PowerPhrases® for Women: Decisiveness Speech for Better Results

Guest blog by Meryl Runion
Author of How to Use Power Phrases to Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, & Get What You Want

Dressed in a business suit with a brief case in hand, a dark-haired woman stepped up to the counter next to me at California Kitchen and said: 

Can I have a sausage pizza? 
And can I have a coke? 
And will you get me some fries? 

It was as if she was asking permission to place her order. I wondered how she spoke at her business meetings. Here is my guess:

May I make a few suggestions? 
I’d like to talk now, okay?

Or how about with her kids? 

Turn off the TV, will you please? 
Do you mind helping me? 
Can you be quiet? 

I wanted to give her a copy of my book, PowerPhrases®! The Perfect Words to Say It Right and Get the Results You Want

How often do you speak with indecisiveness and uncertainty? Women complain that men do not take them seriously at work. Women complain that their kids only respond to their Dads. This is because women are more prone to use tentative speech.  

While she says: I feel pretty good about this proposal
He says: My proposal will increase revenue by 32%

While she says, I don’t think you should be watching TV until your homework is done
He says: Turn the TV off right now and do not even think about turning it back on until your homework is done! 

It is said that men state opinion as fact and women state fact as opinion. Opinion stated as fact sounds judgmental, however, fact stated as opinion sounds weak. PowerPhrases® provide the middle ground where words are chosen to mean exactly what you want to say. Facts are stated as facts and opinion as opinion. Requests are made as requests and instructions are given as instructions. A PowerPhrase® is a short specific expression that gets results by saying what you mean and meaning what you say without being mean when you say it. One of the PowerPhrase® principles is that your words are as strong as they need to be and no stronger. Women often need to up the amperage; men often need to tone it down. 

Upping the Amperage
 
Kinda, sorta and maybe are Killer Phrases that weaken your message and keep you from being taken seriously. Instead of saying style: you might want to consider, say I recommend.  Instead of saying "I’ll try" say"I will" 

And take those tags off the end of your sentences that make you sound like you are asking permission, like "you know?" And "right?" 

If you are placing an order such as the woman at California Kitchen, do not imply you are seeking their approval of your order! Simply say,  I’d like a sausage pizza, a coke and some fries. 

If you want to make a point at a business meeting, again, do not ask permission; just make your point. Or you can request the floor decisively. Say: I need your complete attention here please. 

If you want the TV off, say it like you mean it. Turn the TV off I'd like it turned off now. 

Back yourself up with action. If they balk-they do it because they have learned that you do not mean what you say. 

If you need help and expect to get it, say so. Instead of asking if they mind helping you (which they probably do mind,) simply say: I need your help.

If you want them to be quiet, don’t ask if they can be quiet, (you know they can if they want to), say: I need you to be quiet. 

Let your voice carry your message. Say what you mean and speak with the decisiveness you feel and you will get more powerful results in the world. 

The Good News about Being a Woman Speaker: How So-Called "Feminine Traits" Translate into Speaker Strengths

Guest blog by Lois Philips, Ph.D.
Author of Women Seen and Heard: Lessons Learned from Successful Speakers

“Listen up. My presentation will change your life.” 

No doubt about it: in order to be successful at work, or in a community leadership role, women must master presentation skills. This is not an easy thing to do because public speaking is a function of the male role, and what we expect men to do. Society encourages boys to become leaders, but being assertive in terms of telling people what to do, how to spend their money, and whom they should vote for (or not) is still a relatively new posture for girls and women. As they move into occupational and professional roles formerly occupied by men only, and see the potential for leadership roles in all facets of life, girls and women don’t have a choice. Women need to be more assertive in finding a “public voice.” The good news is that women speakers don’t need to mimic men but, rather, can capitalize on the very “feminine” traits that society has devalued for centuries. Many of those same traits are speaker strengths. 

“Feminine” behaviors such as “batting your eyelashes,” subordinating one’s interests to others, focusing on conventional standards of beauty, being coy and evasive are media inventions and aren’t what we’re addressing here. Those behaviors don’t help women to succeed in life as people with intelligence and leadership capabilities. Let’s focus, instead, on a cluster of feminine traits that sociologists indicate is a preference for “sociability.” 

In personal conversations, women relate; they don’t dominate. Effective public speaking requires that the speaker is also relating to listeners: empathizing, making connections, solving problems, sharing experiences, and finding common ground. Ask yourself: Do you capitalize on a range of “feminine traits” that can help you to be effective at the podium? Take this self-assessment quiz to find out. 

Reflect on your presentation style. Which of these statements describes you? 

q 1.I enjoy talking with people.

q 2. I am willing to share personal anecdotes and disclose personal information if it will help me to make a point.

q 3.I do worry about what other people think.

q 4.I do like to find out what I have in common with people with or to whom I’m speaking.

q 5.I think about consequences of decisions, and how they might impact other people.

q 6. I appreciate the practical details of everyday life and how things happen.

q 7. I prefer to empower other people rather than taking credit for knowing it all.

q 8. I make things happen through my relationships with people, not (necessarily) through status, position, or power.

SCORING: Give yourself one point for each statement to assess whether you are able to integrate what have been described as “feminine” attributes into your presentations.

q 0-2 Seek opportunities to be whom you are when speaking to groups and audiences. Start by volunteering to be on a panel, speaking to a group of people with whom you are familiar so you can experiment with a “relational” approach.

q 3-5 When you tackle a problem or propose a solution, you’re confident at the podium, expressing feelings, disclosing relevant information, and relating to people in a personal way that makes you able to connect.

q 6-8 Congratulations! Your presentation style effectively incorporates feminine traits; your presentations are thoughtful, you relate to people, and you can personalize dry material. You have the potential to be a leader who can influence others to think differently and take action regarding the extraordinary range of issues facing us as a society. Time to meet the media!

Are my conversational skills an advantage at the podium?

As a result of the female socialization process, a conversational style of speaking will be familiar. Good speakers adopt that off-the-cuff “I’m interested in you, this-isn’t-just-about-me” tone to create a sense of intimacy that people appreciate. In conversation and delivering presentations, curiosity is an advantage. Women know how to keep a conversation going, using segues that bridge from one topic to another with a “That reminds me of ….” and “Has this ever happened to you?” The same skill set is a plus when you address a group conveying an “off the top of my head” approach. People leave thinking, “Now that’s someone I’d like to get to know better.”

Women appreciate the give-and-take of informal conversation. The speakers I’ve interviewed said that they prefer to deliver an impromptu speech, rather than read from a prepared manuscript. Perhaps this preference for interaction is why women do so well during the Q and A phase, after delivering their prepared remarks. Because women approach “speechmaking” as if it were an extension of having a conversation, they tend to scratch out their remarks on the backs of envelopes or scratchpads, rather than writing out their remarks word-for-word. This casual attitude can backfire as those envelopes are rarely saved, explaining why it is difficult to find a collection of women’s speeches, except perhaps for the most formal Commencement or Memorial addresses or those in the Congressional Record. Are you saving your presentations? You never know when they will come in handy, perhaps published as transcribed or rewritten as an article for your organizational newsletter.

Even in formal communication settings such as a public hearing or a conference, “feminine” qualities can be demonstrated when an outline of key points is used only as a guide so that the speaker can look listeners in the eye, rather than reading from a prepared manuscript Even more than the desire to convey information, the more feminine speaker will want to build a trusting relationship with her audience. She knows that those relationships will serve her well in implementing any proposal she has presented. To make contact with people, and using her notes as a reference point, she will look at individuals in the audience, one key point at a time. And listeners remember what is said when the speaker is looking directly at them as she makes her point.

President Ronald Reagan was lauded for his delivery skills, making each person in the audience feel as if he were talking directly to him or her in a conversational tone. Interestingly, we later learned that a woman, Peggy Noonan, wrote many of Reagan's most outstanding speeches. Her words empowered Reagan with a feminine style of empathy and caring that made an impact, across party lines.

Am I being strategic – or self-indulgent- when sharing personal anecdotes?

Women disclose what they know. Hoarding information? No way? That’s a man’s game. Whether you just discovered a new outlet for designer shoes, the best interest rate for first-time homebuyers, or the cure for cancer, you like to share what you know. It’s what women do. Of course, going on and on and on is never a good idea when listeners are busy people wanting you to get to the point. 

Women have grab bag of personal stories they can use to make an otherwise dry subject come alive for an audience. They remember these stories because they were instructive, occurring at choice points in their lives; as a result they can recall them instantly, and the stories become tighter and more pointed with each telling of the tale. Stories can form the basis for sustaining friendships and family life and are a way of revealing values and character. What better way to get to know a leader than through the personal examples she provides? 

Former Governor Ann Richards has admitted that the years after her divorce were a time when, "I smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish." Through self-deprecating humor, she makes it clear that this destructive time in her life is behind her; she went public with this situation before the press used it to destroy her credibility. Women are comfortable using their life experiences as a strategy for making a point, which works well at the podium. Being candid about one’s imperfections makes the audience trust the speaker as someone who is “just like us.”

Statistics are abstract and often misleading; they don’t do justice to the complexity of problematic situations. Stories help statistics come alive. Describe the economic and social consequences of being a teenage mother when you describe “Mary”. Explain the idiosyncrasies of a family business by describing three generations running “The Chang Restaurant Business.” What does the war in Iraq mean unless you tell us describe the life of a young soldier from our neighborhood. Pie charts don’t help your audience to care about the impact of a particular policy on real people. Personal examples soften up the listeners’ apathy or resistance to changing their point of view.

