Read the Label by Cherie Burbach

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You gave me a dress
but it was too small.
I looked at the label 
and it said "unfeeling and ungrateful."

When I told you it didn't quite fit
you suggested I lose weight.
I ate what you prepared
and when the dress you bought me
still didn't fit,
I stopped eating.

Now the skirt slid over my hips
but I still felt uncomfortable.
I realized it was the wrong color and style. 
You said
since I was good
and lost weight
you'd buy me a new one.
But I couldn't go with you
or make the choice myself.
You'd pick out my new clothes
and if I didn't like them
I could go entirely without.

The new skirt's label
said "lazy and stupid."
I didn't want to try it on
but you made me.
And I didn't protest
I didn't want to argue
or give you the impression
that I wasn't a nice girl.

So I put on the new skirt.
It was short, and tight.
You said it looked good
that it fit me perfectly.
So I tried to be happy
and be what you wanted me to be.

You told me girls were quiet
they didn't talk back. 
So I held my tongue
even though I disagreed with you.
But then you told me I didn't talk enough
that I was stupid
and slow.

So I tried to show you I was smart.
I had a mind of my own.

But when I told you my dreams
you shoved me down.
You told me no one would ever want me
and I would always be alone.
And then you gave me a new skirt to wear.

This skirt's label read
"difficult and unlovable."
I put on my new skirt
but cried softly in my room.
I wore that skirt for a long time
even when I had outgrown it
I still told myself that it fit.

Every once in a while
someone would ask
why I wore that skirt.
They would tell me it didn't fit,
and I should get a new one.
But I didn't want to upset you
so I chased them away 
from my life.

But one day
I walked past a store window
and saw a beautiful blue skirt
long and flowing.
I walked in the store
and tried it on.

"It looks good on you," 
the salesclerk said
as I spun around in front of the mirror.
I felt good, real, beautiful.
I read the label,
"passionate and honest."
"It really is you," the clerk said again.
And for the first time
I believed it.

"I'll take it," I said, 
and handed her the money.
"In fact," I said, "I'll wear it out of the store."

I handed the clerk my old skirt
and told her I didn't want it anymore.
As I walked out 
I looked at the mirror one more time,
and smiled.

BUY NOW The Difference Now

Like Old Men in Rocking Chairs by Cherie Burbach

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Angry words
framed the doorway
of the house where I grew up.
And there was no way to enter
without those words, 
tainted and searing,
landing upon your soul.

They evaporated
into your skin
and you couldn't wash them away
or cover them
with the fragrance of kindness.

They embedded each cell
of your heart and mind
and shaped the person you saw
when you looked into the mirror.
And the tears
that tried to wash them away
only made them grow.

And when I thought
they had left me,
they were really sitting in the corner
like old men in rocking chairs
watching, waiting,
until happiness fades
and they can say
I told you so.
With Every Breath

With every breath
the example of his life
fills my eyes and ears
it is
behind every action
ahead
of every decision
it waits
around every corner
it lights
up the sky
in the morning
and
puts me to bed at night.

It fills my lungs
it guides my life
it weighs in on every decision.

I breathe in
the progress of today
the promise of tomorrow
my life transformed
my greatest lesson.

I breathe out
the self-doubt
the anger
the isolation
the pain.

With every breath,
I live.

BUY NOW The Difference Now

TWC-TIPS

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When working at your computer for good health it is a MUST you stand up and stretch!  Sitting affects your bones.

What’s your net worth?  Send me an email for the free form we use in real estate to determine if you can afford a property.  Keep it for life it’s in Excel for easy use. Barrie@womans-connection.com

I label things for the shower w/a magic marker to read w/out glasses.

Preparing your brief case for the next day gives a head start & able to cope better when the unexpected happens.

Traveling I carry handy wipes for everything.  When do you think they last really sanitized the arm chairs of your seat? Let alone the tray table.

I wear a sports bra when traveling…so much more comfortable on a long flight.

Put in your calendar four months in advance for when your passport is set to expire.

As soon as I make travel reservations I also stop the paper.

Carry an extra day’s supply (underwear, vitamins, possibly a change of clothing, shoes, personal care products) w/you on the plane when checking luggage.

I put my coat in a plastic bag when I put it in the overhead compartment.

What bills are coming in while you are away?  Make arrangements so you don’t pay that late payment fee.

Accidentally hit just the letter “d” while in gmail and it opened up a new compose window.

Take duct tape with you, its uses could save someone’s life i.e. tape a skull together.

Did you know if you are gone from your residence for more than two consecutive months your home owners insurance might not be valid?

De-Cluttering Debunked by Brooke Stone

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Look around. Do you have stuff everywhere? Most people do, don't be embarrassed. Look around again, take it all in. Don't you deserve better? Isn't it time to live and work in spaces that support you, instead of inhibit you? Clutter is not just a mess, it stands directly in the way of personal productivity and peace of mind. And don't you deserve to be productive and have peace of mind?! Yes. Yes, you do.

Now that we are in agreement, lets get one thing straight. Spring cleaning is a handy fad, but living clutter free is for every season and does not require a Container Store holiday to bring into focus. It all begins with understanding you deserve better for yourself, and internalizing the fact that a visually and practically organized space will afford you the calm you need to work or play.

Ready? Ok. The first step is to de-clutter your cluttered spaces one by one. Star with your desk, or your living room, it doesn’t matter where you start as long as you do start! Begin by organizing all of the clutter into piles of like items. Toys with toys, papers to file with papers to file, etc. Make a separate pile for things that go other places than the place you are organizing. Throw away all of the trash.

Now, put away the piles of things that actually live in the space you are organizing, file away the papers, and put the things that go other places, in their other places. Rinse and repeat in each area of your home.

The bad news? This can take a while depending on what you are dealing with, but trust me, it's worth it. The good news? You only have to do this once if you can commit to the maintenance plan coming up next.

Ok, so your house is now (almost) perfectly de-cluttered and organized. Now, all you have to do to remain committed to living clutter free (remember, you are so worth it!) is spare 10 minutes every night before bed and pick up the debris from the day.

Do one room at a time, just like round one above. I usually start in the room farthest from my bedroom, and work down the hall with collapsing into bed being the prize for this daily diligence. Pick up the things. Put them where they go. It’s pretty simple, but requires a real dedication to those 10 minutes each night. You can do it though. You are very worth it. Waking up and making your coffee in a de-cluttered kitchen is all the thanks you will need, promise.

Once you commit to this little plan, a crazy thing starts to happen, beside you being able to actually find the things you need. You begin holding others who use or live in your space more accountable. You know those 10 minutes each night could be 5 if your partner or kids learned to pick up after themselves. You start requiring them to do just that, and are setting a great example by modeling clutter free behaviors.

Sooner or later, your 10 minutes becomes 5 and your clutter becomes a distant (bad) dream. And, just like most things that stick, building commitment to these new habits begins with the simple reminder that you deserve better and can make it happen for yourself. 

Design of Nine: A No Nonsense Plan for Creating and Maintaining Beautiful Skin At Any Age by Julia Tanum Hunter, M.D.

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1. Prevention at any age. Its never too late - just get started!
As long as your heart is beating, no matter where you’re starting, it’s never too late. You CAN be successful - quickly, permanently and happily. You can sometimes be “bad” but because you know how to and why to be “good” and understand it’s not about deprivation, you won’t get frustrated. Beginning to experience the skin, health, youthfulness, body, brainpower, energy and vitality you desire will motivate you to stay on the road to success. AND, what’s the alternative? Aging more quickly, not feeling “good”-gastrointestinal issues, aches, pains, injuries, illnesses, operations, medications, unhappiness, diseases such as Alzheimer’s, cancer, prostate and erection issues, debilitation-physical and financial, stroke, nursing homes. Or maybe you’ll be luckier, but based on experience, prevention = greater happiness, fun and well-being and quality longevity.

2. Avoid foods, products, ingredients and chemicals that inflame the skin and internal organs.
Inflammation-- the primary cause of disease and aging that begins afflicting us from birth! Skin, the largest organ of the body, is one of the main organs used by the body to detoxify so many of the skin issues we experience are a result of the body attempting to clear, clean and heal itself (skin is a window to what is occurring internally). As skin becomes inflamed from what we consume, absorb and are exposed to (such as pollution and sunlight) - the results are aging and disease. Research on skin cancer and aging, acne, enlarged pores, ingrown beard hairs, hyperpigmentation, photodamage, rosacea, thinning hair, heart and blood vessel disease, erectile dysfunction and organ diseases like diabetes, Alzheimer’s, cancers, arthritis and osteoporosis demonstrate that free radicals, fungal overgrowth and compromised hormone and immune systems, are the core causes resulting in inflammation, chronic and severe. Free radicals cause acidic blood and tissue pH, creating a hostile body environment of inflammation especially for collagen production (and every thing in your body is constructed of collagen). Stress causes inflammation via activating the release of stress hormones, which protect then damage, when depleted, then we progress to more disease.

3. Essential building blocks.
The skin and body is a 24/7 construction site so we need to supply the building blocks AND ones the body needs, wants, is missing, can recognize, absorb and utilize. In today’s toxic and stress filled world and with foods as they are-even organic and right out of the garden due to soil depleted of nutrition from farming year round, it is imperative to supplement the internal organs and skin with specific foods, water and supplements-an array that keep your tissues alkaline and supplied with enough raw materials to do their job the best, the most youthfully and energetically. Your genetics and sex often require a unique prescription of what your body needs and doesn’t. You cannot take enough antioxidants in today’s world to fight the number and amount of free radicals that are being generated and inflaming your organs and tissues. Your unique Action Plan delineates everything you need for maximizing health, beauty and slowing down the ticking of the clock

4. Most everything in MODERATION regarding food.
You are what you eat - organic, hormone and antibiotic free, grass fed, wild, the less sugar, carbs, flour (even whole wheat), grain, corn, cow's milk, the better to minimize toxicity.

