Overkill at Work

Guest post by Karlin Sloan
Author of Smarter, Faster, Better: Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership

Mitchell thinks he's impressing his boss by e-mailing her on weekends.

Eileen believes she's protecting her job by being the last one to leave at night.

Najit feels she's nurturing her client relationships because she never says "no" to a request.

What's wrong with this picture? Why are we killing ourselves? And how do these things really make us look? I'm all for hard work and dedication, but the last thing I want to see from my team is people burning themselves out-or putting on a performance for my benefit. 

Today I hear more and more "overkill" stories. The good news? They beg a conversation about energy management-versus time management-and why it's an increasingly relevant concept in a global, technology-fueled work environment.

By all accounts, "energy management" is a term coined by Nina Merer, a corporate trainer and coach practicing in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Merer's energy management programs took traditional time management concepts and turned them on their head-reframing them for prioritizing people's energy resources.

Energy management is both art and science. To better manage your energy, you need an equal amount of input to output. Deplete your energy stores without "recharging" them, and you sabotage your ability to work efficiently and effectively. 

It's great to demonstrate commitment and competence to your company, but how do you know when "above and beyond" becomes overkill and puts your energy at risk? The answer lies in three questions:

1. Is what I'm doing sustainable over time? 

2. Is what I'm doing something that really adds value?

3. If what I'm doing isn't sustainable and doesn't add value, 
am I gaining something important from it?

If you can't answer "yes" to any of these questions, you've got something to think about-and that's boundary setting.

Setting Boundaries: Rules of the Road

Follow these three simple yet powerful rules, and you can avoid sacrificing your "ROEI"-return on energy investment.

1. Your time and energy are valuable.

If you don't protect your energy, who will? Unless you are superhuman, you need to set up some parameters about when you will-and won't-jump to the rescue or go beyond the call of duty. Everything feels important-your boss, your customers, and your short- and long-term deliverables-so how do you balance it all? Prioritize the time that most feeds your energy-versus simply doing or reacting-and set clear expectations of what you can and cannot do. 

A coach on my team recently told this story: Two principals in a mid-sized organization hired Ken, an outside consultant, to facilitate an upcoming team meeting. When the principals expressed concern about holding the meeting in the company conference room-a space they had custom designed and built for their new offices-Ken asked them why. "Because we always get interrupted when we're there versus offsite, and it makes it impossible to get anything done." The interesting assumption here is that they can't set boundaries when they're in the office, but they can when they're at a remote location. It's not that other things don't crop up when they're offsite, it's that they just don't know about them. Their challenge was to set clear boundaries at the office-absolutely no interruptions-and, to be able to use their new conference room to do productive work. 

2. You don't have to kiss up to look good.

I agree with Dr. Wayne Dyer, well-known author and speaker in the field of self-development, who says, "We teach others how to treat us." At work, you teach others to respect you by respecting your own time and energy-and refusing to be at others' beckon call.

Stan, one of my executive coaching clients, is a key account director for a big-name global consulting firm. One of his clients is very demanding and frequently calls Stan at night and on weekends. Instead of "redirecting" his client to reserve these calls for business hours, Stan makes himself available 24/7 and works hard to meet every request. Unfortunately, this behavior is not sustainable nor is it adding any value. Stan's core belief-the client always comes first-is admirable, but what happens when that belief actually ceases to serve the client? Stan is often so physically and mentally exhausted that he doesn't do his best work. With good intentions, he has created a dynamic in which his client expects him to go above and beyond at all times-at all costs. Stan's challenge is to create a new dynamic, set limits, and show his client that he delivers his best work when he preserves his time and energy. 

3. You have a choice-sustainability or burnout.

To perform at the top of your game, it's critical to work in ways that stave off fatigue and burnout. Sustainable work practices support your ongoing role and responsibilities over time-not just in the heat of the moment.

One key is to stop blaming others for your overwork, and start taking responsibility for setting your own boundaries. Doc Childre, an expert on optimizing human performance and personal effectiveness, teaches that blame is one of the biggest contributors to low or lost energy. Sure, there are those "human" moments when you point a finger or complain about something or someone. In the end, however, you do have a choice. You can choose when to go above and beyond, when to set and stick to your boundaries, and when to adapt to a certain work environment-or to leave that environment if what you're doing isn't sustainable or adding value, or you're not gaining something important from it.

Oh The Places You'll Go

Guest post by Dr. Dee Soder

Transitions are difficult, but with a few basics and the right attitude you will succeed.

Anyone contemplating a job change in the current economic climate should spend at least an hour a day-two if the handwriting is on the wall. And regardless of level or age, read Dr. Seuss' terrific book "Oh, The Places You'll Go". In humorous verse and pictures, he gives advice on weathering the ups and downs we all encounter during the course of our careers: confusion and uncertainty, unexpected success, loneliness, finding fun, meeting people, taking charge, and the Great Balancing Act.

Will reaching your goal be challenging -yes. Fun-no. Require work-yes. Is the work worth it? Yes!! Per Dr. Seuss:

"And will you succeed?

Yes! You will indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)"


Tips for Moving On and Up

  1. Develop a self-summary that can be heard and easily repeated. If you're an analyst who's passionate about technology and good with creative people, say so. Test your self-summary on a clerk, neighbor, or manicurist-can they repeat it later?
  2. Have three introductions ready. One is very short, another is five minutes long, and the third is longer yet. For example, the shortest summary is for a quick intro at a party, the five-minute version when you just have a short time to talk and last is for an interview or if you're sitting next to someone at dinner. Most people neglect the first and second intros-and make their messages too lengthy.
  3. Make sure people know how to reach you. In emails, give time and phone number-translate any time difference and use their time zone. On voice mails, give your phone number early and slowly, repeat at end.
  4. Send thank-you notes promptly, generally the same day. Keep them short and don't over-sell in a thank-you note. Be careful with salutations. For example, "Hi Dave" to a potential boss or peer is wrong tone. Whether to use a note card, stationary, or email depends on the person and the context. For example, use email to write someone who is traveling and not apt to receive your note for a week. Generally thank-you notes sent by messenger or over-night delivery aren't appropriate and look too eager
  5. Waiting for an interview to start? Stand-you'll look and feel better ("How To Act Like A CEO", Fortune, Sept. 8, 1997.)
  6. Utilize an old IBM sales tactic-when you first enter someone's office, look around and notice what "doesn't belong". The hard hat, movie poster, or sailfish in an otherwise traditional corporate office has a story-ask about it. One client discussed sailing with the potential employer for 15 minutes before he was asked about work (he's since been promoted twice and gone sailing.)
  7. Have good questions. "What made you want to work here" is often a good early question because it gets the interviewer in a recruiting mind-frame. Questions about specifics during the interview will make it a conversation and demonstrate your diligence and knowledge of the company.
  8. Remember that executives often ask assistants and others for their impressions or to conduct an initial screen. Treat staff as professionals-they are. Patronizing flattery, condescension, manipulation attempts and similar behavior is inappropriate and unwise.
  9. Be the perfect, gracious guest when you visit a company. If the interviewer's assistant offers you a beverage, accepting a glass of water is perfectly fine. Requesting decaf, hazelnut-flavored coffee with skim milk and artificial sweetener sends the message that you're needy and high-maintenance.
  10. Don't fake it when asked about your experience or knowledge. It won't work and can be disastrous. Ask the person who falsely claimed fluency in German, or the person who implied friendship with a prominent lawyer, how they felt when facts surfaced.
  11. Turned down? Lost out on a job? Be gracious and follow with a thank-you for consideration. Keep in touch-you never know what will happen. Executives have good memories and many friends. There's always a chance you'll be considered for a similar position when it becomes vacant. Avoid the "I didn't want the job anyway" mindset.

Basics of Moving On and Up

The basics of transitioning are just that-basic to a successful transition.

  1. Decide you want to move-whether to a new area, new function or new company. Decide whether you'll put in the effort and time to make a change. The Olympics illustrate the importance of dedication, persistence and the right attitude. The gold medals go to the best prepared people, those who got up early, practiced (and practiced and practiced), and who had their goal always in mind.
  2. Luck happens-but don't count on it. And be prepared to take advantage if it does. Have your introductory spiel and resume ready, look and act sharp. You never know when a senior person may "drop by" unexpectedly, when you may get to attend a key meeting, or who you'll meet en route to a client. I met two CEOs while boarding an airplane and secured major engagements from them only a few months later. Most senior executives have advanced their careers via chance encounters. During a reorganization or merger, presence is especially important-look rested and confident. During busy times, an executive may pass you in the hall and make a decision as to whether you can handle more (Is she up to the task? Can he take the next step?). Of course, bad luck happens too. Plan ahead.
  3. Know yourself. Know your strengths, weaknesses, motives and quirks. Too often people think about whether they can get a job and not whether they truly want it. Be realistic. You may be a great salesperson for MegaCorp, but that may change with a new business card for a little-known company. Similarly strong coffee may help for a few weeks if you're not a morning person, but joining a company where everyone's at work by 7 or 7:30 doesn't make sense if you "come alive in the afternoon". If you're good in finance, but truly enjoy marketing and management-think twice before accepting a finance job. (In doubt? Then call and we can put you in touch with well-paid people who wish they had chosen differently.)
  4. Know where you're going. Develop a list of other jobs, areas, and/or companies that interest you and seem like a possible match to you. Not aware of other possibilities? Develop a preliminary target list. Some people recommend talking to contacts (networking). We don't-preferring to reserve those contacts for a later time. We recommend setting aside a few hours each week for research. The internet and the library are terrific resources. One executive recommends "spending a Saturday at the library and going through the last few years of Fortune or an industry publication, the last year of The Wall Street Journal…you get a feeling for growth areas and executives which you can refine later."
  5. Identify allies and sources of help. A list of friends, allies and contacts will be most helpful if it's written down. Keep adding to it as you think of new people and recall people whom you've helped. Review the list to see how they can help you with your target list. Some people will be able to provide background information, some introductions, etcetera. Wise use of this two list system (your target list and contact list) will ensure the proverbial win-win. It saves your allies time, enables them to be truly helpful and provides you with desired information easily and efficiently.
  6. Do your homework. Learn as much as possible about the people, job and business before you start discussions. The internet is obviously a great resource, but not the only one. For example, one person attended a venture conference in order to meet a future employer. Another person was able to overcome a staid banking stereotype by spending a day watching how people dressed, acted, and talked in his desired company, a technology venture. The work and time paid off. The banker became one of Apple's first employees (and a millionaire at an early age). Doing your homework can help you in a transition- both in getting an offer and avoiding a mistake by accepting the wrong job.
  7. Practice intros, greetings and interviews. Enlist a friend or relative's help, but to ensure maximum help, tell them you want to hear at least five flaws or things you can improve. Friends are often reluctant to be too critical. Remember, too, that you will act differently with a friend. One client I coached was great with his good friend, but nervous and sweating during practice with a colleague of mine. Leave yourself a voicemail to hear how you sound on the phone. Practice your handshake-a bad one is more problematic than most people realize. Don't let nervousness or a desire to show you "get it" result in your cutting people off, or finishing their sentences. Simply count to four after the person stops speaking and before you start.  
  8. Be cautious about whom you tell you're seeking a new situation. It's a competitive world. Plus even well-meaning friends can mention it to the wrong people or give the wrong slant with a detrimental result. At a recent workshop an attendee asked how to recover from a blunder-- the blunder? He asked a coworker if she knew of any jobs in advertising as a good friend wanted to move due to a bad boss….the coworker was the sister of the "bad boss". She was married, with a different name, and fortunately wasn't close to her brother. Certain situations and industries call for extra caution in transitions-approach them with a rifle, not a shotgun.
  9. Remember: employers are people too. Your future boss wants to work with someone who is thoughtful, follows-up, loyal, personable, honest, and shares similar values. So in addition to impressing a future boss with your skills and ability, demonstrate that you'll make her look and feel better on a daily basis. Thank her for considering you (send a follow-up note promptly.) Last week two senior clients expressed annoyance and amazement at poor etiquette and follow-through of candidates. If an email is appropriate, follow to make sure it is received. Make it easy for a potential boss to find you, especially if you travel. If you can't access your private email at work, are you checking it frequently? Slow responses will be interpreted as low drive and interest. Administrative assistants, search executives, assessment experts and others whom you may meet in search of "the right job" are part of your potential employer's family too. Remember employers will hire the best all-around person, not the smartest.
  10. Beware the dream job. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Keep the differences between recruiting and reality to a minimum by good questions and diligence. Then the surprises will be pleasant ones.