For example, Susan Lowell Butler was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and initially given a poor prognosis. Using a dynamic presentation style, she speaks to conference audiences, sharing the challenges she faced in moving from diagnosis to treatment. The importance of funding cancer research takes on new meaning when she asserts, “I wasn’t going to be a statistic.” Butler is now an advocate for increased funding for cancer research, and listeners are more likely to join her. Women are more likely to respond to a human face than to the most shocking statistic presented as an abstraction. Do you have a personal story that will support your key points?

Can my relationship skills help me get my message across? 

Political speakers pay media coaches big bucks to learn how to “stay on message,” but this is less important to women who want their message to make sense to their listeners. After all, your listeners are going to be most affected by a proposed change in a way of understanding a problem or taking action. You propose “Elect me!” or “Invest in my product (service)!” In order to achieve your goals, you need your listeners’ buy-in. Staying on message is less important than whether the listeners can relate to you. Will they care? Can they relate to you? Women worry about what other people think, and doing so is probably a good strategy for any speaker.

For example, you may want to speak about controversial issues but cultural obstacles can get in the way of being seen and heard. Television producer Christina Saralegui speaks about breast cancer and gay issues in ways that get people involved because she relates to and respects the Hispanic culture of modesty. As a Hispanic woman, Saralegui wants to build bridges when she explains, “We’re all parents and we have the same problems. I try to appeal to the common denominator…. everyone is in this together.”

Should I worry about what other people think?

Maybe it's true that women tend to worry more than men do about what others think, and conventional wisdom indicates this anxiety impedes women’s ability to be decisive leaders and make those tough decisions. Interestingly, twenty years ago the groundbreaking book called “In Search of Excellence” pointed out that the best managers walk around the office and find out what people are thinking and feeling. No big news to women; we’ve always operated that way. As a result of caring about what others think, women speakers are more likely to have learned about the audience beforehand to know what they’re getting into. Knowing what people are worrying about allows the speaker to be better prepared for what might be asked during the Q and A. No need to operate in a vacuum before making a decision. Good leaders have always known this and, as a result, their presentations have been more effective in persuading people to join with them.

Before discussing something as complex as, for example, the new Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 which provide guidelines for oversight of Corporate Boards, a speaker will want to know about her audience’s level of sophistication. Did anyone in the audience lose their pension as a result of recent scandals? Are they worried, confident, or in denial? Women speakers know how important it is to meet with members of your audience before a presentation to scope out their interests, needs, perspective and sophistication. Schmoozing with people during a break in the meeting or conference can help the speaker gather anecdotal material and test her position. Will it fly? Can she explain complex terminology in everyday terms? 

What do I have in common with my listeners? 

A conversation in which people relate to one another’s concerns about what really matters is how women learn, strategize, and plan and share resources. Jargon, acronyms, and spreadsheets are guaranteed to put people off. We’ve all been a member of a family, we’ve all worked, been to school, paid taxes, earned licenses or credentials. Find that common ground and hold firm but keep the connection as simple as possible. As former Governor Ann Richards said, “Explain the issues in language your mama can understand,” and people will pay attention. Consider levels of education, work sophistication, parenting, age, socioeconomic factors. Are you managers or support staff? Prefer people to products? Find that common ground, or you won’t have a leg to stand on when your listeners competing interests, the upcoming coffee break, or the fascinating person seated next to them draws their attention away from you- the presenter.

The “relational” approach to public speaking is more engaging than the “talk at” approach to which we’ve grown accustomed. The latter is not how women typically communicate. Talking “with” is more like it. “What’s on your mind?” we ask, and then we can take it from there in linking our topic to those concerns.

Why brag about myself when I can brag about other people?

Women tend to be unassuming and self-disclosing, perhaps to a fault. Modesty, by definition, means freedom from conceit or vanity. Considered a feminine virtue, modesty can be appealing to audiences when they realize that a speaker is admitting that she's new at the leadership game, particularly when she says, "I'm human, I can make mistakes, and I don't know everything, so let's figure this tough problem out together." That's quite different from the speaker who masquerades as open-minded when listeners know a proposal is “a done deal.” Arrogant speakers think they have an edge on knowing more than anyone in their audience. That approach may have worked in the old days, but audiences today deserve more credit. Everyone sitting in front of you is an expert in something. Modesty assumes a position of mutual respect: people appreciate being respected by the “expert” at the front of the room.

Some speakers forge ahead with a canned speech, no matter what the audience's unique perspective or demographic composition might be. In a post-Enron era of scandals at the top, audiences want to hear from new leaders who are outside the system, and women leaders will certainly have a fresh take on a range of social and economic problems. 

More often than not, women brag about their staff or other volunteers instead of their own accomplishments. What’s wrong with sharing recognition? A more modest approach can be appealing to listeners, particularly if they are among those being applauded. Taken to extremes, modesty can backfire, but still, let’s take the middle ground, and leave grandiosity and posturing to men.

Are the practical details of everyday life important to my listeners?

Women haven’t had access to great wealth so they tend to be more practical and can paint various scenarios for their audiences. Since women speakers of diverse backgrounds share a perspective that lies outside of “ the establishment” (historically populated by white males), they can draw attention to situations that are often ignored. Women tend to become advocates for change in areas that directly affect their everyday lives. It’s not just health care; it’s a question of “How can my mother—and yours—pay for her prescription drugs on a fixed income?” It’s not just employment in general; it’s a question of “How can I fund my small business?” It’s not education in general, it’s “How can I get my school Board to fund after-school programs?” It’s not just the issue of affordable housing, it’s “How can I qualify for my first homeowner’s loan?” It’s not just safety, it’s “What will it take to install more lighting in our parking lots?” It’s not just the issue of child-care, it’s “How can we as parents organize high-quality, affordable childcare for employees in our corporation?” If women don’t address the more practical details and implementation of broad policy issues as they affect us in our daily lives, who will? 

Think it's impossible to make dull, dry, technical and financial talks more relevant to the lives of families and women? Women speakers are more likely to give hard, cold statistics a human face because they see numbers in terms of human equations: A equals B. 

Architects who design complex buildings are the first to admit that “God is in the details.” Present a visionary plan and people immediately become anxious about the future. They wonder: How do we implement this new product or service? What are the steps? Who will be affected? How long will it take? What compromises will we have to make? As you present the blueprints for change, know that listeners are more willing to help you if they know what they’re getting into and presenting the practical side –including attention to details - mean fewer surprises later.

Can my relationship skills help me to gain credibility as a leader- i.e., as “the voice of authority?”

Good speakers—and this is true of both men and women—aren't aloof. They know how to build relationships with the audience before and during the presentation. At the podium, Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Dole share anecdotes about people they’ve met that illuminate how policy and legislative decisions play out in everyday life. Hillary talks about her mother’s experience growing up unloved and poor, and how she, in turn, became committed to improving the foster care system. Liz Dole walks the room “Oprah style” and gets up close and personal. Each professional speaker has staff members help him or her learn about their audiences. 

You can do the same thing by making some phone calls beforehand and after your presentation to build and maintain relationships. People create momentum around the change efforts you are proposing but people don’t go out of their way for people they can’t relate to. Whether attitude or behavior, change doesn’t happen overnight. A dynamic presenter builds new relationships with like-minded people who come up afterwards and ask, “I liked the way you presented your case. Where do I sign up? I want to work with you on this.”

Women today don’t just want a level playing field or a seat at the table: they want to be at the head of the table or at the microphone. Feminine attributes and qualities such as relating, disclosing, and caring—coupled with an outsider’s point of view—ensure that dynamic women speakers are seen, heard, and remembered.

[1] Excerpted and adapted with permission.

The Power of Intuition

Guest blog by Judith Orloff, M.D.

I'm a psychiatrist and intuitive in Los Angeles. What I do isn't my job. It's my life's passion. With patients and in workshops, I listen with my intellect and my intuition, a potent inner wisdom that goes beyond the literal. I experience it as a flash of insight, a gut feeling, a hunch, a dream. By blending intuition with orthodox medical knowledge I can offer my patients and workshop participants the best of both worlds. 

Now, listening to intuition is sacred to me, but learning to trust it has taken years. I've described the details in my memoir Second Sight which is meant to assure anyone whoever thought they were weird or crazy for having intuitive experiences, that they are not! This brief synopsis gives you a taste of the book. 

I grew up in Beverly Hills the only daughter of two-physician parents with twenty-five physicians in my family. From age nine, I had dreams and intuitions that would come true. I could predicts illness, earthquakes, even the suicide of one of my parent's friends. This confused and alarmed me, as it did my parents who were entrenched in the hard-core rational world of science. At first they tried to write my intuitions off as coincidence. Finally, though, after I dreamed my mother's mentor would loose a political election--which to my horror, came true--she took me aside and told me, "Never mention another dream or intuition in our house again!" I'll never forget the look in my dear mother's exasperated, frightened eyes, nothing I ever wanted to see again. So from that day on, I kept my intuitions to myself. I grew up ashamed of my abilities, sure there was something wrong with me. 

Luckily, I've had many angels in human form who've pointed me to my true calling as physician. In the sixties I got heavily involved with drugs in an attempt to block my intuitions out- obviously not something I'm recommending to you! Following a nearly fatal car accident at age sixteen when I tumbled over a treacherous 1500 foot cliff in Malibu Canyon, my parents forced me to see a psychiatrist. This man was the first person who ever "saw" me--not who he wanted me to be, but who I was. He taught me to begin to value the gift of intuition, and referred me to Dr. Thelma Moss, a intuition researcher at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute. She was to become my mentor and guide to developing my intuitive side. 