Skin Fitness Plus

• Drink 1.0-2 liters of water a day, ideally with no chlorine, fluoride or bromide, and filtered at least for organisms are recommended. Your skin and body require much water for them to function correctly. All cells need water and water helps treat and prevent constipation. Make your water therapeutic by placing one or more green tea bags in it daily.

• The closer to nature, ideally the greener and darker the fruits and vegetables the better and seasonal in your location are best.
• Grains - white and whole wheat flour, bread, pasta, corn, white rice, oatmeal and sugars are not anyone's friend. Less is best!
• Cereals, grains, sugars and pastas should be low glycemic when eaten meaning complex grains, infrequently multi-grain and consider raw almonds, walnuts, hazelnuts, raw dates, DARK chocolate (in moderation) or unsweetened raw chocolate products, xylitol sweetened products, wild rice as better choices. Many people have gluten allergies, which cause acne, constipation and inflammatory diseases. Save your sweets for something worth aging and getting pimples for and having to exercise off or diet for and protect with antioxidants and probiotics. We all love sweets and bread, but they contribute to aging, disease and fungal overgrowth so in moderation.
• Red meat - Ideally women and men - don't consume more then once a week. Lamb is healthier then beef, pork can be healthier then both. Replace with healthy wild, low toxin fish, turkey, black beans, buffalo and wild game, chicken (skinless) and goat. Eat more vegetables and beans - also full of protein.
• ETOH in moderation (tequila, scotch, dry red wine and vodka are better choices), no sweet mixers and try not drinking every day. Alcohol increases free radicals and the body turns it into fat so take glutathione and an array of antioxidants and drink water with it. It also negatively impacts sleep, so again, indulge in moderation. Helpful solutions to cut down are (when you want a glass of wine or cocktail) to drink hot or cold tea instead, which generally distracts your brain, so you lose the urge.
• Avoid cow’s milk, even for children, as much as possible, especially if you have acne or constipation. Many are allergic to it and the lactose is a sugar that promotes fungal overgrowth and fat. It acidifies the body and you get more calcium from vegetables. Goat milk is compatible with virtually everyone and there are tasty goat cheeses, yogurts and milks. Sheep milk is next best and still better than cow’s milk.
• The right oils that juice up and plump the skin (we all dry up as we get older) and they promote health and decrease inflammation. The most anti-inflammatory oil that everyone should take is fish oil - Omega-3’s. Healthy oils for your skin and body also include olive oil (great also to put on your skin in small amounts for irritation and hydration), raw coconut oil, hemp, flax with lignans, walnut, green tea, borage, black currant.
5. Supplements and Nutrients.
Even organic, fresh and healthy food must be supported in today’s world with vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, nutrients and targeted oils that continually replenish, strengthen, energize and detoxify the entire body, promote physical and psychological well-being and effectively combat the epidemic of acne, melasma, rosacea and skin cancers. The soil is depleted and over-farmed so supplementation is essential. Examples of these essential nutrients:

• Green powder/pills - green, green and more green, the more green the better!
• B vitamins
• Detoxified iodine
• Multi-minerals
• Probiotics
• Digestive enzymes

6. Ingredients.
Checking out ingredients in everything we put in and on our bodies helps to protect and enrich our diet. The hidden sugars, MSG, simple salt, the ingredients we consume in foods and their lack after shipping and cooking- of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, even if entitled organic, greatly contribute to our inflammation. The closer to nature foods you eat, the more alkaline, healthy and rejuvenated your skin and body will become and the aging clock slows as much as possible. You CAN look 10-20 years younger than your peers. We must address the skin and body internally and externally to achieve health and turn back the clock.

Skin Fitness Plus
7. Have your Hormone Levels Checked.
Aging, disease, depression, sleep disorders, “brain fog”, emotional lability lack of energy and vitality, anxiety, mid-adominal weight and struggles, nail ridging and fungus, athletes foot, jock itch, tiny postular, itchy, skin rashes, brown spots, skin tags, thickened skin growths, yeast infections, dry furrowed heels, pain and unhappiness in men and women are significantly advanced by declining hormone levels which also advances skin, collagen, tissue and hair thinning and laxity, loss of integrity and strength, weakens the immune system, negatively impacts the risks of prostate disease, and all cancers, can cause emotional and psychological changes, low energy levels and brain functioning, organ and erectile dysfunction, weight gain and let’s not forget…the law of gravity everywhere in and on the body. Acneic skin demonstrates increased hormone sensitivity at the level of the skin and must be treated and balanced to cure the problem.Bio-identical hormones in cream form vs. those in a chemical form which are foreign to the human body, properly dosed, administered, monitored and individually tailored contribute to turning back the physiological clock in a healthy manner, promoting well-being, preventing diseases, strengthening the immune system, energy, sleep, skin and brain fitness. Like nutritionals and supplements, they must be balanced and titrated both for the skin and internally. Men have the same hormones as women in different amounts. Bio-identical hormones that must be addressed include bio-identical progesterone, testosterone, DHEA, thyroid, pregnenolone, growth hormone, melatonin and more...

8. Exercise –
Workout safely and healthfully. Exercise is anti-aging. Sweating is detoxifying, increases blood flow, oxygenation and is anti-fungal, bringing in the nutrients to the cells and tissues and increasing lymphatic flow, which takes out the toxins. Exercise helps balance hormones and increases growth hormone output, which is anti-aging, enhances good sleep, lubricates your joints and spine if done correctly, produces energy and brainpower. By increased circulation and delivery of nutrients to skin cells, you are expelling potentially damaging toxins. If you are not exercising, then you are not detoxifying nor stemming aging. Exercise is walking the stairs instead of the elevator, carrying your own groceries, taking a walk on your street or up a hill, parking the car NOT closest to the door so you have to walk a bit, bicycling, cleaning the house, doing yard work, etc. Working out with some weights doesn’t mean you always have to go to the gym, everyday chores can maintain and promote muscle mass. Your skin is attached to your muscles so lifting and toning your muscles can help to tighten skin. Building muscle also increases your metabolic rate so you burn more calories all the time and lose weight more easily. Remember - muscle weighs more than fat so you can be losing inches and the scale reports your weight is the same. Yoga is great exercise and as with all exercise, be careful and work up slowly, stretch gradually and if your body is telling you it hurts then you need to work up more slowly and often you need professional advice at first for safety.

9. Routinely maintain skin health!
Just as you consistently repair and upkeep your house and car, maintenance is needed for your skin and body. Everything that results in skin health and beauty must be addressed – foods, water, exercise, vitamins and supplements, bio-identical hormones and internal organ health. Insure that your physiology is kept working at its best, disease-free and youngest to achieve the results you want and the health you need! To enhance, not harm your skin, use chemically correct, therapeutic concentration products without toxic ingredients. Add scientifically correct procedures to cure damage and slow the aging process. Skin, oral, hair and nail products must be free of harmful chemicals, artificial colors, dyes, and fragrances that cause inflammation…the primary cause of disease, aging and skin pathology. Skin Regimen Must Be Individually Formulated For Women - easily and quickly doable - specifically designed for you and your unique anatomy to maximize, repair, rejuvenate, prevent and re-invigorate.

Skin Fitness Plus . . . young at any age
www.skinfitnessplus.com

"Taoism and Sexuality byline: Rachel Carlton Abrams, M.D

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Taoism is a spiritual tradition that embraces our sexual desire and uses it within our bodies as a force for healing and spiritual growth. Desire is a rich and potent part of our human experience. The Taoists think of desire, called sexual energy or jing chi, as part of our life energy, or chi. To be passionate is to be full of chi. The English words "desire" or "passion" connote a feeling of yearning and fervor that includes sex, but they also reflect our strongest feelings about life. When we are passionate about anything--our family, our work, our spirituality, an important social cause--we are investing our chi in this experience. Our passion is what moves us to action and ultimately is what gives us joy. We are passionate about the things that matter most to us. 

We often speak of "getting horny" as if we were being invaded by some lewd, demonic (notice the horns) force. But the powerful energy of arousal is basic to our humanity. It is not, as conservative religious thinkers have taught, a dark force that separates us from God, but is the essence of what can compel us to live dynamic and fruitful lives. It is the fact that sexual energy is so powerful that has prompted most major religions to control and restrict sexual behavior, especially the behavior of women. Reestablishing our connection with our desire is part of recovering our personal power.

Once you have awakened your passion, or sexual energy, the Healing Love practices, as taught by world-renowned Taoist master, Mantak Chia, can teach you how to direct and refine your sexual energy so that you can benefit from its gifts. Though our modern world suffers from ignorance about sexuality on the one hand and blatant exploitation of sexuality on the other, Healing Love offers a several-thousand-year-old wisdom about how to live in our bodies as sexual beings and to use our passion to become the people we want to be. 