Per Dr. Seuss,       

“So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!”


Copyright 2009 CEO Perspective Group™, All Rights Reserved www.ceoperspective.com 

Oh No!" to Opportunity - Surviving the Pink Slip

Guest post by Diane Danielson

Slips happen. Specifically, pink slips happen to good people. It's a fact of life. Some of the most successful leaders have been fired or passed over for promotions. Take Andrea Jung, now CEO of Avon. Despite her achievements as the company's COO, she was initially passed over for the top job. And how about Oprah, who early on in her career was taken off the air in Baltimore and told she wasn't a good fit for television as an anchorwoman? Goodbye news, hello talk shows! Heck, if she had buried her head in the sand or moved to an even smaller metropolitan market, half of us wouldn't have known what to read for our book clubs.

When the unthinkable happens to you (yes, we could have said "if," but really, it happens to everyone), you've got options. You can (a) sit there at your desk muttering and squeezing a stress ball until the veins on your forehead pop out; (b) bawl to anyone who will listen; (c) initiate intensive chocolate or retail therapy; or (d) step right up to the table and start talking. Sure, (a), (b), and (c) may feel good for a while. But (a) and (b) won't pay the rent (or even pay for tickets to the play "Rent.") And (c) will just leave you feeling bloated or broke, and definitely guilty.

No one's suggesting that you don't have the right to sing the blues a little. In fact, it's a good idea to vent to a friend or significant other and engage in some self-therapy right after the catastrophe. Otherwise, you may waste time with your valuable networking contacts lamenting over the past instead of ramping up for your future. Spend a few days getting over your anger, hurt, and disappointment, and finding a few positives (things you learned while in that job or with that client; things you can do to ensure that you avoid similar catastrophes; or even appreciating the gift of time to pursue a pipe dream). With all that out of the way, you can now regroup, face the world, and do something about your situation. 
Shift gears into job hunt mode by first calling a brainstorming session with friends, mentors, former colleagues, etc. You can even ask close contacts to review your resume for editorial suggestions (an easy, non-intrusive way to slip someone your resume and have it proofread). This is also the time when you need to start building your job-hunting strategy, which will serve as a guide to keep you focused and make it easy for others to help you. 

With your strategy in place, it's time to make things happen by networking both efficiently and effectively. The following is a list of some simple things to try that can help you network your way back onto the career track. 

1. Get specific. Use your initial brainstorming sessions to develop a clear picture or idea of what you want to do. Better yet, find a company you'd like to work for or an individual whose job you've been lusting after for years. Convey these specifics to your contacts. While you may think this will limit the input you receive, you'll find that it really doesn't. Instead, it gives people a tangible idea of what you want. Most of the time, your contacts will come up with relevant alternative suggestions. 

2. Think back. What if you have no idea what you want to do now or you're considering changing careers? Think back to three interesting and fun projects that you've done in any part of your life (professional and personal). This could include running a church fund-raiser, mentoring a young employee, coaching your child's soccer team, or giving a major presentation. Write down the aspects of the projects you liked, the skills you used or developed, and why the projects were successful. Generally, a common thread appears that might give you some new ideas about a career direction. You also might be surprised by how different those projects are from your current career path.

3. Listen up. Still stumped as to whether to pursue your current path or make a major change in career direction? Think about what you like to do in your spare time. Is it mountain biking alone in the wilds or participating in a team sport? If you enjoy the camaraderie of the latter, then maybe freelancing on your own is not the best fit. Listen to your own personal likes and dislikes for career clues. Still perplexed? Turn to trusted, appropriate contacts and ask, "What do you see me doing?" If nine out of 10 people think you should be in sales rather than accounting, then maybe, just maybe, they might be on to something. 

4. Open wide. Don't dismiss the wild and wacky idea out of hand. Have an open mind! We often tend to like what we know. But by trying something new, something outside your comfort zone, you could find a whole new set of skills you never knew you had. Consider the job hunt as your own personal excellent adventure, with interesting people and surprising plot twists, and the possibility of a happy ending for all. 

5. Follow up. Follow up with every individual whose name has been provided to you by a contact. Even if it seems like a dead end. You never know whom else that new person might know. But this is where having a clear job-hunting objective comes in handy, because following up with a bunch of random and unfocused contacts is time-consuming. However, the alternative is not attractive. For example, if you don't appear interested, or fail to follow up on someone's suggestions, why would that person ever give you another name, suggest that someone else give you a name, or even listen for opportunities that might appeal to you? Some simple job-hunting rules of etiquette include:

§ Follow up in the way your contact requests -- via phone, e-mail, whatever.
§ When e-mailing a new contact, make the subject line crystal clear and include the name of the person who referred you. That way your e-mail won't be considered spam and will show that you respect your new contact's time.
§ When sending a resume by e-mail, put your full name in the name of the document. That way when people detach it to save on their network or hard drive, or forward it along to another person, it is easily identifiable as your resume.

§ Make it easy for new contacts to follow-up with you by having personal business cards. Inexpensive ones are available on-line and can simply contain your relevant contact information. However, it's even better to add a brief skill description, like "marketing consultant," "computer sales," or "technical writer/editor." You can even have several different versions tailored to the different avenues you're pursuing.

6. Follow through. If you're going to start networking for a job, you must be physically and mentally prepared to act on suggestions given by other people. It's not a good idea to ask for someone's help two days before you set sail on a two-week Caribbean cruise; or if you're still lying in bed, surrounded by balled up tissues and take-out menus, watching Lifetime, and moaning, "Why me?"

7. Don't forget to say "thank you." If you follow-up with a lead, send thank you's to both your original and your new contact. Depending on how close you are to your original contact, you can express your gratitude verbally or via e-mail. Your new contact should be thanked by letter or handwritten note. We know of one job hunter who secured a job by hand-delivering a thank you note later the same day. An e-mail is also okay in certain situations like when immediate follow-up is required. 

Above all, focus on the positive throughout the new process. Remember the things you like about yourself, how far you've come, and all the hurdles you've already surmounted in life. Take pleasure in making new connections and thinking about your new direction. It's exciting! Look in the mirror in the morning and do a little dance. Why? Because enthusiasm - and the doldrums - are contagious. Oozing excitement rather than leaking the blues will make you more of an asset to the people and businesses you're reaching out to - and if you force it a little in the beginning, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. 

The above article is based on an excerpt from Table Talk: The Savvy Girl's Alternative to Networking by Diane K. Danielson and Rachel Solar-Tuttle,(1stBooks, 2003 Reprinted with permission.)
 

Mentoring with: Tina Louise Odgen

Guest post by Tina Louise Odgen
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog!

BARRIE: Tina, what kind of challenges have you faced? 

Barrie, I, like most people, have faced many challenges through-out my life.  Fortunately, challenge faced with insight and confidence often means new opportunity.  For example, when growing up, my school system, had limited resources, and no one in my family had gone to college.  However, mentors along the way provided guidance and direction and contributed to my successful undergraduate and graduate school studies. 

In another example, when I first entered the work world as a woman engineer, I went through a couple of years of sailing in uncharted waters.  However, I stuck to it, and persistence paid off.  Eventually I found a mentor who helped me navigate. 

BARRIE: How did you begin your interest in mentoring?

Well Barrie, my interest in mentoring began after I was in the corporate world and understood what it meant. My interest was fostered by the memory of mentors that guided me when I was younger, who through their coaching illustrated to me what it might be like –out-of-the-box. For my mentors in school and sports I am forever grateful. And it is in their memory and dedication that I give back.  In particular I had a sixth grade teach who told me his story of career woes and guided me to study math….

Barrie: Have you had other mentors along the way?

Yes.  When I was young, I did not recognize that individuals such as teachers, were mentoring me. However, once in the work place, I began to understand the valuable role of mentors.  Early in my career, I had two exceptional women mentors. While working in one company, the first mentor was my boss.  While at a different company, I was assigned a mentor through the Human Resources Department.  In this second case, it really worked well because this was a senior woman who was not in my chain of command.    This allowed her to be quite candid.

BARRIE: What do you think about women and the mentoring process? 

I think that women should reach out to mentor other women. Women need to seek and cultivate mentors as well.  Also, given that so many men are in the top ranks, and know the rules that got them there, women should realize that men can be valuable mentors as well. A male mentor will have keen insight to the rules of engagement while women mentors will have the shared experience of having gone through the same issues.

The experiences of working as a woman are different than for a man. This is a complex subject, but, most cultures still treat women differently from early childhood. This hinders women from learning early in life about many skills that are necessary in the business world. I learned much about these issues in 1986 when I was appointed to a New York State Task force to identify issues surrounding the lack of women and minorities in technical careers. 

For example, I think that men have a different level of emotion in the work place. They suppress their emotion. Boys learn this skill early on. For men, the career often becomes like a sporting event.  If someone gets a man mad, that “guy” scored and the offended man comes back to play another day. Women often have not learned this approach. Women tend to take things personally. This is one example as to why a woman mentor is important. 

Women also have workplace issues like finding role models or career paths that are viable with raising a family. I believe that an experienced career woman can coach a young woman just starting out better on this subject than a man could.

On the other hand, we see some cases in the workplace where women are in denial. I was meeting with a female Nobel Laureate and asked her about women in the work place. Her answer was that there were no women-issues for her in the work place. By the time of this conversation, I had professional experience and was not convinced about what she said. However, I recognized that it had to be either her perception, or her public position on the subject. She remained black and white that she had no workplace gender issues. In another example, I know a professional woman about the same age as the Nobel Laureate (late 60s-70s) who was a CEO, and now serves on several Fortune 100 boards. She does many things to help other woman and recognizes those challenges unique to women..

BARRIE: What types of mentoring have you done?

The mentoring that I have done has taken three forms:

presentation to groups
structured “corporate” mentoring
impromptu assistance to a range of individuals in need.

The presentation to groups was often centered on career day programs or other career forums. This often takes the form of motivational speaking with a broad overview to introduce opportunities in science, math, engineering or technology to persons who may not have any idea why that foundation is important.

The Structured Corporate mentoring took place in “corporations. ”Actually, this was one of my better experiences in being mentored.  When I worked at Bank of New York, I was assigned a mentor. That was fabulous. I was assigned a career savvy woman who guided me on corporate cultural issues and management communication issues. It was very powerful. Later, when I became the assigned mentor at a different firm, I had an understanding of the power of mentoring. I was able to provide my mentees with guidance for both the company specific issues as well as broader career issues. 