While working in Thelma's lab I had an amazingly specific dream which announced, "You're going to become an MD, a psychiatrist, to help legitimize intuition in medicine." When I awoke, I felt like someone was playing a practical joke on me. I'd never liked science, and I was bored around all my parent's doctor-friends. I was a hippie living in an old converted brick Laundromat with my artist-boyfriend in Venice Beach, working in the May Company's towel department. (I've had a great love of towels and sheets since!) The last thing I envisioned doing was medicine. But because I was beginning to trust my intuition, I enrolled in a junior college just to see how it would go. So one course became two, became fourteen years of medical training--USC medical school and a UCLA psychiatric internship and residency. 

The irony was, that during my medical training I strayed far from the intuitive world again. Traditional psychiatry equates visions with psychosis. Working in the UCLA emergency room, I'd keep seeing psychotics who were wheeled in screaming, strapped to gurneys, accompanied by cops with billy clubs. These patients professed to hear God and to be able predict things. They also felt their food was poisoned, and that the FBI was on their tail. No one tried to sort through this mishmash of claims. Typically, patients would shot up with with Thorazine, hospitalized on lock-down inpatient units until their "symptoms" subsided. Seeing this so many times I doubted whether it was safe or appropriate to integrate my intuitions in medicine. 

When I opened my Los Angeles psychiatric practice in 1983, I had every intention of it being traditional; I'd use medications, psychotherapy, but I didn't intend for intuition to play a role. My practice was extremely successful. Since I was a workaholic and also loved helping people, I had twelve hour days, though very little personal life. But then I had a heart-wrenching wake-up call that changed everything. It was an intuition that a patient, on antidepressants, was going to make a suicide attempt. Because she was doing so well--nothing supported my hunch--I dismissed it. Within a week she overdosed on the antidepressants I'd prescribed and ended up in a coma for nearly a month. (Had she not survived I would've been devastated.) The hardest part, though, was that I thought I'd harmed her by not utilizing a vital piece of intuitive information. This was intolerable for me. From then on, I knew, as a responsible physician, I had to integrate my intuitions into my work.

After this episode, my journey to bring intuition into my medical practice began. I didn't know how I'd do it, but I put out a silent prayer to the universe to help me. Soon, I began meeting people, more angels, who showed me the way. Gradually I grew comfortable with my intuition, set out to write "Second Sight." This took me seven years to complete because I had so much fear about coming out of the closet as an intuitive. I was afraid of what my physician-peers would think, that they'd mock me or blackball me from the profession. My mother warned, "They'll think you're weird. It'll jeopardize your medical career." Ah Mother: I loved her, but thank god I didn't listen. Finding my voice as a psychiatrist and intuitive has been my path to freedom. 

Sure, there's a risk when you stretch yourself, but the rewards are enormous. Now, I'm blessed to travel around the country giving workshops on intuition to auditoriums full of extraordinary people--health care professionals and general audiences alike--who long to embrace their inner voice. I'm heartened to see that many physicians are eager to deal with patients in the new way I offer. Recently I gave an intuitive healing workshop at the American Psychiatric Association convention, a annual gathering of the most conservative psychiatrists in the world. I'm pleased to report the response was wonderful. 

I'm sad to report that my mother didn't live long enough to see this. In 1993 she died of a lymphoma. But, on her deathbed, she decided to tell me our "family secrets." She told me, "I want to pass the power onto you." I was astounded to learn that I came from a lineage of intuitive healers on her side of the family--my Jewish grandmother who did laying on of hands in a shed behind the pharmacy she and Grandpop ran in Philadelphia. East coast aunts and cousins I'd never met since I grew up in California. Also, my mother, herself, had a strong inner voice which told her how to treat patients for over forty years. She'd listened to this voice and secretly used her innate healing powers to keep her lymphoma in remission for many years. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her. She said simply, "I wanted you to lead a normal, happy life, not to be thought of as weird like your grandmother was." Oh Mother... I'll always be grateful for what she shared, but, still... she'd waited so long. Even so, I believe in the wisdom of the paths we've been given. Mine has been to fight for what I believed in despite what my parents or anyone said. An invaluable but rugged lesson in empowerment. 

These days, no matter what I'm going through, especially when my heart is torn in a million pieces my intuition has sustained me. I hope that my journey in "Second Sight" can help you. One thing I'm certain of: if you follow your intuitive voice, you can't go wrong. Stay true to it. Intuition is about empowerment, not having to conform to someone else's notion of who you should be. It's about being true to yourself, and all the goodness that comes from that. 

Instincts - The Answers to a Better Life

Guest blog by Lillian Monterrey
Author of Follow Your Instincts

Have you ever thought one thing, felt something else, and ended up saying something completely different?

Everyone at one time or another has faced this dilemma! The reason for thinking, feeling and expressing yourself differently, is because as you were growing up family members and society started giving you messages different from what you felt inside.

Your instinct connection was perfect when you were born. What happened to some of us was that as children the adults in our lives ("the Big people" -- as I call them) began to influence our thinking by creating programs that were in conflict with our instincts, thus programming us to follow our head instead of your heart.

When you were hurt as a child and went to an adult (perhaps your mother or father) to express your hurt feelings, they might have said something like: "That was not so bad…You are not supposed to feel that way." This created confusion between your God-given instincts and what "the big people" in your life were telling you. Therefore, you learned at a very young age not to express or honor your feelings. You created the scenario of feeling one thing while thinking something else, and yet expressing something totally different. What you needed then was assistance in directing you to the instinct blueprint.

Instincts are part of your subconscious mind placed there by the Creator, and intellect is part of the conscious mind. The conflict appears when the conscious mind has different information than the subconscious. 

The instinct program God placed inside us is geared toward helping us cope in every area of our lives. This can be clearly observed in all of the animal kingdom. Understanding our instincts is very important because through connection with them, we get to know ourselves. As an additional benefit, we will get to know our fellow man. All humans have the same instincts.

God gave the animal kingdom (of which humans are a part) instincts to help them function on earth. The difference between animals and humans is the degree of intellect. If you really want to get in touch with your instincts, it is necessary to understand the separation between intellect and instinct.

Animals tend to depend more on instinct, whereas humans have, over the ages, reversed this and rely mostly on intellect. This is most unfortunate because instincts can be of great assistance to us in our lives.

By re-connecting yourself with your instincts you will be able to think, feel and communicate the same message. You will also be able to discover the real you. 

Self-understanding is knowledge about yourself. It allows you to discover the kind of person you are and the person you would like to become. It allows you to be free to become the best person God intended you to be.

The Creator gave you instincts, as a gift for you to live in a successful, abundant, and happy manner all you have to do is to understand, connect with it and follow your instincts to CREATE THE LIFE YOU REALLY WANT.

How to Survive Caring for a "Challenging" Elder and Recognize the Early Signs of Dementia! Part III

Guest blog by Jacqueline Marcell
Author of Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Elder-Proof the House to Reduce Frustrations

There are things you can do to make navigation in the home easier for elders.

1. Even out the ridge on the floor in front of a doorway to make it easier for a wheelchair to get over.
2.Strategically placed grab-bars (even in the shower) will help to reduce falls.
3. Remove throw rugs as they are a hazard and easily tripped on.
4. Put glow tape around the perimeter of doorways so they are visible at night.
5. Place motion-sensing night-lights on the floor of their bedroom.
6. Put colored tape on the edges of stairs so they can be clearly seen. Adult Day Care is the Answer

Relying on the professionals at an Adult Day Care turned out to be the answer to getting my parents out of bed 23 hours a day "waiting to die," and giving them social, physical and intellectual stimulation during the day, so they'd sleep through the night. Yes, it was no small feat to get my father to go, but gradually, once he got into the swing of it, he really enjoyed it. Then, you can spend quality time with them in the evenings and on weekends and you will not be so burdened with their care 24 hrs a day.

Hiring Caregivers

When your loved one needs more care than you can provide, it is time to hire a caregiver.

Questions to ask when hiring a caregiver:

1. Does the person live close by; have a car, a valid driver's license, and current insurance?
2. Has he or she had elder care experience and can you call several references?
3. Is the person willing to be photographed and fingerprinted so you can do a search on his or her background?
4. If you're hiring through an agency, is that agency a member of state and national organizations that you can call to check on them?
5.What kind of background checks does the agency do? (If they refuse to give this information to you in writing, they probably have not done any background checks.)

A Success Story

A year later, after turning around a seemingly impossible situation, I knew it was all worth the horror and heartache to hear my father say he loved me again.

I felt so compelled by what I had lived through, I wrote a book so that others won't have to struggle as I did to figure out how to manage their elderly loved ones. The result: Elder Rage, or Take My Father… Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents.

It's written with humor and I guarantee laughter out loud, as you learn everything you never wanted to know about eldercare but were afraid to ask. After the success story I include 70 pages of self-help, answers to the toughest questions, valuable resources and a renowned dementia specialist's chapter on medications. I'm honored to have 40+ prestigious endorsements including: Hugh Downs, Regis Philbin, the late Steve Allen, Dr. Dean Edell, Robert Stack, Dr. Bernie Siegel, Dr. Nancy Snyderman/ABC News, Duke University Center for Aging, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, Dr. Eric Tangalos/Mayo Clinic, Dr. Rudy Tanzi/Harvard Medical School .