Taoist Secrets of Sexuality

Taoism is the foundation of Chinese philosophy and medicine. It is a comprehensive physical and spiritual system that helps individuals to reach their highest potentials. It is perhaps best known in this country as the basis for Traditional Chinese Medicine, which includes acupuncture, herbal therapy, nutrition, massage, the energetic meditation called Chi Kung (pronounced "chee kong"), and the martial art called Tai Chi Chuan ("tie chee chwan"). The Universal Tao system was developed by Mantak Chia to teach Taoist meditative and exercise techniques to balance the body and increase and refine one’s vital energy, or chi ("chee"). The sexual practice, or Healing Love, is an essential part of this system. 

"Chi," the Chinese word for life energy, is the force within our bodies and within the universe that engenders life. The word itself has many translations, such as energy, air, breath, wind, or vital essence. There are 49 cultures around the world that understand the concept of chi in one form or another; examples include Ki (Japanese), Prana (Sanskrit), Lung (Tibetan), Neyatoneyah (Lakota Sioux), Num (Kalahari Kung), and Ruach (Hebrew).

"Western culture" and allopathic medicine, often called Western or conventional medicine, is one of the few cultures that does not have a similar concept, although it recognizes the role of energy at the molecular level. Western medicine is extremely effective for treating acute disease and traumatic injuries. However, I believe that it is, in part, the absence of this concept of "life force" that limits its effectiveness in treating chronic illnesses. Western medicine is just beginning to recognize what the Taoists have known for more than 2,000 years, that directing the flow of our life force, our chi, can improve our health and vitality.

In The Multi-Orgasmic Woman you can learn to use your concentration and your breath to activate and move your energy; this practice is called Chi Kung. It involves both concentration exercises and simple movements to facilitate the flow of chi. Used throughout China and now widely practiced in the United States, Chi Kung is an ancient and effective practice for many health issues. I often refer to the Healing Love sexual practice as "Chi Kung for the bedroom."

Once you become aware of your chi, you’ll find that it’s rather easy to notice and feel it. Try this simple exercise. Briskly rub your palms together until you produce heat. Now slowly separate your palms until they are about an inch apart. You should feel a "cushion" of air between them that may feel like pressure, heat, or tingling. This sensation is the chi passing between your hands.

In all traditions meditative practices calm and focus the mind. The Healing Tao meditative practices do this by focusing on the movement of chi. The basic practice is based on circulating chi through a body circuit called the Microcosmic Orbit, which is like an energy superhighway in the body. The Microcosmic Orbit runs from your tailbone up your spine to your brain (the Back Channel) and then returns down the front of your body in the midline (the Front Channel). By using the focus of your mind, you can direct the chi up the spine as you breathe in and let it "fall" down the Front Channel to your abdomen as you breathe out. 

As you become adept at sensing and moving your chi, you will also be able to move your sexual energy, or jing chi, in the same pathway. The ability to expand and move your sexual energy is what allows you to increase your pleasure and intensify your orgasms, no matter what your current level of sexual experience is. It also allows you to transform your sexual energy into chi, or life force, which will give you a great deal more energy out of the bedroom as you live your life in the world. And when your chi is strong and your intention is clear, your chi is transformed into spiritual energy, or shen. 

The Healing Love practices are rich and powerful enough to do for hours each day, but flexible enough to energize you or help relieve physical or emotional stress in minutes. The sexual practices initially take some time to understand and feel in your body, but they can then be seamlessly integrated into lovemaking with astounding results: more pleasure, intimacy, and vibrancy than you’ve ever experienced. 

The Taoist practice offers a practical method to access and integrate the two most powerful healing forces in the world: real love and sexual energy. These practices can increase your pleasure and invigorate your body and soul.

Copyright Rachel Abrams 2005

"How to Recognize and Shed Toxic Friends" by Debbie Mandel

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To feel happy and healthy we need to seek out what specifically brings us joy. High on the list is friendship. Instinctually, we gravitate to positive people to trigger positivism within ourselves. We look to our friends to interpret the big picture for us, to help us find a solution to dramatic problems that overwhelm us. We trust them with our secrets and often take their advice. However, over the years friends change and we change as well. Each decade reveals buried treasures of personality and personal growth. Careers, finances, status and intimate relationships undergo transformations. Our friends remember us way back when… And what if we should succeed? Jealousy, the green-eyed monster, slings its barbs, chipping away at our ability to trust. Et tu, Brutus? Here is how to recognize a toxic relationship and how not to fall apart. 

If your friend speaks to you sarcastically, and most of the remarks though they are housed in humor are basically insulting, eroding your self-esteem or your goals to move forward, this is the first sign of toxicity. Be alert and don’t ignore it. Put up your invisible shield of light to protect your heart.

If you are sick with a chronic and serious illness, have lost your job, or are getting a divorce and your friend keeps asking you for the smallest, most intimate details about your condition, this is a sign of well-meaning toxicity. While you need to separate your identity from that of your plight, get back into life, your friend sees you only as the problem and is fascinated by it as though watching a house on fire, yet doing nothing to put it out. This is a clear signal to alert your friend that you would rather not talk about it. Your friend sees you as an object of pity while you need empowerment to heal. Eventually, you will need to free yourself from this friendship.

If your friend tries to monopolize your time, possess you and limit your contact with others, by making you feel guilty of abandonment, then that friendship has become parasitic. Do not become enmeshed. Declare your independence.

If your friend is narcissistic, rarely complimenting you, tugging at your heart strings as to what you can do for her, calls you when it is convenient for her- even late at night, never remembering what is going on in your life, then be aware that you are being used and drained. Establish your boundaries, so that her soap opera does not become your soap opera. After awhile the same old story becomes redundant and boring. Friendship needs reciprocity.

To close the door on a friendship, gradually wean the two of you off one another. Speak less frequently on the phone. Meet for lunch or dinner with others, not alone, so that you can position yourself next to someone else in the group. Express your feelings honestly and try not to vent. Explain what is wrong. Listen to the answer- what is said as well as what is not said. See if you can salvage the relationship by clearing the air. Adopt a wait and see attitude. If the transgressions continue, let your friend know that it is not working for you.

As we get older, we have fewer friends and more acquaintances. We see with experienced eyes. We tend to expect more from our friends; perhaps we expect too much. Nevertheless, reserve judgment and forgive, but move on. Tap into your gut feelings. Just because you have a history with someone, doesn’t mean you need to keep on repeating it. We outgrow many things during the course of a lifetime and take many detours. During the course of our journey we make new friends and exchange our gifts with them. 

Buy NOW! Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul

Valentine Tips by Dr. Jane Drew

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Start practicing these tips now and create your best Valentine's Day ever!  And if you're not in an intimate relationship right now, these tips will be priceless when you are. 

1. Little Things Are Big
Everyday kindnesses build good will in a relationship. Here are examples of thoughtful acts: pouring a cup of coffee, opening a door, clearing the table, saying "thank you," noticing small changes, smiling, looking directly at your partner, etc. Do these things often. You will feel wonderful because you're being generous to your loved one and he or she will feel cared for. These "little" things increase the size of your emotional bank account! 

2. The Magic of Touch
The largest organ of our body is our skin. Something magical and primal happens when we are touched with care -- we feel loved and connected. Remember to put your hand on top of her hand, put your arm around his waist. Just as passionate kisses convey your attraction, gentle kisses on the cheek convey tenderness. Holding hands, foot and back massages, a pat on the leg are demonstrations of your caring. S*e*x is a way to feel both deeply bonded and restored from the stresses of life. 

3. Look for the Best in Your Mate or Date
Studies show that in good marriages a person tends to have an overall, very positive concept of their partner. For example, when a man is rated on various strengths and qualities by his friends and by his wife, the happy wife rates the husband higher than the friends rate him. Look for and focus on the things you love and value in your mate. It makes everything better!

4. Keep the Foundation Strong
There is no doubt about it; we all live very busy lives these days. It's easy to let work, children, the house, the Internet and social engagements fill up every waking moment. However, if you want your relationship to stay strong, you must carve out time for one-on-one time together. How can you do this? You could take fifteen minutes to talk and connect when you both get home from work. You could have a weekly date night, go for a walk, play a game, or sit and talk by the fireplace. But you must keep the foundation strong or, without noticing, the house could weaken and crumble. 

5. Make It Safe
Both partners need to feel safe when they speak. When people are upset, this isn't easy... but here's a plan for how to listen and be heard. Agree to have one person be the listener and the other the speaker. The speaker shares his frustration a few sentences at a time. The listener repeats back only what the speaker has said. The listener keeps asking, "Is there anything more?" until the speaker is completely finished. Then trade places where the listener becomes the speaker. This helps both people slow down and feel understood. Both of you can then see the other person has a different, but valid point of view.

6. Don't Assume - Check It Out
It is easy for all of us to see a behavior, hear certain words and assume what our partner meant by it (and usually it's not good!) I suggest that you check out with your partner what he meant rather than assuming he didn't call because he didn't care. Try saying something like this (in a calm tone): "I noticed you didn't call last night when you said you would. I felt  disappointed because I wanted to talk and connect. Would you tell me what happened?" 

7. Really Know Your Partner
Everyone wants to be known and loved for who they are -especially by their loved ones. To learn about your mate, pay attention to the details! Know his joys, likes, dislikes, fears and stresses. Find out about and remember the major events in her life. Know how he likes his coffee; know her favorite TV show. Pay attention to how he feels about his boss. One excellent way to get to know your partner is by playing a game called Let's Connect! (See information below.) Each of the eighty cards in this game has two or more questions or mini games... you'll have fun and know your partner much better.