Impromptu mentoring comes about when persons comes to me either word-of-mouth or another route. In this case, I have a list of persons that I have provided guidance to over the years. In this category, the guidance seems to fall in two areas. Strategic issues like, “I have this problem. It just came up. Can up can you help?” A couple of these have been salary negotiations. Another example has been how to exit a company. Other issues have concerned discussions of next steps for career moves, “What are the pros and cons of possible career opportunities? In this category, much of the work is instilling confidence in the person to take a certain step

BARRIE: Do you see a theme across the persons you have mentored?

Yes Barrie, I think so. And the theme varies by venue. For the mentees participating in a career day, the biggest take away they can have is to have their imagination opened, get motivated about new opportunities, and gain confidence about continuing to study in science and math. For the corporate mentees, the theme is more like the aha insight, that psychological event that occurs when someone understands a concept clearly for the first time.  For these corporate mentees, you can see the lights bulbs coming on when they realize that a corporate issue really is less “about them” and more “about how the system works”.  Eyes also open when a mentee realizes that a career is like a complicated long-term game where there are pieces that have to be collected before something else can happen.  (Getting ones ticket punched).

Barrie: What do you think is an important message for all persons out there?

Barrie, I think the most important message is that empowerment comes through risk taking.  Using the subject of mentors as an example, a woman generally must seek a mentor.  This will not happen with taking the risk of asking someone for assistance and then risk that the person may responding, “no.”  Likewise, if a woman finds a mentor, she must take the risk to execute the suggested steps in order to progress towards desired goals and results.  We cannot grow or succeed as individuals, even with guidance, if we do not take the associated risks.   

Mother Teresa vs. King Kong: Connecting with Different Personality Types

Guest post by Andrea Nierenberg
Author of Million Dollar Networking: The Sure Way to Find, Grow, and Keep Your Business
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

It's almost impossible to like all the prospects and clients we need to connect with. However, it's possible to make the effort to network with people by adjusting our approach, no matter how sweet or sour their personality.

Communication Styles and Personality Types
Effective salespeople need to be aware of the communication styles and personality types of their potential customers. Whether you find other people's styles welcoming or offensive, it's your responsibility to adjust accordingly to make a positive connection. The sales people who are the best at this skill, know their own style, with its strengths and weaknesses, and have learned to recognize and honor other people's styles of communication. Refining this talent is especially important when it comes to networking because often you need to have little time to decide how the other person wants to be approached. However, a good place to start it to reassess your communication style. 

You Have to Take the Lead When Meeting New Prospects
Sometimes trying to commune with someone who communicates differently from the way we do is like two ships passing in the night. We don't understand them, and they don't understand us. 

To communicate effectively, you need to be the first one who is ready to alter the way you communicate. Once I was in France and was trying to communicate with a shopkeeper. I thought that if I spoke louder and more slowly in English, she would understand me. Of course, there was no way she could. The louder and more slowly I talked, the more frustrating it was for both of us. I needed to alter my style (talking at a regular volume in English) and try something else she could understand, such as pointing, gesturing, and smiling. 
The frustration I felt before I altered my style is exactly the same feeling we have when we many of us don't connect with a prospect or client. We may be in our own country and speaking the same language, yet our communication styles are so different that we have a hard time making a connection. We need to understand and adapt our style to communicate effectively. I am a bottom-line person. Often I see the big picture first and then find a way to go for it.

Think about how you like to give and get information. What is your preferred communication style? How has your boss, various co-workers, your subordinates, even your spouse reacted to your style? Has more than one person said that you are clear, sometime confusing, too soft spoken or aggressive? If you've ever been frustrated trying to communicate something when the other person just didn't get it, could it be something you are doing? In order to decide where you'll need to adapt will require discovering the other person style. Keep in mind, people won't tell you their style. 

Recognizing Personality Types
In addition to being aware of your communication style, a good sales professional adjusts to other people's personality types. Some people are more sensitive, to the concerns and feeling of others; others are more bottom line- or results-oriented. Still others are interested in and concerned with details and the way things work. 

There are ways to identify personality and temperamental categories that predict how people react and relate to each other. One very popular personality style indicator used by many companies is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I also use the DISC® profile, which explores behavioral issues. It is an effective tool for understanding personality traits and styles. However, most interactions won't give you the luxury of such elaborate tests. Therefore, a shortcut is to be a careful listener and observe behaviors (mostly body language). Like anything else to do this faster, takes practice.

For example, I once walked into a corporate conference room and found myself giving three different presentations at the same time! I was there to present a training proposal to three top level executives in the company. Having met them all and through careful observation and listening, I knew each had a very different personality style. My main goal (besides selling my program) was to speak to their needs and convey the benefits to each one. Therefore, I needed to adjust my presentation to each one individually. As I spoke with each one, I
switched the way I conveyed the information I was giving to match his or her personality. 

Here's my research and how I used it to make a better sales presentation with those three very different personality types at the same meeting:

The head of human resources and training was amiable in her approach. What I remembered most about her was her comment to me about being sure to "get everyone involved" and her obvious caring and concern for all the employees. Clearly, I had to focus my presentation to her on the personal benefits for her employees and to make sure she felt that the time her employees spent in training would be worthwhile for their growth and development. 
The chief financial officer, however, was interested in the return on investment he expected from my program. In addition, he wanted details and numbers. I decided to give him the same proposal that I had given to the head of human resources but to include a specific outline for each module, with costs clearly defined. The more data I presented to him, the better! 
The CEO told me he had only six minutes to hear me out. (I actually clocked how long he was in the room, and it was exactly six minutes!) All he wanted to know was, "What are my people going to learn?" and "How much will it cost?" I was prepared with the same presentation (in case he had questions), but I gave him only the executive summary: a brief, succinct paragraph followed by bullet points and the bottom line. 
These were three very different people-all wanting the same thing yet needing it delivered in three very different ways. To succeed, I had to read each person carefully and provide him or her with exactly what that person wanted to hear. 

Later, after I had done several programs with this firm, each person told me separately how much he or she enjoyed our working relationship because, "We communicate in exactly the same way." I smiled to myself, knowing that my extra work and effort to understand each personality type was well worth it!

Traits of Common Personality Types (based on the DISC® personality indicator system)

Dominant: Bottom line-oriented, competitive, direct
Makes decisions quickly
Best approach to use: 
-Focus on the "what"
-Be efficient
Influencer: Persuasive, animated, expressive, emotional
Enjoys helping others
Best approach to use:
- Focus on the "who" 
- Be empathetic
Steady: Patient, agreeable, amiable, quiet
Is very dependable
Best approach to use:
-Focus on the "how"
-Be supportive
Conscientious: Compliant, cautious, accurate, analytical
Likes lots of details
Best approach to use:
-Focus on the "why"
- Be logical

Not a Chameleon
As a sales professional, you often have no control whether your prospects or clients will be a "Mother Teresa" or a "King Kong." And if you simply mimic the other person's style you'll come across as manipulative and insincere. (Besides, people who know you might this you're a little "crazy" when they see you change personalities). Therefore, my advice does not advocate constantly changing your personality. Rather, I'm recommending a positive, sincere, and proactive approach to understanding a client's or prospect's feelings and traits. You want to appear empathetic not opportunistic. The dictionary definition of empathy is "the action or understanding, being aware of…the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another…" Therefore, to become empathetic, just be aware of communication styles and personality types. Who knows, you may be making a sales call on Donald Trump or Martha Stewart. Will you be ready to connect?

Mayday! Asking for help is Universally Dreaded-but it's a Skill You Can Learn

Guest post by M. Nora Klaver
Author of Mayday!: Asking for Help in Times of Need

Do you resist asking for help-until it's your last resort? 

Join the crowd. 

Our fierce independence is creating a culture of need-and unprecedented isolation.

Attendance at club meetings is down 58 percent, involvement in church activities has dropped as much as 50 percent, and simply having friends over to the house has decreased 45 percent. Meanwhile, one in four people say they have no one to confide in-and most everyone reports overwhelming levels of stress at home and on the job. 

The good news?

You can learn to ask for help. But first, you've got to figure why you don't, why you should, and how you can. 

Why we don't ask for help 

Asking for help is so frightening that, even when faced with death, some of us will still not ask for that helping hand. To overcome this dread, you've got to debunk some common cultural myths-and face your fears: 

Myth: Asking for help makes you look weak or needy.

Reality: There's no shame in turning to others in times of need. In fact, 
it's a sign of strength.

Myth: Asking for help signals incompetence-especially at work.

Reality: Seeking help at work shows others that you want to do the job
right-and to develop and learn. 

Myth: Asking for help can harm relationships.

Reality: Healthy relationships are about give-and-take-not just give. 

Myth: Asking for help puts others in an awkward position.

Reality: It's human nature to offer help when you see someone in
need-and it's no different when others see you in need. 

Myth: Asking for help might lead to rejection.

Reality: Even a "no" response offers the opportunity to learn more about
yourself-and your relationships.

Myth: Asking for help means the job might not get done right. 

Reality: Refusing to ask for fear of losing control maintains the status
quo. Let go and give your helpmate a chance to shine. 

Myth: Asking for help means you'll have to return the favor.

Reality: Help freely given comes with no strings attached-other than
a simple and sincere thank-you. 

Myth: Asking for help just isn't the American way. 

Reality: Independence and self-sufficiency are admirable qualities that lead to success. Still, all great enterprises-including our
nation-were built on mutual support and teamwork.

Why we should ask for help

Mastering the "Mayday" call can ease and enhance your life and career in a variety of ways. Asking for help: 

* Deepens connections
When someone answers your call for help, it strengthens the bond between you-or creates the potential for a new relationship. 

* Reduces stress and restores energy
Getting help can save you time and energy, simplify your life, and improve your work-life balance. 

* Reminds you that you're not alone
Everyone needs help at times. If you're the type who endures hardships with grim determination, you'll discover you don't have to go it alone.

* Gives happiness to others
Don't you feel good when you help someone else? Letting others help you gives them that same opportunity.

* Leads to personal growth
Taking risks, learning to trust, and finding out that others have got your back are just a few of the lessons you'll learn. 

* Allows the pleasure of surrender
Being out of control can actually feel great. Once asking for help gets a little easier, you'll relish the experience of letting go. 

* Reminds you that you're worthy of support
You deserve a hand as much as anyone else. When someone comes to your aid, it reinforces that message. 

* Lets others shine
Seeking help gives others the opportunity to reach out, contribute, and try something new.

* Clarifies relationships
Mayday calls reveal the strengths and limitations of relationships-and provide important "aha" moments. 

* Solves problems
Don't overlook the original reason for the Mayday call: You're in trouble and need help-help that could potentially change, or even save, your life.

How we can ask for help

Too many of us would rather go it alone when help is right there-just for
the asking. Here are ways to reach out with comfort and confidence:

* Practice. 
Building your Mayday muscles requires regular exercise. Challenge yourself to ask for help three times a day-every day. 

* Go easy on yourself.
Self-care is the new self-help. Be compassionate with yourself-and remember that you, too, are deserving of help.

* Cast a wider net.
Expand your list of helpmates. Look beyond the obvious-family and friends, and co-workers-and add some new names to the list, starting with someone who's been in your shoes. 

* Plan the time-and place.
Talk to your potential helpmate as soon as possible. Pick a convenient time for him or her, and do it in person-and in private. 