How to Survive Caring for a "Challenging" Elder and Recognize the Early Signs of Dementia! Part II

Guest blog by Jacqueline Marcell
Author of Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

The 10 Warning Signs of Dementia

1. Recent memory loss -- your loved one may ask you the same question over and over, look at a beloved granddaughter and ask her name, or forget that they just told you that story and tell you again.
2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks -- such as tying a necktie or shoelaces, or being unable to do the knitting they have enjoyed for many years.
3. Problems with language - using the wrong word or unable to remember the right word to use.
4. Disorientation of time and place -- mistaking a time period of hours for days, or giving incorrect directions in the town they have lived in for many years.
5. Poor or decreased judgment - for example, while babysitting they may completely forget about the child they are supposed to be watching.

6. Problems with abstract thinking -- inability to balance a checkbook, adding becomes difficult or they may insist that a one-dollar bill is a 20-dollar bill.
7. Inappropriate misplacing of things -- you might find the wristwatch in the sugar bowl, the iron in the microwave, or a hat in the freezer.
8. Rapid mood swings -- switching from tears to anger for no apparent reason.
9 Changes in personality -- you may notice a tendency toward fear and paranoia.
10. Loss of initiative -- your loved one may not want to get out of bed, withdraws socially or says they don't want to live anymore. Behavior Modification Techniques
Once the brain chemistry is properly balanced for the dementia, often-present depression and possible aggression, you will be able to start behavior modification techniques on a challenging elder if they are still in the very earliest stage of dementia.

As amazing as it sounds, the use of tough love coupled with rewards and consequences worked to turn around the most obstinate man on the planet: my father, even with the onset of dementia. By being 100% consistent, never rewarding his bad behavior and using lots of praise to encourage good behavior, he finally changed his negative life-long behavior pattern of screaming and yelling to get his way. He learned that he could (as Mom would say), "catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

How to Survive Caring for a "Challenging" Elder and Recognize the Early Signs of Dementia!

Guest blog by Jacquelie Marcell
Author of Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Caring for a "challenging" elder can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. I know -- I went through a year of hell before I figured it out.

I had been the light of my father's life -- but with the onset of dementia he turned on me, doing and saying things that I would have never believed he could do. Having no experience with elder care, I just didn't get it. I thought it was just due to his bad temper of a lifetime and his need to control, which it was, but it was also the very beginning of dementia that intermittently made his actions even more illogical and irrational than ever before.

When he threw two little dilapidated hand towels at me, screaming and swearing at me for throwing them out, I was stunned and sobbed my heart out. With the knowledge I have now I'd say, "This seems illogical, this seems irrational. Red flag -- it is!" And I'd haul him off kicking and screaming to the Alzheimer's Association's best recommendation for a geriatric dementia specialist to be evaluated right away. I'd know not to waste time with his regular doctor who didn't specialize in dementia.

Recognizing Dementia Symptoms Before It's Too Late
The stereotype of a person with dementia (Alzheimer's is just one of many types) is that of someone who doesn't know what they are doing. That's Stage Three, but there is a long road before one gets there.

Dementia starts very intermittently and is generally ignored by families who think that these strange behaviors are just a normal part of aging: Stage One lasts two to four years; Stage Two lasts two to ten years; and Stage Three lasts one to three years. In the beginning, your loved one may have a raging temper tantrum and then suddenly be as sweet as pie. Because there are usually long periods of normalcy in-between, the tendency is to want to forget about the irrational incident instead of seeking treatment immediately.

Statistically families wait four years before they reach out for help -- usually after a crisis. By that time, however, the person has gone through Stage One and is starting into Stage Two already, which usually requires full-time care.

Getting medication for your loved one as soon as you recognize the early warning signs of dementia can slow its progress for two to four years doctors say, saving your family a lot of heartache and money. It will also save our society the burden of caring for so many elders who have progressed into Stage Two sooner than need be.

Consult a geriatric dementia specialist for the medications that may slow the progression of the dementia: Aricept, Exelon, and Reminyl.

How to Recognize and Shed Toxic Friends

Guest blog by Debbie Mandel
Author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

To feel happy and healthy we need to seek out what specifically brings us joy. High on the list is friendship. Instinctually, we gravitate to positive people to trigger positivism within ourselves. We look to our friends to interpret the big picture for us, to help us find a solution to dramatic problems that overwhelm us. We trust them with our secrets and often take their advice. However, over the years friends change and we change as well. Each decade reveals buried treasures of personality and personal growth. Careers, finances, status and intimate relationships undergo transformations. Our friends remember us way back when… And what if we should succeed? Jealousy, the green-eyed monster, slings its barbs, chipping away at our ability to trust. Et tu, Brutus? Here is how to recognize a toxic relationship and how not to fall apart. 

If your friend speaks to you sarcastically, and most of the remarks though they are housed in humor are basically insulting, eroding your self-esteem or your goals to move forward, this is the first sign of toxicity. Be alert and don’t ignore it. Put up your invisible shield of light to protect your heart.

If you are sick with a chronic and serious illness, have lost your job, or are getting a divorce and your friend keeps asking you for the smallest, most intimate details about your condition, this is a sign of well-meaning toxicity. While you need to separate your identity from that of your plight, get back into life, your friend sees you only as the problem and is fascinated by it as though watching a house on fire, yet doing nothing to put it out. This is a clear signal to alert your friend that you would rather not talk about it. Your friend sees you as an object of pity while you need empowerment to heal. Eventually, you will need to free yourself from this friendship.

If your friend tries to monopolize your time, possess you and limit your contact with others, by making you feel guilty of abandonment, then that friendship has become parasitic. Do not become enmeshed. Declare your independence.

If your friend is narcissistic, rarely complimenting you, tugging at your heart strings as to what you can do for her, calls you when it is convenient for her- even late at night, never remembering what is going on in your life, then be aware that you are being used and drained. Establish your boundaries, so that her soap opera does not become your soap opera. After awhile the same old story becomes redundant and boring. Friendship needs reciprocity.

To close the door on a friendship, gradually wean the two of you off one another. Speak less frequently on the phone. Meet for lunch or dinner with others, not alone, so that you can position yourself next to someone else in the group. Express your feelings honestly and try not to vent. Explain what is wrong. Listen to the answer- what is said as well as what is not said. See if you can salvage the relationship by clearing the air. Adopt a wait and see attitude. If the transgressions continue, let your friend know that it is not working for you.

As we get older, we have fewer friends and more acquaintances. We see with experienced eyes. We tend to expect more from our friends; perhaps we expect too much. Nevertheless, reserve judgment and forgive, but move on. Tap into your gut feelings. Just because you have a history with someone, doesn’t mean you need to keep on repeating it. We outgrow many things during the course of a lifetime and take many detours. During the course of our journey we make new friends and exchange our gifts with them. 

How To Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep

Guest blog by Debbie E. Mandel
Author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

The news from Iraq is frightening and demoralizing. Technology has enabled us to work late into the night causing our brains to whirl around in an alert frenzy unable to shut down. Meanwhile our daytime dilemmas quietly steal into our nights. No wonder we have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Research indicates that losing as little as one and a half hours sleep for just one night reduces daytime alertness by about one-third. Memory and the ability to think and process information are impaired. Sleep deprivation also makes us prone to mood changes, attention deficits, slower reaction times, and increased risk for accidents, especially driving. And sleep deprivation is cumulative, building a sleep debt that must be paid. Counting sheep is boring and doesn’t work anyway. So we lie in bed listening to the loud ticking clock and our own heart beating anxiously – we worry that we will not function well the next day and that we will tire easily

The best remedy for sleep is stress-reduction, letting things slide. Stop listening to the depressing evening news. Finish your detailed work by early evening to relax the mind. Regarding our daytime dramas, here is a different solution: allocate about twenty minutes for concentrated worry time before bedtime. Get it over with! Twenty minutes and not one minute more.

Instead of counting sheep, try an auto-hypnotic visualization. Visit your happiest place on earth. This could be a beach, a country home, or Tuscany. Imagine it descriptively, using your five senses. The more you practice, the better your imagination works. Really experience this secure, loving place. Breathe naturally to your own rhythm. See each breath go through your heart. Give yourself a loving message while you visit this beautiful place like “I trust and let go; I let go and I trust.” In order to fall asleep you have to give up control, yield and trust that you will be safe and that you will wake up. This visualization will help you relax with its sing-song rhythm.

Here are some concrete suggestions to facilitate nighttime renewal:

Absolutely no work station in the bedroom.

Try to go to sleep the same time every night and wake up the same time in the morning. Create a habit.

I saved the best for last: Have sex. It releases melatonin to help you sleep.

Create a bedtime ritual like a bath and moisturizing lotion, or listen to inspirational music. Meditate. Absolutely no late night news shows!

Try your grandmother’s remedy- warm milk and crackers—they work! So do bananas, yogurt, figs and of course, turkey. Avoid sugar, spinach, eggplant, tomatoes, alcohol and of course, caffeine. Some of us should not have coffee past noon.

Exercise large muscle groups in the daytime. Walking is excellent. Do not exercise close to bedtime as you will feel over-stimulated by your endorphins and your increased body temperature. Instead, try stretching exercises before bedtime as these are relaxing.

Cool down the room and lower the shades. Make sure the room is dark and does not let in the early morning sun.

If all of the above doesn’t work, try this trick: Force yourself to stay awake. That’s right: You must stay awake. Go to the living room, read a book, pay the bills and stay up. This will take the pressure off falling asleep. We understand and process a concept from its opposite. Sometimes we have to combine several remedies in order to sleep.

Good night and sweet dreams!

Can Caretakers Take Care of Themselves?