8. No Criticism - No Blame
I've never met anyone who doesn't feel hurt by criticism; it's the human condition. So what can we do when we're frustrated? Stuffing our feelings in doesn't work either! Use this method: "When you... I feel..." In the "when you..." say what the person has said or done. In the "I feel..." use I-statements and talk about the feelings that came up for you -- feelings such as sad, hurt, frustrated, lonely. You are being vulnerable and letting your partner know what is going on with you. The purpose is to inform and become closer. You can also ask for what you want - just make sure it's not a demand (demands just don't work!)

9. Stay Connected
Being loved and connected is easy during pleasant and good times; yet it's even more important during hard times. The connection can be lost when we feel hurt, get too busy or bored. The "silent treatment" erodes connection. Notice when there's a disconnect, then do or say something to reconnect. Use the speaker/listener method in #3 to ensure safety. If you are upset and need some time away, say, "I need to go out for a walk, but I will be back in 2 hours. I'll come find you and we can talk then." Your partner then feels connected and knows you'll be back to work it out. 

10. Create Your Own Rituals
Couples need a sense of shared meaning. Rituals are a great way to feel a sense of belonging and create meaning. The family gathering every Sunday for dinner is an example of a ritual. Create your own family traditions and customs for holidays. Toasting a loved one with a glass of champagne can be a birthday ritual. I suggest daily rituals with your partner. For example, hug and kiss before you leave for work. Every night before you go to sleep, you could ask each other, "What was the best part of your day?" 

"What You Need to Know About Your Parents" byline: Dale Atkins and Nancy Hass

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To be ignorant of what happened before you were born is to be ever a child. For what is man's lifetime unless the memory of past events is woven with those of earlier times?--Cicero 

The key to handling your parents is understanding them. Sometimes, especially when they are annoying you, the very idea of that is repellent. You don't want to understand their motives; you want to grumble about them, shrug your shoulders helplessly about how impossible they are, assure yourself that they're crazy. 

That's a completely natural reaction, but it's not useful. The only way for you to improve your chemistry with them is to know what forces shaped them. Just as you are shaped by your past (the humiliation of having your heart broken by that achingly beautiful girl in junior high school, the jubilance of overcoming a learning disability, the pain of your parents' divorce), so too are they people with a past every bit as poignant, surprising, and important as yours. You need to know that history in order to: 

...understand that when they try to manipulate, control, or demean you, they are often acting out dramas from their past that have little to do with you; 
...formulate an effective way to deal with them based on their vulnerabilities, sore spots, and "points of entry"; 
...develop empathy for them so you no longer feel threatened by them and can relate to them as an adult; 
...find common ground that will make it easier for you to create a more meaningful relationship, a relationship of equals. 

How to Dig Up the Dirt...It Can't Hurt to Ask 

As you read this, you may be thinking, I couldn't possibly just come out and ask my mother about her childhood. That would be too embarrassing for her . . . and for me. But you may be dead wrong. Your parents may be much more open to direct questions than you think. Many of my clients judge their parents' approachability by their own childhood standards of privacy, fear, and taboo. Because their childhood was scary and full of family secrets, they assume that their parents will be shocked if asked about their childhood. 

But these two things are not necessarily related, especially not in your parents' minds. Many parents enjoy answering questions about their childhood. To begin with, they're getting older, and as the human brain ages, it tends to favor long-term memory. That means your parents may now remember, perhaps fondly, details of their childhood that they thought they had forgotten. Also, if your parents are the types who demand a lot of attention, asking them these questions will help satisfy that need. They probably enjoy talking about themselves (Who doesn't?) and will be flattered by your interest. You may be surprised at how quickly and fully they open up -- provided that you deal with them skillfully. 

Tips

Choose a comfortable setting for this discussion, a place where they will not feel defensive. 
Think about what kind of interaction they handle best -- are they better talking "off the cuff," or do they need time to organize their thoughts and words? 

Be gentle. 
Be nonjudgmental. 

If it will help draw them out, be willing to share some of yourself. Major caveat: be sure you don't one-up them, bring up uncomfortable things from your childhood that involve them too directly, or monopolize the conversation. Remember, this is about them, not you. 
Ask follow-up questions. Don't let them drop an intriguing detail and then move on. If your mother says, "It was really hard for us because my parents were so poor and there were six kids," you reply, "That must have been tough. What was the hardest thing you remember about being poor?" 

Gently dig for stories, not just impressions. Specific anecdotes tell the important truths. Your father may say his own father was a disciplinarian, but what did that mean? Try to elicit a story that demonstrates how strict your grandfather was with your father. Remember, the story he chooses to tell is the one that is the "money," the one that will tell you a lot about what discipline -- or lack of it -- means to your dad. 
Probe for the opposites. If your dad just talks about negatives ("My mother was very cold; she never said she loved me"), ask if there were positives too ("Did you have any surrogate-parent types in your life? Did you get love elsewhere?"). If your mother only speaks in glowing terms ("I was a superstar in high school"), gently ask if there was any downside ("Did you feel a lot pressure to perform?"). 

How to Get the Ball Rolling 

Always begin with a neutral, nonthreatening observation or question. Then steer the conversation toward the topic you're interested in. 

Here are a few opening gambits you might adapt to your situation. 

     "Dad, I've always been jealous of how well you X (shave, cook, organize the bills . . . ). Did your father teach you that?" 
"Mom, I was looking through some old photos of you and Aunt Jean, and you guys looked so cute and happy in your poodle skirts. And Grandma looked so young and proud. Were things as happy for you back then as they look?" 
"You know so much about the Civil War, Dad. Were you interested in it when you were a little kid. No? Then what were you interested in back then? What were you like back then? It's hard for me to imagine. I'd love to have met you then. What were you like as a kid?" 
You may find many keys in their childhood. Perhaps you don't have the expertise to analyze all their answers like a trained therapist (Her mother yelled at her a lot, so that's why she sometimes pulls that martyr crap with me), but you can reflect on their answers, and that may give you innovative ideas on how to deal with them. Many clients who delve in earnest into their parents' pasts find a cache of unrealized dreams and aspirations: a father who dreamed of being a professional athlete until a knee injury sidelined him forever; a mother who wanted to go to college but wound up pregnant at seventeen. You may think that you're the only one who had your dreams thwarted, but maybe that's not true. Be careful -- you may discover that your parents are much more like you than you think. 

Here's a good example from my life. My father was a navy pilot during World War II, stationed in the Pacific. After the war, he and two friends wanted to stay in Hawaii and start a small cargo-shipping company, but my mom, who'd been raising my older sister at her parents' home on the mainland, didn't want to move that far. Dad was an easygoing guy and agreed to come back to New Jersey, but I know he always wondered what would have happened if he had stayed in Hawaii. That little company his pals started became one of the biggest in the Pacific Rim. 

Disappointment colors people's lives and can have a profound effect on their families. It can be painful to find out about such things, but it's crucial that you do so if you ever hope to see your parents as fully realized beings. 

Knowledge of their past will give you empathy for them. You may find that their childhoods were much more similar to yours than you thought, that they echo the chilliness in your youth or the overpowering expressions of concern that made you feel smothered.

Or you may be surprised to find that their impressions of their own childhood are in direct conflict with what you've heard from other family members or what you experienced in watching them deal with your grandparents. (I've had many clients whose parents describe their own childhood as idyllic, though the clients themselves remember volcanic fights between the parents and the grandparents.) 

This is all grist for the mill of your empathetic imagination. Remember, just as you want to be respected for your memories of childhood, they too are heavily invested in their childhood stories, despite the fact that those memories may not be entirely accurate.

As you explore the past with them, you may even find buried clues that will help you help them get in touch with some of their more tender, vulnerable memories and experiences. 

Copyright © 2004 Dale Atkins and Nancy Hass

Buy NOW! I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works 

"Operation "Winter Renter" Nine Tips for Attracting Off-Season Guests to Your Vacation Home" byline: Christine Karpinski

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Time to build crackling fires in the hearth, bundle up in your warmest sweaters, sip hot cocoa while you watch the snow—and start fretting over that unrented vacation home. That's right. T.S. Eliot may think that April is the cruelest month, but for many vacation property owners, any month between now and Memorial Day would qualify. That cabin or condo that renters clamor over all summer tends to sit depressingly (and expensively) empty all winter. If only there were something you could do to make your off-season not quite so, well, off.

Actually, there are many things you can do, it's often the little touches that draw "winter renters," delight them, and keep them coming back for more.

"Obviously, more people vacation during peak season, that's why it's peak season! But there are still plenty of people who prefer to travel during the cooler months. Maybe they want to avoid the crowds, maybe they want to take advantage of the lower rates, or maybe they just want a break in the February doldrums. Your mission is to make your vacation home stand out from the many others that are available to potential renters. It's that simple. You have to go the proverbial extra mile."

Here are some of tips for making your vacation property appealing to winter renters:

·First and foremost, "winterize" your marketing. It won't matter how perfect your place is for a mid-winter getaway if people don't know about it. Play up features like hot tubs and fireplaces. Sprinkle copy with words like warm, cozy, cocoon, snuggle, and cuddle. You might even paint an inviting verbal picture such as "Envision yourself gazing out the tall picture window, a cup of hot cocoa in hand, as fat snowflakes drift lazily through the pines." Finally, add a few "off-season" photos of your property to your website. Photos of the home framed in brilliant autumn leaves or dusted with snow will speak louder than a thousand poetic words.

·Consider off-season specials. Everyone loves a bargain, and in the winter, they expect one. "My favorite off-season booking magnet is 'rent three nights and get one free. Or, when you get a call from someone looking to book for next spring or summer, offer them a winter special—say, half-price off a weekend stay—so they can come check out the place early. That would be tough to resist."