* Be specific.
Articulate your needs. Clarify what you're looking for-from terms to timelines-though be careful not to micromanage. 

* Listen differently. 
Be attentive to the subtle cues behind a general "yes" or "no" response. Is your potential helpmate willing-or reluctant? 

* Use the "three thanks" rule.
Don't flub the thanks. Express your gratitude three times-when the agreement is struck, when the need has been met, and when you next see your helpmate. 

Ask early, ask often

No one is immune from needing help, even in today's go-it-alone culture. So, take a risk and "make the ask"-early and often. It just may change your life!

Manipulation @ Work How Do You Get What You Want?

Guest post by Jamie Showkeir and Maren Showkeir

n today's do-or-die workplace, authentic conversations are out-and manipulation is in. In fact, four out of five careerists say that people who do it "best" seem to get ahead. And with manipulation so common in everyday conversations, odds are, most of us don't even realize when we're the ones doing the manipulating. Find the "you" in manipulation-your personal favorites in 12 popular techniques: 

Over promising
Do you make unrealistic promises to win people over or get something in return?

"Sure, I can get it to you tomorrow-or maybe even later today. I've got three other reports due this week, but I'll make yours a priority."

Spinning the facts
Do you dance on the edge of dishonesty and give calculated descriptions that
favor your positions or ideas?

"Employees will surely resist another reorganization. Let's emphasize how it will benefit them-or they might not buy in."

Feigning interest
Do you fake interest in someone or something to get what you need?

"Oh! Are those your vacation pictures? I'd love to see them. And, hey, now that you're back, when can I get the new numbers?"

Overstating
Do you exaggerate threats or create a heightened sense of urgency to "motivate" people?

"This is our worst quarter yet. If we don't double production, we'll be out of business-and you'll be out of a job."

Understating
Do you downplay major issues or problems to keep others calm-and focused on work? 

"Stop worrying and just do your job. Things aren't as bad as they seem, and even if they were, this stuff always blows over."

Playing to emotions
Do you appeal to others' overtly positive or negative emotions?

"I know you're tired of putting in all these extra hours. But just think how proud you'll feel when the product launches."

Reassuring-without assurance
Do you assure people that "everything will be fine" when you have no real evidence it's true? 

"This is just a slowdown. Trust me, things are going to be alright."

Disguising agendas
Do you mask your true intentions and say or do something else? 

"Boy, have I got a great overtime opportunity for you. It's a chance to make some big bucks and be a real star on the team."

Being intentionally vague 
Do you stay mum-and purposely not clear things up-when a misunderstanding serves your self-interest? 

"Thanks! Sounds like you've got it."

Dropping names
Do you drop a name or two just to get people's attention or commitment? 

"I know you'll do a great job. In fact, I may even show this one to Mr. Jones and the executive team when I'm with them next week."

Using sarcasm
Do you make your point by making others look and feel foolish? 

"How brilliant are you? You promised delivery to the customer in three days when everyone knows those orders take a week. Good job."

Sucking up 
Do you go over the top and give phony praise to get what you want? 

"You're the best writer here, and everything you do is perfect. That's why I couldn't ask anyone but you to take this on."

(Sidebar)

Odds are, most of us don't even realize when we're the ones doing the manipulating. 

Is It "Hasta la vista, baby" for women film-makers?

Guest post by Marion Gold
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

The American Film Institute's highly touted announcement of the top 100 movie quotes - leading with "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" - might also be described as its attitude towards the advancement of women working behind the scenes in the film industry.

During the past four years, the percentage of women working as directors, executive producers, producers, writers, cinematographers, and editors on the top 250 domestic grossing films has declined from 19% in 2001 to 16% in 2004.

The so-called "Celluloid Ceiling" is getting thicker, according to the just-released data of Communications Professor Martha M. Lauzen, Ph.D., San Diego State University. Each year, Lauzen looks closely at the behind-the-scenes employment of women in the top 250 domestic grossing films. And frankly, my dear, it's not a pretty picture!

In 2004, Women comprised only 5% of directors. That's a decline of 6 percentage points since 2000 when women accounted for 11% of all directors. "In other words," reports Lauzen, "in 2004 the percentage of women directors was slightly less than half the percentage in 2000." 

Lauzen's study analyzed behind-the-scenes employment of 2,305 individuals working on the top 250 domestic grossing films of 2004 with combined domestic box office grosses of approximately $8.4 billion. Here's what she found:

o Women comprised 16% of all executive producers, producers, directors, writers, cinematographers, and editors working on the top 250 grossing films of 2004 - a slight decline from 17% in 2003.

o Twenty one percent of the films released in 2004 employed no women directors, executive producers, producers, writers, cinematographers, or editors.

o Women comprised 19% of all executive producers working on the top 250 films of 2004. Sixty three percent (63%) of the films had no female executive producers. 

o Women accounted for 24% of all producers working on the top 250 films of 2004. Thirty nine percent (39%) of the films had no female producers.

o Women comprised 5% of all directors working on the top 250 films of 2004. Ninety five percent (95%) of the films had no female directors.

o Women accounted for 12% of writers working on the top 250 films of 2004. Eighty two percent (82%) of the films had no female writers.

o Women accounted for 16% of all editors working on the top 250 films of 2004. Eighty percent (80%) of the films had no female editors.

o Women comprised 3% of all cinematographers working on the top 250 films of 2004. Ninety seven percent (97%) of the films had no female cinematographers.

Gender also makes a big difference to who gets hired on and off-camera. In previous data, Lauzen reported that on films with male executive producers only, women comprised 15 percent of behind-the-scenes staff. The percentage jumped to 22 percent on films with at least one female executive producer.

So is it "Hasta la vista, baby" for women behind the scenes in our film industry?

Not if at least two Chicago-based organizations have anything to say about it! The mission of "Women in the Director's Chair" is to raise the visibility of women media makers and to support the production of media that defies demeaning stereotypes. "Women In The Audience Supporting Women Artists Now!" or WITASWAN. The concept of WITASWAN comes from the American Association of University Women-Illinois (http://aauw-il.org/WITASWAN). It is an informal alliance of women who have pledged themselves to helping women film-makers break through the Celluloid Ceiling. There are no dues and no officers - but there is a responsibility: WITASWAN members make a commitment to see at least one film every month either directed by and/or written by a woman, either in a theater or on DVD/VHS.

Which brings me back to the AFI and another of its top 100 all-time movie quotes from Gone with the Wind: "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
Copyright © 2005 

Invest in Yourself: 8 Non-Financial Tips for Retiring Boomers

Guest post by Ellen Freudenheim
Author of Looking Forward: An Optimist's Guide to Retirement

Think Big: Life’s about More than Money
Take a look at the non-financial dimension of retirement. For the New Year, make a list of what makes you happy—friends, projects, activities. Focus on what makes your life fulfilling—not just what satisfies your bank account.

Forge Your Personal Path
Nobody said you absolutely must retire to Florida and play golf. What is it you’ve always wanted to do, but never had time for? Start a log of your unfinished agendas, whether that’s learning to play piano or getting in great shape.

Find Your Anchor Activity
Identify one or two things around which you can structure your time. Volunteering, retraining for a new career, grandchildren, travel and personal hobbies are all perennials. 

Give Back
Getting involved in volunteer activities is a great way to meet new people, do useful work, and put your own life in perspective. 

Make Time for Fun
Kick back! Make sure your schedule doesn’t get so busy there’s no time for you! Make time to read, garden, meet new people—and dance! 

Be Realistic about Finances
Get a handle on your finances—and if you can’t afford to retire yet, consider partial retirement, plan a way to earn income from your hobbies, or downsize your life so you can save more. Start today!

Invest in Your Social Portfolio
Retirement is more than just a matter of financial investment. It’s important to invest in your social portfolio—your friends, family, relationships, too. 

8. Staying Healthy= Money in the Bank

Health care costs are the bugaboo of everyone’s retirement. So invest in a healthy regimen by getting enough exercise, losing weight if necessary, eating healthily. Exercise staves off depression, keeps your blood pressure down, and is even good for your sex life! You may save thousands of dollars in health care costs just by living healthily.

In Favor of Work Why Women Shouldn't Be Opting Out

Guest post by Ann Marlowe
Author of The Book of Trouble: A Romance

A lot of women who are unhappy with their work lives will say something along these lines: business is hell, and no one in their right mind would want to do it, and men only do it because they have to. That women are the only ones able to see straight, or allowed to act on their seeing straight. That anyone in his or her right mind would RATHER be at home with the kids. (Of course, men don't have the option of not working, or not providing for their families. Men don't have the cultural permission to blame their lack of perseverance on anything but themselves.)

We hear this argument a lot. I would like to make the opposite argument for a change. I would like to suggest that women are not acting in their own best interests by being so cynical about business. They are short-changing themselves, not just in terms of financial independence and the rewards of a higher income, not just if they get divorced and end up with a reduced standard of living, but in terms of their personal development.

The men, as they more or less stoically struggle onward, come to realize that "endless meetings" are the stuff of life in the business world; that other people are not an obstacle to getting one's job done, they're the reason you have a job. The men see the hostility in the faces of their rivals and still persevere, befriending or neutralizing or ignoring or going head to head with them. Gradually, and not without grave errors along the way, they grow into mentors and leaders. 

They see that the occasional opportunities for promoting a subordinate to a job worthy of her talents, teaching younger colleagues, or firing a selfish or abusive manager are the forms of ethical action that their path has provided for them, and that they are not small or unworthy challenges. Men learn that a top job is demanding and consuming in the same way that the work of an artist is, because being a high level executive is an art, and one that few are talented enough to pursue. 

Only a tiny number of the men will make it to the top, of course. Those who drop by the wayside at some stage may gladly or not so gladly accept a subordinate position, leave for a smaller company, start their own business, change careers radically. But they will have all learned something, not least of all about themselves. 

I do NOT mean to suggest that making money is the only worthwhile goal on earth. Quite the contrary. Art, science, politics, public service, caring for the sick, raising children - there are good arguments to be made that each or all of these are more important and noble. The fact remains, though, that most of us work in business jobs, and whatever meaning we can extract from those forty hours a week is what we have to subsist on. And it's not a poor diet. 

Those who would tell you that the deck is stacked should be ignored. If every child had to decide to walk based on whether or not she would be a champion runner, most of us would still be crawling. Of course the deck is stacked: there is only one CEO of every company. Any person's chances of heading a major firm are low. But just as most of us enjoy walking, most of us can enjoy working. It's the journey that counts. And if you don't make it to the top, the reason isn't likely to be your gender. 

How To Change Careers By Following Your Heart (Hooking Up with Oprah Can't Hurt Either)

Guest post by Ruta Fox

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you really, really got to do what you love? What it would be like if you got up every day and were excited about the work that you do and got paid nicely for it, to boot? 

Well, it happened to me. I made a change of career just recently -- going from an advertising copywriter to a jewelry designer, and I want to tell you it can be done. I always had a passion for jewelry, but was a writer for over 10 years. Then my back started bothering me, and I needed a career where I did not have to sit and write all day. 

I came up with the idea of the Ah Ring. A stands for Available, and h, for happy. It's the diamond ring you buy for yourself when you're single, since married women have bands, and engaged women have engagement rings. I started selling rings to my friends, and then I was picked by O, Oprah's magazine to be featured in her "O list" section. She jump-started my new career, but I did the ground work that made it all possible.