Guest blog by Debbie E. Mandel
Author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

On a daily basis, four stressors constantly bombard us: environmental, physical, internal and national. Then we wonder why we feel anxious, irritable, fatigued and unhappy. Shedding stress must be a top priority because stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine coursing throughout the body without a release outlet do physical and emotional damage. If we are unbalanced, all the people who depend on us suffer as well. Of course, this is reason enough to take care of ourselves for the sake of others, but how about exhibiting some compassion for the self? Sometimes we take better care of our pets than we do of ourselves. Carl Jung explained that the hardest person to have compassion for is the self. We need to become selfish in order to cultivate a sense of who we are and express what we want.

Go From Worrier to Warrior

Emotional and physical health depends on the metaphysical balance of giving and receiving. Both the Kabbalah, a work of Jewish mysticism and the Book of Transformations by the Dali Lama state the same concept: In life we can't just keep giving to others. Some of us, particularly women, tend to be givers. However, we must learn how to receive as well because if we just give away what we have to others, we become depleted. Don't wait to be sick and tired before you say no! We need to ask ourselves how we feel before we agree. If it doesn't feel right, or we intuit that it is wrong, we have to honor our feelings, not suppress them, and say no. When we don't, we often become ill. Our disease usually symbolizes the underlying emotional condition that we are blocking out.

The "good little girl syndrome" and the "accommodating woman" must be balanced with personal goals. A first step is to get rid of a word like, should from our vocabulary and change it to could or choose. If our schedule becomes overwhelming, we need to prioritize, release what is no longer important and clean out the clutter. Everyone has freedom of choice and the determination to feel empowered. Each one of us has a mission to experience the feeling of fulfillment and simply stated we must strive to be the best person we can be. Therefore, we must learn to engage in activities that keep us personally stimulated. Everyday we can make a point to learn something new. Routine deadens both the heart and soul.

Sometimes we cannot control what happens to us, but we can control our perceptions. Some people let defeat ruin them; others let victory ruin them. It is neither the win nor the loss that makes you triumphant, only how you feel about yourself. Self-doubt and negative self-talk create paralysis. We need to visualize a successful outcome just as an athlete does prior to a competition or a speaker preparing to address a large audience. Each triumphant performer envisions the event and sees the self successfully completing and shining! Recite a personal affirmation to facilitate the positive outcome. Conceive, Believe, Achieve.

Use humor to objectify difficult situations and restore balance. If it were happening to someone else in a sitcom, you know you would be laughing. Try not to take yourself so seriously and use the humor to take the sting out of these volatile situations. G. K Chesterton aptly said: Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. An added benefit: humor boosts the immune system.

And lastly, exercise away your stress. When you are angry or unhappy, exercise will release stress hormones, release your endorphins to make you feel alive, oxygenate your brain to help you think more clearly, lower your blood pressure and strengthen your heart, build up your bones and muscles, reverse the aging process, activate your immune system-need I say more? In addition, exercise will help you organize your day in a healthy way by making you pay more attention to what you eat: proteins, complex carbohydrates, a rainbow diet of fruits and vegetables, fiber and plenty of water. No deprivation, please! The body needs to be constantly fueled to function efficiently and so does the mind. Exercise increases focus for the mind/muscle connection, which carries over into life quality. 

Each day find a balance between earth practicality and spiritual vision. There is no separation between mind and body, not even a hyphen-one word, mindbody. When you find your personal balance, you will live your authentic life expressing your true opinions and achieving your goals one by one. Through positive perception you will heal and grow. Get rid of toxicity and negativity in your life. That includes toxic friends and family. Surround yourself with positive people, media and books. Meditate daily on the good in your life; on things you appreciate or used to appreciate but now take for granted. Learn to read life in order to be receptive to the universe. When you see the obvious, what is in front of your eyes, the rest will be revealed to you. As in Zen philosophy: Before enlightenment, carry water, chop wood. After enlightenment, carry water, chop wood. What has changed? Perception. Be in the moment in everything that you do and enjoy that moment intensely. The moment may be all that we have.

HSAs Make $ense

Guest blog by JoAnn M. Laing
Author of CONSUMERS GUIDE TO HSAS  and SMALL BUSINESS GT HSAS 2ED  
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Many Personal, Professional Reasons Health Savings Accounts Are For Women (and Men too)

Besides being good for their companies, Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) address several needs simultaneously for many women and their families.

Besides offering an extremely flexible approach to tax and retirement planning, it also provides economical healthcare coverage particularly in two-career marriages and can ease the burden of single-parent households as well. 

The HSA program has two parts: a high-deductible health plan (which usually costs less than other health plans) and a tax-advantaged, portable savings account for payment of current medical expenses which builds like a Medical IRA.

One important feature is that a spouse or dependents covered by other insurance may not be able to participate. However, an individual may still be able to use another family member's HSA funds to pay for their qualifying medical expenses tax-free.

Other Advantages

The added bonus is that monies paid by companies to fund HSAs for employees are pre-tax dollars and do not get reported as income for employees. At the same time, HSA monies can pickup copays not picked up by spousal healthcare plans.

For company owners, this means a double savings --- they can deduct the amount paid for their own qualifying high deductible healthcare plan and they have no personal income tax liabilities for the monies paid into their account. They also do not pay FICA and FUDA on any of payments made for themselves or other employees. For the self-employed, they can deduct the cost of the insurance premium and amount contributed to the HSA.

A major impetus for HSAs was to reduce the soaring rate of healthcare. By making the individual a part of the medical services decision process, HSAs are designed to help manage medical expenses and reduce the yearly rate rise of health care expenses. On average, an HSA insurance policy (called an HDHC plan) will save between 20-30% in premiums.

Retirement Programs Encouraged

Another aim was adding a self-directed retirement offering to the retirement planning agenda. HSAs have the effect of adding another retirement option because the money not spent in any year remains part of the individual's retirement account. 

To encourage companies to teach retirement planning, HSAs are portable. HSA monies remain in the account even if the employee leaves their present employer thereby building up a nest egg. Like 401Ks and IRAs, building a nest egg requires someone to start. Once started, they usually become a permanent part of the individual's savings program.
Another reason HSAs can be helpful to executive women and others, the procedures covered by HSAs monies have been broadened. HSAs can pay for many more procedures than were ever allowed before by government-sponsored programs, for instance, laser eye surgery. (A complete list can be found on www.HSAfinder.com or www.irs.gov websites.)

Some HSA Advantages

To briefly summarize HSAs and their advantages:
§ A way to save money on health care. Sooner or later everyone will have to spend money on health care. But an HSA might help them spend less.
§ A tax saver. Not only does an HSA cover medical costs tax-free, but contributions to the account may nudge an individual into a lower tax bracket. This is particularly true with dual-worker families.
§ A way to pay for health care traditional insurance might not cover. An HSA can be used to pay tax-free for acupuncture, visits to the chiropractor, fertility treatments, therapy, smoking cessation, and weight loss programs - just to name a few.
§ Portable. HSAs can travel with the individual from job to job. He or she always have a right to 100% of the money in the account. 
§ A source of investment income. HSAs are designed so that the individual can always withdraw money when needed. But the money not withdrawn has the potential to grow and accumulate interest tax-free. Many higher income families will pay for medical services with post-tax dollars and leave funds in the HSA to grow without tax on the interest or investment income.
§ An improved retirement account. HSAs function much like 401(k)s or IRAs, but with an important difference. When money is put in a typical retirement account, it's there to stay - an individual could forfeit as much as a third of it in tax penalties if withdrawn it before reaching retirement age. With an HSA, money used for medical expenses, can be withdrawn tax-free. HSAs don't replace current retirement accounts, but they can be a major supplement to retirement savings.
§ Money in your pocket. To participate in an HSA, an individual must be enrolled in a high-deductible health plan (HDHP). What is different is that payment programs are more liberal. You need to talk to your insurance agent and study the various plan options closely. 

Who Qualifies

Broadly speaking, an individual or family qualifies for an HSA if they are:
§ under the age of 65,
§ not listed as someone else's dependent for income tax purposes,
§ not receiving Medicare or Social Security benefits, 
§ covered by a high-deductible health plan, and
§ not covered by any other type of health insurance plan, except for some significant differences which are listed elsewhere in this article.

For executive women in particular, HSAs offer an excellent approach to reducing costs and improving retirement options for themselves and their employees.

Some of the supplemental policies that are permitted with HSAs include:
- Separate dental and/or vision care insurance, or flexible spending accounts (FSAs) covering only dental and/or vision care
- Discount cards for health care services or products (for example, prescription drugs)
- Disease management and wellness programs, as long as they do not "provide significant benefits in the nature of medical care"
- Employee assistance plans, again if they do not "provide significant benefits" (short-term counseling is okay)
- FSAs or HRAs that pay or reimburse for medical expenses after a high deductible has been met*
- Separate long-term care insurance
- Worker's compensation insurance (through employers) 
- Disability insurance (individual or through unions or employment)
- Automobile insurance (including coverage for medical care in accidents and emergencies)
- Business liability insurance
- Insurance that pays for fixed amount of hospitalization
- Freestanding health insurance for travel (such as flight insurance or automatic travel coverage when transport is booked on a credit card).

Networking for Opportunities

Guest blog by Erwi Flynn

Networking can be an intimidating task. Many businesspeople don't know how to go about this process, but there are ways to make it more enjoyable and rewarding. In these tough economic times, it is more important than ever to foster new business alliances. How do you network for new opportunities?

Plan Your Networking Approach
"Although we know that the goal of networking is to discover new business opportunities, it's more than a "paint by the numbers" process," according to Andrea Nierenberg, a keynote speaker for conferences and corporate meetings and President of The Nierenberg Group. "It takes time, patience, and creativity to cultivate people into our lives." 