·Add "warm cozy" touches. Put thick, warm comforters on the bed and fleece throws on the sofa. Place a few spice-scented candles on tables or countertops. Leave savory winter treats in the kitchen: cocoa mix & marshmallows, spiced apple cider, ginger cookies, chili fixings, and a crock pot. (Ask the housekeeper to replenish edibles.) You might even consider leaving an extra coat or two in the closet, along with toboggans, gloves, and scarves—chances are they won't be used, but guests will appreciate the hospitality.

Plan for snow! If guests should happen to get snowed in at your home, you want to make the experience as pleasant as possible. Make sure to have a snow shovel, ice melt, and a windshield ice scraper on the premises. The possibility of inclement weather is a good reason to have a selection of nonperishable foods on hand, as well as movies and books. You certainly don't want a houseful of hungry, stir-crazy, cranky renters who are cursing their vacation experience (and by association, you)!

Consider adding a hot tub, sauna, or ventless gas fireplace. If your vacation property is a "summer home" with no winter appeal, such additions can make a world of difference. You may be thinking that these are pricey upgrades, but you'll be amazed at how fast they pay for themselves via increased off-season bookings. One caveat: if you install a ventless gas fireplace, be sure to get a carbon monoxide detector as well.

Make your home baby- and toddler-friendly. You've probably noticed that people with very young children are more likely to travel off-season. (After all, they're not constrained by school schedules.) Appeal to these people b including baby and toddler paraphernalia. A high chair and a porta crib should cost less than $150 combined, and can drastically increase your off-season bookings.

·Accept pets. Vacation properties that accept pets increase their occupancy by 10 to 50 percent. When you accept pets, it's okay to take an additional $20 to $25/night or $140 to $175/week. This extra (which pet owners would have to spend anyway on boarding fees) is enough to pay for any carpet cleaning that needs to be done. "I spoke with a woman named Jennifer, who owned a nice cabin in the mountains of Colorado; she was within driving distance of three ski resorts, but not really close enough to any of them to advertise that her place was associated with any of them. She was booking her cabin only two or three weeks per year. I advised her to start accepting pets, and the minute she did, her bookings started to flow in. Two years later, she is booked for the whole ski season, three or four weeks during the summer to hikers, and she rents ten to twelve long weekends through the year. She has never been happier!"

·If all else fails, offer a "customized" special to repeat guests. If you've tried everything and you still have lots of weeks unbooked, it's time to get creative (perhaps even a bit assertive). Consider calling or e-mailing prior "VIP" guests and offering them discounted off-season stays. You might even link the stay to a special event in their lives. For instance, if you know that John and Jane Smith have an anniversary in March—thanks to the detailed file you keep on them—call them and offer a special celebratory weekend at a reduced rate. When they accept, have a champagne gift basket waiting for them in the bedroom along with a handwritten "Happy Anniversary" note.

Not sold on winter renting? Consider it "damage insurance." All of that said, some people actually prefer to lock up their place for the winter. Maybe they don't think renting is worth the effort, or maybe they make enough money during peak season to pay their mortgage for the year. If this is your mindset, reconsider—winter renting can ward off property damage. "I've heard stories of locked-up properties that have been ransacked by families of raccoons, and of broken furnaces that have led to burst pipes.  Houses that are empty for long stretches of time, especially in freezing weather, tend to have problems. If renters had periodically visited such homes, these issues could have been avoided or at least discovered early, before things worsened."

A word of caution: exercise moderation.

"It's great to spend some money on things to attract winter renters. just don't go overboard. I knew a guy who would do tons of extra advertising and equip his place with all these bonuses for his off-season renters. Yes, he ended up booking the place for all of January through March—but his bottom line for all three months was only $500! My advice is this: a little effort goes a long way. Do one or two things on the list, not all of them. Otherwise, do a good job with the basics and be a friendly, hospitable host. As word gets around and your guests become 'regulars,' your off-season problem will solve itself."
 

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"Sustaining Your Real Estate Over Time" byline: Lisa Vander

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The number one problem I see with investors today is their unrealistic expectations of how real estate really functions. They are unfamiliar with the real estate market especially when it decreases in value and does not appreciate at the tremendous rates that have been seen recently in some parts of the country. 

People react to what they have most recently experienced. For the past several years, Southern California has experienced incredible market increases, sometimes 25% gains in property values in one year. It can not be emphasized enough how this is not standard and is not how long-term investors should be calculating their numbers. 

Long-term investors need to be realistic and conservative in how they approach maintaining and sustaining their investment portfolios in the good times, as well as the bad times. Real estate gains will be experienced for a period of time and then immediately followed by times of losses up to 20-30%. These gains have historically outperformed the losses, but investors who keep and sustain their properties during these cycles are those who win in the long run. When you are a long time investor, you will experience some of the wins in the market and some of the losses. 

Smart investors want to be able to learn to sustain the property in both markets. Here a few tips to help investors stay in the real estate during the changing markets:

1. Rental Rates will drop: Be prepared to sustain your properties with a rental rate decrease of about 10-15%. They will typically not decrease by anymore than that amount. Ask a local property management company that has been working in the area for at least ten years about what the historical trends have been when the market is depressed.

2. Prices and Value will drop: Most of the time real estate values for single family residences and condos will decrease no more than 20% to 30% in any market adjustment. Multiple unit properties and land have historically experienced greater drops in value, sometimes up to 40% to 50% decreases. Remember, however, that rents don’t decrease much, so you should only worry if you plan to sell your investment during this downturn of the market.

3. Increased Vacancy Rates: When real estate decreases in value, usually the whole economy is going through a rough time. This means that unemployment rates have increased and people are looking for work. When people are looking for work, they do not usually move around. They are more likely to stay where they are at or move in with family or relatives (i.e. leaving an existing home vacant). It is more common for children to stay in their parents’ homes for longer periods of time than they want due to financial constraints. Young families also feel the financial pinch and tend to stay in smaller housing units than is comfortable because money is tight. 

This is why vacancy rates increase during market recessions. The number of people who stay in each rental units increases during these downturns in the real estate market. Vacancy rates do not increase over 10% to 15%, even in bad markets.

4. Increase in Mortgage Interest Rates: Be prepared for interest rates increasing. Look at the terms of the note that you signed with the bank when you originated the loan. In the terms are some parameters that will tell you the maximum the loan can adjust to and the amount per year it can increase in your mortgage payment. These numbers are essential for you to know so you can plan for the worst case scenarios when markets really adjust.

How To Be Prepared For Market Drops

There are several key action steps investors can make to help sustain their investment real estate during all real estate market adjustments and conditions. 

1. Take Out Equity Line on Primary Residence to help augment mortgage payments when the rental income decreases during declining markets. Set up an equity line when the market is healthy and you have a good paying job and good credit. Right now also happens to be a good time to establish low interest rates.

2. Alternatives For Profitability.  These alternatives are crucial when you have either lost your job or you are experiencing a loss of rental income by higher vacancies. Take some immediate actions to make the rental units more attractive to your tenants like new paint, carpet and landscaping. These improvements mean a lot to tenants and if they feel like they are treated fairly, they are less likely to move. It is also important to attend to repair items immediately. This decreases tenant complaints and increases their willingness to stay and encourage others to move into the property with them.

3. Decrease Rental Rates Slowly When Needed. If the local rental rates are dropping then you need to pay attention and drop your rental rates as well. But drop them slowly. You don’t need to drop your rates as aggressively if you keep your tenants happy. Work hard at pleasing your current tenants so that you will not have to drop the rates to attract new tenants. Smart investors sometimes offer incentives like grocery coupons to tenants if they have a friend or family member move into the complex. These gifts go far in saving you money in the long run.


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"Stage® Your Listings to Make More Money" byline: Barb Schwarz

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How do we get sellers to prepare their property without offending them and encountering resistance? Educate the seller. Let the sellers know that this is part of the total service that you provide and a necessary part of the marketing process.
Begin this education process with your very first contact with potential sellers -on the phone or in person. A phrase that I find successful is, "Let me tell you how I work," followed by a quick recitation of the service I provide in the listing and marketing of their property. I let them know I want to see the property and get to know them.
Second, I put together a two-part listing presentation which included an exclusive marketing program with details on how their property fits into today's market in price and terms.
Then I add information on an extra-special free service. With permission, we go through the home together room by room, for staging recommendations.
By starting this dialogue with sellers as soon as you meet them, not only do they get an overview of your services, but they also know that staging their home and helping them prepare the property is an extra service that you provide for your sellers.
At the first visit, I always have the sellers show me through the property. At that time I start to see the property both through my eyes and through the potential buyer's eyes. I follow along as the sellers explain improvements they've made and special things they have enjoyed.
As we go through, I comment on each room and build rapport, while I mentally stage each room. I think about what I will ask the seller to move, repair, etc., when we do the staging after completing the exclusive listing agreement. Never stage the property the first time through. Complete the educational process and have the sellers' commitment in writing first.
It is important during the listing presentation to once again point out your special service. Get their commitment verbally to do this. Take all the time you need to explain to that seller how staging will help potential purchasers mentally move in, then ask the sellers point blank, "Do I have your commitment to help you stage your property after we complete the paperwork bringing you on the market?"
When I have educated the sellers about the importance of staging their home, they always agree.
With the paperwork finished, it's time for staging. The primary areas of concerns are the "three C's" -clean, color and clutter.
To ease into the process, say, "The way you live in a home and the way you market and sell your home are two different things. Now the public will be coming through."
Also explain that because they have entrusted you with representing them, they know you'll be selling their home. And since they will be moving as soon as the house is sold, you suggest that begin packing certain items early.
In each room, look for any extras that should be put away. You, the agent, are like a movie director setting the scene for the purchaser to view. As you direct you sellers to the items that need to be packed up and put away, have them make a pile in the middle of the room to be packed when you are gone. 
Remind sellers to always close their closets. The open closet will be the first thing a prospect will see, missing the rest of the room.
I take my foot and intentionally stub my toe on the little rug. I want the sellers to think of the safety of strangers touring their home. "What if someone falls?" I ask. The little rug is easily rolled up and left under the bed.
Blinds should always be left open to flood the room with sunlight. The only exception is a window with an exceptionally bad view. In that case, the blinds should be open but slightly tipped down. There will be a light, but the view won't detract. Also, check the slats in the blinds. If some are bent, have the seller repair them.
Magazines should be quickly slipped under the bed to be accessible for evening reading but out of sight for tours.
Crucial rooms are the living room, the kitchen and the master bedroom, but take time to go through every single room in the house and stage it. Then move outside and go around the exterior.
I commit about an hour for staging. This is a small amount of time compared to the value both you and seller will receive in shorter listing time and larger selling price.
We owe it to our sellers to stage the properties, but we also owe it to ourselves. Your listings will look better than ever, sell faster, and be more profitable.