My beautiful diamond Ah Ring has a very reasonable price, and was an instant success. I went from $0 to $1 million in sales in the first year.

Here are some steps on how to create a new career.

1. Think back a little to when you were small. What are the things that excited you? Horses? Designing doll dresses? Baking? Most times, if you ask successful people why they are in the business they're in, they will tell you they were obsessed with something since they
were little children. Somehow through the years, and through the expectations of others, they ignored what gives them pleasure.

2. Make a list of all the things you like to do. Do you collect things, enjoy working with your hands, have a knack or a talent that people keep complimenting you on? Sometimes we don't think these things are valuable, but they can come in handy when redefining what you want to do. Pay attention to what people say. I never forgot when someone said to me, "mine the mother lode"....or do what you're good at.

3. Network and do research. It's true...it's who you know, not what you know. Contact friends and their friends. Take notes. Ask people in the same business what worked, what flopped and why. Take classes, do the research in your field to know the competition. Really understand why what you want to do is different.

4. Be organized. There is simply no way to be successful in business without being organized. If this is not a skill you posses, you need to acquire it. You will be called on to do many things in the beginning of a new business and you must stay focused and not let the details slip away from you.

5. Be willing to really, really work hard and devote time to your new venture. This does not mean make a phone call or two a day. It means logging in tons of calls. This does not mean socializing at night when you should be working on a business plan. What working hard means is doggedly devoting the time you need to spend to achieve your goal. If you can not
honestly look yourself in the mirror and say you worked hard, it is just not going to happen.

6. Most importantly, trust your gut. Every entrepreneur knows they must really, really believe they can create something new. Someone told me early on in my career that when som

Helpful Tips for Authors

Guest post by Janice Woods Windle

Following are some tips I feel have helped me become a best-selling author:

o Personalize the process of writing the book. Make it your own. The publishing industry is tough right now, so stick to your guns!

o The book is an art form while it's written and a product when finished--market it as a product. The marketing of books is very competitive.

o Overall, you must have a willingness to travel and spend time with readers. Keep in touch with your readers. They are your fans and advocates. You must travel for a book tour and be willing to do those 5 a.m. interviews.

o Don't hesitate to ask for help from relatives and friends. Ask them to buy books and tell everyone they know about your book. Develop a network from these friendships. This creates your team of people talk up the book. Buddy emails are always a good form of "word of mouth" promotion, too.

o Visit book clubs and other organizations to do readings.

o Tailor the readings to the audience. Junior high girls would want to hear about the stories of strong frontier women, whereas the philosophic society would want to hear about the research process.

o Ask for adequate time to be effective when you are invited to speak. Many organizations do their business up front and try to rush the speaker. Make sure there's a clear understanding of how much time you need.

o Promote each speaking event as a book/author event. 

o CRC's at bookstores should send out flyers and hang posters. You can anticipate an audience for the first 30 minutes. Make the signing no more than an hour. Try to get local media the day of the signing. And newsletter coverage, of any sort, is helpful.

o Bookstore customers have become very jaded. They are accustomed to seeing a book signing each time they walk in the door. Make yours unique in some way.

o Always inform the event coordinator that you want a microphone. Many book events attract senior citizens who need to be able to hear the author.

o Make yourself accessible to your readers and then be prepare for an onslaught of emails. If they care enough to come to an event, you owe it to them.

Greasing the Path to Success: Finding the Confidence to Step Up to Key Moments

Guest post by Nana Ham cppc, lcsw

Whether it’s making a prospecting call to a promising business contact, giving an informal “elevator speech” to a networking group, or attempting to close a transaction, there are certain key moments when putting your best-dressed foot forward really matters. Some of life’s fortunate people seem to be naturally at their best finding confidence under pressure. The rest of us have to learn. 

Confidence matters. 
Few would argue that developing confidence is a good investment. You’ll be more comfortable and therefore more motivated in your marketing efforts. It’s difficult to sustain an effort over the long haul – a requirement, for successful networking and marketing – if we’re miserable doing it. Furthermore, marketing and branding experts tell us that confidence is the #1 reason people buy what they buy. Where do they get confidence to try the product or service for the first time? From you, from your confidence in what you offer.

Confidence on command. 
Let’s say you have to make an outreach call to someone who can potentially refer you business. Stomach butterflies are on a rampage. You’ve scripted the call, but your voice is still flat with anxiety. How do you suddenly summon confidence? Confidence is like one of the body’s involuntary muscles. You can’t make it fire on command. It either fires or it doesn’t. But the smaller muscles around it, contributing to its tone and strength, are voluntary. You can help yourself build confidence by doing the small things. You probably already have a repertoire of quick-fix confidence-builders that work for you. From my years of helping people grow, here are some of my favorites. 

Practice
Talk about your product or service, with strangers as well as acquaintances. Do it again.
Do it frequently, whether “successful” or not. Keep the interval between short.

Don’t let being awkward stop you
Create a temporary “no fault” zone, where you goal is to do it, not do it right.
Remember: the pool of potential contacts is infinite. There’s plenty of room for practice.

Let timing help
Capitalize on confident or successful moments to create more of them.
There will be days when you’re under a cloud. Don’t try then. Letting yourself off the hook today breeds confidence that tomorrow will be better. 

Tough love
Act “as if” 
Just do it
Protect your environment from negativity: call a temporary moratorium on friends or family who may be envious or skeptical of your endeavor

Seek inspiration
Rub shoulders with someone who has exuberant confidence in you
Read some inspiring quotations
Read testimonials from your own clients
Watch a squirrel leap through space from a secure branch to an untested one

Quit being mean
Make a quick list on paper of the 5 confidence-sabotaging voices in your head. Quote them verbatim, and give each one a name.
Send them all out for a beer, and while they’re gone, make the call

All of these suggestions are simple and even simple-minded. They’re ways to develop the internal muscles that in turn will support the success we’re reaching for. After all, if you’re to grow into a new level of success, you will need more than good ideas and hard work. You’ll need the internal muscles to support it. Confidence is one of those qualities that can seem to vary with the weather. Very few of us are born for success any more than we’re born to bench press three hundred pounds. For most, the daily work-outs, coupled with an attitude that gives generous credit for perseverance, are what qualify us to have that golden ring. I’m cheering for you!

Give'em Something to Talk About: When businesses follow this principle, clients keep coming back for more . . . and bring their friends.

Guest post by Maribeth Kuzmeski
Author of Red Zone Marketing: A Playbook for Winning all the Business You Want

The other day I heard that old Bonnie Raitt song on the radio. You know, the one with the verse "let's give'em something to talk about . . ." And, it occurred to me that most businesses could use a bit of that gossip-inspiring intrigue that Bonnie was singing about.

All of which leads me to my question for the day: are your clients talking about you? You'd better hope so! Furthermore, you'd better hope they're not talking about the bad service you gave them, or the fact that you took three days to return a phone call, or even the hideous green carpet that's graced your office since 1973. No, the kind of talking I mean is positive in nature . . . in fact, it's delightful.

If you're at all familiar with my marketing philosophy, you know that I am constantly harping on the subject of client delight. That's because I'm a realist. I know that unless you absolutely delight your clients, they won't talk about you to their friends and colleagues. In fact, they may not even stick with you. Why? Because there are a lot of competitors out there offering services identical to yours.

Consider these statistics for financial advisors (many industries including yours may have similar statistics): There are more than 800,000 financial advisors and insurance agents in the U.S. Over 12,000 mutual funds. Countless Broker Dealers. All of which boils down to one disheartening fact: you are in serious peril of becoming a commodity. If you want clients to talk about you - which helps you fulfill the larger goal of pursuing referrals - then you must separate yourself from the pack. You must give them an experience. You must WOW them.
In short, you must give them something to talk about. 

Sounds great, you're probably thinking, but how do I do that? Here are three principles to keep in mind. 

Ask your clients what they want. A novel concept, huh? Too many businesses simply assume they know what the client wants. They tell the client "This is what you want and need, and I have it." What you as a Red Zone Marketer must do is ask, "What do you want and need? Tell me and I'll provide it." Ask your clients (at the very least your top clients) the following questions:

  • How would you like us to communicate with you? How often?
  • How often do you want to hear from me?
  • Are we meeting your objectives?   
  • Would you appreciate regular information on a different aspect of the business?
  • What would make working with us truly unique? 
  • What could we do to create delight through the services we provide?

Now, really listen to their answers. You may be surprised by what you hear. And you can be sure of one thing: if you give clients what they REALLY want-as opposed to what you think they should want-they will talk you up to their friends and colleagues. That's because very few of your competitors even bother to ask.

WOW them with the unexpected.  Want clients to talk about you? Give them an experience they're unlikely to get anywhere else. In Red Zone Marketing and The Client Experience, I provide numerous real-life examples of how businesses I know and work with go about WOWing their clients. 

For example, I work with a financial services advisor who has created The Life Enjoyment Experienceä. The concept is that he helps his clients "get to the top of the mountain." From the mountaintop, you can see and experience the world-so he has decorated each office and conference room to represent a different part of the world. For instance, one room has a mural of Athens on the wall; another one represents Paris. He reports that people bring their friends by, who are not yet clients, just to see his unique facilities!

Another one of my colleagues takes a different approach. He is very health conscious, and he wants to share his knowledge with his clients. Therefore, he incorporates healthful foods, exercise books and videos, and lifestyle seminars into his unrelated business offerings. He's providing an experience-and at the same time, showing his clients that he cares about their total wellbeing. 

What can you do to WOW your clients?

Be the Michael of your firm.
I am a huge sports fan. (The name of my company and books should clue you in!) So it's not surprising that I spent some time in the early 90s working for a team in the NBA. The team had 30 people making outbound calls selling tickets to games. I couldn't help but to contrast that to the Chicago Bulls, who were sold out most of the season!

What was the difference? In a word (well, actually, two words), Michael Jordan. Bulls tickets were in demand because the team had something truly different. I believe this phenomenon applies to the business world, too. One person can lift up an entire organization, if he or she is giving clients what they want! In other words, even if you work for a dry, humdrum, middle-of-the-road business, you can become the "Michael" of your firm. Dream up a unique slant on serving your clients and start doing it. Word of mouth will take care of the rest.
By the way, if you think you don't have what it takes to be a star in your industry, consider the fact that Michael Jordan was cut from the varsity basketball team as a sophomore in high school. The lesson? No matter what happened before, you can become a star. Just figure out what your clients want and give it to them in a unique way . . . and they will consistently seek you out. Guaranteed. 

Now, how are you going to get people talking? Give it a bit of thought and I am convinced you'll come up with something. Maybe it's your expertise in an specialized area of the business you are in . . . or the fact that you send them an info-packed e-mail every Monday morning . . . or the hot breakfast you provide at your wildly entertaining tax shelter seminars. You get the idea.

As long as you're doing something different, something that sets you apart from the crowd, something your clients can't get anywhere else, they'll talk about you. And believe me, that word of mouth is the best kind of press you'll ever receive.

Cult of Power....Sex Discrimination in Corporate America and What Can Be Done About It

Guest post by Martha Burk
Author of Cult of Power: Sex Discrimination in Corporate America and What Can Be Done About It

t all began with a letter.

In 2002, Dr. Martha Burk, chair of the National Council of Women's Organizations, wrote to the Augusta National Golf Club, host of the prestigious Masters tournament, expressing concern over the club's all-male membership policy and urging it to change.