When Nierenberg first started her consulting business, networking was starting to get a bad reputation. "People saw trade shows and business seminars as 'targets' to pass out and collect as many business cards as possible," she confides. "Ultimately, people networked when they needed something from someone."

To make positive networking become a part of your everyday life, start with a strategy and begin the process. "Begin to imagine that many people you meet can lead you to potential business," Nierenberg says. "Think about how that strategy will include tactics to allow people to feel comfortable to want to help you achieve more." 

First, know your contact. Let's say you call someone up and say, "Hi, Bob. I need your help with some referrals. Any suggestions?" On the surface, it seems harmless. However, people will sense when you're using them as a means to and end. Have a genuine dialog first; then, at the right time, ask them if they would help you "brainstorm" for new ideas to develop new business. 

Second, see the potential. Everyone we meet is a client, prospect, friend, or knows someone who can help us meet one. "Often, the top people rely on people they manage for advice," Nierenberg advises. "While the president of a company signs the biggest checks, you might want to find ways to let that person's staff see how you can provide the products or service to help everyone at the company." 

Third, follow up in unique ways. No, you don't have to send singing telegrams. When you network with new people, work to remember something that is important to them. Then, these topics can become a springboard for future communications. 

For example, if someone likes fishing, you could send a follow-up note that has a fish on it. It doesn't take much, according to Nierenberg. However, it does take some thought. It's this attention to detail that will strengthen your networking relationships. 

The Three P's of Networking

Deb Haggerty, President of Positive Connections, views the successful networker as someone who enters a room and sees people who need to be connected with others. Once this attitude is adopted, there are three steps to make networking pay off -- Process, Place, and Practice.

1. Process. Process refers to how and why you are going to go about
networking. Haggerty recommends asking yourself the following questions:
* Why am I networking?
* Who will I be networking with?
* What am I able to give?
* What do I hope to gain?
* When will I network?

"With these answers in mind, set goals for your networking -- decide on a
tracking system and get your tools ready (business cards, brochures, contact
lists for referrals)," Haggerty explains.

2. Place. Open your mind to the endless possibilities. Anywhere there is
another human being, there is the possibility of networking. Especially good
locations are:
* Chambers of Commerce
* Professional Conferences
* Social Clubs and Churches
* Professional or Alumni Associations
* Charitable Organizations

3. Practice. Like anything else, proper networking must be practiced to get it right. "The most important aspect of networking is creating a good first impression," Haggerty says. "Since you only have one chance to do this, it makes sense to hone the skills that will accomplish it."

Her guidelines are as follows:
* Keep business cards with you at all times, along with pen and paper to write notes on the cards you receive. This will help you to remember the who, when, and where of why you have them.
* Have a "Tell Me About Yourself" attitude. This is a short phrase that will enable you to respond professionally and lead to a meaningful conversation with a prospect.
* Remember the three-foot rule. Anyone within three feet (about the length of a handshake) is a prospect and possible contact for you.
* Always smile at people - it's contagious!
* Have fun! Take networking seriously, but don't be serious when you are doing it. 

Bottom line: Networking is an attitude. Your job is to get others to see you as someone who wants to help them. Once you accomplish this, everyone you add to your network will be actively selling you to everyone else they network with, Haggerty reports. 

AMERICA UNDER ATTACK One New Yorker's Story

Guest blog by Fran Capo
Author of It Happened in New York City: Remarkable Events That Shaped History
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Tuesday September 11, 2001 - D DAY

A week ago, I woke up to what I thought was going to be a glorious day. A day
 bright and sunny, the kind that one is thankful for but at the same time, takes
for granted, as we get on with our lives. I dropped my son at school in Floral
Park Queens, and kissed him goodbye, happy as I drove off. All was right with
my world. 

But that feeling was instantly shattered with a click of the radio switch. "The World Trade Center has been hit". At first I thought I was listening to some second hand rendition of War of the Worlds. But as I listened on, I realized one of the most glorious days had just turned into one of the worst days in American History, if not for the free world. The United States was under terrorist attack. 

My ears couldn't believe it, so I rushed home to a television set, as if seeing it
would make it that more real. I watched in horror, America watched in horror,
 the world watched in horror, as the second tower was hit. Reports came rushing in about planes being hijacked, the Pentagon being hit and another plane crashing outside Pennsylvania. It was too much information to process. A surreal feeling surrounded me, as if I was watching some special effects in a blockbuster movie, only this time the actors wouldn't get up and walk away. I stayed glued to the television watching the tragedy unfold. Not knowing exactly where this travesty would end. 

Then the unthinkable happened. The World Trade Centers, one by one came
tumbling down as thousands of innocent people ran scrambling for their lives. 
People who were lying at the bottom of the World Trade Center relieved they
had escaped, and those who were attending to them, were now having tons
of concrete rain down on them. People were leaping out of windows, and I
had flashes of thoughts at the horror they must have felt before deciding to
jump to their deaths instead of being burned. The image of the couple holding
hands as they leaped is forever etched in my mind. Others were being choked
by asbestos, smoke filling their lungs, some were being trampled and others
were being injured from free flying glass shrapnel and debris. It was a site
New York has never seen. 

Then in a few moments it was over. An eerie silence overtook the city as gray
soot blanketed everything, the color reflective of the mood. The two towers that
had stood and symbolized so much for New York and the world, were now gone. Demolished, and along with it, countless lives. 

An evil well planned plot, played out to fruition, by calm sick malicious minds. 
Seemed like a century passed but it was only minutes. I thought of how long
it takes to build something, or create a life and how easily it can be destroyed. 

The media replayed the buildings crashing over and over, and no matter how many times I watched them fall, I still believed I would see them in the skyline. 

Instantly, my mind raced of thoughts to my son at school. Did he know? Was he safe? Even though he was in Queens miles away from the crash, nothing felt safe anymore. Two giant anchors had been pulled from us. I called the school only to find out that the phone lines were dead. My cell phone was dead too. My
communication was cut off. I had to go to the school. Parents were pulling up in droves, feeling the need to have their child with them if the eminent was to happen. 

The principal said the kids hadn't been told yet. We weretold we could take them home if we wanted to or leave them in school till three. I choose to leave him in school, trying to feign some normalcy to what was happening. I drove home and knew life as we knew it would never be the same again.

From my home in Howard Beach, two miles from JFK airport, I could see the smoke billowing from Manhattan, the same smoke I was watching on TV coming from what was once,  the World Trade Center. As the fires continued, the story kept unfolding. Ambulances rushing everywhere, people talking, crying, sobbing over their near escapes and for those blown apart and missing. The hospitals were overwhelmed. The tunnels, bridges, and subways were closed. The U.S.- Mexican border had been sealed. Planes were being diverted to Canada. All airports were closed.

It took me three hours to get back to my son's school. Policemen stood with shotguns on the highway redirecting traffic. As I passed I saw the JFK ramps were heavily guarded. All firemen, policemen and 911 workers were called in. The National Guard was called in. Military aircraft was seen over head patrolling the skies. Finally, the attack ended. And we were left in a war torn zone, shocked, shaken and badly bruised.

Then all at once, a force greater than our individual selves took over. Like a giant who appears to be dead, then stands up from the ruble and shakes off the debris, New Yorkers rose and were united as one Mighty mass. Time was crucial. We needed to act immediately and we did. Rescue workers searched fevorently trying to save lives. Volunteers showed up in the thousands, people lined up to donate their blood. The focus was on saving lives. Everyone wanted to do their part in anyway they could. The day seemed endless. 

That night, I hung a picture of my son and his friend with the World Trade Center in the background on my refrigerator, a reminder of something that no longer existed. I still stare in disbelief. The next day, my sister and I decided to give blood. We felt the urgency to have to do something. The streets were filled with a silent reverence...people nodding at each other knowing the magnitude and not knowing what to say. We all shared the same pain. 

Stores were empty or closed as if shopping was an unspoken disrespect to those injured. I stopped at the Post Office and was asked to show photo ID for a package I was mailing. Just a glimpse of how our freedoms will change because of these cowardly monsters. 

My sister and I went to the Red Cross to donate blood but were redirected to
Queens General Hospital. We left our names as volunteers with the Red Cross
before heading over to the hospital. 

We were told, rescue workers desperately needed socks and sweats. Gloves
were needed as the firefighters, policemen and rescue teams worked side by
side, heroically taking the debris out by hand. The soles of their boots were
burning from the hot earth, since fires were still raging below. And as they raged
below, they raged in the hearts of the American people. Fires stirring and being
held at bay while we rescued, but knowing that the ambers that were burning in
our hearts were ready to turn into a full fledged inferno as we waited for the hand
of justice to be served.

As we walked out of the Red Cross center, I noticed a sign on the window of Bank of New York. "Please be patient, we are only letting one customer in at a time." More evidence of the fear that was now a part of our society. 

We went to Queens General Hospital to donate blood. There were about a hundred people. We had to sign up and fill out forms. They were specifically looking for O negative, the universal donor, but were taking others as well. My sister, Sharon, is O negative, but because she went to Italy last year, she couldn't donate. They were worried about Mad Cow disease in Europe. We were told, "If you ever had Lyme disease, took aspirins within 72 hours or anti-histamines within a week, or were menstruating, you couldn't donate". I was O but not sure if I was negative or positive. A sad commentary, since I know the make and model of my car, but not my blood. 

The wait was long. And as I looked at the long line of donors I was inspired. Beside me were every race and creed of New Yorkers, willing to give their blood to help others. I saw the tired faces of hospital workers and volunteers working overtime to make sure the job was done. To make sure the people fighting for their lives would get the blood that could save them. 