"Open House Success" byline: Barbara Kavovit

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An open house creates excitement and lets a lot of people view the property at once. Even if your neighbors who have no intention of buying come by (and this will happen), they may have friends and friends of friends who are interested in buying a house -- and if they like what they see, they will spread the word. Make sure your open house is a success by:

  • Placing your house brochure in conspicuous locations around the house

  • Replacing light bulbs with bulbs of the highest wattage the fixtures will allow and turning on all the lights -- bright houses are more appealing than dark ones

  • Keeping draperies and window coverings open

  • Placing a bowl of fresh fruit such as apples or lemons and limes on the kitchen island or table

  • Making sure the bathroom towels are clean (or new), beautifully folded, and stacked or hung

  • Setting your dining room or kitchen table for a meal with your prettiest china and best linen napkins

  • Storing accumulated mail out of sight and tossing old newspapers and magazines

  • Cleaning out the fireplace and stacking new logs; if it's cold outside, build a fire

  • Turning off the TV and softly playing jazz or classical music

  • Grinding up a fresh lemon or orange in the garbage disposal or simmering some cinnamon and cloves in a pot of water on the stove

  • Locking up or securely storing small valuables

  • Keeping pets securely penned or contained so they don't frighten buyers or escape during a viewing

Buy Her Book: INVEST IN YOUR NEST: ADD STYLE, COMFORT, and VALUE TO YOUR HOME

Defining Our Own Destinies by Leslie Carroll

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One thing that struck me as I researched the lives of the royal mistresses who are profiled in ROYAL AFFAIRS was that for the most part, these women were not "victims" who were thrust into compromising relationships with men they didn't love. On the contrary, they were clever women who, given the legal and social constraints on females during their day, had the rare opportunity to shape their own destiny-and grabbed it with both hands.

That's not to say that many of the mistresses I "met" during my research were "nice girls." Many of them were greedy and grasping, with their hands in the treasury, the privy purse, and the pockets of those who sought to gain patronage from their royal lovers. King George I had two German mistresses who exemplify this type. Lady Castlemaine, one of Charles II's favorite mistresses and the mother of several of his children was renowned for her relentless greed. But that's not to say that these women didn't passionately-and occasionally too passionately-adore their men. And, no matter whether you'd want to have lunch with them, these women-all of them-were significantly more empowered in their day than just about any other women of their era, including the queen-consorts, their "rivals" for the monarch's affection. In general, a queen-consort was little more than a well-dressed womb whose job was to produce the requisite "heir and a spare" and remain otherwise chaste, maintaining a stainless reputation in order to avoid all suspicion that her children might not have been spawned by her husband, the sovereign. 

Some of the women profiled in ROYAL AFFAIRS had careers of their own before they met their royal lovers. Nell Gwyn, Mary Robinson, and Dorothy Jordan were the most celebrated actresses of their day. However, they lived during a time when being an "actress" (even if you performed the works of Shakespeare and other "serious" dramatists) was tantamount to being a prostitute. Actresses displayed their bodies on the public stage-for money! They were notoriously considered loose-moraled, supplementing their salaries on the gifts (monetary and otherwise) that came from their various "admirers." But my research into royal affairs led me to a great hypocrisy, which should not have surprised me, I suppose, yet as an actress myself, it made me shiver with anger. 

The double-standard I discovered was that acting was considered a disgraceful profession for the reasons I cited above, yet the royals thought nothing of (even if they were married-or if the actress was married), consummating a passionate and frequently adulterous affair with them. However, if they wished to become the prince's or king's mistress-before such extra-connubial canoodling could take place, the actresses were requested by their royal lovers to put aside their "disgraceful" and "shameful" profession-the career that had gained these women recognition and renown (as well as an independent income-a rare thing for a woman before the 20th century) 

My Forward to ROYAL AFFAIRS includes a paragraph about royal mistresses and how many of them they were able to parlay their unusual opportunity into a life-changing event: And what of the mistresses? During the earlier, and more brutal, eras of British history, a woman didn't have much (if any) choice if the king exercised his droit de seigneur and decided to take her to bed. Often, girls were little more than adolescents when their ambitious parents shoved them under the monarch's nose. However, most of the mistresses in Royal Affairs were not innocent victims of a parent's political agenda or a monarch's rampaging lust. They were clever, accomplished, often ambitious women, not always in the first bloom of youth and not always baseborn, who cannily parlayed the only thing they had-their bodies-into extravagant wealth and notoriety, if not outright fame. In many cases, their royal bastards were ennobled by the king, making excellent marriages and living far better than their mothers could have otherwise provided. Eventually taking their place in the House of Lords, the mistresses' illegitimate sons went on to become the decision makers who shaped an empire and spawned the richest and most powerful families in Britain.

Having talked about other women's stories, I'd like to share my own with you. I spent many years in "pink collar" jobs making other people money before becoming a full-time writer and my own boss. I worked in several fields, including journalism, marketing, and law. When I toiled for lawyers, I was usually employed by solo practitioners. More often than not I was their legal secretary, legal assistant, receptionist, bookkeeper, and office manager. I ate lunch over my keyboard. I took home barely enough money to make ends meet. Scratch that-I dipped deep into my savings to support myself, even as a single woman in NYC living in a rent-stabilized apartment. I got my assignments done as quickly, thoroughly, and efficiently as possible, so I could leave myself time in the workday to write. Thank God for Windows programs where one can quickly switch screens! My employers never had cause to complain about my work ethic or my output-though of course when I left the jobs they would cite my writing during business hours as an issue! Naturally, I challenged them on this point: if they knew what I was doing and had a problem with it, why, during the entire course of my employment, had they never raised the subject?

In June, 2003, I was downsized from a secretarial position I'd held for half a year, By that date I had had two novels published and another one in the editorial pipeline. In fact book #3, TEMPORARY INSANITY, was about my experiences in day-job hell. But rather than jump back into the survival-job pool and seek a new position working for yet another boss who undervalued my skills or company that had made me feel miserable, and had systematically sapped my soul, I chose to become the mistress of my own destiny. I decided that come hell or high water, from then on I would make my living as a writer. I would enrich myself, literally and spiritually for the first time in my life. Serendipity had offered me the chance to choose to follow my bliss.

And I did. This year, 2008, my 10th and 11th novels were published. I have written 7 works of contemporary women's fiction under my own name, and 4 works of historical fiction under the pen name Amanda Elyot-all of which have been published since 2002. ROYAL AFFAIRS marks my nonfiction debut and I have just entered an agreement with my publisher for another nonfiction book, currently titled NOTORIOUS ROYAL MARRIAGES. This volume will spotlight many of Europe's most famous royal couples (including Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine, Ferdinand and Isabella, and Napoleon and Josephine-up through the centuries all the way to the marriage of Charles and Camilla-seen through the prism of the wife's point of view).

I'm my own boss now. I make my own hours, and you have no idea how fabulous it feels to be finally enjoying a fulfilling career (instead of a frustrating job). And sometimes I like to joke that instead of all my hard work making some jerky boss rich, now I'm the "jerk" who gets to enjoy the fruits of my labors.

I can't emphasize enough that any woman at any stage in her life can take charge of her destiny and pursue her passion, no matter how long she has neglected it, or her own needs. Impractical? Imprudent? Unrealistic? Unattainable? Somehow, once a woman sets her mind and focuses her energies on empowering and enriching herself, the economics seem to take care of themselves.

Buy Her Book: ROYAL AFFAIRS: A LUSTY ROMP THROUGH THE EXTRAMARITAL ADVENTURES THAT ROCKED THE BRITISH MONARCHY

watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuCdfcEQ3E8

"The Question: To Confirm or Not to Confirm" by Wendy Weiss

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Do you confirm every prospect appointment before you head out the door?
Or.

Do you not confirm, believing that it gives your prospect an "out?"

Far too many coaching clients, workshop participants and readers have said to me, "If I confirm the appointment it gives them a chance to get out of it." Let's examine this statement and the beliefs that go with it.

