Sundays, and only if we invite them." Occasionally, partners hit an impasse and have the option to agree to disagree on a topic in order to reestablish peace in the home. This is much healthier than continuing to argue over something that won’t change.

Now Mary has taken all the important steps on the path–the path to making life easier, and making her life and marriage work. She and Mark could now reclaim their loving bond.  www.caregivingwife.com