It was then I decided to let my comedic spirit add to the cause. I remembered that laughter was the best medicine, which in this case had to be applied very carefully. Slowly I started to joke with the person next to me, and then the nurses. Soon I had the waiting room laughing. For the next five hours I entertained them. 

I told them I was a writer, and they said, "If you ever give up your writing career you should become a stand-up comic." I told them I was, and they of course thought I was making it up. We were taken into the donating room in groups of 15. I called our group the blood brothers (not original, but accurate.) When we finally went inside to give blood, there were about 40 people. I was making the guy who was taking my blood, Carlos laugh. I saw he had this pin on, and he told me he got it for being one of the top lab technicians. I told him that I was happy to hear that he was a lab technician taking my blood, and that he didn't work in the cafeteria. After my blood was taken, I was going around to all the other people and shaking their hands. 

One lady kept saying she saw me somewhere. Finally after I knew I was leaving I told them that I was the Guinness Book's Fastest Talking Female. The lady said, "I knew I saw you somewhere. I saw you on Ripley's." I smiled. My cover was blown. So of course, I did what any good fast talker would do. There in the room with 40 people, some with IV's in their arms, others waiting to give blood, doctors and nurses endlessly waiting on people,. I did the "Three Little Pigs" for everyone at warp speed. They all laughed and applauded. Then one of the nurses hugged me and said, "Thank you for making our day so easy, your making us laughed really helped." I felt like a million bucks...less one pint. 

We all have gifts, and at this time we have to use them to help in any way we can. It was a slight reprieve among the horror, and the best way I knew to give of myself. 

But humor only patches things momentarily, enough time to let you regroup. On the third day, my son went back to school…angry and confused. I had made him write his feelings on the day of the attack in a journal, so he could be in touch with them. 

As for me, I walked in my favorite park after dropping him at school, hoping for some solitude, in a park that normally brings me great peace. The park is 15 miles away from Manhattan, in a suburb of Queens, and I thought I could snatch a moment of mindless thought. But because of the shift in winds, the air was foggy and the smell of the burning rumble that was once a twin tower of power, filled the air. 

Amidst the beauty of the trees, the smell of destruction loomed. I cried for this was my haven. I cried many times, often unexpectedly last week as I heard both the stories of heroism, and last words of loved ones spoken on cell phones…till they were cut off. 

But through all the tragedy and pain, the spirit of New Yorkers, Americans and all those reaching out to help each other is the beam of sunlight that is keeping us hopeful, strong and ready to find justice and rebuild.

Now a week later vigils have been held, prayers have been said for those wounded and lost, words of encouragement from preachers, and strength from the mayor, governor and president have been spoken. Emails have been sent around the world, each reassuring each other of each other's safety. Cheers of appreciation for the men and women who risked their lives saving others is constantly heard throughout the city. Funds have been set up for the fallen, supplies donated in record numbers and so many people have volunteered that volunteers are no longer needed. And we still want to help. 

But now as we are licking our wounds, we want more. We want something done. We want something done to the perpetrators. To those barbaric individuals who have violated our freedom and way of life. 19 of them died, killing 5000 of us, using our planes, our knowledge and the trust of our people. 

Words of Nostradamous are flying through the Internet, as people fear the possibility of the third world war. But there is a greater fear, a fear of living in fear and terror. Our society is built on freedom and we will not sacrifice that which so many of our brave forefathers have fought for in the past. They did not die in vein.

We are still in a strange state of morning and sadness as we try to get back to our normal lives, but the anger has risen. We want justice, not revenge. We did not seek this out. Our children now know war, not from history books, but from their own backyard. And in their innocence they ask a resounding "Why"? Yes, rescue workers are still searching, Sanitation, Policemen and Firemen are still working, although complete firehouses have been wiped clean of their men. They are racing against time, before the hordes of rats come to feast on the death and whatever miracle survivors there may be. There is a mall level in the WTC. If anyone is trapped there, they have access to bottled water, food and clothing. If there are air pockets its possible, just possible they may survive. Families are still hoping.

And now, schools are re-opened, as are many of the highways. The stock market has resumed after the longest closure in stock market history. Broadway has brought up its lights in hopes at these times that entertainment can lighten our thoughts. And we have yet to still know the full devastation Of this attack. 

But, we have found the enemy and will do whatever it takes to search him out from whatever darkened crevice he may crawl in and bring him back, "Dead or alive." We need to think like these people, and search for their Achilles heel, for they do not value human life as we do. But everyone has a weakness, and that is what we will seek out. For we are down, but never out.

His attack may have downed our buildings but not our spirit. Like the Grinch that Stole Christmas learned, you can take away things, possessions, even lives of which we will morn For greatly, but you can never, never can take away the human spirit, the American spirit. The terrorists have failed greatly, for in trying to divide us, they have united us and sparked our love for this country and what we stand for more than ever. There is not a street that you can pass, without an American flag proudly being displayed. Makeshift posters of "God Bless America" are all over the streets.

Yes, we are angry, and yes we want justice...and we will have it. For we are a nation of freedom, and we will be damned if anyone or anything will change our way of life. The healing is a long process, but I hope however our resolve is swift.

I think however in times like these, people are moved to reflect upon their own lives and what is important...our friends, families and loved ones. Every morning as I do my walk through the park, I thank God for all the things I do have, and now I pray for world peace and for guidance of our leaders, and strength for our nation. It is not enough to be strong physically, we must be strong spiritually as well. 

A day doesn't pass that I don't hug Spencer and tell him I love him...for in the end that is what truly matters...love and the freedom to share it and live your life in anyway you see fit. No one has ever sat on their deathbed saying..."If only I put more time in at the office!"

Stand up for what you believe in and fear nothing. The mark of a nation, a state or a person is not how many times they fall, but how many times they get up. We are not only up, but we are standing tall, and side by side together we will wipe out injustice, and terrorism…and then stride for a peaceful world in which we all can live. 

God Bless to all, and strength to those who have had personal losses.

Affirmations

Guest blog by Rita

Money
I happily see every bill paid now.
I joyfully see every obligation met now. 
I am the Spirit of Infinite Plenty individualized.
I am boundless abundance in radiant expression.
And so it is!

I am wonderfully rich in consciousness.
What is expressed in love must be returned in full measure.
I am a mighty money magnet and oceans of money engulf me.
Therefore, wave after wave of visible money supply flows to me now.
And so it is!

I am bountifully supplied with money.
I now realize my plan for abundant living.
I lovingly see myself sharing this bounty for the good of all
according to Universal guidance.
 I see my bank account continually filled with an all-sufficiency
to meet every need with a divine surplus.
And so it is!

Good Fortune

New fields of Divine Activity now open for me. 
Someone somewhere is looking for exactly what I have to offer.
I am awake to my good, and gather in the harvest of endless opportunities.
My seeming impossible good now comes to pass, the unexpected now happens!
And so it is!

I give thanks for my whirlwind success. 
The tide of destiny has turned and everything comes my way. 
I have a magical work in a magical way, I give magical service for magical pay.
I see clearly and act quickly and my greatest desire comes to pass in a miraculous way.
And so it is!

I now fulfill my destiny. 
The genius within me is now released. 
Happy surprises come to me each day. 
I banish the past and now live in the wonderful now.
And so it is

Joy

Unlimited channels of good are open to me now.
I accept all the joy and prosperity life has to offer.
I create the world as a happy, abundant place for everyone. 
My life is filled with the abundant blessings of the Universe.
And so it is!

I am rich, well and happy. 
I am rich in consciousness and manifestation. 
Infinite riches are now flowing freely into my life. 
Life is meant to be fun and I'm now willing to enjoy it!
And so it is!

Fine Tuning the 6th Sense

Guest blog by Jane Bernard
Author of Fine Tuning: Connecting With Your Inner Power

You were born with 6 senses. Each sense gives you pleasure and protection. Your 6th sense is your intuition, or instincts. It is an inner drive that puts you on the path of possibility. It is the sum of your potential and it is always available. Tuning into your 6th sense can happen quickly but it is at first subtle. When as you trust yourself to rely on your intuition, the insights become more apparent.

Even though we are each unique, we all search for the same answers. Your inspiration, your intuition, your instincts are your birthright. Tuning into your 6th sense is the secret to overcoming loneliness, realizing dreams and finding comfort with your choices. Fine Tuning all of your instincts is the way to tune into your intuition because all of our senses work together. There are practical ways to do this. When you connect to your 6th sense, you focus on your inner strength. You empower your self and tune into your sense of purpose and joy. 

Your instinct is a guiding hand available only to you. However, life is not a cleared path. When you are conscious of your senses, focus on positive thoughts, your goals and what you are communicating to others, then your path will be broadened.

When you feel like you want to get more out of being alive, when you want to evolve, then it could be time. If you are feeling stuck, confused, as if something is not right, then it might be time to tune into your 6th sense. It will guide you to the core of your unique self. When you tune into your 6th sense you find the possibilities and clarity in your life. Tuning into your 6th sense can also give you a sense of control over your life and at the same time, a sense of freedom.

An Ecumenical Prayer in Times of Terrorist Attack

Guest blog by Rev. Holly Harwood Goodwin

In this hour of grief and loss, may we have the courage to go on. 
May we have the wisdom to react to violence with unyielding compassion, 
courage, and justice for all. 
To be fair to all people regardless of skin color, religion, gender, orientation, 
nationality or ethnic origin. 
To respect the beliefs of others, even when they conflict with our own. 
Bless the souls of the newly departed. 
Bless the wounded, and aid their recovery. 
Bless the families and friends of the victims. 
Bless the rescuers, the donors, and all that help in times of crisis.
Bless our military and government officials with the wisdom and resolve
to do that which is right for the world, regardless of the consequences
to their own careers. 
Cleanse our souls of fear and hatred, that we may choose life. 
Open our hearts to the suffering of all. 
May divine wisdom, comfort, healing, and peace be poured out upon
the nations of the earth. 
Let us love one another, remembering that we are all part of the family of humanity. 