The above statement implies that the scheduled appointment is something that, given a choice, your prospect would avoid. This must mean, therefore, that you tricked or manipulated your prospect into agreeing to the appointment in the first place. Now on reflection, your prospect could only want to bolt.

If you had to trick your prospect to schedule the meeting, the meeting itself must not have any real value. It logically follows then, that the agenda for the meeting, your products or services, you and your time also have no value!

Well, that's demoralizing!

If, however, you truly believe that your product or service has value, if you have done your homework, targeted your market and are calling on qualified prospects then there is no reason that a prospect should want to avoid meeting with you. It is time to change some of your beliefs about the meeting. If a prospect schedules an appointment with you, that means they are interested in talking about what you have to offer!

And here's another thought: Do you really want to spend your time racing around your territory to meetings with prospects who don't show?

I've had some sales professionals tell me that when a prospect stands them up, they like it, because the prospect then feels guilty and "owes them." These sales professionals believe that their prospects will meet with them because of that sense of guilt. And perhaps some do. 

But barring a last minute emergency that takes a prospect away unexpectedly, someone who stands you up once, will more than likely have no qualms about standing you up again. This "guilt" approach goes hand-in-hand with the belief that prospects must be tricked or manipulated into meetings.

So here's a better approach: Change the way you think about prospect meetings and confirm them! Call your prospect the day before or early the morning of the appointment. Try to reach the prospect directly. Say:

"I'm calling to confirm our brief meeting tomorrow (or later today) at (fill in the time.)"

(The use of any of the following sentences is optional.) 
"I've put together those samples we discussed."
"I've given a lot of thought to your situation."
"I have some very interesting ideas to share with you."
"I'm looking forward to meeting you."

If your prospect says the agreed upon meeting time no longer works, reschedule immediately! Otherwise, you now know that when you show up tomorrow your prospect will actually be there! (Do make sure that your prospect has your phone number so that they can reach you if something unexpected does happen.)

If you are not able to reach your prospect directly, and if your prospect has a secretary, ask her if she keeps the prospect's calendar. If she does, you can confirm with her. If she does not, deputize her. Give her your name and phone number and say: "I'm calling to confirm my brief meeting tomorrow at (fill in the time) with Ms. Prospect." Ask her to speak with the prospect for you and then call you back to let you know that the meeting is on.

If you are not able to reach a human being leave the following message on your prospect's voice mail:

"Hello, Ms. Prospect. This is (fill in your name) from (fill in your company name.) My phone number is (your phone number goes here.)"

"I'm calling to confirm our brief meeting tomorrow at (fill in the time.)"

(The use of any of the following sentences is optional.) 
"I've put together those samples we discussed."
"I've given a lot of thought to your situation."
"I have some very interesting ideas to share with you."
"I'm looking forward to meeting you."

Please be good enough, to give me a call back and let me know that tomorrow at (fill in the time.) still works for you."
"And again, this is (fill in your name) from (fill in your company name.) My phone number is (your phone number goes here.)"
Most prospects will call you back, either to confirm or to reschedule. 

Over the past years, many, many coaching clients, workshop participants and readers have asked me about differentiating themselves from the competition. This is one way to do it. By confirming your appointments you are setting yourself up to be viewed by your prospects and customers as an expert and a professional. You are a consultant, like any consultant your time is valuable and your prospects will see that if you conduct yourself in that manner. Far too many sales professionals allow themselves to be treated poorly, feeling perhaps, that it comes with the territory. It doesn't have to.

Confirming appointments is a far better use of your selling time. A prospect who will not meet with you, is not a qualified prospect! Those prospects who do cancel and are unwilling, for whatever reason, to reschedule are doing you a favor. They are saving you the time and energy you would have spent going to see them, following up with them and then not selling anything!

© 2004 Wendy Weiss

Buy Now! Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales


"The Confident Seeker" by Patricia Soldati

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Self-confidence can make or break a job or career search. With it, you trust your own abilities and have a general sense of control in your life. Without it, you’re frustrated and stuck – until you learn that developing it – and keeping it – is really within your own control. 

My clients are young and older, male and female, rich and not-so-rich. They are planners, engineers, marketers, filmmakers, community activists, designers, social workers and sales managers, to name a few. Their goals range from moderate, in-place change to “just help me find a job” to significant career-change. 

As a result of this experience, one thing is abundantly clear: a diminished sense of confidence tags right along with everyone who seeks out a new opportunity or a meaningful career. It’s a nasty little irony: just when you need it most, your personal power slips right out of your grasp. 

No one is immune, even though it often feels like you are the only one who is vulnerable. Whether your search is one of choice or through the force of downsizing, or whether you hold a fancy title or not, a landing in a new job or career is intimidating for all there is to learn...the choices...the financial insecurity...and the ultimate uncertainty of all: “Will I really find what I’m looking for?” 

It chips away, making your voice weaker, your actions heavier. You wonder “Will they like me? Will they hire me? Can I continue to please my boss?" 

Lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Rather, seekers who lack confidence depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. 

By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted. 

How is Self-Confidence Developed?
Many factors affect the development of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are crucial to a child’s sense of self-worth, particularly in the child's early years. When parents are accepting, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. 

However, if parents encourage a child to moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, he or she will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.

Playing A Stronger Game
Does this mean this mean that, as an adult, you are doomed if you weren’t blessed with the perfect childhood?
No, of course not. It does suggest, however, the wisdom of examining any beliefs you hold that negatively influence your confidence. For example, believing that you must have approval from every significant person in your life is a perfectionist and unattainable goal. It is more desirable to develop personal standards and values that are meaningful to you and not dependent on the approval of others.
Similarly, if you wallow in “the past has done me wrong”, consider that, as an adult, you can become aware of those influences and make a choice to move beyond the ones that no longer serve you. 

7 more ways to step into your power: 

1. Develop a strong personal foundation. Clean up unfinished business that chips away at your sense of self; understand your inner gifts and talents, and articulate the values that are most important to you. 
2. Create an empowering environment. Eliminate the people and things that take your energy and power from you.
3. Let go of obligations -- even if only for a few hours. Do something that inspires you.
4. Physical self-care. This always precedes personal power. When you are feeling low physically, everything else will fall a little flat.
5. Remember a pride story. For an instant confidence boost, recall an event or an accomplishment that you are quite proud of. Ask “What inner qualities did it take for me to achieve this?” to tip the confidence scales in your favor. 
6. Give up old hurts. They keep you in victim mode.
7. Create thoughts that transform. When negative thoughts take hold, acknowledge them...and replace them with a positive affirmation.

When you tap into your personal greatness, your world opens up. It is easier to take new steps and assume risks. You are mentally, physically and emotionally expanded – which radiates to those around you. You are centered, clear-headed and able to focus on moving forward. 

Most important of all – remember that it is a process. Our confidence will rise and fall – what’s important is that you know how to gain it back.

"Chinese New Year's Same Hope Different Day"

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Fling open the windows, boil up some unbroken noodles, and say "Hello" to the Year of the Monkey

At first, what strikes you most about Western New Year's and Chinese New Year's are the differences. Ours always falls on January 1st. In China, New Year's is on a different date every year. This year, it's January 22nd. Here in the West, tradition dictates that on the stroke of midnight, you kiss your beloved. In China on the stroke of midnight, all doors and windows are flung open to let the old year out. The ball dropping in Times Square has become an international symbol of the calendar turning over in the West. In China, they adopt a new symbol every year in the form of an animal. 2004 is the Year of the Monkey. 

But look beyond the differences and there is a universal thread that closely ties the two New Year's celebrations on opposite sides of the globe together. Hope. That unshakeable belief that every year brings with it renewed optimism and a promise that the next 12 months will be better than the last. New Year's celebrants in the West raise a glass and wish friends and family a happy, prosperous year ahead. In China, celebrants practice ancient symbolic traditions that clear the way for better times ahead. For example, sweeping and dusting are not allowed on New Year's Day itself for fear prosperity will get swept out the door with the dirt. These traditions also spill over into the food category. Only unbroken noodles should be cooked for New Year's- symbolizing long life - and fish are served whole as a symbol of togetherness. 

For a first hand taste of Chinese New Year, sit down on January 22nd to dishes made with ingredients that symbolize hope and prosperity. Orange-date pudding is a delicious dessert that includes oranges for good fortune. Vegetarian Lo Mein is an authentic Asian staple with noodles (for long life) and Stir-Fried Tofu with Almonds gets some of its traditional flavor from scallions (a symbol of intelligence). 

Kathy Grobe, Vice President and Marketing Director at Vitasoy USA, says, "Preparing Chinese dishes is a tangible, not to mention delicious, way to bring the Chinese traditions to life. It's a chance for Americans to celebrate the culture to appreciate and to realize that in China, New Year's is the same day of hope and optimism that it is here in the West." 

Once the food is on the table, everyone should put on a favorite red shirt or sweater & another Chinese New Year's tradition and then dig in. Just think. Celebrating both our New Year and then the Chinese New Year on January 22nd may bring you twice the good fortune for 2004. 

"Can Caretakers Take Care of Themselves?" byline: Debbie E. Mandel

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On a daily basis, four stressors constantly bombard us: environmental, physical, internal and national. Then we wonder why we feel anxious, irritable, fatigued and unhappy. Shedding stress must be a top priority because stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine coursing throughout the body without a release outlet do physical and emotional damage. If we are unbalanced, all the people who depend on us suffer as well. Of course, this is reason enough to take care of ourselves for the sake of others, but how about exhibiting some compassion for the self? Sometimes we take better care of our pets than we do of ourselves. Carl Jung explained that the hardest person to have compassion for is the self. We need to become selfish in order to cultivate a sense of who we are and express what we want.