The resulting firestorm surrounding the club's secret membership roster of high-ranking corporate executives and its refusal to admit women was never really about golf. It was about much more -- becoming the linchpin of a national dialogue about the role of women in society not seen since the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas debate. and, especially in executive suites and boardrooms, the debate is far from resolved. 

Excerpt:
It all started routinely enough -- with a simple three-paragraph letter, addressing a little-noticed issue in the eternal battle for gender equity. But it exploded into a cause célèbre that laid bare the ways in which, and the reasons why, women are still systematically barred from the highest echelons of power -- in government, social and religious organizations, and most importantly, in corporate America. We would see all too starkly how corporate elites enforce the code of behavior that maintains their control, the strength of the conspiracy of silence that surrounds sex discrimination at high levels, and the depth of corporate hypocrisy with all its fancy rhetoric about fairness and how women are valued as equals. Far from being about a few rich females gaining admittance to one club, the gates of Augusta National Golf Club became symbolic of all the ways women are still kept out of power where it counts, and how and why we must change the system to break in. 

But back to the beginning. 

In April 2002, I was traveling to Texas from my home in Washington, D.C., to visit my adult children, and I picked up a copy of USA Today. Unlike many women who unceremoniously toss the sports section, I usually thumb through it to get an idea of how much coverage is given to female athletes and women's teams. This day was an attention grabber. Columnist Christine Brennan had a piece titled "Augusta Equality Fight: Pass It On," with an accompanying story by Debbie Becker headlined "Augusta faces push for women." The subject was the exclusion of women at Augusta National Golf Club. Augusta National, host of the prestigious Masters Golf Tournament opening that day, was one of the most venerated golf clubs in the world. It was also highly secretive. No one outside the clan of three hundred or so who got in "by invitation only" knew who the members were -- but everyone knew there had never been a female among them. Brennan credited a compelling story by Marcia Chambers in Golf for Women as the reason she chose to devote her column -- for the third year in a row -- to the sex discrimination at Augusta, even though she felt her earlier efforts had been like "beating my head against a brick wall about the issue." 

Brennan made it clear that corporate sponsors of the Masters (Coca-Cola, IBM, and Citigroup) were part of the problem, since they were willing to underwrite an event at a club that practiced sex discrimination, even though it went without saying they wouldn't go near a club that kept out blacks, Asians, or Hispanics. She called it acceptable discrimination versus unacceptable discrimination. Little did I know how deeply true that statement would turn out to be. Brennan had interviewed Lloyd Ward, an African American and one of only a handful of publicly known names on the secret membership list at Augusta National. Ward, who was head of the United States Olympic Committee, told her that rather than resign in protest, he was going to work from the inside to change the policy. I believed him. 

As chair of the National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO), the nation's oldest and largest coalition of women's groups, I take any report of discrimination seriously, and this was no exception. I tore the stories out of the paper, thinking we should help Ward's efforts along by writing to the club. I reasoned that if they thought their practices were getting attention outside the cloisters of the golf establishment, it would hurry their decision to open to women. Sitting in front of the television watching the end of the Masters two days later, I casually mentioned to my daughter-in-law that the club didn't admit women, and we were going to try to put some pressure on them to change. 

It was not a new area of controversy. Private clubs and secret societies have existed in the United States since before the country's founding; some of them, like the Freemasons, were brought over by the colonists. The issue of whether those that restrict membership to certain groups -- by definition, keeping out other groups -- are harmful to society and infringe on the rights of the have-nots had emerged in a large way for women in the late twentieth century. Women were entering the business world in sufficient numbers to question exclusionary club policies as detrimental to their ability to advance on the same footing as men. The New York Times put it this way back in 1980, when women were litigating to open the doors of private clubs in New York: 

This disadvantage [in business] stems from the summary exclusion of women from membership in men's clubs, wholly on the basis of their sex. Evidence strongly suggests that these clubs can be essential to professional achievement. In fact, approximately one-third of all businessmen obtain their jobs through personal contacts, and these clubs strive to create an atmosphere that cultivates business deals and contacts. 

In theory, private clubs may be extensions of a person's home, and therefore thoroughly private places. But in practice . . . they are often extensions of the marketplace and world affairs. The current effort in many places to strike down barriers against . . . women and others is not just an effort by once excluded groups to find new company where they aren't wanted. It is an effort to throw open the meeting grounds of business and politics and to eliminate, once and for all, barriers that are unquestionably rooted in discrimination.

The New York case is illustrative of the history of private club discrimination, and legal efforts to end or amend it. It goes to the heart of the question of women's (and, earlier, minority men's) struggle to be accepted as equals in the business world. Private "social" clubs where business was done were particularly disdainful of the few women who made it to the upper echelons of business, and their policies were personally and professionally humiliating. 

Muriel Siebert, the first woman to own her own seat on the New York Stock Exchange and at the time Superintendent of Banks for the State of New York, testified in 1973 before the New York City Commission on Human Rights that as a trainee she had for years been passed over when her bosses sent male colleagues to seminars and meetings at private clubs because they knew she would be excluded, and of current experiences such as having to enter the all-male Union League Club through the kitchen in order to attend board meetings of the Sales Executive Club. 

When attending functions at the Locust Club in Philadelphia, a female member of the Philadelphia City Council was forced to eat in the basement, since female guests were seated separately from men for dining. 

Jacqueline Wexler, president of Hunter College in New York, was removed from the lobby of the University Club by a doorman and ordered to wait in the vestibule to the ladies' room. 

A black woman foundation trustee, also escorted out of the lobby of the University Club, observed that the insult was the same as she had experienced in being evicted from restaurants in the South, despite the genteel surroundings and absence of armed sheriffs. 

A female executive of one of the country's largest public relations firms was barred from walking down the main stairway at Pittsburgh's Duquense Club with her CEO and the Fortune 500 board chairman to whom she had just made a presentation. 

Female oil executives at the Lafayette Petroleum Club were forced to lunch alone while their colleagues joined other men in the main dining room. They were also forced to sit in the hallways to listen to speakers at monthly professional society meetings.

Perhaps because Augusta National seemed a throwback that would surely follow other clubs into the twenty-first century with a little gentle persuasion, confronting the club was not a front-burner issue with me. NCWO has a broad agenda, and we were concentrating on a number of areas such as affirmative action, Social Security, child care, reproductive rights, and equality for women worldwide. Augusta could wait. I threw the clips in a folder for my next steering committee meeting, a month away. A couple of weeks later I met a woman named Rae Evans at a formal dinner in Washington. She told me she was a new member of the Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) board, and I mentioned to her that we were probably going to write to Augusta National about their exclusion of women. She asked me to keep her in the loop. 

When NCWO's steering committee met, the Augusta letter was the last thing on the agenda, and it was barely discussed. None of the steering committee members were golfers, and few followed sports other than Title IX issues. I explained the situation, including Ward's statement that he was going to work for change, and my conclusion that we could help his efforts along. Everyone said, "Okay, write a letter." It was so minor and so routine there was no reason even to take a formal vote. 

I called Rae Evans and asked for a meeting because we didn't want to interfere if the LPGA already had some kind of dialogue going with Augusta National on opening to women. As an activist, I couldn't imagine that they wouldn't be protesting the situation. At our meeting, she told me that the LPGA did not have anything contemplated, and that she would not like to see street protests. I replied that we could do it either way -- in quiet negotiations or in the streets -- but that we intended to begin with a private letter. Although I truly didn't believe it would be necessary (I was still assuming the club would do the right thing), I did tell Evans that we were fully prepared to go to the sponsors. I knew that she could pass this information along to the golf establishment, and again I thought it would only hurry Augusta National's decision. She suggested that we copy the letter to James Singerling at the Club Managers Association of America, in addition to Lloyd Ward. 

It took another month for me to get the letter written and distributed to the steering committee before mailing. It went out on June 12, 2002, and I pretty much forgot about it. 

William Johnson
Chairman, Augusta National Golf Club
2604 Washington Road
Augusta, GA 30904

Dear Mr. Johnson: 

The National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO) is the nation's oldest and largest coalition of women's groups. Our 160 member organizations represent women from all socioeconomic and demographic groups, and collectively represent over seven million women nationwide. 

Our member groups are very concerned that the nation's premier golf event, the Masters, is hosted by a club that discriminates against women by excluding them from membership. While we understand that there is no written policy barring women, Augusta National's record speaks for itself. As you know, no woman has been invited to join since the club was formed in 1932. 

We know that Augusta National and the sponsors of the Masters do not want to be viewed as entities that tolerate discrimination against any group, including women. We urge you to review your policies and practices in this regard, and open your membership to women now, so that this is not an issue when the tournament is staged next year. Our leadership would be pleased to discuss this matter with you personally or by telephone. I will contact you in the next few weeks. 

Sincerely, 

Martha Burk, Ph.D., Chair
CC: James Singerling, Club Managers Association of America
CC: Lloyd Ward, United States Olympic Committee

When a letter arrived by FedEx from Augusta National on July 9, I was so busy I almost didn't open it. It was a terse three-sentence reply: 

Dear Dr. Burk: 

As you are aware, Augusta National Golf Club is a distinctly private club and, as such, cannot talk about its membership and practices with those outside the organization. I have found your letter's several references to discrimination, allusions to the sponsors and your setting of deadlines to be both offensive and coercive. I hope you will understand why any further communication between us would not be productive. 

Sincerely, 

William W. Johnson
Chairman

I tossed it aside, figuring I would deal with it later, mentioning to my assistant in passing that we got a kiss-off letter from Augusta National. 

Ten minutes later, my phone rang. It was Doug Ferguson at the Associated Press, asking about Hootie Johnson's response to my letter. I was surprised to be getting any press call on this, much less from the AP, because try as we might to get attention for "women's issues," the press doesn't ring very often. Social Security and child care just aren't sexy enough topics. Anyway, I told Ferguson that I really hadn't had time to think about it, and that it was only three sentences telling me Johnson didn't want to communicate with me. Ferguson said he didn't mean that response, but the three-page press release the club had sent out. I told him I was unaware of a press release, so he read it to me for my reaction. (He also faxed it at my request after the interview, a tremendous help for what was to come.) 

We have been contacted by Martha Burk, Chair of the National Council of Women's Organizations (NCWO), and strongly urged to radically change our membership. Dr. Burk said this change should take place before the Masters Tournament next spring in order to avoid it becoming "an issue." She suggested that NCWO's leadership "discuss this matter" with us. 

We want the American public to be aware of this action right from the beginning. We have advised Dr. Burk that we do not intend to participate in such backroom discussions. 

We take our membership very seriously. It is the very fabric of our club. Our members are people who enjoy each other's company and the game of golf. Our membership alone decides our membership -- not any outside group with its own agenda. 

We are not unmindful of the good work undertaken by Dr. Burk's organization in global human rights, Social Security reform, reproductive health, education, spousal abuse and workplace equity, among others. We are therefore puzzled as to why they have targeted our private golf club. 

Dr. Burk's letter incorporates a deadline tied to the Masters and refers to sponsors of the tournament's telecast. These references make it abundantly clear that Augusta National Golf Club is being threatened with a public campaign designed to use economic pressure to achieve a goal of NCWO. 

Augusta National and the Masters -- while happily entwined -- are quite different. One is a private club. The other is a world-class sports event of great public interest. It is insidious to attempt to use one to alter the essence of the other. The essence of a private club is privacy. 

Nevertheless, the threatening tone of Dr. Burk's letter signals the probability of a full-scale effort to force Augusta National to yield to NCWO's will. 