Lessons For Living

Guest blog by Dr. Lillie M. Coley
Author of:   My Story: Tragedy Turned To Opportunity

Power of Forgiveness - We all need wisdom and discernment in handling any type of problems. If we reacted to the shock our parent's death by being unforgiving and with other types of negative reactions, we would not have made it here today. Life would have eaten us up. Holding grudges will destroy us. 

It takes power to forgive when the pain of hurt aches every part of our body. But through life experiences we must learn forgiveness and the importance of it. As we love and forgive, our divine intervention can help and deliver us, which sets us free to help others who are bound by circumstances and the inability to forgive. It's hard to help others until you have first helped yourself, although it is not impossible for hurting people to help hurting people. We must be very careful and use wisdom, because usually we will find hurting people hurt people. Whole people help heal people and make them become stronger.

Forgiveness, however, frees you to live, grow, and move on. Learning to forgive at an early age prepares us for the hurts that will come later in life. We had to "put something in our hearts called love" in order to receive the reward of being free in our spirits. Remember NO DEPOSIT, NO RETURN; what you put out is what you get back.

Forgive as soon as possible because the longer you wait the more damage it does on your body. Unforgiveness is a form of stress that wears and tears on the body.

Power of Healing - It is always best to expose the enemy or our bad habits in our own lives before someone else does. Often, when people find out something negative about you, they cannot wait to tell someone else. This is why we are telling our story, because nobody can tell it like we can tell it. When we tell, we are healed from it faster. Of course, we always must use wisdom and common sense. Use wisdom before you speak to provide clarity of thought and articulation of speech about what to say and not to say. But the healing process requires that we release that which hurts us in some constructive way. Communication is the best way, because it is so therapeutic. As we release the negative in a healthy way, then we have room to fill ourselves up with positive things. During our mending process, our broken hearts will be placed back together one day at a time and one piece at a time. But first, we must admit the problem has literally crushed our soul. Then we must seek to get the ultimate healing. No food, job, sexual experience, money or person can fix a problem like divine healing can. 

Memories are reflected encounters of life that have taught us and brought us to where we are. In other words, we are the sum of our past that has been designed to help us grow into our future. As we reflect and understand where we have been, it is then and only then that we can go to the next level in life. People have a tendency not to want to think about the past because it brings up so much hurt. But, often we must face our accuser, and it is through these encounters that healing can take place. We can be healed in the very place of our pain. Ask me. I know! 

Look at healing as living water. It never touches one person or one place, but, just like water, when it spills, it touches all that is around it. Now, living water will ignite what it touches, to bring life to anything that needs life. It is imperative that we get these lessons, because, otherwise, we may find ourselves falling into the same behavior patterns. Lessons in life teach us about ourselves and lead us on a road to recovery. The roads where it lead us often help us to apply what we have learned during our pain and healing to help others who are going through similar situations. This is what true destiny and purpose in life is all about: helping those to help themselves. The same comfort of healing we received from our parents, we are now able to use to comfort others.

Power of Loving Yourself and Being Whole - We must seek help for all the hurts and pains in our lives. We should take care of them like we would take care of other areas of our lives. Unresolved issues do nothing more than get worse over time. We are not in our problems alone. There is somebody somewhere who is going through something similar. Seek help because it is the right thing to do, and do not worry about what people think. Mentally and physically free yourself from people and their negative opinions. We must seek to be around people that will not poison or vex our spirit but build us up. We need people for encouragement and correction in love. Being free in our minds from carrying unnecessary weight is really the life we want to live. Otherwise, we will be enslaved to ourselves, and our problems will mentally weigh us down. Destruction usually follows along with a life of unfulfillment. Please seek help until it is found, and continue to knock until a door is opened. After every 'No' there is a 'Yes' somewhere.

We must be honest with ourselves first, and then take it to someone who gives us morally and sound counsel. This person should be a good listener. Remember that love is the only thing that changes people. We cannot change anybody but ourselves. As we love people where they are, we love unconditionally, and this helps them move into wholeness. This direction of growth must be our own self-will.

Life's not designed for us to make it by ourselves. Everybody needs help. Seek to find the strength to overcome, and become a VICTOR instead of a victim. After divine revelations, we finally felt completion or closure to our parents' tragedy. Our mind was at rest, and we had peace with the situation. In addition, our mended broken heart was now in sync with our renewed minds. They were of one accord. From this encounter, we became completely "whole" in this area of our lives. We now felt free and had more strength to share our story with others. From these encounters came our mission in life and Community Empowerment Outreach was born. An organization to help those who have similar stories as ours and those who need to be empowered. As we understand our self-worth and have self-identity we can become whole and complete with strength to move on and help others along the way.

Support From Within

Guest blog by D.L. Bolk
Author of When Heroes Fall

A few years ago I lost the best office assistant I ever had. He moved on to kindergarten. Prior to his departure, my nephew, Daniel, provided me with one of the most valuable things a writer can receive.  Support.

He would often tell me I was the best writer in the world (of course this was quickly followed by - - he was the second best). He would send me little memos, on construction paper, words of wisdom that he would have to translate because I never mastered scribble. He would share thoughts that struck him during the day, bits of advice he felt I should share with my 'Petite Group'. 

The first day of school he stepped on the bus and I yelled, "Have a good day at school."
He returned with, "Have a good day writing." Then he turned to another little boy. "My aunt is a writer," he said, pride and support ringing in his voice.

Déjà vu. Fifteen years ago I was knee deep in OD green, uniforms and combat boots. My son was in kindergarten. It was parents' day at school and my son wanted me there. 
I was running late and didn't have time to change from my uniform into civilian attire. I was proud to be a member of the military, but I wasn't sure how my son felt about it. None of his friends' moms were in the service. I dreaded walking into his classroom looking like an escapee from a Rambo movie. I dreaded disappointing him more. 

When I entered his classroom he jumped up from his desk and yelled, "That's my mom. She's a soldier."

The pride I heard in his voice that day is a memory that I will carry in my heart forever. I realized then the importance of support. I also realized where it has to start. It has to come from within. Because what I didn't realized - - until that day - - was that by nurturing my belief in myself, I had gained my son's support.

It's nice when support comes from others, but that doesn't always happen. When it doesn't, that 'self-support' has to kick in. You have to be your own biggest fan.

Not everyone will realize how important writing is to you. There are some who will view it as a hobby. Not deserving of the time it demands of you. Nowhere near as important as getting the laundry done, fixing dinner, or getting that report out.

We all have demands on our lives that warrant our time. But if you believe in yourself, support yourself, you'll find the time to do it all.

Easy?    No.
Possible?   Yes.

Although we no longer share office space, Daniel is still one of my biggest supporters. I'll admit there is a possibility that I'm not the best writer in the world. But I'm the best writer in Daniel's world and in mine.

I support my belief in myself by writing every day. I have faith in myself. I don't waste valuable time letting doubt grab me. A rejection slip doesn't mean I'm a failure, it means I've learned another lesson, taken one more step on the long road to publication.

Support yourself, have faith in yourself. Because without that faith - - that 'self-support', you'll never be the best writer in anybody's world.

As a matter of fact, you might never be a writer at all.

Park That Elephant

Guest blog by D.L. Bolk
Author of When Heroes Fall 

When my oldest son obtained his learner's permit, his father decided to let him drive our 15-passenger van. When he arrived home, the first thing our son said was, "It's like using an elephant to practice riding a horse."

How's your writing? Are you moving according to plan or are you practicing to ride a horse using an elephant?

Do you have that special story that you've always wanted to write, but haven't because someone convinced you it won't sell?

Are you becoming an expert on synopsis and the first three chapters because that's how you were told to market you story ideas?

Did you whip up a neat little short story because someone told you it was easier than writing a novel?

Or, maybe you penned an Inspirational because Inspirationals are hot right now. Or did you just finish that sweet romance, although you'd rather write something hotter? But you can't do it because your mother might read it.

What! You don't want to write a romance at all! You want to go mainstream, but someone told you breaking into romance would be easier because you have structured guidelines to follow.
I won't say you'll never get published if you've taken a spin on any of these elephants, but I will tell you the ride won't be anywhere near as satisfying if it wasn't what you really wanted to write.

Here are six of the best words ever written: To thine own self be true. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't be aware of what's happening in the market. What I am saying is this. What makes you special, as a writer, is you. Telling the story you want in your voice.
I recently dismounted my elephant (romantic fiction) and rode my horse. My first novel (a psychological thriller) WHEN HEROES FALL was released in November 2001.
So, unsaddle that elephant, get on that horse. Your horse. And write your story.
I won't promise you'll get it published, but I will promise you'll enjoy the ride.

Rememberance

Guest blog by Alethea Jacob on March 13, 2003

You stand in the center of your own universe.

You are the love in the heart of your creation.

Give voice to the song in your soul longing for expression.

You are the messenger unfolding the message.

A truth ever known yet joyfully forgotten to delight you with discovery as you travel on.

You are blessed and holy despite any appearance of the profane. 
Refining your purity and power, your innocence and peace is a gift of revelation.

The Earth is your home and you are her home. 
For she would have no being without the song of creation you collectively sing.