Go From Worrier to Warrior

Emotional and physical health depends on the metaphysical balance of giving and receiving. Both the Kabbalah, a work of Jewish mysticism and the Book of Transformations by the Dali Lama state the same concept: In life we can't just keep giving to others. Some of us particularly women, tend to be givers. However, we must learn how to receive as well because if we just give away what we have to others, we become depleted. Don't wait to be sick and tired before you say no! We need to ask ourselves how we feel before we agree. If it doesn't feel right, or we intuit that it is wrong, we have to honor our feelings, not suppress them, and say no. When we don't, we often become ill. Our disease usually symbolizes the underlying emotional condition that we are blocking out.

The "good little girl syndrome" and the "accommodating woman" must be balanced with personal goals. A first step is to get rid of a word like, should from our vocabulary and change it to could or choose. If our schedule becomes overwhelming, we need to prioritize, release what is no longer important and clean out the clutter. Everyone has freedom of choice and the determination to feel empowered. Each one of us has a mission to experience the feeling of fulfillment and simply stated we must strive to be the best person we can be. Therefore, we must learn to engage in activities that keep us personally stimulated. Everyday we can make a point to learn something new. Routine deadens both the heart and soul.

Sometimes we cannot control what happens to us, but we can control our perceptions. Some people let defeat ruin them; others let victory ruin them. It is neither the win nor the loss that makes you triumphant, only how you feel about yourself. Self-doubt and negative self-talk create paralysis. We need to visualize a successful outcome just as an athlete does prior to a competition or a speaker preparing to address a large audience. Each triumphant performer envisions the event and sees the self successfully completing and shining! Recite a personal affirmation to facilitate the positive outcome. Conceive, Believe, Achieve.

Use humor to objectify difficult situations and restore balance. If it were happening to someone else in a sitcom, you know you would be laughing. Try not to take yourself so seriously and use the humor to take the sting out of these volatile situations. G. K. Chesterton aptly said: Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. An added benefit: humor boosts the immune system.

And lastly, exercise away your stress. When you are angry or unhappy, exercise will release stress hormones, release your endorphins to make you feel alive, oxygenate your brain to help you think more clearly, lower your blood pressure and strengthen your heart, build up your bones and muscles, reverse the aging process, activate your immune system-need I say more? In addition, exercise will help you organize your day in a healthy way by making you pay more attention to what you eat: proteins, complex carbohydrates, a rainbow diet of fruits and vegetables, fiber and plenty of water. No deprivation, please! The body needs to be constantly fueled to function efficiently and so does the mind. Exercise increases focus for the mind/muscle connection, which carries over into life quality. 

Each day find a balance between earth practicality and spiritual vision. There is no separation between mind and body, not even a hyphen-one word, mindbody. When you find your personal balance, you will live your authentic life expressing your true opinions and achieving your goals one by one. Through positive perception you will heal and grow. Get rid of toxicity and negativity in your life. That includes toxic friends and family. Surround yourself with positive people, media and books. Meditate daily on the good in your life; on things you appreciate or used to appreciate but now take for granted. Learn to read life in order to be receptive to the universe. When you see the obvious, what is in front of your eyes, the rest will be revealed to you. As in Zen philosophy: Before enlightenment, carry water, chop wood. After enlightenment, carry water, chop wood. What has changed? Perception. Be in the moment in everything that you do and enjoy that moment intensely. The moment may be all that we have.

BUY her book: Turn On Your Inner Light... fitness for Body Mind and Soul

Women Whose Noise Complaints Have Been Dismissed Are Asked to Advocate for A Quieter Environment by Arline L. Bronzaft, Ph.D. GrowNYC

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In New York City, I have served on the Board of GrowNYC (www.growNYC.org) for thirty years (non-paid position), having been appointed to this organization by the present Mayor and the four former Mayors. Our website provides information on noise and as the individual who has conducted research and written extensively on the adverse effects of noise on mental and physical health, people are directed to contact me if they need assistance with personal noise problems. (I have been called the Noise Lady). Since noise intrusions are a major complaint in New York City, I do hear from many people with most contacting me after having first sought help from the 311 Helpline and the city’s agencies to whom their calls were directed.  Over the years, I have developed techniques to assist many people successfully, but not always. One successful case involved a caller hearing the bed banging against the wall shared with her neighbor when the neighbors were having sex. The woman knew the housekeeper and I suggested telling the housekeeper that she has heard the bed bang against the wall (omit sex part) and it was probably damaging the wall.  The housekeeper moved the bed and the noise disappeared. Additionally, people around the country have also sought my help with noise problems, contacting me often after reading one of my publications or hearing my interviews on podcasts and in the radio.

While both men and women have come to me exasperated with having to deal with their noise problems, I have found that many more women seek out my help and a large number are older women.  Additionally, women callers frequently live in small studio apartments and cannot go to another room that could possibly be quieter. My findings are largely drawn from the many complaints I get about residential noise, often covered by the “warranty of habitability” clause of one’s lease, and most are complaints about noise from neighbors. There are also complaints about noise from building equipment.  Many of these women have already complained to the landlord or managing agent, generally male, about the noise and tell me that their complaints have been dismissed. Those who have not directed their complaints to the landlord or managing agent are generally too timid to lodge a complaint with the person in authority. Women also complain to owners of nearby loud bars and restaurants but report that their complaints are not taken seriously. 

Early in my conversations with the women who call me, I tell them they have a right to live without intrusive, harmful noises and that they should not be intimidated by those in charge who have ignored their complaints. I start out by writing letters on the behalf of these women to the responsible agents and then follow up with phone calls.  Most of the recipients of my letters and phone calls are male. They frequently label the women who have complained as just being “sensitive” to sound.  While there are people who are more sensitive to sounds, and others that are less sensitive, I explain during these calls that the majority of people fall in the middle range and these people are being “reasonable” about the sounds that are bothersome. I also note that others having to live in these apartments would probably find the noise intrusive. When I am told that people have the right to make sounds in their apartments, I reply that they do but their sounds should not intrude on their neighbors’ rights to “reasonable quiet” in their apartments.  Often, I am told that the superintendents have not heard the noises when they visited the apartments. With many superintendents being male and having worked with loud equipment for many years, it may very well be that they have some hearing loss.  Thus, they cannot hear the intrusive sounds.

Let me assure you that noise is an irritant that has been intruding on the lives of many people worldwide, causing them stress, a loss of sleep, physical and mental discomfort, and a diminished quality of life. Going to www.growNYC.org/noise, will introduce you to the relevant research on noise impacts. Knowing that there is literature linking noise to adverse health impacts will be helpful in addressing the noise problem. Secondly, one must become familiar with the bylaws governing noise restrictions, whether it be noise from overhead airplanes and helicopters, neighbors who play their loud music into the early hours, or construction sounds that not only rattle one’s windows but also one’s “nerves.”  People are too often left to their own means to find out about their rights re: noise intrusions—intrusions that disrupt their daily activities, their sleep, their desire for some peaceful, restful relaxation, and more recently, with so many people now working out of their homes, their livelihood. They also have to find out whom to call with a noise complaint.

New York City noise complaints are, for the most part, dealt with by the New York City Noise Code which New York City passed in 1970 and then updated twelve years ago.  (https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/dep/downloads/pdf/air/noise/noise-code-guide-summary.pdf). It is largely the New York City Department of Environmental Protection which enforces this Code with a designated group of agents. Yet, this Code does not oversee noise from overhead airplanes and helicopters, controlled for the most part by the Federal Aviation Administration and local airports.  Also, the Code does not cover the many residential complaints from neighbors. Residents have to depend on the “warranty of habitability” clause of their leases. Then, whom does one call to complain about noise.  In New York City, residents generally call 311 and their calls are directed to proper agencies under the Noise Code.  However, with regard to many of the neighbor to neighbor noise complaints, landlords and managing agents have to be contacted directly.

Now that I have provided some information on noise as a health hazard as well as where you can learn more about the New York City Noise Code and to whom to direct one’s complaints, let me explain further as to what one can do to lessen noises in their lives.  Do find out if others in your building are disturbed by neighbor or building equipment noises.  Ask them to join you in contacting building management.  In numbers, there is greater strength and a greater likelihood that action will be taken. With regard to neighborhood noises, e.g. nearby loud restaurant, noisy metal plates on the road, do ask your neighbors if they are similarly disturbed and have them join you in your efforts to reduce the noise. Such complaints can be taken directly to the Environmental Protection Agency, police precincts and public officials.  Do learn who your local public officials are and remember the City Council passed the NYC Noise Code.  To parents who have children who are attending schools that are noisy from within or from without, e.g. passing trains, nearby road traffic, etc., please read the research on the adverse effects of noise on children’s learning and work toward achieving quieter learning environments for your children.  

Do not let the dismissive attitude toward women complaining about noise stop you from taking action to ameliorate the noise.  Instead, let this negative reaction be the incentive to direct you to the activities described above to lessen the noises in your life. On a more positive note, let me add that some of the women with whom I have worked on noise problems, have indeed become more active in reducing noise in their environment for both themselves and for the many other people who have been similarly affected by nearby noises. They understood that less noise in our environment would result in improved health and well-being for all of us. Less noise will also provide greater opportunity to tune in to the wonderful sounds in our environment, e.g. birds singing, gentle breezes, leaves blowing in the wind, which might very well be drowned out in time if the noises in our environment are not abated.