We expect such a campaign would attempt to depict the members of our club as insensitive bigots and coerce the sponsors of the Masters to disassociate themselves under threat -- real or implied -- of boycotts and other economic pressures. 

We might see "celebrity" interviews and talk show guests discussing the "morality" of private clubs. We could also anticipate op-ed articles and editorials. 

There could be attempts at direct contact with board members of sponsoring corporations and inflammatory mailings to stockholders and investment institutions. We might see everything from picketing and boycotts to T-shirts and bumper stickers. On the internet, there could be active chat rooms and email messaging. These are all elements of such campaigns. 

We certainly hope none of that happens. However, the message delivered to us was clearly coercive. 

We will not be bullied, threatened or intimidated. 

Obviously, Dr. Burk and her colleagues view themselves as agents of change and feel any organization that has stood the test of time and has strong roots in tradition -- and does not fit their profile -- needs to be changed. 

We do not intend to become a trophy in their display case. 

There may well come a day when women will be invited to join our membership but that timetable will be ours and not at the point of a bayonet. 

We do not intend to be further distracted by this matter. We will not make additional comments or respond to the taunts and gripes artificially generated by the corporate campaign. 

We shall continue our traditions and prepare Augusta National Golf Club to host the Masters as we have since 1934. 

With all due respect, we hope Dr. Burk and her colleagues recognize the sanctity of our privacy and continue their good work in a more appropriate arena.

I was astounded by the tone and language in the press release, but I went ahead and did the AP interview, it's fair to say with zero preparation. Being only a casual golf fan and knowing some tournaments moved around year to year, I made one mistake: I said if Augusta National didn't open to women, perhaps the tournament should be moved. I didn't know, of course, that the club owns the Masters and it never moves, while the other PGA Tour events move every year. Ferguson printed the gaffe, and it was used against me repeatedly by those who disagreed with our position. Though the language differed, the essence was "What is she doing sticking her nose into golf? The dumb bitch doesn't even know Augusta National owns the Masters." Just in case anyone doubts that a double standard is alive and well, Jesse Jackson made the same mistake on television a month or so later, and not a single member of the press made an issue of it, or dared call him dumb or uninformed. 

My phone continued to ring all afternoon. The New York Times, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, USA Today, the Los Angeles Times, and many others called. I was on the radio and CNN by evening, but I still thought it was a one-day story. Boy, was I wrong. The media firestorm would continue for most of the next year. For better or worse, I would become a central figure in the controversy about power, money, gender, and exclusion that played out on hundreds of talk radio shows, dozens of television debates on all the major networks, and in the pages of The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and People magazine, not to mention in kitchen table discussions and family arguments around the country. 

Those that didn't get it thought we were making a big deal out of nothing -- what difference does it make if a few rich guys get together and chase a little ball around? As feminists, it went without saying that we knew this was never about golf. It was about power, about keeping women out of places where important business is done, and most of all, about how sex discrimination is viewed in business circles and by extension in society at large. The press knew it, the club knew it, and judging from our e-mails, most of the public knew it too. 

Tirades from both sides of the gender divide poured into our office -- close to five hundred e-mails a day. Not all the men were against us, nor all the women for us. But all had strong opinions. On the one hand, it wasn't about golf, it was about why women ought not to serve in combat. It was about the Equal Rights Amendment that would emasculate men, and everyone being forced to use unisex toilets. It was about men wanting to pee behind the trees without women seeing them. It was about women being physically weaker, that's why they shouldn't be firefighters. It was about my wife (whom I'm speaking for), who doesn't make as much money as I do, so yes, she has to do the dishes after her workday; that's fair. It was about you feminists are on the wrong track because I'm a female college student and all this gender stuff was settled ages ago. It was about you cunts destroying the world for whites and red-blooded men who hate fags. 

On the other side, it was about all the crap I have to put up with at work from that sorry guy who I trained and now makes more than I do. It was about why my husband picks up his socks when the maid comes but not when I'm doing the housework. It was about my wife getting docked for having to leave early to pick up our kid, but the guy next to her could leave to get his car fixed without penalty. It was that this will forevermore be about men and boys not wanting to give up any modicum of power, and our willingness, as women -- like the frog in the pan of warm water on the stove -- to remain comfy and confident in our pan of warm water, waiting . . . well, we all know what happened to the frog. 
Copyright © 2005 Martha Burk 

Conversations @ Work 10 Way to Revolutionize Your Workplace-one Conversation at a Time

Guest post by Jamie Showkeir and Maren Showkeir

Seven out of ten people say that conversation is essential to getting things done at work. Yet, roughly half of today's careerists-regardless of level or position- admit to finding it difficult to have open, honest conversations at their company.  The result? Everyday conversations-the "invisible" driver of workplace culture and business success-are frequently manipulative and counterproductive. Ten waysto take the lead and create change-one authentic conversation at a time:

Have a point of view. 
Develop an informed, independent viewpoint about the topic at hand. Have a strong voice, but be open to others' perspectives, too. 

Focus on choice. 
Need to be right or do everything your way? Get over it. Leadership-formal or informal-is no longer defined as "having the right answers," but as an ability
to engage others in considering all the choices and finding the best solution. 

Raise difficult issues
It's not easy to bring up a hard subject. Still, be the one who acknowledges
the "elephant in the room" and concentrates on resolution. 

Extend goodwill. 
Approach others as allies-not adversaries. Choose to convey goodwill-despite any existing stress or strain-and manage your emotions. 

Take the other side. 
Go ahead-argue the other person's point of view. You'll help people feel heard and understood, and get to the heart of collaboration. 

Own it. 
Resist the urge to point the finger when things go wrong. Identify your own contribution to the problem and make it public. 

Deny denial. 
Denying or downplaying difficulties is dishonest and demeaning. Address the truth of a situation-the cold, hard facts-and invite others to join you in moving forward. 

Confront cynicism. 
Beware the cynics, victims, and bystanders. Sure, they're everywhere in the workplace, but if you're clear on where you stand, you needn't pour your energies into winning them over-just invite them to make their own choices instead.

Deal with resistance. 
Turning a blind eye to resistance won't make it disappear. Learn to see it, 
call it out, and deal with it.

Process. 
When a conversation takes a turn for the worse, stop and "process" what's happening. Admit you're at an impasse, make a good-faith statement, and
ask for help. 

Finally, stop playing the parent and taking responsibility for others' feelings.
Encourage everyone-co-workers, direct reports, and even the boss-to deal with their own emotions and let go of the childlike hope that somebody else will make
it "all better."

(Sidebar)

Roughly half of today's careerists-regardless of level or position-admit
to finding it difficult to have open, honest conversations at their company. 

 

$1,000 to an IPO: One Women's Entrepreneurial Journey

Guest post by Rosalind Resnick

I was sitting where you are now. My partner and I had just started a little company called NetCreations. Back in 1995, we were just a two-person Web design firm operating out of my house in Hollywood, Florida. I was a journalist who had just written a book about doing business on the Internet. My partner, Ryan Scott, was a computer programmer and video game designer. I like to say that he was the guy who could make anything and I was the girl who could sell anything. We were a great team.

But quickly we realized that our clients needed more than just Web sites - they needed a way to get people to visit these sites and persuade them to shop and buy. So, after months of trial and error, we discovered a way to make that happen - by building a database of Internet users who had voluntarily "opted in," or given us permission to send them targeted email messages about products and services that they liked. And, best of all, we let them get off our lists at any time! Instead of spamming them with junk mail, we sent them mail that they really wanted - and our clients' response rates went through the roof!

But just because we had invented a great product didn't mean that we knew how to build a great company. We had every problem that you could imagine. Because we didn't know how to manage people, we had constant turnover. In fact, back in May 1998, all four of our employees quit the same day. And, because we didn't know much about accounting, our bookkeeper embezzled $22,000 from us - even though I was signing all the checks! There were tech problems, customer service problems, you name it!

But we had a hot product and, if you've got a hot product, the market will forgive you for just about anything. In the fall of 1998, the dot com market exploded. All of a sudden, there was Amazon and Buy.com and a dozen different online pet stores clamoring to rent our lists of targeted, permission-based email addresses. Our sales took off, and, pretty soon, the word got out - email marketing was the place to be. Before long, big guys like DoubleClick invaded our little marketplace and our biggest reseller raised $9 million in venture capital and became our biggest competitor overnight.

In early 1999, we had a choice - get big or go home. We were a tiny company - only about 20 employees at the time working out of our one-room office in SoHo. But we were proud and stubborn. And my partner and I were not about to let anybody come in and eat our lunch. So, instead of selling out to a competitor, we decided to fight back. We hired a small investment banking firm in DC - the big New York banks wouldn't touch us - and we took our show on the road. I went from never having raised a dime of outside money in my whole life to raising $43 million in three weeks. The day our stock started trading, our little company was worth $300 million. Three months later, at the height of the dot com craze, we were worth almost $1 billion.

Now, I wish that I could tell you that this was the happy ending to our story, but, of course, it wasn't. As all of you know, the capital markets began to pull out of the Internet business in April 2000, and, despite the fact that we were a real company with a real business model making real money, many of our customers were dot coms that depended on venture capital to survive. So, as our customers cut back their advertising, our sales began to slip and, by September 2000, it was clear that we were going to miss the earnings estimates that the analysts had set for us when the market was so hot the year before.

What happened next seems like a blur. When I announced that we were going to miss our numbers, our stock plunged by 50% in one day. To save our stock price, I put together a deal with DoubleClick, our arch-competitor, to acquire our company for $191 million stock for stock. But, a week later, DoubleClick announced that it was going to miss its numbers, too, and its stock price plunged, dragging down the value of our deal to about $50 million. As a result, some disgruntled shareholders hit us with a class action lawsuit, accusing me and my partner of self-dealing and all kinds of terrible things. Worst of all, DoubleClick was going to replace me as CEO. 

But, then, just as it looked like things couldn't possibly get any worse, we had an amazing stroke of luck. Out of nowhere, an Italian publishing and marketing conglomerate called SEAT Pagine Gialle made an unsolicited offer to acquire us for all cash. Turns out that SEAT had bought a controlling interest in a French direct marketing company that had wanted to buy us the year before. So, on Feb. 15, 2001, we closed a deal with the European company for $111 million cash. My partner and I, who still owned about 75 percent of the company's stock, each walked away with roughly $40 million. I stayed on as CEO of NetCreations until last December.

So what's the moral of the story? If you want to be cynical, you could say that it's better to be lucky than good or that we just happened to be at the right place at the right time. But, in our case, I think it was more than that. The bottom line is that we were the market leader and we were making money, and, despite the market downturn, our company still had value. And that's why we were able to walk away with our heads held high and some serious money in our pocket. And, by the way, NetCreations is still alive and kicking at our original office at 379 West Broadway.

But I'm not here today to bore you with stories about the past. The dot coms are dead, and they aren't coming back. I'm here because I've started a new company, Axxess Business Centers, and our mission is to help entrepreneurs like you start your own businesses and, if you already have a business, to take your company to the next level. We offer one-on-one counseling, business plan writing, workshops, seminars, support groups, how-to books - basically, everything you need to get started and keep on going. To be honest, I only wish that Axxess Business Centers had been around to help me out when I was starting NetCreations seven years ago!

As an entrepreneur, I honestly don't believe that entrepreneurship can be taught. It takes talent, drive, persistence, and the willingness to make lots of mistakes and to learn from them. As I used to tell my staff at NetCreations, if you don't know where you're going, it's impossible to get lost! But, having said all that, there are a number of things that you can do to maximize your chances of success so that, hopefully, you can avoid all the mistakes that I made the first time around!

1. Don't assume that you can turn love into money. You may be a great cook but a terrible restaurateur! That's why you need a business plan to provide a roadmap of where you want to go!

2. If you can't come up with a great business idea of your own, buy a franchise. Most small businesses fail within the first five years - the odds are much better with a franchise that's been road-tested by somebody else!

3. Don't fall in love with your business. Decide on an exit strategy even before you begin! The worst mistake you can make is selling your company six months too late!

4. Plan for the worst case scenario. Everything that can go wrong with your business undoubtedly will. From time to time, your employees will quit so make sure that every process is documented and every employee is cross trained!

5. Prepare to work the 24/7 shift -- at least, until you start making money! You'll have plenty of time to sit on the beach once you've made your millions!

6. Keep your own books -- or else your bookkeeper will rob you blind! Now, I swear by Quickbooks, and I reconcile my bank statements religiously.

7. Answer your own phone and email. That's the best way to find out what your customers really think of you!

8. Hand out business cards like candy. It's the cheapest form of advertising there is! 

9. If you need to raise money to help your business grow, get it from a bank, not a venture capital firm. VCs want to sit on your board and take a piece of your equity. All your banker wants is a tax return showing profits and prompt repayment of your loan.

10. Don't hire a professional manager to run your business --until you've figured out how it run it first!

Ten Smart Things Job Seekers Can Do

Guest post by Sherrie A. Madia
Author of The Online Job Search Survival Guide
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Searching for a job, but don’t know where to begin? Try these 10 social networking strategies. 

1. ASSESS YOUR ONLINE PRESENCE 

 According to Coremetrics (2010), 75% of companies require recruiters to research job applicants online, so you’ll want to be sure you know what they’ll find. 

 Do a Google search on your name

 Surprised by what you see? When possible, remove content that doesn’t align with the image you want to project

 Don’t have a presence? Start by determining where you’d like to work, and the image you’d like to project

 Position yourself as an expert in your industry

 Remember to be authentic

2. BECOME A JOINER

 Research communities that best suit your professional interests, then join

 Once you’ve observed and gotten a sense of the community, enter the conversation with a meaningful comment that progresses the dialogue

 LinkedIn and Facebook Groups are great places to begin

 Become the “expert” within select communities by consistently offering useful insights

3. WORK THE ROOM

 Within communities you select, get to know the people as you would in any other networking event

 Seek out common interests and ask questions of those who share your passion

 Think of this exercise not as a one-time job search, but as a foundational network to last throughout your career

 By approaching job search more as a “people search” you will be more likely to land a job—Relationships count in job search, so spend time building them

4. LINK IN TO LINKEDIN 

 Sign up and complete your LinkedIn profile—partial profiles send a message that you may not be fully committed

 Seek out past employers, people you know who are working in your ideal industry, classmates from school, and more

 Use LinkedIn’s Search feature to find these individuals and invite them into your network

 Ask former employers and clients for an “I would recommend”. This LinkedIn feature functions as an online letter of recommendation

 Answer questions on LinkedIn Answers. Respond consistently and with value, and you will soon become known as an expert

5. FOLLOW THAT RECRUITER! 

 Use Twitter to enhance your job search by finding your ideal companies, or representatives from your ideal industry

 Visit www.Search.Twitter.com and search on keywords of interest (e.g., “Boston IT Jobs, Healthcare Jobs, Jobs at IBM, etc.) 

 Follow these Twitter streams and get to know who is tweeting— Often, these streams are staffed by recruiters

 Tweet meaningful responses that position you as a knowledgeable contributor

 As the relationships build, you may send a Direct Message (DM), but do so with care

6. FACEBOOK: CREATE YOUR OWN PERSONAL JOB FAIR

 Tap into your existing network of friends via Facebook

 While it’s okay to mention you are seeking a job, do not use your Facebook wall to vent, whine or complain about your plight

 Let friends know you what type of job you are seeking, but do so in a manner that’s positive and professional

 Post a link to your resume on your Facebook wall

 Create a Facebook ad that highlights your skills and the value you would bring to an employer

 Remember, job search is not about you (the job seeker) —it’s about them (the company), so position shareable content that speaks to companies’ needs

7. HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR COMMUNITY TODAY

 Consistency matters in social media use for business, and the same rules apply to job search

 Post routinely (at least once a day is ideal) so that members of the group come to expect and look forward to your commentary

 Regular engagement demonstrates commitment, follow—Regular engagement demonstrates commitment, follow through, and discipline—All great qualities to showcase

 Be sure to promote your community activity within your resume, letters of inquiry, and so forth

8. SMART TACTICS FOR JOB SEARCH SUCCESS

 Purchase a URL in your name (e.g., “FirstNameLastName.com”). This will enable you to send recruiters to an online page that highlights your credentials

 Start a blog

 Ask to contribute to an existing blog as a guest blogger

 Great on an interview? Create a 1-3 minute video in which you answer common interview questions and highlight your skills. 

 Post this to YouTube and title your video using keywords from the industry in which you’d like to work. 

 Create a podcast and post to your Facebook page

 Create connections across social networks so that recruiters can find one consistent image of you

9. REVERSE ENGINEER YOUR JOB SEARCH

 Rather than sending resumes en masse, social networking enables job seekers to plant content seeds strategically in places where human resources will likely be. 

 Today’s hiring decisions are more critical than ever, so human resource representatives must make careful hires—This means they are likely to be more diligent than ever in exploring credentials

 Establish yourself as a thought leader, and give your expertise freely. People will appreciate this value and will tend to return the favor

10. JUST SHOWING UP IS A WIN 

 When using social networking for job search, you build both your online presence, and a set of skills that employers will find valuable

 Your ability to write with clarity in a blog, showcase photos and video, tweet effectively, etc. makes you that much more attractive to recruiters

 Regardless of job type, company size, or industry, every company today needs employees who are skilled in social media. 

 Those who bring industry expertise and social media savvy have the distinct advantage in the job market

8 Ways to "Manage Up" --without Your Boss Knowing You're Doing It

Guest post by Beverly Flaxington
Author of Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets to Human Behavior

A Gallup poll of more 1 million employed US workers showed that 17% of employee turnover is because of a bad boss or immediate supervisor. But the poll also concluded that 75% of all turnovers are influenced by managers -- that is, a bad manager is often the tipping point in an employee's decision to leave.

In my consulting and coaching work with employees, we spend far too much of our time working on "managing up" -- helping employee deal with a difficult or incompetent boss. Oftentimes the boss has an unpleasant manner. The boss is a bully or a poor communicator. Sometimes the boss is disorganized and blames their employee as a result for any ensuing problems. 

Unfortunately for most of us, we have, or will have at some point, a difficult boss. Instead of leaping to another job hoping that the next one will be better, it's important to develop managing-up skills. The more you learn to manage up, the more successful you will be wherever you are and whatever you're doing. 

Here are eight tips for managing your boss, without the boss knowing you're doing it.

1. Match your behavioral style to hers. Observe your boss's behavioral and communication style. Is she fast-paced and quick to make decisions? Is she slow to think about things and want time to process? The more you can match your style to your boss's style when communicating, the more she will really hear what you're saying.

2. Think about his "what's in it for me?" Every time you approach your boss, try to imagine what he cares about. What do you know about the view from his seat? Can you frame comments in a way that make him feel that what you're proposing or doing benefits him?

3. Be a proactive communicator. Find out your boss's preferred method -- email, in person drop-ins, or lengthy memos -- and be sure to pass along information to her regularly. Most bosses don't like to be caught unawares. Even if your boss doesn't ask it of you, tell her what's going on -- keep her updated. 

4. Accommodate his weaknesses. If you know you have a boss who's disorganized, instead of grousing about it, help him to be on top of things. If you know your boss is often late to meetings, offer to kick off the next meeting for him. If you know your boss is slow to respond, continue to work on a project while you wait to hear back from him. Will you be hiding your boss and enabling bad behavior? Maybe, but you're also giving him much-needed support to succeed -- and he'll appreciate you for it.

5. Do the best job you can do. Too many times people will start to slack off or lose interest or stop performing well because they feel entitled with a bad boss. Don't do it. Keep your mind focused on top performance. 

6. Likewise, keep a good attitude. Go home and complain to your spouse or friends all you want, but when in the office or workplace, stay upbeat and engaged. You never know who is watching or listening.

7. Don't react to a bully. Remember that bullies get their power from those who are afraid. If your boss is a yeller, a criticizer, or a judge -- stand firm. If you're doing the best job you can do, keep your head held high and don't give in to the bullying. Ask questions, seek to understand, and work to diffuse a difficult situation instead of cowering or responding in anger. It takes practice, but the results are well worth it.

8. Know her place in the pecking order. Very importantly, know where your boss stands in the company. If your boss is well regarded and well liked, she probably does a very good job of managing up too. As a result, you will be considered the "problem" if you complain about her to higher ups. If you decide you want to take action against your boss, weigh your options carefully before you do.

5 Ways Women can Guarantee Their Edge

Guest post by Frances Cole Jones
Author of How to Wow: Proven Strategies for Selling Your [Brilliant] Self in Any Situation
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog!

1. Because women have naturally higher voices, it's particularly important to insure we're speaking from our diaphragm which gives our voices resonance and authority. To check if you are, place your hand on your abdomen while you speak. If you're hand's not moving, your diaphragm's not engaged. An easy way to practice engaging it is to lie on the floor with a heavy book on your stomach and breathe until the book is moving up and down. When you stand up, your voice will have dropped about an octave.  

2. It's important for everyone to be aware of how they are taking up space. As women, we often make ourselves smaller, rather than larger.  As you sit in your next meeting, look around at the posture and attitudes of others at the table. If you're leaning back with your hands in your lap while others are leaning forward, move to the front of your seat, sit up straight, and lean in toward the group. Also, we trust you when we can see your hands, we don’t trust you when we can’t—keep you hands where others can see them.  

3. Listening without interrupting is a vastly underrated skill set-- and interruptions come in many forms. As women, we often interrupt by agreeing and encouraging—“Absolutely,” we’ll say, or “I know exactly what you mean,” not recognizing that this can interrupt others' thought patterns. Instead, I recommend signaling your encouragement and agreement via non-verbal techniques:  leaning in, nodding your head, and smiling.   

4. Multitasking comes easily to women, consequently many of us take it for granted—neglecting to formalize our thoughts into words. But research has shown that one of the most effective ways you can plan for success is by instituting checklists—yes, those work-a-day items that inevitably get left on the front of the refrigerator when you go to the supermarket. But before you write this idea off as too simple, consider that both surgeons and pilots complete rigorous checklists before they begin operations—in fact, pilots have a list of twenty five items that must be checked off, in order, every time they leave the ground, despite the fact that most of them know the list by heart. 

5. In this economy it’s critical to have access to multiple areas of expertise. One way to ensure this is to barter your brain power.  To begin, I recommend sitting down with one or two friends who have a wealth of knowledge about something you’ve always wanted to know, but haven’t yet had the time or inclination to learn and telling them frankly how much you admire their expertise. I would then ask them if there’s anything that you do that they have always wanted to find out more about. These shared talents can be gold—or, better yet, worth their weight in gold.